Monday, July 19, 2010

"I feel like a missing person that no one will miss"

"Many days I think it doesn't matter what I do, so I can do anything I want... Responsibility rests on recognition, which is an agreement of sorts. And we do not seem to agree that I exist as a person... I feel like a missing person that no one will miss."
page 12

I can so relate to this. Even before we had FireGirl, I can remember telling FireMan that I think he thinks the laundry fairy provides him with clean clothing.

So often it seems like nothing I do is even seen, that I am not seen. I can work all day, doing the million little things that keep our house running, and FireMan will come home and not even notice. I can get up from the bed in the middle of the night, or not come to bed at all if he goes to bed before me, and he doesn't even know it. I can dress up, and... nothing. Dress down, and... nothing.

Sometimes it seems like nothing I do matters at all.

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