Wow.
Surgical recovery and parenting and... wow, next thing you know I am WAY behind on keeping you guys updated.
I had gastric sleeve a few months ago, and things are going great! I am down roughly 70 lbs and feel wonderful. My energy us up, I just feel so much better, I can do more... I just can't tell you how great I feel. I feel stronger, more capable... in short, I feel like I'm getting back to my old self. And indeed weight-wise I am! I have already hit my first personal weight goal, which was to hit my pre-pregnancy weight... before my first child. That milestone has been met and I am currently less than 10 lbs from my next milestone, my wedding weight.
It's been a journey, and not without bumps. I had some pretty bad pain early on post-surgery, enough that there were concerns of there being a leak in the suture line in my stomach, but the pain eventually faded with no other signs of a leak, so that was good. Painful, but not like it could be. Eating, even drinking, was quite a struggle at first, and I was unable to get in the proper amount of liquids, and then later protein for quite a while. I just couldn't even force it down, it was so difficult, uncomfortable, and even painful any time I drank or ate.
I still get uncomfortable at times, but for the most part the act of eating is back to normal. I had my 3-month follow up the other day, and while I did get scolded for still not getting enough water and not taking my multi-vitamins, the nutritionist said that my progress has been so great that she can't really yell at me. Ha!
One thing that has amazed me is that the surgery really seems to be working. I know, it's ridiculous. That's why I had it to begin with. But I think so many other things in my life had failed, the idea that this is working just blows my mind.
I had several doctors independently recommend the procedure for several reasons, one of those doctors being my ob/gyn. I've had issues with my cycles since having Jillian and he suggested that the changes in hormones that occur as a result of the surgery may solve those problems. Guess what? He was right! My periods are still irregular, even on hormonal birth control, but PMDD is pretty much gone, no more menstrual migraines, my periods are lighter and my cramps are almost non-existent. I went from having periods that were debilitating at times to "normal" periods within one cycle of having the surgery, before any significant weight loss. It blows my mind.
The main reason for me to have the procedure was to solve various endocrine issues (my endocrinologist was actually the first one to recommend it), with the weight loss being a happy side result, not only of the procedure, but of getting my endocrine issues resolved. And it actually seems to be working, which just seriously blows my mind that something is actually working. I'm amazed.
That's about it for now. If you're interested in my past updates, maybe you're considering having the surgery, or have had it and want to connect, I have some more frequent surgery & recovery updates on my YouTube channel, as well as just some fun videos from our life, so check that out.
I'm glad to be back on here, and thanks for checking in!
Showing posts with label heal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label heal. Show all posts
Saturday, June 3, 2017
Saturday, June 28, 2014
Thank you
Dear Jillian,
Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you for being mine. Thank you for being here. Thank you for healing parts of me that I didn't know were broken. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you for being mine. Thank you for being here. Thank you for healing parts of me that I didn't know were broken. Thank you.
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Selah.
I wanted to post this when it first happened, as a prayer request, but I didn't have access for a couple of days. Then she was improving so quickly, it lost it's urgency.
But the truth is, prayers are still needed. Lots of them. And so I'm calling on my prayer warriors once again.
*******************
Two weeks ago my 19 year old niece was in a serious car accident. She was in the backseat, riding with a couple of friends, when they were t-boned by an SUV. There may or may not have been a semi involved (there are conflicting reports). The vehicle that hit them was estimated to be travelling at 70 mph at time of impact.
The driver was treated and released for minor injuries. We haven't heard from her since she was released. According to her twitter feed she is back to work and shopping for a new car.
The passenger is being treated for a skull fracture, and remembers nothing of the accident. She remains hospitalized.
My niece was brought in unconscious as a Jane Doe. She had no ID on her, and so hospital staff had to wait until the driver could identify her to notify family. She was brought in with a serious concussion, internal bleeding, a fractured vertebrae, broken ribs, and broken thumb.
Once a scan revealed no signs of brain damage, the internal bleeding was the most serious problem. However, within 36 hours it appeared that the bleeding had stopped.
Because of where they are, her vertebrae & ribs cannot be set. Her thumb is still so swollen that it cannot be set.
Perhaps more troubling is that she does have brain damage after all. Once her internal bleeding stopped, they moved her to a rehab facility. The neuro team there said essentially that her brain bounced around inside her head and is bruised "everywhere".
She still cannot remember anything from that entire day. She struggles to remember her name or to perform basic math problems. She cannot stand or walk. She cannot lean forward. She has no emotion, and is apathetic towards everything. She does not feel hunger, and does not care to eat. She has short term memory loss, and also seems to have a difficult time grasping new information.
The neuro team says that this is all normal considering her type of injury. They say her prognosis is actually very good, it's just going to take "a really long time" for her brain to heal from the bruising.
And now they think the internal bleeding has started again (why would it start again if she spends all her time in a hospital bed? is it possible that it never stopped? how do they even know this stuff anyway?).
In addition, they have discovered that the muscles of her hip have separated away from the bone and herniated. I don't really understand all the technicalities of this, but she will need surgery to have any hope of normal function. Unforunately the surgeon says her body is still too traumitized to withstand any non-life-saving surgery at this time. So they are looking at performing the surgery in the next 4 - 6 weeks, depending on her recovery.
To be honest, I try not to think about it too much. Because when I do, I end up crying.
Although the doctors say her long-term prognosis is good, it's still very scary. So scary. First we pleaded with God for her life, now we plead for her to return to "normal".
I hate that word. But I don't know what else to use.
I ask you to plead with me, asking God to continue to heal her body, for her to regain function, and for this entire experience to be used, in some way, to bring glory to His name, to draw her closer to Him.
Selah.
But the truth is, prayers are still needed. Lots of them. And so I'm calling on my prayer warriors once again.
*******************
Two weeks ago my 19 year old niece was in a serious car accident. She was in the backseat, riding with a couple of friends, when they were t-boned by an SUV. There may or may not have been a semi involved (there are conflicting reports). The vehicle that hit them was estimated to be travelling at 70 mph at time of impact.
The driver was treated and released for minor injuries. We haven't heard from her since she was released. According to her twitter feed she is back to work and shopping for a new car.
The passenger is being treated for a skull fracture, and remembers nothing of the accident. She remains hospitalized.
My niece was brought in unconscious as a Jane Doe. She had no ID on her, and so hospital staff had to wait until the driver could identify her to notify family. She was brought in with a serious concussion, internal bleeding, a fractured vertebrae, broken ribs, and broken thumb.
Once a scan revealed no signs of brain damage, the internal bleeding was the most serious problem. However, within 36 hours it appeared that the bleeding had stopped.
Because of where they are, her vertebrae & ribs cannot be set. Her thumb is still so swollen that it cannot be set.
Perhaps more troubling is that she does have brain damage after all. Once her internal bleeding stopped, they moved her to a rehab facility. The neuro team there said essentially that her brain bounced around inside her head and is bruised "everywhere".
She still cannot remember anything from that entire day. She struggles to remember her name or to perform basic math problems. She cannot stand or walk. She cannot lean forward. She has no emotion, and is apathetic towards everything. She does not feel hunger, and does not care to eat. She has short term memory loss, and also seems to have a difficult time grasping new information.
The neuro team says that this is all normal considering her type of injury. They say her prognosis is actually very good, it's just going to take "a really long time" for her brain to heal from the bruising.
And now they think the internal bleeding has started again (why would it start again if she spends all her time in a hospital bed? is it possible that it never stopped? how do they even know this stuff anyway?).
In addition, they have discovered that the muscles of her hip have separated away from the bone and herniated. I don't really understand all the technicalities of this, but she will need surgery to have any hope of normal function. Unforunately the surgeon says her body is still too traumitized to withstand any non-life-saving surgery at this time. So they are looking at performing the surgery in the next 4 - 6 weeks, depending on her recovery.
To be honest, I try not to think about it too much. Because when I do, I end up crying.
Although the doctors say her long-term prognosis is good, it's still very scary. So scary. First we pleaded with God for her life, now we plead for her to return to "normal".
I hate that word. But I don't know what else to use.
I ask you to plead with me, asking God to continue to heal her body, for her to regain function, and for this entire experience to be used, in some way, to bring glory to His name, to draw her closer to Him.
Selah.
Friday, April 19, 2013
Just as we are
First, follow the link below. Watch the video. Maybe shed a tear. Then come back. Okay? Now, go!
http://www.godvine.com/Meet-the-Scared-Dog-That-Only-Wanted-a-Hug-1087.html
My apologies. I tried to imbed it, but unless I'm missing something you can only embed a video if it's on YouTube. Whatever.
When I watched that video, I couldn't think how much that dog was like all of us. At some point in time, we all find ourselves huddled in a corner, feeling alone, we feel like the world is out to get us. We cry, we yell, sometimes we snap at people, and every great once in a while, we lose our poop.
It happens. We all have these terrifying moments on our journey where we feel abandoned, hopeless, lost. Where we've been hurt so many times that we snap at those who venture in, we do our best to shut them out, convinced that letting them in will only lead to more pain.
And the truth is, all we're waiting for, whether we realize it or not, is for someone to drag us into a place of safety, hug us, and tell us it will all be okay. We're looking for that friend who will love us even in our scared, snappy, I-pooped-myself state, who will meet us there, still covered in poop, and who will say "I don't care. Sit in my lap anyway."
The truth is, we're all looking to be loved, just as we are, in spite of ourfaults baggage poop, just as we are.
We're hoping that someone will come to us, in the moments before our death, literal or figurative, hours before we're over the edge, and pull us into the safety zone. It's just that sometimes, we're too scared to ask. We need to be dragged into loving arms, held tightly, bathed free of ourissues poop, and given another chance to live this life we have to the fullest.
We justwant need Love.
*************************
"I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee." -- Hebrews 13:5b
"for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee." -- Deuteronomy 31:6b
"Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you." -- I Peter 5:7
"Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee:" -- Psalm 55:22a
http://www.godvine.com/Meet-the-Scared-Dog-That-Only-Wanted-a-Hug-1087.html
My apologies. I tried to imbed it, but unless I'm missing something you can only embed a video if it's on YouTube. Whatever.
When I watched that video, I couldn't think how much that dog was like all of us. At some point in time, we all find ourselves huddled in a corner, feeling alone, we feel like the world is out to get us. We cry, we yell, sometimes we snap at people, and every great once in a while, we lose our poop.
It happens. We all have these terrifying moments on our journey where we feel abandoned, hopeless, lost. Where we've been hurt so many times that we snap at those who venture in, we do our best to shut them out, convinced that letting them in will only lead to more pain.
And the truth is, all we're waiting for, whether we realize it or not, is for someone to drag us into a place of safety, hug us, and tell us it will all be okay. We're looking for that friend who will love us even in our scared, snappy, I-pooped-myself state, who will meet us there, still covered in poop, and who will say "I don't care. Sit in my lap anyway."
The truth is, we're all looking to be loved, just as we are, in spite of our
We're hoping that someone will come to us, in the moments before our death, literal or figurative, hours before we're over the edge, and pull us into the safety zone. It's just that sometimes, we're too scared to ask. We need to be dragged into loving arms, held tightly, bathed free of our
We just
*************************
"I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee." -- Hebrews 13:5b
"for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee." -- Deuteronomy 31:6b
"Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you." -- I Peter 5:7
"Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee:" -- Psalm 55:22a
Friday, February 22, 2013
Got it?
I got word last night that a friend of mine (extended family, really) in her 40s was found unconscious in the bathroom at her work. They suspect a brain aneurysm, and believe she is brain dead.
But they are transporting her to a different (ie more advanced) hospital. So there is hope.
Of course there is hope. We know there is hope. Although drugs are not believed to be involved, the similarities between her & my nephew are easy to see. So of course there is hope.
But there is also worry, fear, anxiety, stress, sadness, worry, worry, worry.
I would just like to say, for the record, that I am ready to be done with death, near death, critical health care issues.
We have had way too many the past year or so, and I'm ready for everyone to be healthy and whole.
Got it?
But they are transporting her to a different (ie more advanced) hospital. So there is hope.
Of course there is hope. We know there is hope. Although drugs are not believed to be involved, the similarities between her & my nephew are easy to see. So of course there is hope.
But there is also worry, fear, anxiety, stress, sadness, worry, worry, worry.
I would just like to say, for the record, that I am ready to be done with death, near death, critical health care issues.
We have had way too many the past year or so, and I'm ready for everyone to be healthy and whole.
Got it?
Friday, December 21, 2012
Overwhelmed
I have been feeling quite overwhelmed lately.
Not just busy, but... sinking beneath everything kind of overwhelmed.
Work is insane right now. Instead of my normal 40 different hats to wear, now I have around 60. Every day is a struggle to juggle it all, and I'm barely scraping by. At this moment I'm still managing to accomplish the needed, must-do tasks, but barely. And I can't shake the feeling that I'm always forgetting something.
With the holidays coming up, our lives have been jam-packed with event after event, plus there's shopping & wrapping & cooking & card sending & decorating to get done as well.
Our home looks like a disaster area. Only a slight exaggeration. I'm staying up late & getting up early. Averaging maybe 5 1/2 hours a sleep a night. And still barely managing to keep on top of the necessities (laundry, dishes, groceries).
I know my lack of sleep is probably contributing to this feeling of being beaten, but at the same time I don't see how getting more sleep and getting even less accomplished is going to help anything.
Besides all the things to do, all the stuff, I have a lot of praying to do. Join me?
My dad had surgery on his back.
Surgery & recovery are going well.
However, they still cannot watch Jena. Which means that for the past few Friday's we've had to make alternate arrangements.
My brother had surgery on his adenoids, throat, etc. (severe sleep apnea).
Recovery is not going well. Not sure of all the details, but he still cannot swallow. Everything he tries to take in, comes out his nose. Apparently this is normal for a day or two past surgery. We're on Day 5. He has also ended up in the ER once because he tried to swallow his liquid pain medication, choked, ended up coughing & gagging, and... he coughed up two of his stiches.
My uncle has been diagnosed with lymphoma.He started chemo yesterday. Eight hours.
They've also done some biopsies because they think it may have metastisized to his pancreas & bones.
My great uncle has been diagnosed with cancer.He has decided to forego traditional Western treatment and is using some alternative treatments to ease his discomfort.
A very dear friend, like family really, has been diagnosed with colon cancer.It has spread to his liver. So far treatments have not changed his condition or prognosis. But he is persisting. For now.
Jason's grandmother is very ill.She has been in & out of the hospital for the past few months. I don't know all the details, but I do know her last hospitilization was for a severe kidney infection. She was on IV antibiotics for four days, and was released to a rehab facility. As of right now, doctors will not release her to her home.
This may force her into a nursing home. Which, quite frankly, is what she needs. Her health has deteriorated and she really needs 24/7 medical care. Two of her daughters (including MIL) have been trying to take care of her, going to her home daily, administering medication, fixing meals, and taking blood pressure & blood sugar readings. But they still get phone calls during the day, during the night, whenever her illness strikes again, and they're back at the hospital. I really believe it is in her best interest to be in a home, but she is very adament that she does not want to go, and her daughters I think feel guilty about it, so aren't pushing the issue.
Each & every one of those weighs heavy on my mind & heart daily.
This is also our first holiday season without my father-in-law. I'm sure there will be some tears, but we'll get thru it okay. My mother-in-law? Not so optimistic.
So we are walking on eggshells (did we every stop?), answering her calls for help, trying to just be there for her. I'm not gonna lie, we could do better in this area. But I also couldn't tell you where we'd find the time either.
And while part of me says this is all just life, get over it, it happens, I also find myself feeling so very overpowered by it all. Sinking. Stressed out. Scattered. Unfocused.
And unable to pull myself out of the pile.
I also find myself wondering why.
I don't recall ever feeling so overwhelmed in the past. Even when life crashed down around me, this sense of losing control was never there.
I know that statistically, women who have PPD or other Post-Partum mental disorders are more likely to develop other mental illnesses in their lives.
I find myself wondering if this is me. If the reason I feel so steamrolled by life has less to do with how much is going on in right now, and more to do with my mind's ability to handle it all. Anymore.
Is this just life for me now? Will I become more easily overwhelmed by life as time goes on? Am I destined to become scattered & unfocused & overcome at the first sign of difficulty? Is that who I have become?
Maybe more importantly, is that who I have to be? Is there a way out? I certainly haven't found it yet. Is there even one to be found?
******************************
I feel like this post is a bit... detached. Several topics not quite meshing together the way I'd like. But I've been holding on to it for several days, and keep re-reading it, and am not finding the way to make it all flow a bit better, so... here ya go. As always, thanks for checking in!
Not just busy, but... sinking beneath everything kind of overwhelmed.
Work is insane right now. Instead of my normal 40 different hats to wear, now I have around 60. Every day is a struggle to juggle it all, and I'm barely scraping by. At this moment I'm still managing to accomplish the needed, must-do tasks, but barely. And I can't shake the feeling that I'm always forgetting something.
With the holidays coming up, our lives have been jam-packed with event after event, plus there's shopping & wrapping & cooking & card sending & decorating to get done as well.
Our home looks like a disaster area. Only a slight exaggeration. I'm staying up late & getting up early. Averaging maybe 5 1/2 hours a sleep a night. And still barely managing to keep on top of the necessities (laundry, dishes, groceries).
I know my lack of sleep is probably contributing to this feeling of being beaten, but at the same time I don't see how getting more sleep and getting even less accomplished is going to help anything.
Besides all the things to do, all the stuff, I have a lot of praying to do. Join me?
My dad had surgery on his back.
Surgery & recovery are going well.
However, they still cannot watch Jena. Which means that for the past few Friday's we've had to make alternate arrangements.
My brother had surgery on his adenoids, throat, etc. (severe sleep apnea).
Recovery is not going well. Not sure of all the details, but he still cannot swallow. Everything he tries to take in, comes out his nose. Apparently this is normal for a day or two past surgery. We're on Day 5. He has also ended up in the ER once because he tried to swallow his liquid pain medication, choked, ended up coughing & gagging, and... he coughed up two of his stiches.
My uncle has been diagnosed with lymphoma.He started chemo yesterday. Eight hours.
They've also done some biopsies because they think it may have metastisized to his pancreas & bones.
My great uncle has been diagnosed with cancer.He has decided to forego traditional Western treatment and is using some alternative treatments to ease his discomfort.
A very dear friend, like family really, has been diagnosed with colon cancer.It has spread to his liver. So far treatments have not changed his condition or prognosis. But he is persisting. For now.
Jason's grandmother is very ill.She has been in & out of the hospital for the past few months. I don't know all the details, but I do know her last hospitilization was for a severe kidney infection. She was on IV antibiotics for four days, and was released to a rehab facility. As of right now, doctors will not release her to her home.
This may force her into a nursing home. Which, quite frankly, is what she needs. Her health has deteriorated and she really needs 24/7 medical care. Two of her daughters (including MIL) have been trying to take care of her, going to her home daily, administering medication, fixing meals, and taking blood pressure & blood sugar readings. But they still get phone calls during the day, during the night, whenever her illness strikes again, and they're back at the hospital. I really believe it is in her best interest to be in a home, but she is very adament that she does not want to go, and her daughters I think feel guilty about it, so aren't pushing the issue.
Each & every one of those weighs heavy on my mind & heart daily.
This is also our first holiday season without my father-in-law. I'm sure there will be some tears, but we'll get thru it okay. My mother-in-law? Not so optimistic.
So we are walking on eggshells (did we every stop?), answering her calls for help, trying to just be there for her. I'm not gonna lie, we could do better in this area. But I also couldn't tell you where we'd find the time either.
And while part of me says this is all just life, get over it, it happens, I also find myself feeling so very overpowered by it all. Sinking. Stressed out. Scattered. Unfocused.
And unable to pull myself out of the pile.
I also find myself wondering why.
I don't recall ever feeling so overwhelmed in the past. Even when life crashed down around me, this sense of losing control was never there.
I know that statistically, women who have PPD or other Post-Partum mental disorders are more likely to develop other mental illnesses in their lives.
I find myself wondering if this is me. If the reason I feel so steamrolled by life has less to do with how much is going on in right now, and more to do with my mind's ability to handle it all. Anymore.
Is this just life for me now? Will I become more easily overwhelmed by life as time goes on? Am I destined to become scattered & unfocused & overcome at the first sign of difficulty? Is that who I have become?
Maybe more importantly, is that who I have to be? Is there a way out? I certainly haven't found it yet. Is there even one to be found?
******************************
I feel like this post is a bit... detached. Several topics not quite meshing together the way I'd like. But I've been holding on to it for several days, and keep re-reading it, and am not finding the way to make it all flow a bit better, so... here ya go. As always, thanks for checking in!
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Rest
You know, eventually I'll remember the importance of doing nothing not-as-much.
A few days ago I was having a "bad back day" and decided to call in to work. Not something I do often.
I didn't lay around all day, but did rest, decided to forego household chores, and spent time with family.
The next day? My back felt better than it had in weeks.
Similarly Buddy has injured his toe. When it was taking longer than usual to heal, I decided to bring him in the house & crate him at night so he can rest (night is his most active time, as he guards the property). Two days later it's still bothering him, but he's walking much better. I'm hoping a few more nights of that and he'll finally be healed (if not, we will be taking him to the vet, but I'm hopeful some rest will do the trick).
When will I learn? Rest = better me. Sometimes time off is just what we need to get back "on".
As always, thanks for checking in.
A few days ago I was having a "bad back day" and decided to call in to work. Not something I do often.
I didn't lay around all day, but did rest, decided to forego household chores, and spent time with family.
The next day? My back felt better than it had in weeks.
Similarly Buddy has injured his toe. When it was taking longer than usual to heal, I decided to bring him in the house & crate him at night so he can rest (night is his most active time, as he guards the property). Two days later it's still bothering him, but he's walking much better. I'm hoping a few more nights of that and he'll finally be healed (if not, we will be taking him to the vet, but I'm hopeful some rest will do the trick).
When will I learn? Rest = better me. Sometimes time off is just what we need to get back "on".
As always, thanks for checking in.
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Addiction
I had someone ask me this morning what makes someone's behavior an addiction.
We were talking about someone that I believe is addicted, and she doesn't see it.
So, we talked it out.
Like, lots of people drink alcohol, what makes an alocoholic?
Lots of people visit casinos, how do you know who's a gambling addict?
Our entire country is filled with overweight people, who is truly addicted to food?
Every man likes sex, how do you know if he's a sex addict?
Most women like to shop, which ones are shopping addicts?
I finally came up with it: the difference is that an addict is no longer in control of their own behavior*. The desire for the object (alcohol, gambling, food, sex, shopping, etc) controls them.
An addict can lose everything, and still can't stop. An addict can know how destructive their behavior is, and still can't stop. It has reached a point where the activity is no longer a choice, it is a need.
Now, before someone says "oh, but they chose to (insert whatever)"... you're right.
They did choose to. At some point. In the past. And at some point they may have even realized they were on the brink of a problem. And they chose to keep going. But now? It's no longer a choice. They truly feel as though they need it (and in some cases their own bodies will perpetuate the lies - withdrawel is a witch). They cannot function "normally" without it.
Nine times out of 10, the addict is not:
- the person binge drinking every weekend. It's the person who can't go one day without a glass of wine.
- the person hitting the casino once a month and blowing their entire paycheck. It's the person blowing $25 a day on an online poker site
- the person stuffing their face with food the one night they're out with the girls. It's the person sneaking food at home after their spouse has gone to bed.
- the person who cheats on their spouse once. It's the person who can't stop looking at pornography.
- the person who goes on one shopping spree and blows their house payment. It's the person who spends $5 at Goodwill. Four times a week. Every week.
It's the mom who's been in & out of jail and rehab, and who the judge gives one last chance to be successful at stopping her drug use, or lose all parental rights to her children. And she sobs, and promises to clean up her life, because she does indeed love her children. But within just a few months is back in jail, all parental rights terminated.
It's the man who views pornography daily, then escalates to local personal ads, then begins an online flirtation, whose wife treatens to leave & take the children, and he chooses to walk away from "everything he loves" rather than get treatment.
It's the husband whose wife, whom he truly loves dearly, threatens to leave if he doesn't stop drinking. And he's dry for about 2 months. But then he can't help himself. And his wife leaves him.
That's the difference. That's an addiction. When you don't know why you do what you're doing, but you can't stop, even at the threat of losing what you hold most dear... you are no longer in control. You are bound, a slave to your addiction.
That, is the difference.
* I am not a professional, and other than a random class here & there, plus my own experience dealing with addicts, am not actually qualified to make these statements. If you believe you or someone you love may be dealing with an addiction of any sort, please speak to your family doctor, or Google addiction support for your particular concern to find help near you.
We were talking about someone that I believe is addicted, and she doesn't see it.
So, we talked it out.
Like, lots of people drink alcohol, what makes an alocoholic?
Lots of people visit casinos, how do you know who's a gambling addict?
Our entire country is filled with overweight people, who is truly addicted to food?
Every man likes sex, how do you know if he's a sex addict?
Most women like to shop, which ones are shopping addicts?
I finally came up with it: the difference is that an addict is no longer in control of their own behavior*. The desire for the object (alcohol, gambling, food, sex, shopping, etc) controls them.
An addict can lose everything, and still can't stop. An addict can know how destructive their behavior is, and still can't stop. It has reached a point where the activity is no longer a choice, it is a need.
Now, before someone says "oh, but they chose to (insert whatever)"... you're right.
They did choose to. At some point. In the past. And at some point they may have even realized they were on the brink of a problem. And they chose to keep going. But now? It's no longer a choice. They truly feel as though they need it (and in some cases their own bodies will perpetuate the lies - withdrawel is a witch). They cannot function "normally" without it.
Nine times out of 10, the addict is not:
- the person binge drinking every weekend. It's the person who can't go one day without a glass of wine.
- the person hitting the casino once a month and blowing their entire paycheck. It's the person blowing $25 a day on an online poker site
- the person stuffing their face with food the one night they're out with the girls. It's the person sneaking food at home after their spouse has gone to bed.
- the person who cheats on their spouse once. It's the person who can't stop looking at pornography.
- the person who goes on one shopping spree and blows their house payment. It's the person who spends $5 at Goodwill. Four times a week. Every week.
It's the mom who's been in & out of jail and rehab, and who the judge gives one last chance to be successful at stopping her drug use, or lose all parental rights to her children. And she sobs, and promises to clean up her life, because she does indeed love her children. But within just a few months is back in jail, all parental rights terminated.
It's the man who views pornography daily, then escalates to local personal ads, then begins an online flirtation, whose wife treatens to leave & take the children, and he chooses to walk away from "everything he loves" rather than get treatment.
It's the husband whose wife, whom he truly loves dearly, threatens to leave if he doesn't stop drinking. And he's dry for about 2 months. But then he can't help himself. And his wife leaves him.
That's the difference. That's an addiction. When you don't know why you do what you're doing, but you can't stop, even at the threat of losing what you hold most dear... you are no longer in control. You are bound, a slave to your addiction.
That, is the difference.
* I am not a professional, and other than a random class here & there, plus my own experience dealing with addicts, am not actually qualified to make these statements. If you believe you or someone you love may be dealing with an addiction of any sort, please speak to your family doctor, or Google addiction support for your particular concern to find help near you.
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Oh, it's just an old back injury...
I find myself saying these words more & more lately.
I haven't mentioned it on here, or really anywhere else, because I've ignored it best I can.
But the truth is, my back has been hurting for at least 3 months.
The numbness & tingling from last year never went away, I just got used to it. But now I'm in pain. Near constant pain.
It's tolerable. I'm not on pain meds yet. Then again, I tend to be the refuse-to-take-meds-until-I'm-completely-nonfunctional kinda person.
Using the 1 thru 10 pain scale, I'd say most of the time my pain hovers around a 3, but there have definitely been spikes up to 9, and I've thought about staying home from work / leaving work early because of it. You know, when I almost collapsed walking between buildings because of the pain that shot into my back. That day, I almost went home. But I toughed it out.
Which, if you know me, the fact that I thought about going home is saying a lot.
It feels a lot like last time, before my surgery. Lying down hurts in no time, so I wake up every night in pain & try to change positions to get comfortable again. Sitting down for long periods of time makes it very difficult to get up. I'm doing the old-lady-shuffle in my trademark hunched over fashion.
And so, I finally gave in and saw my primary care physician.
He cringed as he watched me walk, offered me pain meds (I refused), and kept saying I'm too young to be going thru this.
He should have seen me 7 years ago.
In the end, he ordered an MRI and referred me back to my original neurosurgeon. Pretty much what I was expecting.
I'm trying not to get ahead of myself, but I don't know what I'm gonna do if I need a repeat surgery. I mean, financially things will be much better (I have paid sick time, as well as short term disability now, which I did not have before), but the recovery was so difficult. I don't know how I'll manage with a preschooler.
To give you an idea, the surgeon prescribed a med to essentially knock me out within 15 min of taking it, and keep me out for 2-3 hours. The point is to force me to be as immobile as possible so the surgery site can heal. I basically slept for a month after surgery. If I remember correctly it was 4-5 weeks before I was cleared to drive. Walking was difficult. And someone has to check the site daily & change my dressing. As a single 20-something, I moved in with my folks for about 10 days (till the dressing no longer needed changed), then went home to my apartment with my cat & spent my days sleeping & watching TV & being bored out of my skull.
But healing. Which is the point.
I just can't figure out how that would possibly work with a preschooler, house, & 20 animals to take care of, plus a husband whose job requires him to be gone every 3rd night.
I know I need to stop worrying about it, because I don't even know for sure if I'll need surgery, but the planner in me can't help trying to figure it out.
So anyway, that's a little update on me. As always, thanks for checking in!
I haven't mentioned it on here, or really anywhere else, because I've ignored it best I can.
But the truth is, my back has been hurting for at least 3 months.
The numbness & tingling from last year never went away, I just got used to it. But now I'm in pain. Near constant pain.
It's tolerable. I'm not on pain meds yet. Then again, I tend to be the refuse-to-take-meds-until-I'm-completely-nonfunctional kinda person.
Using the 1 thru 10 pain scale, I'd say most of the time my pain hovers around a 3, but there have definitely been spikes up to 9, and I've thought about staying home from work / leaving work early because of it. You know, when I almost collapsed walking between buildings because of the pain that shot into my back. That day, I almost went home. But I toughed it out.
Which, if you know me, the fact that I thought about going home is saying a lot.
It feels a lot like last time, before my surgery. Lying down hurts in no time, so I wake up every night in pain & try to change positions to get comfortable again. Sitting down for long periods of time makes it very difficult to get up. I'm doing the old-lady-shuffle in my trademark hunched over fashion.
And so, I finally gave in and saw my primary care physician.
He cringed as he watched me walk, offered me pain meds (I refused), and kept saying I'm too young to be going thru this.
He should have seen me 7 years ago.
In the end, he ordered an MRI and referred me back to my original neurosurgeon. Pretty much what I was expecting.
I'm trying not to get ahead of myself, but I don't know what I'm gonna do if I need a repeat surgery. I mean, financially things will be much better (I have paid sick time, as well as short term disability now, which I did not have before), but the recovery was so difficult. I don't know how I'll manage with a preschooler.
To give you an idea, the surgeon prescribed a med to essentially knock me out within 15 min of taking it, and keep me out for 2-3 hours. The point is to force me to be as immobile as possible so the surgery site can heal. I basically slept for a month after surgery. If I remember correctly it was 4-5 weeks before I was cleared to drive. Walking was difficult. And someone has to check the site daily & change my dressing. As a single 20-something, I moved in with my folks for about 10 days (till the dressing no longer needed changed), then went home to my apartment with my cat & spent my days sleeping & watching TV & being bored out of my skull.
But healing. Which is the point.
I just can't figure out how that would possibly work with a preschooler, house, & 20 animals to take care of, plus a husband whose job requires him to be gone every 3rd night.
I know I need to stop worrying about it, because I don't even know for sure if I'll need surgery, but the planner in me can't help trying to figure it out.
So anyway, that's a little update on me. As always, thanks for checking in!
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Stupid Breast Cancer
*warning* I use bad words in this post. If you choose to read on, then deal with it. If you think you might be offended, then please stop reading. Thank you.
Before I say what I want to say, please go over to Baby Rabies, and read this post first. Because my post isn't gonna make a whole lotta sense until you do.
Okay, did you read it? Good. Now I can proceed. Because I really want to say:
FUCK YOU BREAST CANCER
I don't know why this woman's story has struck such a nerve with me, but it has and I am pissed.
How dare you?!? How dare you invade this beautiful woman, this loving mother, and put her & her family thru this?!? How fucking dare you?!?
You have no idea how badly I want to come up in there and KICK YOUR ASS right now!!!
She is a woman. A wife, a mother, a daughter, a friend. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT.
To put her thru this with a toddler at home and a baby in her belly is just cruel. But that is what you do best, isn't it? Cruelty?
Well, you know what? Screw you. She rocks, and is gonna beat you at your own game.
And guess what? She's got a helluva huge support group behind her.
God bless the internet.
So I'm doing the only thing I know to do to help: I'm spreading her story. Because FUCK YOU. She wants to breast feed her baby, and you're gonna take her breasts? Fine. Screw you. We got her covered.
I may not have milk to give, but I have a computer, and I have internet access, and SCREW YOU.
On that note, let's go folks. If you are in, or know someone in, the Orange County, California area and are able & willing to help, please follow the instructions over at Baby Rabies. If not, pass it on. Seven degrees of separation & all, we can all reach someone who can help.
Friday, June 29, 2012
So, I had LASIK, and now I can see
You know, without corrective lenses of any sort.
I'd been wearing glasses / contacts since I was 8 years old. When they figured out I was legally blind and wondered how I'd managed to navigate the world just fine thus far.
So, I don't remember what my number was, but my vision before the surgery was such that... you know when they put that eye chart in front of you? The one that only has one letter that takes up the whole screen? Yeah... to me it looked like a blank white sheet. Couldn't even tell there was supposed to be a letter there.
And at my last post-surgery checkup? My vision was 20/15. It worked.
Now, as for the surgery itself... I can't lie, it wasn't the best experience.
Everything started out fine. I was a little nervous, but not exceptionally.
Until they put my head under the laser thingie. I may or may not have freaked out a little bit.
I may have even asked if the valium they offered me earlier was still an option.
They obliged, and did everything they could to make me comfortable. The entire staff was really sweet about everything. A few minutes later, and I was ready to go.
Still tense (yes, even with the valium), but ready.
They started with my right eye. Blah, blah, blah... I hated the entire procedure. Hated.
But it didn't hurt. I was fine. Now time for the left eye.
They put the numbing drops on my eye just like they did the right eye. But when they were cutting the flap, I swear I felt something.
So when they moved me over to begin the actual laser correction, I asked for more drops. They put one more in. I asked for more. The nurse told me they had essentially bathed my eye in numbing drops and there was no more they could do.
Although it only lasted a second, there was a moment during the procedure where I felt the laser. And it hurt.
But it only lasted a second. Millisecond maybe. And it was gone.
After the surgery my eyes didn't feel great, but that was expected. I did have a hard time opening them so they could check them in recovery, but otherwise, whatever.
By the time I got home, they hurt.
Not discomfort, as I was told to expect, but pain.
Within an hour, I was in horrible pain. I took Tylenol PM and attempted to fall asleep. But my eyes hurt. Horribly. I felt sure that if I could rest, they would feel better. But the pain was so intense that I couldn't fall asleep.
I finally asked Jason to call the office. They called in a prescription for Vicodin, he left to get it. A vicodin & another Tylenol PM later, and I finally drifted off to sleep.
I woke up just three hours later. Looking back, you'd think I'd have slept all day & night! But no, three hours. My eyes still hurt, but not as badly. I managed to trudge out to the living room and watch some television. For about 10 minutes. It was too bright for my recovering peepers.
Back in the doctor's office the next day for a normal post-op check, and I was informed I had significant inflammation in the left eye, and an inordinate amount of broken blood vessels in the right. Awesome.
Indeed, my left eye did hurt more than the right. And the whites of my right eye were indeed red instead of white.
I was given an additional prescription eyedrop and told to come back again the next day.
The next day I was told the inflammation wasn't any better, but wasn't really worse either. Continue the bevy of drops they'd given me (3 Rx, 1 OTC) and come back in a week.
A week later, I was told that my eyes looked fine. The inflammation had resolved, and the redness in my right eye was essentially an "eye bruise" and was healing just fine.
But still... keep taking those prescription drops, and come back again in a month. Just to be sure.
Overall, while it is very nice to not need glasses or contacts anymore, I can't say I'd do it again.
Maybe I'll feel differently with a little more time between the surgery and my feelings on the subject, and I know it will be especially nice for diving. But right now I just can't say that I'd do it again. If I had known, I honestly would have just kept my contacts.
As always, thanks for checking in.
I'd been wearing glasses / contacts since I was 8 years old. When they figured out I was legally blind and wondered how I'd managed to navigate the world just fine thus far.
And at my last post-surgery checkup? My vision was 20/15. It worked.
Now, as for the surgery itself... I can't lie, it wasn't the best experience.
Everything started out fine. I was a little nervous, but not exceptionally.
Until they put my head under the laser thingie. I may or may not have freaked out a little bit.
I may have even asked if the valium they offered me earlier was still an option.
They obliged, and did everything they could to make me comfortable. The entire staff was really sweet about everything. A few minutes later, and I was ready to go.
Still tense (yes, even with the valium), but ready.
They started with my right eye. Blah, blah, blah... I hated the entire procedure. Hated.
But it didn't hurt. I was fine. Now time for the left eye.
They put the numbing drops on my eye just like they did the right eye. But when they were cutting the flap, I swear I felt something.
So when they moved me over to begin the actual laser correction, I asked for more drops. They put one more in. I asked for more. The nurse told me they had essentially bathed my eye in numbing drops and there was no more they could do.
Although it only lasted a second, there was a moment during the procedure where I felt the laser. And it hurt.
But it only lasted a second. Millisecond maybe. And it was gone.
After the surgery my eyes didn't feel great, but that was expected. I did have a hard time opening them so they could check them in recovery, but otherwise, whatever.
By the time I got home, they hurt.
Not discomfort, as I was told to expect, but pain.
Within an hour, I was in horrible pain. I took Tylenol PM and attempted to fall asleep. But my eyes hurt. Horribly. I felt sure that if I could rest, they would feel better. But the pain was so intense that I couldn't fall asleep.
I finally asked Jason to call the office. They called in a prescription for Vicodin, he left to get it. A vicodin & another Tylenol PM later, and I finally drifted off to sleep.
I woke up just three hours later. Looking back, you'd think I'd have slept all day & night! But no, three hours. My eyes still hurt, but not as badly. I managed to trudge out to the living room and watch some television. For about 10 minutes. It was too bright for my recovering peepers.
Back in the doctor's office the next day for a normal post-op check, and I was informed I had significant inflammation in the left eye, and an inordinate amount of broken blood vessels in the right. Awesome.
Indeed, my left eye did hurt more than the right. And the whites of my right eye were indeed red instead of white.
I was given an additional prescription eyedrop and told to come back again the next day.
The next day I was told the inflammation wasn't any better, but wasn't really worse either. Continue the bevy of drops they'd given me (3 Rx, 1 OTC) and come back in a week.
A week later, I was told that my eyes looked fine. The inflammation had resolved, and the redness in my right eye was essentially an "eye bruise" and was healing just fine.
But still... keep taking those prescription drops, and come back again in a month. Just to be sure.
Overall, while it is very nice to not need glasses or contacts anymore, I can't say I'd do it again.
Maybe I'll feel differently with a little more time between the surgery and my feelings on the subject, and I know it will be especially nice for diving. But right now I just can't say that I'd do it again. If I had known, I honestly would have just kept my contacts.
As always, thanks for checking in.
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Blessings
Physical Blessings:
1) No serious medical issues yet this year
2) My back is stable (not worsening)
3) Jason is healthy & strong as ever
4) Jena is healthy & growing well
5) All the pets are relatively healthy
Financial Blessings:
1) We can feed & clothe our family, and pay our mortgage
2) We have good benefits, including affordable health coverage
3) Our car is almost paid off
4) We are on target to be debt free (excepting the house) within 2 years max
5) We can afford a few extras
Mental Blessings
1) My issues with depression & anxiety appear to be (mostly) over
2) So far I see no signs that my PPD will lead into Clinical Depression
3) My job is providing me with enough challenges to stretch me, but not enough to stress me
4) Jena has tested above her age group in all developmental milestones
5) I haven't had writer's block in months
Spiritual Blessings
1) Mine & my husband's salvation
2) So many answered prayers & visible miracles
3) Continued growth in the Lord
4) Finding my "fit" in our church home
5) Spiritual battles won
Answered Prayer
1) TheBoy's miraculous recovery
2) Continued growth & healing in our marriage
3) Promises fulfilled
4) Safety for Jason on the job
5) Unspoken
Today's Blessings
1) We all woke up this morning (and healthy too!)
2) We both have jobs to go to
3) My parents watching Jena
4) We can talk during the day
5) Phone call from a friend
**********************
this post inspired by this post
1) No serious medical issues yet this year
2) My back is stable (not worsening)
3) Jason is healthy & strong as ever
4) Jena is healthy & growing well
5) All the pets are relatively healthy
Financial Blessings:
1) We can feed & clothe our family, and pay our mortgage
2) We have good benefits, including affordable health coverage
3) Our car is almost paid off
4) We are on target to be debt free (excepting the house) within 2 years max
5) We can afford a few extras
Mental Blessings
1) My issues with depression & anxiety appear to be (mostly) over
2) So far I see no signs that my PPD will lead into Clinical Depression
3) My job is providing me with enough challenges to stretch me, but not enough to stress me
4) Jena has tested above her age group in all developmental milestones
5) I haven't had writer's block in months
Spiritual Blessings
1) Mine & my husband's salvation
2) So many answered prayers & visible miracles
3) Continued growth in the Lord
4) Finding my "fit" in our church home
5) Spiritual battles won
Answered Prayer
1) TheBoy's miraculous recovery
2) Continued growth & healing in our marriage
3) Promises fulfilled
4) Safety for Jason on the job
5) Unspoken
Today's Blessings
1) We all woke up this morning (and healthy too!)
2) We both have jobs to go to
3) My parents watching Jena
4) We can talk during the day
5) Phone call from a friend
**********************
this post inspired by this post
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Update on my Nephew
He's being discharged from the Neurology Rehab center today.
His recovery is unbelievable.
No, really. As in the doctors, nurses, therapists, and other experts in the area of traumatic brain injury are incredulous.
He's being released home. And will need no special care.
None.
He can walk, although he is at times unsteady.
He can talk.
He cannot drive.
He has lost 60% of his hearing.
This one is interesting, as it's a brain issue, not an ear issue. Essentially, hearing aids will not work because the problem is in his brain and how it processes sounds.
The psychiatrist has cleared him mentally, as being fully capable of functioning and making his own decisions.
Ends up a huge part of the issue was his hearing. So realizing that, plus some additional healing on his part, and ta daa! His mental facilities are now considered "normal"
He has been advised that if he chooses to partake in any amount of alcohol or illegal drugs, or suffers the slightest head injury, he risks death.
Not by his own actions as a result from altered judgement, as is usually the case, but because he has such a large amount of brain damage that anything that kills any additional brain cells has the potential to literally kill him. Even one drink.
******************
******************
I thank you all so much for your prayers. We have truly seen a miracle done here.
And I ask you for your continued prayers.
He admits to being an addict. Which means his struggle to avoid death is only beginning.
And his first major decision is (what I believe to be) a bad one. Instead of moving in with his parents (who dropped everything to move back to Ohio to support him - but that's another story), he has decided to live with his aunt & uncle. The uncle who gave him the drugs and is an addict himself. Two unemployed addicts living in the same house. Surely I don't have to spell out the issue here.
He is an adult, who's psychiatrist cleared him for making personal decisions, so legally his parents have recourse. Other than prayer.
From what I understand, his reasoning is that his parents have too many rules. His dad tried to reason with him, pointing out that he had already agreed that his girlfriend could live there with him, and that the other rules (no drinking, no smoking, no drugs), are the same things doctors told him could kill him, and he says he's going to not do any more. So what rules are the problem? TheBoy had no answer.
Please continue to pray for TheBoy. And for the entire family, but I do believe his situation is still urgent. If I'm being honest, with his medical situation, and the living situation he is putting himself into, assuming he stays in that situation, I do not expect him to live more than 3 - 5 years.
Please pray.
His recovery is unbelievable.
No, really. As in the doctors, nurses, therapists, and other experts in the area of traumatic brain injury are incredulous.
He's being released home. And will need no special care.
None.
He can walk, although he is at times unsteady.
He can talk.
He cannot drive.
He has lost 60% of his hearing.
This one is interesting, as it's a brain issue, not an ear issue. Essentially, hearing aids will not work because the problem is in his brain and how it processes sounds.
The psychiatrist has cleared him mentally, as being fully capable of functioning and making his own decisions.
Ends up a huge part of the issue was his hearing. So realizing that, plus some additional healing on his part, and ta daa! His mental facilities are now considered "normal"
He has been advised that if he chooses to partake in any amount of alcohol or illegal drugs, or suffers the slightest head injury, he risks death.
Not by his own actions as a result from altered judgement, as is usually the case, but because he has such a large amount of brain damage that anything that kills any additional brain cells has the potential to literally kill him. Even one drink.
******************
 |
| 5 weeks ago |
 |
| 2 weeks ago |
 |
| at his sister's HS graduation last week |
******************
I thank you all so much for your prayers. We have truly seen a miracle done here.
And I ask you for your continued prayers.
He admits to being an addict. Which means his struggle to avoid death is only beginning.
And his first major decision is (what I believe to be) a bad one. Instead of moving in with his parents (who dropped everything to move back to Ohio to support him - but that's another story), he has decided to live with his aunt & uncle. The uncle who gave him the drugs and is an addict himself. Two unemployed addicts living in the same house. Surely I don't have to spell out the issue here.
He is an adult, who's psychiatrist cleared him for making personal decisions, so legally his parents have recourse. Other than prayer.
From what I understand, his reasoning is that his parents have too many rules. His dad tried to reason with him, pointing out that he had already agreed that his girlfriend could live there with him, and that the other rules (no drinking, no smoking, no drugs), are the same things doctors told him could kill him, and he says he's going to not do any more. So what rules are the problem? TheBoy had no answer.
Please continue to pray for TheBoy. And for the entire family, but I do believe his situation is still urgent. If I'm being honest, with his medical situation, and the living situation he is putting himself into, assuming he stays in that situation, I do not expect him to live more than 3 - 5 years.
Please pray.
Monday, May 28, 2012
Dear Lord, THANK YOU
|
| 3 wks ago, on life support, just a few days from when they had to decide whether or not to pull the plug |
|
| Yesterday, with his dad outside for the first time |
Dear Lord,
Words cannot express my gratitude for the medical miracle you have wrought in my nephew. So I will just say THANK YOU.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
"home"
My nephew is currently in a neurological rehabilitation center, and is continuing to recover.
He is still on a feeding tube.
He still has a trach in, but breathes mostly on his own. He does occasionally need a ventilator to regulate his breathing.
He is re-learning how to walk (my sister has a grainy, but Hallelujah!-type cell phone video of his 1st steps. If I can ever figure out how to post it on here, I will).
The rehab center is ready to discharge him. To his guardian. His social worker is asking for where.
Yes, his social worker.
My nephew is now mentally retarded.
As in, he needs 24/7 monitoring.
They estimate it will be anywhere from 1 - 3 years of rehabilitation before they know where he will end up permanently, as far as his mental facilities go.
As a handicapped, completely-dependent person, he is currently a ward of the state. Guardianship has yet to be determined.
The facility he's in wants him released to his "home".
The majority of his family (including my mother, who has 17 years of experience with mentally retarded and developmentally disabled individuals) believe it is in his best interest to be moved to another rehab facility until he is further along in his recovery.
My sister and brother-in-law are rushing to find out their options, but the facility wants him released next week. And wants to know where.
And as far as "home" goes...
- the uncle he was staying with when he overdosed has admitted to being the source of the drugs TheBoy took, and has fessed up to a closet drug addiction himself. He's also a dealer.
- his egg donor is a drug addict herself, doesn't work, has been in & out of prison for years, and is where TheBoy first got introduced to a life in drugs
- his father (and stepmother, my sister)... well, they don't have a house in Ohio yet. They are moving back. And have jobs, but... no house yet.
- the rest of my family lives a minimum of 90 minutes from where he (currently) needs to go for rehab
- NONE of us are able to handle him in his current state
As far as logistics goes, none of us lives in a wheelchair accessible home. And right now, he cannot walk.
None of us are in a position to provide him with 24/7 care. Not even with multiple people taking turns / stepping in when the primary caregiver is unavailable
He is currently on a feeding tube for all nutrition, and a ventilator "when needed". He needs assistance bathing. He cannot be left alone. Period. Oh, and he's well over six feet tall, and a STRONG young man, who no longer knows his own strength (something my mother is all to familiar with, considering her experience).
My point is, they want him to go "home". There is no home that is able to care for him in the way he needs taken care of.
Perhaps if / when he recovers more fully. In fact, his dad is counting on it.
But the fact is that right now, the very best place for him to get the care that he needs, is in a specialized facility with staff properly trained to give him what he needs, and continue his rehabilitation in house.
***********
Please pray for TheBoy's continued recovery, and for my sister & her family as they deal with the immense amount of stress this is putting on their family unit.
He is still on a feeding tube.
He still has a trach in, but breathes mostly on his own. He does occasionally need a ventilator to regulate his breathing.
He is re-learning how to walk (my sister has a grainy, but Hallelujah!-type cell phone video of his 1st steps. If I can ever figure out how to post it on here, I will).
The rehab center is ready to discharge him. To his guardian. His social worker is asking for where.
Yes, his social worker.
My nephew is now mentally retarded.
As in, he needs 24/7 monitoring.
They estimate it will be anywhere from 1 - 3 years of rehabilitation before they know where he will end up permanently, as far as his mental facilities go.
As a handicapped, completely-dependent person, he is currently a ward of the state. Guardianship has yet to be determined.
The facility he's in wants him released to his "home".
The majority of his family (including my mother, who has 17 years of experience with mentally retarded and developmentally disabled individuals) believe it is in his best interest to be moved to another rehab facility until he is further along in his recovery.
My sister and brother-in-law are rushing to find out their options, but the facility wants him released next week. And wants to know where.
And as far as "home" goes...
- the uncle he was staying with when he overdosed has admitted to being the source of the drugs TheBoy took, and has fessed up to a closet drug addiction himself. He's also a dealer.
- his egg donor is a drug addict herself, doesn't work, has been in & out of prison for years, and is where TheBoy first got introduced to a life in drugs
- his father (and stepmother, my sister)... well, they don't have a house in Ohio yet. They are moving back. And have jobs, but... no house yet.
- the rest of my family lives a minimum of 90 minutes from where he (currently) needs to go for rehab
- NONE of us are able to handle him in his current state
As far as logistics goes, none of us lives in a wheelchair accessible home. And right now, he cannot walk.
None of us are in a position to provide him with 24/7 care. Not even with multiple people taking turns / stepping in when the primary caregiver is unavailable
He is currently on a feeding tube for all nutrition, and a ventilator "when needed". He needs assistance bathing. He cannot be left alone. Period. Oh, and he's well over six feet tall, and a STRONG young man, who no longer knows his own strength (something my mother is all to familiar with, considering her experience).
My point is, they want him to go "home". There is no home that is able to care for him in the way he needs taken care of.
Perhaps if / when he recovers more fully. In fact, his dad is counting on it.
But the fact is that right now, the very best place for him to get the care that he needs, is in a specialized facility with staff properly trained to give him what he needs, and continue his rehabilitation in house.
***********
Please pray for TheBoy's continued recovery, and for my sister & her family as they deal with the immense amount of stress this is putting on their family unit.
Friday, May 18, 2012
My Nephew is Watching TV
I cried with happiness when I got the text from my sister.
The other day TheBoy finally got a tracheotomy. They had tried to do one before, but his oxygen levels plummeted to deathly low levels so quickly when they took his breathing tube out, that they had to abort the procedure.
But they needed to do it. Unless they could get him breathing better, his oxygen levels would never be at high enough levels to promote healing to his organs. And, the doctors were confident once the trach was in and the breathing tube out, he would do better off of sedation, because apparently breathing tubes are quite uncomfortable, while a tracheotomy is, apparently, comfortable for the patient.
The second time around, the procedure went very well. Within 24 hours they had successfully taken him off of sedation. He was looking around the room, watching everyone who walked by, and even watching television!
I never thought I would be so happy that my nephew was watching TV!
My sister said it reminds her of when FireGirl was a baby - like he's a baby in a 6'4" body. He can't move, can't communicate, but is taking it all in.
I am so freakin' happy right now people. I can't even stand it.
We cannot thank you enough for your continued prayers, well wishes, and support.
This will be a long road, so please keep 'em coming!
As always, thanks for checking in.
The other day TheBoy finally got a tracheotomy. They had tried to do one before, but his oxygen levels plummeted to deathly low levels so quickly when they took his breathing tube out, that they had to abort the procedure.
But they needed to do it. Unless they could get him breathing better, his oxygen levels would never be at high enough levels to promote healing to his organs. And, the doctors were confident once the trach was in and the breathing tube out, he would do better off of sedation, because apparently breathing tubes are quite uncomfortable, while a tracheotomy is, apparently, comfortable for the patient.
The second time around, the procedure went very well. Within 24 hours they had successfully taken him off of sedation. He was looking around the room, watching everyone who walked by, and even watching television!
I never thought I would be so happy that my nephew was watching TV!
My sister said it reminds her of when FireGirl was a baby - like he's a baby in a 6'4" body. He can't move, can't communicate, but is taking it all in.
I am so freakin' happy right now people. I can't even stand it.
We cannot thank you enough for your continued prayers, well wishes, and support.
This will be a long road, so please keep 'em coming!
As always, thanks for checking in.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Hope
So, I've been doing a bit of googling regarding coma patients.
I don't think he's in a coma.
The same day I was reading about that, my sister texted me to say TheBoy isn't actually in a coma.
Funny how many of these "coincidental" timings have occurred since it first happened.
Considering what I've seen first hand and been told from the family that is there all the time, combined with what I could read, I think he is actually in a "minimally conscious state". I would say definitely when he's off sedation.
The good news? MCS has one of the better 12-month prognoses of all traumatic brain injury states.
Keep praying!
I don't think he's in a coma.
The same day I was reading about that, my sister texted me to say TheBoy isn't actually in a coma.
Funny how many of these "coincidental" timings have occurred since it first happened.
Considering what I've seen first hand and been told from the family that is there all the time, combined with what I could read, I think he is actually in a "minimally conscious state". I would say definitely when he's off sedation.
The good news? MCS has one of the better 12-month prognoses of all traumatic brain injury states.
Keep praying!
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Modern Medicine has Nothing on GOD
So, after my last post about how we were praying for a miracle:
- TheBoy has opened his eyes and looked around the room on several occasions
- He has made eye contact with multiple people as they talked to him
- He has begun squeezing the hands of whoever his holding his hand
- He continues to do more & more on command
Now, granted, none of us are brain experts, but these appear to be significant improvements to us. He shows us more & more that he is registering what is around him.
No, his breathing has not yet improved, but to us it seems apparent that other mental facilities are.
Keep praying people. God is listening!
- TheBoy has opened his eyes and looked around the room on several occasions
- He has made eye contact with multiple people as they talked to him
- He has begun squeezing the hands of whoever his holding his hand
- He continues to do more & more on command
Now, granted, none of us are brain experts, but these appear to be significant improvements to us. He shows us more & more that he is registering what is around him.
No, his breathing has not yet improved, but to us it seems apparent that other mental facilities are.
Keep praying people. God is listening!
Friday, May 11, 2012
"What you see is what you'll get"
Late last night I got a phone call to update me on my nephew's situation.
The neurologist sat down both parents today, and informed them that he believes TheBoy has recovered as much as he will. Ever. His words to the family were "What you see now, is what you'll get."
He cannot come off the ventilator.
While he is breathing on his own, the part of his brain that controls how deep you breathe, among other things, is not responding at all. The part that tells you things like "breathe deeper", "you have too much spit in your mouth, you need to swallow", and "it's time to pee now" - that part.
So while technically he is not on life support... he will die without a ventilator to regulate his breathing.
His dad and birth mom are in agreement that TheBoy would not want to live like that. They plan to disengage the ventilator in the near future.
My sister & their youngest daughter are flying in from Iowa. As long as TheBoy was improving, they were staying in hopes that the girl could finish out the school year (I think she has 6 more days), but with this new news, they are coming in.
We don't have a date yet. They haven't decided on one. But nothing will be done before the rest of the family gets here.
They also want to give it "some time" to see if we get our miracle. But they don't want him to suffer needlessly for long.
They are putting in a tracheotomy, as well as moving the feeding tube out of his mouth & directly into his stomach, both in efforts to make him more comfortable.
The best of modern medicine says there is no hope.
The neurologist sat down both parents today, and informed them that he believes TheBoy has recovered as much as he will. Ever. His words to the family were "What you see now, is what you'll get."
He cannot come off the ventilator.
While he is breathing on his own, the part of his brain that controls how deep you breathe, among other things, is not responding at all. The part that tells you things like "breathe deeper", "you have too much spit in your mouth, you need to swallow", and "it's time to pee now" - that part.
So while technically he is not on life support... he will die without a ventilator to regulate his breathing.
His dad and birth mom are in agreement that TheBoy would not want to live like that. They plan to disengage the ventilator in the near future.
My sister & their youngest daughter are flying in from Iowa. As long as TheBoy was improving, they were staying in hopes that the girl could finish out the school year (I think she has 6 more days), but with this new news, they are coming in.
We don't have a date yet. They haven't decided on one. But nothing will be done before the rest of the family gets here.
They also want to give it "some time" to see if we get our miracle. But they don't want him to suffer needlessly for long.
They are putting in a tracheotomy, as well as moving the feeding tube out of his mouth & directly into his stomach, both in efforts to make him more comfortable.
The best of modern medicine says there is no hope.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
On Healing, Faith, and Emotions
Yes, I believe God can and does perform miraculous healings.
Yes, I believe God sometimes does this outside of medical intervention.
Yes, I believe God sometimes uses medical intervention to perform healings.
Yes, I have faith that God will do this at the request of His followers, within His will.
Yes, all of these things give me hope.
Yes, I believe God sometimes says 'no', for reasons we may never understand.
Yes, I believe God sometimes says 'yes... but not how you would like'
Yes, these things occasionally make me feel sad.
**********************
When I had my accident, and for the four years thereafter, I had several people tell me I should attend a healing service, ask people to pray over my injury. I never did. Not because I thought He wouldn't, but because from the moment it happened, I had this feeling that I was supposed to go thru this, that this was my cross to bear. To ask to be healed of something I was supposed to go to seemed like a violation. When I did eventually have my surgery, the timing felt perfect, and to me it was no less miraculous than if I had been spontaneously healed years before.
***********************
For years before he passed, my father-in-law believed that if God wanted him to be healed, God would do it. He did not want medical intervention.
Looking back on the past few years, I honestly believe God brought him thru several heart attacks in the past 3 years, none of which even incapacitated him. I can think of three such episodes just off the top of my head.
Our entire family has had great comfort in looking back over his life, and believing that he died because it was time.
***********************
My nephew (let's call him TheBoy) has achieved incredible healing, that has been in direct opposition to what Western medicine has said his prognosis will be.
When his overdose first happened, we were told that within 48 hours the family will need to make a decision about life support (ie. whether or not to pull the plug). He was not breathing on his own at all.
Less than a week later, he can breathe on his own, he reacts to physical & emotional stimuli, he opens his eyes on command, his kidney failure resolved almost overnight, as did his liver failure.
We have gone from crying out to God to "JUST LET HIM LIVE!" (literally, I literally sat in my living room and cried those words to my Father), to asking him to be well enough to attend his sister's graduation party in 3 weeks.
Since the moment I heard of his overdose, I never had "the bad feeling", the feeling that precedes knowing someone will die (if you've had it, you know what it feels like). I have had a good feeling, an optimistic feeling, and I believed God would continue to improve TheBoy's physical condition.
Until today. I don't have "the bad feeling". But I no longer have the good feeling either. I feel strongly that God is saying this is it, this is as far as He is bringing TheBoy's physical healing.
I won't pretend to know why. And perhaps I am wrong. But I don't think I am.
My faith is still strong, and I believe God has a reason for this, we just don't know what it is yet.
And I am immensely grateful for God sparing TheBoy's life, and for the incredible improvements we have seen. I thank God for giving him another chance.
But still, I am sad. Dejected. I cannot think straight. The tears flow freely.
Yes, I believe God sometimes does this outside of medical intervention.
Yes, I believe God sometimes uses medical intervention to perform healings.
Yes, I have faith that God will do this at the request of His followers, within His will.
Yes, all of these things give me hope.
Yes, I believe God sometimes says 'no', for reasons we may never understand.
Yes, I believe God sometimes says 'yes... but not how you would like'
Yes, these things occasionally make me feel sad.
**********************
When I had my accident, and for the four years thereafter, I had several people tell me I should attend a healing service, ask people to pray over my injury. I never did. Not because I thought He wouldn't, but because from the moment it happened, I had this feeling that I was supposed to go thru this, that this was my cross to bear. To ask to be healed of something I was supposed to go to seemed like a violation. When I did eventually have my surgery, the timing felt perfect, and to me it was no less miraculous than if I had been spontaneously healed years before.
***********************
For years before he passed, my father-in-law believed that if God wanted him to be healed, God would do it. He did not want medical intervention.
Looking back on the past few years, I honestly believe God brought him thru several heart attacks in the past 3 years, none of which even incapacitated him. I can think of three such episodes just off the top of my head.
Our entire family has had great comfort in looking back over his life, and believing that he died because it was time.
***********************
My nephew (let's call him TheBoy) has achieved incredible healing, that has been in direct opposition to what Western medicine has said his prognosis will be.
When his overdose first happened, we were told that within 48 hours the family will need to make a decision about life support (ie. whether or not to pull the plug). He was not breathing on his own at all.
Less than a week later, he can breathe on his own, he reacts to physical & emotional stimuli, he opens his eyes on command, his kidney failure resolved almost overnight, as did his liver failure.
We have gone from crying out to God to "JUST LET HIM LIVE!" (literally, I literally sat in my living room and cried those words to my Father), to asking him to be well enough to attend his sister's graduation party in 3 weeks.
Since the moment I heard of his overdose, I never had "the bad feeling", the feeling that precedes knowing someone will die (if you've had it, you know what it feels like). I have had a good feeling, an optimistic feeling, and I believed God would continue to improve TheBoy's physical condition.
Until today. I don't have "the bad feeling". But I no longer have the good feeling either. I feel strongly that God is saying this is it, this is as far as He is bringing TheBoy's physical healing.
I won't pretend to know why. And perhaps I am wrong. But I don't think I am.
My faith is still strong, and I believe God has a reason for this, we just don't know what it is yet.
And I am immensely grateful for God sparing TheBoy's life, and for the incredible improvements we have seen. I thank God for giving him another chance.
But still, I am sad. Dejected. I cannot think straight. The tears flow freely.
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