I realize I never updated you after I started running.
Let's use the words "started" and "running" loosely, 'kay?
So, I went out one weekend and bought running shoes. Cheapies, because, well, it wasn't in the budget and I had no idea how this was gonna go. Figured I could upgrade later on if I needed to.
Downloaded the Couch-to-5k app on my phone.
Packed a bag with my running clothes & shoes and took it to work that Monday, excited (and nervous!) about my first run that evening after work.
And... I got food poisoning. No lie. Around 3:30pm I started making regular trips to the bathroom, and I barely made it long enough to meet Jason in a Wendy's parking lot, beg him to take Jena to his meeting with him, and drive myself home. It was awful.
Tuesday, it started raining around 2pm. Like, a downpour.
Wednesday, it was storming on & off all day.
Thursday is Jena's gymnastics day, so I'd already figured out there just wasn't time for running on Thursdays. I'm lucky if I get her to class on time.
Friday I forgot my bag o' running stuff, still packed from Monday.
Obviously, week 1 was a complete bust.
But not to be thwarted, on to week 2.
Monday - well, I forget what happened, but running did not.
Tuesday I happened to have the day off. So... I ran.
I ran down our road. Which, I learned, is not very safe for running. Hills of Kentucky and blind curves and all. I spent a better portion of the run listening for oncoming cars and jumping off the road just in time.
But I did run. Okay, run/walk. You know, the C25K program. I did it, my back didn't hurt, I was proud of myself.
Almost home, and a bird pooped on my head. True story.
Beginning to feel like God was sending me signs. Food poisoning, 2 days of downpours, and 1 bird poop later, I was beginning to think that either I wasn't supposed to run, or I was being challenged to see how serious I was about it.
Ended that run & went straight to the showers. You know, bird poop and all.
I was almost done with my shower, when the running message boards proved right: my back was killing me. The pain was excruciating. I could barely get myself out of the shower & dressed. I made my way to the couch and kicked up the recliner. The position of having my feet up usually helps my back.
Not today.
Oh well. I knew that was a possibility, right?
The next day we went on vacation & I packed my running clothes & shoes with the full intent of running on vacation.
I have to be honest here right? It didn't happen.
The first night we spent swimming, and there didn't seem to be a good / safe place to go around the hotel, so I didn't. The next night I fully intented to run at the campground, and allowed myself to get talked out of it.
I was in the mood to run. I wanted to run. I was excited about it. Then Jason reminded me that we were camping, and I would probably be yucky in the morning, and did I really want to take a shower twice? Once in the evening after running and once in the morning because I felt yucky. Seemed logical.
Except... I am so not a morning person. At all. Seriously, if you see me in the early morning, steer clear. I'm also a slow-waker-upper. Takes me a good 30-60 minutes to fully wake up (which, if Jena is any indication, is a genetically inherited condition). I just don't function well at all first thing in the morning. I'm a night owl.
I may have actually growled at Jason the next morning when he cheerfully left Jena & myself at the playground so he could go on his run.
I should have known better. I should have gone in the evening.
We did a lot of walking, had a couple of late nights, the rest of our vacation, and neither of us got in more running in. Although we did do a ton of walking.
Got back, and I decided to give it a go again. Packed my running clothes & shoes, took them to work. Finished working, headed over to the trail... and found out that since it's now Fall, and getting dark earlier, and they close the trail at dusk... I can't go running after work.
{{ sigh }}
That pretty much put an end to the running idea. So I started finding "living room workouts". I don't want to give up on being active, but I need apparently I need a better idea.
Not giving up totally just yet.
Showing posts with label back. Show all posts
Showing posts with label back. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Rest
You know, eventually I'll remember the importance of doing nothing not-as-much.
A few days ago I was having a "bad back day" and decided to call in to work. Not something I do often.
I didn't lay around all day, but did rest, decided to forego household chores, and spent time with family.
The next day? My back felt better than it had in weeks.
Similarly Buddy has injured his toe. When it was taking longer than usual to heal, I decided to bring him in the house & crate him at night so he can rest (night is his most active time, as he guards the property). Two days later it's still bothering him, but he's walking much better. I'm hoping a few more nights of that and he'll finally be healed (if not, we will be taking him to the vet, but I'm hopeful some rest will do the trick).
When will I learn? Rest = better me. Sometimes time off is just what we need to get back "on".
As always, thanks for checking in.
A few days ago I was having a "bad back day" and decided to call in to work. Not something I do often.
I didn't lay around all day, but did rest, decided to forego household chores, and spent time with family.
The next day? My back felt better than it had in weeks.
Similarly Buddy has injured his toe. When it was taking longer than usual to heal, I decided to bring him in the house & crate him at night so he can rest (night is his most active time, as he guards the property). Two days later it's still bothering him, but he's walking much better. I'm hoping a few more nights of that and he'll finally be healed (if not, we will be taking him to the vet, but I'm hopeful some rest will do the trick).
When will I learn? Rest = better me. Sometimes time off is just what we need to get back "on".
As always, thanks for checking in.
Monday, October 1, 2012
The Itch to be Active
Lately (as in, the past few months), I've had this itch to be active.
Specifically, to run.
Which, if you know me in real life, is a bit odd.
I'm not a runner. I've never been a runner. I don't like to run.And let's not forget that right now I have a bulging disc, and am already spending the larger part of every day in pain.
************
And then, I saw a less-than-flattering picture of myself. And as much as I would love to be able to blame the person who took the pic, I can't.
In fact, it is probably in the quality of the photograph that I am seeing how I really look.
And I was mortified.
*************
And then I had a really busy week, where it seemed like everyone was tugging at me from all directions.
Even the good, fun, social things.
Because this gal is an introvert, and regular alone time is a necessity to keep me from losing my mind.
But our calendar is already pretty darn busy for the next three months, one event after another.One person-filled event after another.
I realized I needed to find a way to achieve alone time. Something that couldn't be taken away from me, except by myself. Something that co-workers, friends, family - not even Jena- could interrupt.
**************
And I realized... running would satisfy all of those.
I googled running with back injuries, running with lumbar injuries, running with bulging discs.
The general consensus seems to be that it's not painful while you're running, but when you stop & rest the pain is quite unbearable.
I talked it out with Jason.
My thinking (crazy as it may be) is that my back is already screwed. I'm already headed for surgery. But my consult isn't for another month, let alone the procedure. That gives me at least a month to run. At least.
Because I have to do something. I have to.
And the hubs is on board. He's supporting me as I try tosee how badly I can screw up my spine whip myself into shape.
I started googling running shoes.
Because I don't remember the last time I wore tennis shoes. Maybe last year? And the ones I have are old & beat up & falling apart. And most likely not running shoes.
And then I realized I still needed to figure out when & where I could run, that I could work into my routine, that I could do alone.
A park wouldn't do, because I'd have to take Jena with me, who would distract me from my goal, and totally destroy any hope of alone time. And Jason would want to come when he was home, which isn't so bad, but I need my alone time.
And then I remembered. Earlier this year my place of employment opened a brand new walking trail thru their campus. The same campus I work on. Over a mile of wooded trail, at a place where I already spend a good part of my day. Five days a week. Close to Jena's preschool. Private. Safe. Monitored. 24 hour security & trained EMTs. And the icing on the cake? The path starts on the other side of campus from the building I work in. Which means little chance of running into co-workers.
It's perfect.
I think.
Today I took asmoke clean air break and checked it out. It's nice. Has 2 mild inclines (what do you expect, we do live in the hills of Kentucky, LOL) and is very peaceful.
My only issue is that it's not lit. And if I'm running after work, it won't be long until that gets into dusktime. But it's still really nice.
My plan is to run every day after work, before I pick up Jena. I'll drive over to the other building, change in their bathrooms, and run.
My goal is 20 min, so all together I'm estimating I'll pick up Jena from preschool 30 minutes later. It's not perfect, as we already struggle with having time in the evenings, but it's the best solution I can think of. Driving to any other location and then starting adds time onto the equation. Doing it any other time of the day requires finding someone to watch her, or attempting to drag her along with me.
This is perfect.
And so when I told Jason I'd figured out when & where, he suggested I download the Couch to 5k app to my phone, and he would do it at the firehouse, and we would be doing it "together". Apart.
Perfect.
I have no idea how this will affect my back. I suspect that all the websites are correct, that pain will be minimal during the exercise, but excruciating afterward.
But I have a bottle of Vicodin my doctor prescribed me sitting unopened in my medicine cabinet. I'm already in pain. And no matter what I do, I'm still gonna need surgery.
So why not give it a try? The way I see it, I have nothing to lose.
But maybe some poundage. And some body issues.
And I have everything to gain.
Like higher confidence. A sense of accomplishment. And a smokin' hot body (right? all runners are hot, right?, LOL)
*******************
So that's my latestcrazy idea update. Wish me luck!
Specifically, to run.
Which, if you know me in real life, is a bit odd.
I'm not a runner. I've never been a runner. I don't like to run.And let's not forget that right now I have a bulging disc, and am already spending the larger part of every day in pain.
************
And then, I saw a less-than-flattering picture of myself. And as much as I would love to be able to blame the person who took the pic, I can't.
In fact, it is probably in the quality of the photograph that I am seeing how I really look.
And I was mortified.
*************
And then I had a really busy week, where it seemed like everyone was tugging at me from all directions.
Even the good, fun, social things.
Because this gal is an introvert, and regular alone time is a necessity to keep me from losing my mind.
But our calendar is already pretty darn busy for the next three months, one event after another.One person-filled event after another.
I realized I needed to find a way to achieve alone time. Something that couldn't be taken away from me, except by myself. Something that co-workers, friends, family - not even Jena- could interrupt.
**************
And I realized... running would satisfy all of those.
I googled running with back injuries, running with lumbar injuries, running with bulging discs.
The general consensus seems to be that it's not painful while you're running, but when you stop & rest the pain is quite unbearable.
I talked it out with Jason.
My thinking (crazy as it may be) is that my back is already screwed. I'm already headed for surgery. But my consult isn't for another month, let alone the procedure. That gives me at least a month to run. At least.
Because I have to do something. I have to.
And the hubs is on board. He's supporting me as I try to
I started googling running shoes.
Because I don't remember the last time I wore tennis shoes. Maybe last year? And the ones I have are old & beat up & falling apart. And most likely not running shoes.
And then I realized I still needed to figure out when & where I could run, that I could work into my routine, that I could do alone.
A park wouldn't do, because I'd have to take Jena with me, who would distract me from my goal, and totally destroy any hope of alone time. And Jason would want to come when he was home, which isn't so bad, but I need my alone time.
And then I remembered. Earlier this year my place of employment opened a brand new walking trail thru their campus. The same campus I work on. Over a mile of wooded trail, at a place where I already spend a good part of my day. Five days a week. Close to Jena's preschool. Private. Safe. Monitored. 24 hour security & trained EMTs. And the icing on the cake? The path starts on the other side of campus from the building I work in. Which means little chance of running into co-workers.
It's perfect.
I think.
Today I took a
My only issue is that it's not lit. And if I'm running after work, it won't be long until that gets into dusktime. But it's still really nice.
My plan is to run every day after work, before I pick up Jena. I'll drive over to the other building, change in their bathrooms, and run.
My goal is 20 min, so all together I'm estimating I'll pick up Jena from preschool 30 minutes later. It's not perfect, as we already struggle with having time in the evenings, but it's the best solution I can think of. Driving to any other location and then starting adds time onto the equation. Doing it any other time of the day requires finding someone to watch her, or attempting to drag her along with me.
This is perfect.
And so when I told Jason I'd figured out when & where, he suggested I download the Couch to 5k app to my phone, and he would do it at the firehouse, and we would be doing it "together". Apart.
Perfect.
I have no idea how this will affect my back. I suspect that all the websites are correct, that pain will be minimal during the exercise, but excruciating afterward.
But I have a bottle of Vicodin my doctor prescribed me sitting unopened in my medicine cabinet. I'm already in pain. And no matter what I do, I'm still gonna need surgery.
So why not give it a try? The way I see it, I have nothing to lose.
But maybe some poundage. And some body issues.
And I have everything to gain.
Like higher confidence. A sense of accomplishment. And a smokin' hot body (right? all runners are hot, right?, LOL)
*******************
So that's my latest
Thursday, September 27, 2012
My Fat Butt - less soda pop
Well, dear readers, I'm here for another check in.
On my 2nd month of reducing my eating out, I didn't do as well as the first month, and finished at 47%. Still much better than my initial 60%, but those numbers need to go down, not up.
But on my 1st month of reducing my pop intake? I dropped it by just over half, from 43% of my beverages, to 22%.
So, to re-cap: I've reduced eating out by 21%, and reduced pop intake by 51%.
And gained another 4 lbs.
To say I'm frustrated is an understatement.
But I will press forward. Work on dropping my eating out numbers back down (and farther!), work on lowering my pop consumption even more. Work to increase activity (which should be lots of fun w/ a bulging disk), and work to increase fruit & veggie intake.
I will press on. But I will also consider moving up my next endocrinologist appointment. He'd taken me off of most of my meds about 4 months ago, because I was having some pretty bad side effects, and my levels had been very good, so we decided to stop them. And in those 4 months I have gained roughly 15 lbs, 6 of which have been while being very intentional at making some lifestyle changes.
So I will continue to do the work, but I also have to consider the possibility that I may need medical intervention to keep my weight from progressing back to where it was before I got diagnosed.
I'll continue to keep you posted. Thanks for checking in.
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Oh, it's just an old back injury...
I find myself saying these words more & more lately.
I haven't mentioned it on here, or really anywhere else, because I've ignored it best I can.
But the truth is, my back has been hurting for at least 3 months.
The numbness & tingling from last year never went away, I just got used to it. But now I'm in pain. Near constant pain.
It's tolerable. I'm not on pain meds yet. Then again, I tend to be the refuse-to-take-meds-until-I'm-completely-nonfunctional kinda person.
Using the 1 thru 10 pain scale, I'd say most of the time my pain hovers around a 3, but there have definitely been spikes up to 9, and I've thought about staying home from work / leaving work early because of it. You know, when I almost collapsed walking between buildings because of the pain that shot into my back. That day, I almost went home. But I toughed it out.
Which, if you know me, the fact that I thought about going home is saying a lot.
It feels a lot like last time, before my surgery. Lying down hurts in no time, so I wake up every night in pain & try to change positions to get comfortable again. Sitting down for long periods of time makes it very difficult to get up. I'm doing the old-lady-shuffle in my trademark hunched over fashion.
And so, I finally gave in and saw my primary care physician.
He cringed as he watched me walk, offered me pain meds (I refused), and kept saying I'm too young to be going thru this.
He should have seen me 7 years ago.
In the end, he ordered an MRI and referred me back to my original neurosurgeon. Pretty much what I was expecting.
I'm trying not to get ahead of myself, but I don't know what I'm gonna do if I need a repeat surgery. I mean, financially things will be much better (I have paid sick time, as well as short term disability now, which I did not have before), but the recovery was so difficult. I don't know how I'll manage with a preschooler.
To give you an idea, the surgeon prescribed a med to essentially knock me out within 15 min of taking it, and keep me out for 2-3 hours. The point is to force me to be as immobile as possible so the surgery site can heal. I basically slept for a month after surgery. If I remember correctly it was 4-5 weeks before I was cleared to drive. Walking was difficult. And someone has to check the site daily & change my dressing. As a single 20-something, I moved in with my folks for about 10 days (till the dressing no longer needed changed), then went home to my apartment with my cat & spent my days sleeping & watching TV & being bored out of my skull.
But healing. Which is the point.
I just can't figure out how that would possibly work with a preschooler, house, & 20 animals to take care of, plus a husband whose job requires him to be gone every 3rd night.
I know I need to stop worrying about it, because I don't even know for sure if I'll need surgery, but the planner in me can't help trying to figure it out.
So anyway, that's a little update on me. As always, thanks for checking in!
I haven't mentioned it on here, or really anywhere else, because I've ignored it best I can.
But the truth is, my back has been hurting for at least 3 months.
The numbness & tingling from last year never went away, I just got used to it. But now I'm in pain. Near constant pain.
It's tolerable. I'm not on pain meds yet. Then again, I tend to be the refuse-to-take-meds-until-I'm-completely-nonfunctional kinda person.
Using the 1 thru 10 pain scale, I'd say most of the time my pain hovers around a 3, but there have definitely been spikes up to 9, and I've thought about staying home from work / leaving work early because of it. You know, when I almost collapsed walking between buildings because of the pain that shot into my back. That day, I almost went home. But I toughed it out.
Which, if you know me, the fact that I thought about going home is saying a lot.
It feels a lot like last time, before my surgery. Lying down hurts in no time, so I wake up every night in pain & try to change positions to get comfortable again. Sitting down for long periods of time makes it very difficult to get up. I'm doing the old-lady-shuffle in my trademark hunched over fashion.
And so, I finally gave in and saw my primary care physician.
He cringed as he watched me walk, offered me pain meds (I refused), and kept saying I'm too young to be going thru this.
He should have seen me 7 years ago.
In the end, he ordered an MRI and referred me back to my original neurosurgeon. Pretty much what I was expecting.
I'm trying not to get ahead of myself, but I don't know what I'm gonna do if I need a repeat surgery. I mean, financially things will be much better (I have paid sick time, as well as short term disability now, which I did not have before), but the recovery was so difficult. I don't know how I'll manage with a preschooler.
To give you an idea, the surgeon prescribed a med to essentially knock me out within 15 min of taking it, and keep me out for 2-3 hours. The point is to force me to be as immobile as possible so the surgery site can heal. I basically slept for a month after surgery. If I remember correctly it was 4-5 weeks before I was cleared to drive. Walking was difficult. And someone has to check the site daily & change my dressing. As a single 20-something, I moved in with my folks for about 10 days (till the dressing no longer needed changed), then went home to my apartment with my cat & spent my days sleeping & watching TV & being bored out of my skull.
But healing. Which is the point.
I just can't figure out how that would possibly work with a preschooler, house, & 20 animals to take care of, plus a husband whose job requires him to be gone every 3rd night.
I know I need to stop worrying about it, because I don't even know for sure if I'll need surgery, but the planner in me can't help trying to figure it out.
So anyway, that's a little update on me. As always, thanks for checking in!
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Blessings
Physical Blessings:
1) No serious medical issues yet this year
2) My back is stable (not worsening)
3) Jason is healthy & strong as ever
4) Jena is healthy & growing well
5) All the pets are relatively healthy
Financial Blessings:
1) We can feed & clothe our family, and pay our mortgage
2) We have good benefits, including affordable health coverage
3) Our car is almost paid off
4) We are on target to be debt free (excepting the house) within 2 years max
5) We can afford a few extras
Mental Blessings
1) My issues with depression & anxiety appear to be (mostly) over
2) So far I see no signs that my PPD will lead into Clinical Depression
3) My job is providing me with enough challenges to stretch me, but not enough to stress me
4) Jena has tested above her age group in all developmental milestones
5) I haven't had writer's block in months
Spiritual Blessings
1) Mine & my husband's salvation
2) So many answered prayers & visible miracles
3) Continued growth in the Lord
4) Finding my "fit" in our church home
5) Spiritual battles won
Answered Prayer
1) TheBoy's miraculous recovery
2) Continued growth & healing in our marriage
3) Promises fulfilled
4) Safety for Jason on the job
5) Unspoken
Today's Blessings
1) We all woke up this morning (and healthy too!)
2) We both have jobs to go to
3) My parents watching Jena
4) We can talk during the day
5) Phone call from a friend
**********************
this post inspired by this post
1) No serious medical issues yet this year
2) My back is stable (not worsening)
3) Jason is healthy & strong as ever
4) Jena is healthy & growing well
5) All the pets are relatively healthy
Financial Blessings:
1) We can feed & clothe our family, and pay our mortgage
2) We have good benefits, including affordable health coverage
3) Our car is almost paid off
4) We are on target to be debt free (excepting the house) within 2 years max
5) We can afford a few extras
Mental Blessings
1) My issues with depression & anxiety appear to be (mostly) over
2) So far I see no signs that my PPD will lead into Clinical Depression
3) My job is providing me with enough challenges to stretch me, but not enough to stress me
4) Jena has tested above her age group in all developmental milestones
5) I haven't had writer's block in months
Spiritual Blessings
1) Mine & my husband's salvation
2) So many answered prayers & visible miracles
3) Continued growth in the Lord
4) Finding my "fit" in our church home
5) Spiritual battles won
Answered Prayer
1) TheBoy's miraculous recovery
2) Continued growth & healing in our marriage
3) Promises fulfilled
4) Safety for Jason on the job
5) Unspoken
Today's Blessings
1) We all woke up this morning (and healthy too!)
2) We both have jobs to go to
3) My parents watching Jena
4) We can talk during the day
5) Phone call from a friend
**********************
this post inspired by this post
Friday, August 12, 2011
Friday Fragments
**********************************
My sister texted me the other day asking what I knew about rabies. She tried to rescue a cat that apparently didn't want to be rescued.
The good news? There hasn't been a confirmed case of rabies in her area in over 15 years.
Animal control caught the cat and allowed it to be quarantined for 10 days in their home.
Except it ends up their pit bull, who had never seen a cat, did not do so well.
Sort of. Long story short, it wasn't safe for the cat. So now the cat is quarantining elsewhere.
*********************************
I've met with my neurosurgeon regarding my back issues. My MRI did show injury & degeneration to L4, but since my symptoms are more of an annoying nuisance right now (as opposed to debilitating), we're going to try an alternative treatment, in the way of an epidural injection, in the hopes of avoiding, or at least postponing, surgery. Fun
I've met with my neurosurgeon regarding my back issues. My MRI did show injury & degeneration to L4, but since my symptoms are more of an annoying nuisance right now (as opposed to debilitating), we're going to try an alternative treatment, in the way of an epidural injection, in the hopes of avoiding, or at least postponing, surgery. Fun
********************************
I'd also like to have Lasik eye surgery sometime soon, but with all of the other medical things going on I'm kinda waiting to see.
*******************************
FireMan's business has been doing fairly steady work for nearly a year now. Nothing huge, but slow & steady work. Which is awesome.
He's picked up three new clients just in the past two months and I am super-proud of him!
He's picked up three new clients just in the past two months and I am super-proud of him!
********************************
I still can't figure out why I can post comments on some Blogger blogs and not others.
Similarly I can't figure out why some of you can post comments on my blog, but others can't.
Yo, Blogger! Fix it already!
Similarly I can't figure out why some of you can post comments on my blog, but others can't.
Yo, Blogger! Fix it already!
*******************************
Last week FireGirl started going to preschool early, in time to eat breakfast there. It's quite a change for both of us, being 90 minutes earlier than her previous drop-off time, but so far, so good. Her meltdowns aren't any worse than normal, so... I guess we're good.
And... what kicked me in the butt to get her there earlier - I found out that on Wednesdays they have dance class right after breakfast. So this whole time she was missing out on dance!
I knew they offered it, and finally asked the teacher because no one ever said anything. On Wednesdays a dance teacher comes in & dance class takes the place of their first physical activity (open gym, playground, etc) time.
And... what kicked me in the butt to get her there earlier - I found out that on Wednesdays they have dance class right after breakfast. So this whole time she was missing out on dance!
I knew they offered it, and finally asked the teacher because no one ever said anything. On Wednesdays a dance teacher comes in & dance class takes the place of their first physical activity (open gym, playground, etc) time.
*****************************
Speaking of dance class, we're probably going to enroll FireGirl in a dance or tumbling class after her 3rd birthday (which is coming up way too soon!).
Right now we're just thinking we'll start at the local YMCA and see how it goes before paying for a more specialized instructor.
Right now we're just thinking we'll start at the local YMCA and see how it goes before paying for a more specialized instructor.
*****************************
I really want to take a trip to Iowa and a trip to California this year, both to visit loved ones. But it's already August, we have a trip planned in October for our anniversary, another family trip planned in December, plus I have to figure out what's going on with me medically, so... I have no idea when I'll be able to go.
Which makes me sad.
Because I really want to go this year. Like... yesterday.
Which makes me sad.
Because I really want to go this year. Like... yesterday.
*****************************
My life has been too many peaks & valleys lately. Highs & lows. Joyously goods followed by enourmous frustrations. Incredibly busy wherever-will-I-find-time, followed by same-old-ness.
I don't like this many peaks & valleys together. Stresses me a bit. I'm more of a rolling hills kinda gal, I suppose.
I don't like this many peaks & valleys together. Stresses me a bit. I'm more of a rolling hills kinda gal, I suppose.
***************************
Have a great weekend!
Monday, July 18, 2011
Over Five Years Ago...
 |
| this is pretty much where he was standing when I pulled up & first saw him |
I met Jason. In person.
We met online, and - breaking all the rules I'd set for myself - when he called me just two days later & asked me to meet him at a park, I agreed.
We walked the walking trail around the park (around... three miles ?), then sat on a bench in the dugout of the baseball field until dark (ie. the park closed).
The walking part is funnier when you realize I was still recovering from back surgery and couldn't really walk properly. But being in that don't-want-to-mess-up-a-good-thing mode of a new love potential, didn't say anything. And walked the entire trail. Stooped forward just a little. And in moderate pain by the end.
Since neither of us had had dinner, we drove to a nearby Skyline Chili restaurant for dinner, and ended up closing that place out (11pm).
We hugged goodbye, and parted ways.
All-in-all we spent over six hours together that night, talking. Talking about each other, our families, our past, and even what we wanted from a relationship.
Two days later we had our first official "date".
And the rest, as they say... is history.
I love you, Jason!
** all pics were taken this year, on our "we met anniversary"
Thursday, June 2, 2011
And then my foot started tingling...
Yeah. Remember when I said there was a reason I was posting the background of my injury? There was.
About three months ago I was sitting at my desk at work when I started having the oddest burning / tingling sensation in my right foot. I was wearing a pair of shoes that I hadn't worn in a while, so at first I thought it was my shoes (because shoes do that to people all the time, right?), so I took my shoes off at my desk and started rubbing my foot.
And it did nothing.
By the afternoon, I was having the same sensation in my left foot as well, although not as strong.
I mentioned it to FireMan, just as a heads up.
Since then, I've experienced tingling, numbness, and the occasional burning sensation in both of my legs (buttocks down to toes) off-and-on. Mostly in my right leg, like before, but definitely in both.
A little twinge of minor pain in my lower back on occasion as well, as well as the rare sciatic pain in my buttocks, extending into my hamstring.
All of this was just a little too familiar.
I considered calling my family doctor. But... since my surgery I've moved about 40 miles south, and the family doctor who I had at the time (who knows my case backwards & forwards) moved his practice about 60 miles north.
So... did I want to see my new family doctor? Drive to see my old family doctor, who knows my case? Just skip it all & go back to my surgeon? Or just wait it out?
Well, since all of these symptoms were more annoying than anything, I decided to wait it out, all the while trying to decide which doctor I wanted to see if / when the time came.
And then, one night last week, my back went out.
I don't know why. I hadn't done anything unusual. Just... horrible, crippling pain.
And the Hunchback of Notre Dame was reborn in an instant.
And of course this happens on a night when FireMan is on shift, and I am home alone with FireGirl. Luckily she is old enough to do most things by herself (with direction), and is also old enough to understand when Mommy's back has an owie and so she cannot be picked up.
I would give my pain that night an 8 on a scale of 1 - 10, without a doubt the highest since my surgery. By far.
Once FireGirl went to bed, I tried to get as comfortable as possible to relax on the couch, and finally gave up, took some Ibuprofen PM, and went to bed.
In the morning when I woke up, I felt great!
Until I tried to move. The minute I moved my legs, the pain came back. Not quite as bad as the night before, but... bad.
But... my history told me it was doable, so I got up, got ready, got FireGirl ready, and headed to work like normal.
And spent a good part of the day answering questions about why I was walking around so funny.
I called my family doctor, who didn't have an opening until the next week. And since I know this isn't urgent, and our work has an on-site clinic that I can go to if it suddenly becomes urgent, I decided to wait.
I walked funny, couldn't lift things, and generally tried to take it easy for 4 days before the pain finally subsided
About three months ago I was sitting at my desk at work when I started having the oddest burning / tingling sensation in my right foot. I was wearing a pair of shoes that I hadn't worn in a while, so at first I thought it was my shoes (because shoes do that to people all the time, right?), so I took my shoes off at my desk and started rubbing my foot.
And it did nothing.
By the afternoon, I was having the same sensation in my left foot as well, although not as strong.
I mentioned it to FireMan, just as a heads up.
Since then, I've experienced tingling, numbness, and the occasional burning sensation in both of my legs (buttocks down to toes) off-and-on. Mostly in my right leg, like before, but definitely in both.
A little twinge of minor pain in my lower back on occasion as well, as well as the rare sciatic pain in my buttocks, extending into my hamstring.
All of this was just a little too familiar.
I considered calling my family doctor. But... since my surgery I've moved about 40 miles south, and the family doctor who I had at the time (who knows my case backwards & forwards) moved his practice about 60 miles north.
So... did I want to see my new family doctor? Drive to see my old family doctor, who knows my case? Just skip it all & go back to my surgeon? Or just wait it out?
Well, since all of these symptoms were more annoying than anything, I decided to wait it out, all the while trying to decide which doctor I wanted to see if / when the time came.
And then, one night last week, my back went out.
I don't know why. I hadn't done anything unusual. Just... horrible, crippling pain.
And the Hunchback of Notre Dame was reborn in an instant.
And of course this happens on a night when FireMan is on shift, and I am home alone with FireGirl. Luckily she is old enough to do most things by herself (with direction), and is also old enough to understand when Mommy's back has an owie and so she cannot be picked up.
I would give my pain that night an 8 on a scale of 1 - 10, without a doubt the highest since my surgery. By far.
Once FireGirl went to bed, I tried to get as comfortable as possible to relax on the couch, and finally gave up, took some Ibuprofen PM, and went to bed.
In the morning when I woke up, I felt great!
Until I tried to move. The minute I moved my legs, the pain came back. Not quite as bad as the night before, but... bad.
But... my history told me it was doable, so I got up, got ready, got FireGirl ready, and headed to work like normal.
And spent a good part of the day answering questions about why I was walking around so funny.
I called my family doctor, who didn't have an opening until the next week. And since I know this isn't urgent, and our work has an on-site clinic that I can go to if it suddenly becomes urgent, I decided to wait.
I walked funny, couldn't lift things, and generally tried to take it easy for 4 days before the pain finally subsided
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
THE injury
This is going to be a long, boring post all about my back injury. Yep, the one from my accident in 2002.
Yes, there's a reason. But now, you just get the injury. Details as best I could do this many years later.
**********************************
My car got t-boned in April 2002. The lady that hit me was driving an estimated 50 mph, and accelerating, at the moment of impact. She admitted such.
I initially felt no pain. You know, adrenalin and all. So when I called 9-1-1 I told the dispatcher no ambulance was needed. First mistake.
As the police officer who responded was wrapping things up with the other driver, and I was waiting for him to dismiss me, I began to notice a slight burning sensation in my lower back.
Realizing this was not right, and considering there was a hospital about two blocks away, I decided I would drive myself to the emergency room after the officer told me I could go. And so I did. Second mistake.
In the emergency room, I was treated like a drug-seeker. By this time the pain was so bad I could not sit down. Still a burning sensation. I would later be told by my family doctor that this is the type of pain people describe when something is touching a nerve.
The doctor who saw me completely dismissed me. Did no Xrays or MRIs, even when I requested them. Did no range-of-motion test. Gave me a prescription for ibuprofen and told me I would be in more pain in the morning, but that was normal, so don't worry.
Unfortunately I was still in a bit of shock, and didn't realize till later that night how I was treated. Or else he would have heard it then. But alas, when you're in shock, it takes quite a bit longer to process things.
My mom drove me home (I lived with my parents at the time, and soon became glad that I did), I went to bed.
When I awoke the next morning, I couldn't stand up straight. I was all hunched over like I belonged at the top of Notre Dame or something.
Guess the doc was right, huh? I was definitely in more pain.
I called in to work, and then called my chiropractor, who fit me in.
Shocked when they saw me, they did Xrays there in the office. The Xrays didn't reveal too much, except that when my knee hit the dashboard it knocked my right hip seriously out of alignment, and my right hip was now about three inches higher than my left. The first clue that my injury was more serious than the joke of a doctor I saw in the ER.
I followed up with a visit to my family doctor. He convinced me to go on Tylenol 3. I didn't want to, scared to death I would be one of those people that got addicted. Besides, I could get around, right?
He looked me in the eye and said "You can't stand up straight. You're in serious pain. This is what pain meds are for. If you don't like the way it feels, stop taking them. Okay?"
I reluctantly agreed. But Tylenol 3 did little for the pain.
He prescribed physical therapy, sent me to an orthopedist, suggested I continue chiropractic care. At one point I was being seen by six different medical professionals on a regular basis. But which ones... escapes me.
I had PT at 6:30am, to try to get it in before work. I'd see another doctor during lunch. Then leave a few minutes early to go to the third. Just about every day, for months.
Two different doctors suggested that I seek disability, and offered to complete the forms.
I refused.
I could get around, I could work.
Was I in constant pain? Sure. But to me disability means that you can't, and I could. So I refused.
While seeing all those doctors, I kept hearing the same phrase:
"It sort of acts like a herniated disk, but not really."
And since my auto insurance decided to fight my claims, and my health insurance wouldn't pay because the injury was sustained in a car accident, I was paying everything out of pocket.
So my doctors, not seeing definitive symptoms of a herniated disk, decided not to do the scans that would diagnose such, because they are very costly.
Besides, physical therapy combined with chiropractic treatment did lessen my pain.
Although my chiropractor, whom I was seeing three times a week, was frustrated because my body would not "hold" the adjustments. Basically, although I felt better when I left, I'd be right back where we started just a day or so later. Apparently this is not normal.
And at the end of six weeks of physical therapy, when they did my evaluation and compared it to the one they did at my first visit, my pain had indeed lessened. But so had my mobility. I was in less pain, but I lost range-of-motion. Also, not normal.
So my doctor prescribed another six weeks of PT, and I continued chiropractic treatment, and somehere in there my pain meds were upped to Vicodin.
And then, one morning in November, seven months after my accident, I woke up and was unable to walk unsupported, due to the excruciating pain in my right calf.
Now, knowing I hadn't hurt my leg recently, and knowing how the nerves in the lower back network down your legs, I called in to work, and then called my family doctor.
It was then that he ordered the MRI, that would show that I did not indeed have a normal herniated disk. I had a herniated disk with extrusion.
But even that wasn't special enough to describe the joy that was my injury.
Let's explore the differences (in my basic, not very scientific or medical-ease way).
Herniated disk = disk is bulging out, often hitting a nerve, causing terrible pain at the affected area
Herniated disk w/ extrusion = the disk has actually ruptured, and the nucleus of the disk, a jelly-like substance, is oozing out. Symptoms are often the same, or very similar to a normal herniated disk, because the disk is often bulging at the sight of the rupture.
my injury (in my doctor's words) = "imagine someone stomping on a jelly donut. The donut is your disk. The jelly that should be inside the donut is the nucleus of the disk. Your disk exploded like someone stomped on it."
Aren't I special?
But that explains why my symptoms didn't fit. Understand?
So, from there I got sent to another specialist, a neurosurgeon. Who told me that while I wasn't the youngest patient he's ever seen, and it wasn't the worst injury he'd ever seen, it was the worst injury he'd ever seen on someone so young.
Yay me.
He also advised me to immediately stop all physical manipulation. This meant no more chiropractic treatment, no more physical therapy, no more at-home exercises. Basically, the more I did to my back, the greater the chance that I actually worsened my condition. Great.
I wasn't to sit for too long. Or stand for too long. Never do anything faster than a walk. But don't walk too much. No heels on my shoes, flat comfy shoes only. Don't lift anything over 5 lbs on a regular basis, and never anything over 10 lbs. Don't ride roller coasters. Don't bend over too much. Don't, don't don't...
Here I was, in my early 20s, and I was being given more restrictions than my 80-year-old grandma.
And... there was nothing they could do for me, except for surgery.
Except... the surgery was exceptionally invasive, and should be put off as long as possible. So I was put on some stronger pain meds, and told to come back if the pain became "intolerable".
But at least... no more doctors, right? I'd see my family doctor for pain med refills, the occasional follow-up to the orthopeadist, and then see the surgeon again if the pain became intolerable or if I lost feeling or function in any of my lower extremities.
I was told to do whatever I needed to do to make myself as comfortable as possible, because (basically) that was all we could do.
I was in pain every moment of every day for nearly four years.
No, that is not an exaggeration. It is a literal, truthful statement.
Yes, that is even on the medication. The state-maximum allowed dosage of my prescribed combination of narcotics made my pain tolerable. But only if I made sure to take it at the prescribed intervals. As in, if I was late on just one dose, I would be bedridden with pain for the next 10-12 hours.
And since one of those medications had a half-life of 4-6 hours, this meant that I had to set my alarm to wake up in the middle of the night so I could take it, just so I could function the next day.
Which meant that for four years I did not get a good night's rest.
No, I'm not kidding.
Because of the nature of my injury, one of the most painful things to do, early on, was to drive. Sitting while extending my right leg in that way, was excruciating. My co-workers never knew this (I don't think), but for months I screamed my way to work in the morning, tears rolling down my cheeks, then I'd sit in the parking lot to compose myself before walking in.
I don't remember when that changed, but somewhere along the way, driving became okay again. Well, more tolerable at least.
And then, as the muscles in my lower back atrophied because they were no longer getting the signals from my brain, lying down (aka. sleeping) became my most painful activity.
Do you know what it's like for it to be painful to sleep?
I slept many nights in my dad's recliner, or in my bed with 4 pillows stacked under my knees to raise them in a mock-sitting position.
Did you know atrophy can be painful? I didn't. But it is. Or can be, at least. No one ever told me that.
The numbness & tingling in my legs became so frequent I rarely noticed it anymore. Although there was one troublesome symptom though, that I never got used to.
Every once in a while, I would have the odd sensation of a drop of water running down my right leg. Always my right leg. The first few times I would run to the bathroom, terrified that I had somehow peed myself, and was feeling it run down my leg. But nope, I was dry. Always. Every time (thank goodness!). Yet the sensation was there.
As the months passed, and it became apparent that I could tolerate the pain, my prognosis changed a little. Instead of telling me I would need surgery when the pain became intolerable, it changed to being that I would need surgery when I lost function of my right leg.
My right leg, because that's where the focus of my nerve damage was.
I was told that most likely I would either wake up in the morning unable to move it, or I would be walking, and suddenly would be dragging my leg behind me.
Scary. At first.
Then you get used to it. Plan on what to do. And pray that it doesn't happen while you're driving. But practice driving with your left foot, just in case.
And so I persisted.
I was also told during this time, that my injury was considered a "lifetime injury". Meaning that, surgery or not, I would be facing the consequences of this injury for the rest of my life. For the rest of my life, I would have to be careful, not lift too heavy of things, not jar myself too much, just general awareness & carefulness.
Four years in pain. It still seems unreal to me. I didn't really think about it at the time. I was just trying to live my life as best I could. I think I did a pretty good job.
I worked full time. Sometimes two jobs. I volunteered. I travelled. I did stuff.
I just did it all in pain. And a lot of it hunched over like a frail old lady.
I got glared at by people when I waited for my mom, or my (somewhat) older co-workers to pick up heavy things for me. Because unless I was hunched over at that precise moment, I didn't look injured. So I suppose I looked like a spoiled princess or something.
If I were walking around hunched over - and I got around just fine, mind you, I was just crooked & hunched over - I got stared at, offered wheelchairs, etc.
I certainly didn't date a whole lot.
And then, nearly four years after my accident, it happened.
Well, not it. But I knew.
I was walking back to my desk at work, and my leg fell asleep - you know, that uncomfortable tingly, doesn't-want-to-move sensation? - while I was walking.
I got back to my desk and tried to rub it out, step it out, like you do when your leg falls asleep. But, of course, to no avail. So I called my family doctor.
He confirmed it, it was time for surgery.
Between consults & getting insurance approval (my case had by that time finally been settled, so my health insurance was left to cover the surgery & any subsequent treatment), it was two months before I actually got my surgery (have I mentioned that I'm convinced insurance companies are run by the devil?).
Unfortunately, I didn't read the fine print on my short-term disability insurance closely enough, and didn't get covered because I had my surgery two days too soon. (see devil comment above). Which means I went over 6 weeks without a paycheck of any sort. Nothing like adding the stress of financial woes to someone recovering from major surgery, right?
Anywho... my surgery was supposed to be 30-45 minutes, and I would be discharged that evening.
It ended up taking just over 90 minutes, and I was kept overnight.
Why, you ask? Well, because I was even more special than they originally thought!
When the surgeon opened me up, he discovered that the stuff that had exploded from my disc had, over the years, calcified on my nerves, cementing them to one another & to my spine. So, after repairing the disc, he had to "chisel" (his word) the calcifications from the nerves to free them.
And I was told that there was a significant chance (at this point I don't remember the percentage) that I would need an additional surgery in the future.
I was given several new narcotics, with the idea of these to be not only pain relief, but to keep me as immobile as possible. Meaning that one of them knocked me out about 20 minutes after I took it. Which is what it was supposed to do. Which means that I don't remember a whole lot of the following 6 weeks. Bits & pieces, but not much else.
I do know that the pain I'd been feeling for four years was gone, immediately. Oh sure, there was surgery pain, incision pain. But the pain of the injury was gone. Just... gone.
And I remember lying on my bed one day, just lying there, and I felt this twinge, and I started intentionally moving the muscles in my lower back. And I felt muscles that I hadn't felt in four years. The muscles that had atrophied were responding, and I could feel them again. It was such a surreal feeling.
I met FireMan 3 months after my surgery. I was still recovering. I had just gone off of all prescription medications, but still had a hard time getting around, walked a little funny, got sore easily, took a lot of ibuprofen & Tylenol.
We have a few funny stories from our first few weeks together, all as a result of my recovery. Funny to us, anyway.
So that's my story. Long as it was, it still barely touches on my experience. I feel like I left so much out.
I will say that hopefully now, when I post about stopping a workout because my back hurt, or not doing something around the house because my back hurt... well, that at least you, my readers, will understand a little bit better than the rest of the world.
Because it does get tiring sometimes, of mentioning something, and then getting comments about "pushing thru the pain" or how pushing on is the only way to strengthen those muscles, or just the looks you get. And quite frankly I don't usually feel like explaining the whole entire story.
I have to be very careful.
I know my body. I know the difference between what I can push thru, and what I can't.
My back will always be weak. Always. Not the muscles, but that particular disc will always be at risk for re-injury.
I could push thru more than I do. I have an incredible pain tolerance level, but it's not always about the pain. Sometimes it's about what the pain is a symptom of, what the pain is trying to tell you. And it's making a choice about what level of risk-taking is worth it.
*****************************************
And just for fun, random interesting fact about me:
I'm approximately half an inch shorter post-accident than I was pre-accident. True story. Family doctor confirmed it with my records about a year after the accident.
Told ya I was special. Ha!
Thanks for checking in.
Yes, there's a reason. But now, you just get the injury. Details as best I could do this many years later.
**********************************
My car got t-boned in April 2002. The lady that hit me was driving an estimated 50 mph, and accelerating, at the moment of impact. She admitted such.
I initially felt no pain. You know, adrenalin and all. So when I called 9-1-1 I told the dispatcher no ambulance was needed. First mistake.
As the police officer who responded was wrapping things up with the other driver, and I was waiting for him to dismiss me, I began to notice a slight burning sensation in my lower back.
Realizing this was not right, and considering there was a hospital about two blocks away, I decided I would drive myself to the emergency room after the officer told me I could go. And so I did. Second mistake.
In the emergency room, I was treated like a drug-seeker. By this time the pain was so bad I could not sit down. Still a burning sensation. I would later be told by my family doctor that this is the type of pain people describe when something is touching a nerve.
The doctor who saw me completely dismissed me. Did no Xrays or MRIs, even when I requested them. Did no range-of-motion test. Gave me a prescription for ibuprofen and told me I would be in more pain in the morning, but that was normal, so don't worry.
Unfortunately I was still in a bit of shock, and didn't realize till later that night how I was treated. Or else he would have heard it then. But alas, when you're in shock, it takes quite a bit longer to process things.
My mom drove me home (I lived with my parents at the time, and soon became glad that I did), I went to bed.
When I awoke the next morning, I couldn't stand up straight. I was all hunched over like I belonged at the top of Notre Dame or something.
Guess the doc was right, huh? I was definitely in more pain.
I called in to work, and then called my chiropractor, who fit me in.
Shocked when they saw me, they did Xrays there in the office. The Xrays didn't reveal too much, except that when my knee hit the dashboard it knocked my right hip seriously out of alignment, and my right hip was now about three inches higher than my left. The first clue that my injury was more serious than the joke of a doctor I saw in the ER.
I followed up with a visit to my family doctor. He convinced me to go on Tylenol 3. I didn't want to, scared to death I would be one of those people that got addicted. Besides, I could get around, right?
He looked me in the eye and said "You can't stand up straight. You're in serious pain. This is what pain meds are for. If you don't like the way it feels, stop taking them. Okay?"
I reluctantly agreed. But Tylenol 3 did little for the pain.
He prescribed physical therapy, sent me to an orthopedist, suggested I continue chiropractic care. At one point I was being seen by six different medical professionals on a regular basis. But which ones... escapes me.
I had PT at 6:30am, to try to get it in before work. I'd see another doctor during lunch. Then leave a few minutes early to go to the third. Just about every day, for months.
Two different doctors suggested that I seek disability, and offered to complete the forms.
I refused.
I could get around, I could work.
Was I in constant pain? Sure. But to me disability means that you can't, and I could. So I refused.
While seeing all those doctors, I kept hearing the same phrase:
"It sort of acts like a herniated disk, but not really."
And since my auto insurance decided to fight my claims, and my health insurance wouldn't pay because the injury was sustained in a car accident, I was paying everything out of pocket.
So my doctors, not seeing definitive symptoms of a herniated disk, decided not to do the scans that would diagnose such, because they are very costly.
Besides, physical therapy combined with chiropractic treatment did lessen my pain.
Although my chiropractor, whom I was seeing three times a week, was frustrated because my body would not "hold" the adjustments. Basically, although I felt better when I left, I'd be right back where we started just a day or so later. Apparently this is not normal.
And at the end of six weeks of physical therapy, when they did my evaluation and compared it to the one they did at my first visit, my pain had indeed lessened. But so had my mobility. I was in less pain, but I lost range-of-motion. Also, not normal.
So my doctor prescribed another six weeks of PT, and I continued chiropractic treatment, and somehere in there my pain meds were upped to Vicodin.
And then, one morning in November, seven months after my accident, I woke up and was unable to walk unsupported, due to the excruciating pain in my right calf.
Now, knowing I hadn't hurt my leg recently, and knowing how the nerves in the lower back network down your legs, I called in to work, and then called my family doctor.
It was then that he ordered the MRI, that would show that I did not indeed have a normal herniated disk. I had a herniated disk with extrusion.
But even that wasn't special enough to describe the joy that was my injury.
Let's explore the differences (in my basic, not very scientific or medical-ease way).
Herniated disk = disk is bulging out, often hitting a nerve, causing terrible pain at the affected area
Herniated disk w/ extrusion = the disk has actually ruptured, and the nucleus of the disk, a jelly-like substance, is oozing out. Symptoms are often the same, or very similar to a normal herniated disk, because the disk is often bulging at the sight of the rupture.
my injury (in my doctor's words) = "imagine someone stomping on a jelly donut. The donut is your disk. The jelly that should be inside the donut is the nucleus of the disk. Your disk exploded like someone stomped on it."
Aren't I special?
But that explains why my symptoms didn't fit. Understand?
So, from there I got sent to another specialist, a neurosurgeon. Who told me that while I wasn't the youngest patient he's ever seen, and it wasn't the worst injury he'd ever seen, it was the worst injury he'd ever seen on someone so young.
Yay me.
He also advised me to immediately stop all physical manipulation. This meant no more chiropractic treatment, no more physical therapy, no more at-home exercises. Basically, the more I did to my back, the greater the chance that I actually worsened my condition. Great.
I wasn't to sit for too long. Or stand for too long. Never do anything faster than a walk. But don't walk too much. No heels on my shoes, flat comfy shoes only. Don't lift anything over 5 lbs on a regular basis, and never anything over 10 lbs. Don't ride roller coasters. Don't bend over too much. Don't, don't don't...
Here I was, in my early 20s, and I was being given more restrictions than my 80-year-old grandma.
And... there was nothing they could do for me, except for surgery.
Except... the surgery was exceptionally invasive, and should be put off as long as possible. So I was put on some stronger pain meds, and told to come back if the pain became "intolerable".
But at least... no more doctors, right? I'd see my family doctor for pain med refills, the occasional follow-up to the orthopeadist, and then see the surgeon again if the pain became intolerable or if I lost feeling or function in any of my lower extremities.
I was told to do whatever I needed to do to make myself as comfortable as possible, because (basically) that was all we could do.
I was in pain every moment of every day for nearly four years.
No, that is not an exaggeration. It is a literal, truthful statement.
Yes, that is even on the medication. The state-maximum allowed dosage of my prescribed combination of narcotics made my pain tolerable. But only if I made sure to take it at the prescribed intervals. As in, if I was late on just one dose, I would be bedridden with pain for the next 10-12 hours.
And since one of those medications had a half-life of 4-6 hours, this meant that I had to set my alarm to wake up in the middle of the night so I could take it, just so I could function the next day.
Which meant that for four years I did not get a good night's rest.
No, I'm not kidding.
Because of the nature of my injury, one of the most painful things to do, early on, was to drive. Sitting while extending my right leg in that way, was excruciating. My co-workers never knew this (I don't think), but for months I screamed my way to work in the morning, tears rolling down my cheeks, then I'd sit in the parking lot to compose myself before walking in.
I don't remember when that changed, but somewhere along the way, driving became okay again. Well, more tolerable at least.
And then, as the muscles in my lower back atrophied because they were no longer getting the signals from my brain, lying down (aka. sleeping) became my most painful activity.
Do you know what it's like for it to be painful to sleep?
I slept many nights in my dad's recliner, or in my bed with 4 pillows stacked under my knees to raise them in a mock-sitting position.
Did you know atrophy can be painful? I didn't. But it is. Or can be, at least. No one ever told me that.
The numbness & tingling in my legs became so frequent I rarely noticed it anymore. Although there was one troublesome symptom though, that I never got used to.
Every once in a while, I would have the odd sensation of a drop of water running down my right leg. Always my right leg. The first few times I would run to the bathroom, terrified that I had somehow peed myself, and was feeling it run down my leg. But nope, I was dry. Always. Every time (thank goodness!). Yet the sensation was there.
As the months passed, and it became apparent that I could tolerate the pain, my prognosis changed a little. Instead of telling me I would need surgery when the pain became intolerable, it changed to being that I would need surgery when I lost function of my right leg.
My right leg, because that's where the focus of my nerve damage was.
I was told that most likely I would either wake up in the morning unable to move it, or I would be walking, and suddenly would be dragging my leg behind me.
Scary. At first.
Then you get used to it. Plan on what to do. And pray that it doesn't happen while you're driving. But practice driving with your left foot, just in case.
And so I persisted.
I was also told during this time, that my injury was considered a "lifetime injury". Meaning that, surgery or not, I would be facing the consequences of this injury for the rest of my life. For the rest of my life, I would have to be careful, not lift too heavy of things, not jar myself too much, just general awareness & carefulness.
Four years in pain. It still seems unreal to me. I didn't really think about it at the time. I was just trying to live my life as best I could. I think I did a pretty good job.
I worked full time. Sometimes two jobs. I volunteered. I travelled. I did stuff.
I just did it all in pain. And a lot of it hunched over like a frail old lady.
I got glared at by people when I waited for my mom, or my (somewhat) older co-workers to pick up heavy things for me. Because unless I was hunched over at that precise moment, I didn't look injured. So I suppose I looked like a spoiled princess or something.
If I were walking around hunched over - and I got around just fine, mind you, I was just crooked & hunched over - I got stared at, offered wheelchairs, etc.
I certainly didn't date a whole lot.
And then, nearly four years after my accident, it happened.
Well, not it. But I knew.
I was walking back to my desk at work, and my leg fell asleep - you know, that uncomfortable tingly, doesn't-want-to-move sensation? - while I was walking.
I got back to my desk and tried to rub it out, step it out, like you do when your leg falls asleep. But, of course, to no avail. So I called my family doctor.
He confirmed it, it was time for surgery.
Between consults & getting insurance approval (my case had by that time finally been settled, so my health insurance was left to cover the surgery & any subsequent treatment), it was two months before I actually got my surgery (have I mentioned that I'm convinced insurance companies are run by the devil?).
Unfortunately, I didn't read the fine print on my short-term disability insurance closely enough, and didn't get covered because I had my surgery two days too soon. (see devil comment above). Which means I went over 6 weeks without a paycheck of any sort. Nothing like adding the stress of financial woes to someone recovering from major surgery, right?
Anywho... my surgery was supposed to be 30-45 minutes, and I would be discharged that evening.
It ended up taking just over 90 minutes, and I was kept overnight.
Why, you ask? Well, because I was even more special than they originally thought!
When the surgeon opened me up, he discovered that the stuff that had exploded from my disc had, over the years, calcified on my nerves, cementing them to one another & to my spine. So, after repairing the disc, he had to "chisel" (his word) the calcifications from the nerves to free them.
And I was told that there was a significant chance (at this point I don't remember the percentage) that I would need an additional surgery in the future.
I was given several new narcotics, with the idea of these to be not only pain relief, but to keep me as immobile as possible. Meaning that one of them knocked me out about 20 minutes after I took it. Which is what it was supposed to do. Which means that I don't remember a whole lot of the following 6 weeks. Bits & pieces, but not much else.
I do know that the pain I'd been feeling for four years was gone, immediately. Oh sure, there was surgery pain, incision pain. But the pain of the injury was gone. Just... gone.
And I remember lying on my bed one day, just lying there, and I felt this twinge, and I started intentionally moving the muscles in my lower back. And I felt muscles that I hadn't felt in four years. The muscles that had atrophied were responding, and I could feel them again. It was such a surreal feeling.
I met FireMan 3 months after my surgery. I was still recovering. I had just gone off of all prescription medications, but still had a hard time getting around, walked a little funny, got sore easily, took a lot of ibuprofen & Tylenol.
We have a few funny stories from our first few weeks together, all as a result of my recovery. Funny to us, anyway.
So that's my story. Long as it was, it still barely touches on my experience. I feel like I left so much out.
I will say that hopefully now, when I post about stopping a workout because my back hurt, or not doing something around the house because my back hurt... well, that at least you, my readers, will understand a little bit better than the rest of the world.
Because it does get tiring sometimes, of mentioning something, and then getting comments about "pushing thru the pain" or how pushing on is the only way to strengthen those muscles, or just the looks you get. And quite frankly I don't usually feel like explaining the whole entire story.
I have to be very careful.
I know my body. I know the difference between what I can push thru, and what I can't.
My back will always be weak. Always. Not the muscles, but that particular disc will always be at risk for re-injury.
I could push thru more than I do. I have an incredible pain tolerance level, but it's not always about the pain. Sometimes it's about what the pain is a symptom of, what the pain is trying to tell you. And it's making a choice about what level of risk-taking is worth it.
*****************************************
And just for fun, random interesting fact about me:
I'm approximately half an inch shorter post-accident than I was pre-accident. True story. Family doctor confirmed it with my records about a year after the accident.
Told ya I was special. Ha!
Thanks for checking in.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Thoughts on Faith Healing
Simply because it's been on my mind lately.
My father-in-law has a heart condition for which he has decided to refuse all medical treatment. Well, he refused all medical treatment, starting over a year ago.
He is relying on God to heal him, if it is His will.
He also talks a lot about positive thinking, and how the Bible tells us to set our thoughts on things above.
I've found that people are often surprised that I do in fact believe in faith healing. I'm not sure why.
I will say, though, that I don't think that healing has to be done by someone especially anointed by the Holy Spirit with the spiritual gift of healing.
But I also believe in the power of positive thinking. It's been proven that having a positive outlook on things actually changes our body's chemistry, improves healing, and just plain old makes us feel better.
And I think they are separate.
So, that is a very short, somewhat disjointed (because I wanted to not go too long) post about my thoughts on faith healing.
Thanks for checking in!
My father-in-law has a heart condition for which he has decided to refuse all medical treatment. Well, he refused all medical treatment, starting over a year ago.
He is relying on God to heal him, if it is His will.
He also talks a lot about positive thinking, and how the Bible tells us to set our thoughts on things above.
"Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." -- Phillipians 4:8
I've found that people are often surprised that I do in fact believe in faith healing. I'm not sure why.
"And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up;..." -- James 5:16a
I will say, though, that I don't think that healing has to be done by someone especially anointed by the Holy Spirit with the spiritual gift of healing.
But I also believe in the power of positive thinking. It's been proven that having a positive outlook on things actually changes our body's chemistry, improves healing, and just plain old makes us feel better.
And I think they are separate.
And I think that sometimes people are quick to attribute to the supernatural what can be easily explained by the natural. And I don't think that serves God, or does Him justice. In fact, I think that does God a disservice. It makes others less likely to believe us when true miracles occur, because they've heard so many stories about our explainable "miracles" (ie. FireWife's had another "miracle" happen {snicker, snicker}). And it lessens the... specialness (?? - struggling for the right word) when God does perform true miracles.
I also believe that God has endowed certain individuals with knowledge and talents in the medical arts for a reason - so that we can benefit from them. My own story regarding my back injury - I am convinced that God was with me every step of the way, down to the doctors I ended up with, how the surgery panned out, etc. From the moment of my accident I believed God had a reason for me to go thru this injury, and to me, the healing that was performed by medical professionals is no less wondrous than a more supernatural healing.
I also believe that God has endowed certain individuals with knowledge and talents in the medical arts for a reason - so that we can benefit from them. My own story regarding my back injury - I am convinced that God was with me every step of the way, down to the doctors I ended up with, how the surgery panned out, etc. From the moment of my accident I believed God had a reason for me to go thru this injury, and to me, the healing that was performed by medical professionals is no less wondrous than a more supernatural healing.
"...They that be whole need not a physician, but they that are sick." --Matthew 9:12
So, that is a very short, somewhat disjointed (because I wanted to not go too long) post about my thoughts on faith healing.
Thanks for checking in!
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
the ABCs of me
inspired by JenM
Guess it's about time I told ya'll a little bit about me, huh?
A - Age: 33
B – Bed size: Queen
C – Chore you hate: floors (vacuuming and mopping)
D – Dog's name: Buddy (male Anatolian Shepherd, approx. 9 years old), Tootsie (female chocolate Lab, 10 years old, and Flopsy (male Chihuahua / Rat Terrier mix, approx. 5 years old
E – Essential start to your day item: toilet (LOL!)
F – Favorite color: I always say blue, but lately I've noticed myself favoring purple
G – Gold or Silver: Silver
H – Height: 5'6" (I've shrunk over an inch, ask me how!)
I – Instruments you play: trumpet
J – Job title: Professional Staff. Also known as Contracted Administrative Specialist.
K – Kid(s): Jena, who turned two this month!
L – Living arrangements: Ugh. Tough right now. Jason stays at the new-under-renovation house when he's not at the firehouse. Most nights that he's there I try to stay there. Jena spends most nights at my parents' house, and when Jason is at the firehouse, I spend the night with Jena at my parents'. And it's getting old.
M – Milk: 2%
N – Nicknames: nothing interesting
O – Overnight hospital stay other than birth: back surgery in 2006
P – Pet Peeve: drivers who don't use their turn signals
Q – Quote from a movie: "In case I forget to tell you later, I had a really good time tonight" -- Vivian (played by Jula Roberts) in Pretty Woman
R – Right or left handed: Right
S – Siblings: one sister & one brother, both older
T – Time you wake up: too early, but apparently never early enough. Lately it's between 7am-7:30am
U- Underwear: yes
V – Vegetable you dislike: beans
W – Ways you run late: Jena! and I'm pretty easily distracted
X – X-rays: abdomen, back, head, full-body scan. Pretty much everything but my arms & legs
Y – Yummy food you make: marinated grilled chicken
Z – Zoo animals: the cat house! and the manatees!
Guess it's about time I told ya'll a little bit about me, huh?
A - Age: 33
B – Bed size: Queen
C – Chore you hate: floors (vacuuming and mopping)
D – Dog's name: Buddy (male Anatolian Shepherd, approx. 9 years old), Tootsie (female chocolate Lab, 10 years old, and Flopsy (male Chihuahua / Rat Terrier mix, approx. 5 years old
E – Essential start to your day item: toilet (LOL!)
F – Favorite color: I always say blue, but lately I've noticed myself favoring purple
G – Gold or Silver: Silver
H – Height: 5'6" (I've shrunk over an inch, ask me how!)
I – Instruments you play: trumpet
J – Job title: Professional Staff. Also known as Contracted Administrative Specialist.
K – Kid(s): Jena, who turned two this month!
L – Living arrangements: Ugh. Tough right now. Jason stays at the new-under-renovation house when he's not at the firehouse. Most nights that he's there I try to stay there. Jena spends most nights at my parents' house, and when Jason is at the firehouse, I spend the night with Jena at my parents'. And it's getting old.
M – Milk: 2%
N – Nicknames: nothing interesting
O – Overnight hospital stay other than birth: back surgery in 2006
P – Pet Peeve: drivers who don't use their turn signals
Q – Quote from a movie: "In case I forget to tell you later, I had a really good time tonight" -- Vivian (played by Jula Roberts) in Pretty Woman
R – Right or left handed: Right
S – Siblings: one sister & one brother, both older
T – Time you wake up: too early, but apparently never early enough. Lately it's between 7am-7:30am
U- Underwear: yes
V – Vegetable you dislike: beans
W – Ways you run late: Jena! and I'm pretty easily distracted
X – X-rays: abdomen, back, head, full-body scan. Pretty much everything but my arms & legs
Y – Yummy food you make: marinated grilled chicken
Z – Zoo animals: the cat house! and the manatees!
Friday, January 29, 2010
Wearing an Old Shirt Today
As in, a pre-pregnancy sized shirt.
It makes me feel good.
Now, don't be fooled. I haven't actually lost any weight. In fact, due to the arrival of my monthly friend, I'm up my usual 4 lbs of water weight. Nice.
And, I have to admit that the shirt is kinda stretchy.
But still. I'm in it. It's comfortable. And it looks fine.
This makes me feel good.
On a semi-related note, I've decided to give the treadmill another try. Yes, I know my back gave out on my last time, but that also corresponded to FireGirl's latest growth spurt, so there's a chance it had nothing to do with the treadmill.
I have to walk that fine line between getting some activity, and taking care of my back, but I think I'm safe to try it again. I'll just take it slow, and we'll see how it goes.
Also, FireMan & I are already looking for some deals on bikes for the springtime, so hopefully we'll actually find some time to go riding this year.
So far, no luck with free swimming though. Booo!
It makes me feel good.
Now, don't be fooled. I haven't actually lost any weight. In fact, due to the arrival of my monthly friend, I'm up my usual 4 lbs of water weight. Nice.
And, I have to admit that the shirt is kinda stretchy.
But still. I'm in it. It's comfortable. And it looks fine.
This makes me feel good.
On a semi-related note, I've decided to give the treadmill another try. Yes, I know my back gave out on my last time, but that also corresponded to FireGirl's latest growth spurt, so there's a chance it had nothing to do with the treadmill.
I have to walk that fine line between getting some activity, and taking care of my back, but I think I'm safe to try it again. I'll just take it slow, and we'll see how it goes.
Also, FireMan & I are already looking for some deals on bikes for the springtime, so hopefully we'll actually find some time to go riding this year.
So far, no luck with free swimming though. Booo!
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
I have a toddler. And a bad back.
The two don't mix well.
A few weeks ago my back kept going out on me, and I blamed my new treadmill routine. But the problem has persisted without the treadmill, and after looking at other things in my life I realized that the back pain started right about the time of FireGirl's last growth spurt. I fear that she is getting too heavy for my weak back.
I have experienced pain / spasms / etc in my lower back every day for the past 2+ weeks.
*background* for those of you who don't know my history. I was in a bad car accident in 2002, suffered a serious injury to my lower back, which ultimately resulted in back surgery in 2006.
I've been trying to make her walk as much as possible, since she is walking really well. But there's still so many times when you pretty much have to pick up a toddler.
I'm really scared that I'm going to end up in the kind of pain I struggled thru for four years before my surgery. I mean, FireMan has never even seen me this bad, let alone what I was like before we met.
Honestly, I don't even care about the actual pain. I care about how it might limit the quality of my time with FireGirl.
So for now I am trying to take it easy in other areas of my life. No more working out / treadmill. No lifting anything even remotely heavy (other than FireGirl).
I have been fortunate thus far, I know. My doctors all told me back then that surgery or not, this was considered a lifetime injury - something I will be dealing with in one way or another for the rest of my life - so I knew this was a possibility. But it doesn't make it any less scary.
A few weeks ago my back kept going out on me, and I blamed my new treadmill routine. But the problem has persisted without the treadmill, and after looking at other things in my life I realized that the back pain started right about the time of FireGirl's last growth spurt. I fear that she is getting too heavy for my weak back.
I have experienced pain / spasms / etc in my lower back every day for the past 2+ weeks.
*background* for those of you who don't know my history. I was in a bad car accident in 2002, suffered a serious injury to my lower back, which ultimately resulted in back surgery in 2006.
I've been trying to make her walk as much as possible, since she is walking really well. But there's still so many times when you pretty much have to pick up a toddler.
I'm really scared that I'm going to end up in the kind of pain I struggled thru for four years before my surgery. I mean, FireMan has never even seen me this bad, let alone what I was like before we met.
Honestly, I don't even care about the actual pain. I care about how it might limit the quality of my time with FireGirl.
So for now I am trying to take it easy in other areas of my life. No more working out / treadmill. No lifting anything even remotely heavy (other than FireGirl).
I have been fortunate thus far, I know. My doctors all told me back then that surgery or not, this was considered a lifetime injury - something I will be dealing with in one way or another for the rest of my life - so I knew this was a possibility. But it doesn't make it any less scary.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Looks like P90x is a bust
We started P90x last Monday, working out in the evenings after FireGirl went to bed.
Day 1 went great.
Day 2 went great.
Day 3 went great.
Day 4, while at work, I had two bad back spasms. Decided to take the day off from working out.
Day 5, still experiencing some minor back pain, made that a rest day too.
Day 6, started the workout. About four exercises in, had a small back spasm. Sat out the rest of that exercise and started up again with the next one. Another small back spasm. Rinse, repeat. Decided I'd better stop before I have a bad one.
Grrr. I was really excited about this workout program. Especially after the first three days went so well. Now I'm pretty bummed. I'm glad I tried, but with my history of back problems (car accident in 2002, surgery in 2006), I have to be careful.
I guess I'm just disappointed because I've been able to do so much since my surgery, that was unthinkable before the surgery. When I'm hit with that harsh reminder that my injury is considered a "lifetime" injury, it means just that. I will be dealing with this injury in one way or another for the rest of my life.
Guess I'll just go back to eating salads (blech!) and trying to be more active in little ways.
{sigh}
Day 1 went great.
Day 2 went great.
Day 3 went great.
Day 4, while at work, I had two bad back spasms. Decided to take the day off from working out.
Day 5, still experiencing some minor back pain, made that a rest day too.
Day 6, started the workout. About four exercises in, had a small back spasm. Sat out the rest of that exercise and started up again with the next one. Another small back spasm. Rinse, repeat. Decided I'd better stop before I have a bad one.
Grrr. I was really excited about this workout program. Especially after the first three days went so well. Now I'm pretty bummed. I'm glad I tried, but with my history of back problems (car accident in 2002, surgery in 2006), I have to be careful.
I guess I'm just disappointed because I've been able to do so much since my surgery, that was unthinkable before the surgery. When I'm hit with that harsh reminder that my injury is considered a "lifetime" injury, it means just that. I will be dealing with this injury in one way or another for the rest of my life.
Guess I'll just go back to eating salads (blech!) and trying to be more active in little ways.
{sigh}
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