How My 9 Year Old Found Out about the Easter Bunny (and Santa Claus)

I have worked very hard to keep the magic alive for my kids for the past nine years. Very hard. This past year I thought Jena might be starting to figure out Santa, but alas, ends up I was wrong. How did I find out? Because when the truth was discovered she was absolutely devastated. So how did that happen? I'm glad you asked.

Jena hunting Easter eggs at my parents' house, 2017

The day before Easter Jena blurted out "I saw the text you sent Daddy last night!"

Uh oh.

The night before Jason had been on shift. I had not had time alone to shop for the girls' Easter baskets, so I sent him a text around 11pm asking him to stop at the store on his way home to pick up stuff for the Easter bunny to bring.

And she saw it.

Here's where the added layer of parenting gets added.

She saw it because she was disobeying. She has been instructed numerous times to not read any messages on any adult's device. Jena's iPad had died, so in the morning I had given her Jason's old iPad to play games on. At some point she apparently opened the messages and read (at least) that one.

She flat out asked me, so when I had the chance I took her into her room, just the two of us, to talk it out. She was absolutely crushed. Then she asked if that meant Santa wasn't real either. Devastated.

Why the devastation? In her words, because it means "magic isn't real".

I tried telling her it was a different kind of magic, it was Mommy Magic, but she insisted, correctly, that it's not the same.

I gave her the option in the future of either:
    a) pretending none of this ever happened, and both of us going thru the motions as if it were all real, just like before, or
    b) joining in on the magic with me and helping to make things special for her little sister

I told her she could decide at any time, and she didn't even have to tell me. I would just know by her actions what she wanted to do.

I also told her to be sure not to talk about it with her friends unless she knew for sure that they already knew. I explained that lots of parents work really hard to keep life magical for their kids, and if she told them they would feel just as bad as she did now. I also told her she would be in big trouble if she ever told her little sister.

It was a really difficult afternoon, lots of crying over her new realization, but by that evening she was slipping me pieces of candy to put in her basket.

Of course we still had to address the disobedience that got her there in the first place, but she wasn't having it. She's been in a rather rebellious & disrespectful phase lately, and insisted on telling me that it was all my fault and I ruined her Easter because I should never have sent the message in the first place.

Because... of course. And because... she's nine.

But that is another topic for another time.

What about your kids? Have they figured it out yet? How did they find out?

As always, thanks for checking in!

Top 10 Items We Use with an Eight Year Old

Well, a while back I came to you with the Top 10 Items We Use with a Three Year Old, and today I'm moving on to the Top 10 Items We Use with an 8 Year Old.



1. Baby Shampoo
Yes, she's eight. She also has incredibly sensitive skin. We've tried a myriad of different brands of shampoo, including organic, all natural, etc. You name it, we've probably tried it. And every last stinkin' one of them resulted with Jena having a rash on her scalp. Everything, that is, except Johnson's Baby Shampoo. Since it works well, and my poor baby has been through enough skin conditions to last a lifetime, this is it.

2. Play Doh

Thank goodness our 8 year old still likes Play Doh. It's one of the few activities she & her younger sister can agree on when playing together. Win-win for everyone.

3. Rainbow Loom & Bands
Anytime Jena is playing quietly in her room by herself, I can just about bet that she's working with her loom bands. She loves these things! I love seeing her creativity come out as she makes different items: bracelets, toy animals, clothing for her dolls... she's made so many things in some pretty cool designs too!

4. Scissors

Seriously, my child loves to cut stuff. She takes old cardboard boxes and turns them into doll houses, cuts old clothes up to make new creations. She has loved cutting since she was able to. She recently has been allowed to us my scissors instead of only using her safety scissors, and knock on wood, no accidents yet.

5. Hot Glue Gun
With all of her craftiness, which she does not get from me BTW, Jena has recently graduated to using a hot glue gun. She uses it to put together some of her cardboard creations, to create a hem on her clothing creations, or just to make a pretty craft.

6. Gymnastics Mat

My parents got her a gymnastics mat for Christmas last year, and I have to say that she has used it nearly every day since. If you have a little one in gymnastics, or who just likes to tumble around, I highly recommend investing in one. She has definitely gotten the money's worth out of it!

7. Scooter

Also a gift, Jena's scooter has become her main riding apparatus, even more fun than her bike according to her. She loves to ride it up & down the driveway, to get the mail with me, and we even took it on our camping trip a few weeks ago. 

8. Mr. Turtle

I would be remiss if I didn't mention Mr. Turtle. We got Mr. Turtle for Jena when she was just 6 months old, and he hasn't left her side since. He's a bit (okay, a lot) worn down, but he's still as awesome as ever.

9. School Supplies

I couldn't decide on one item that we use more than others, so I'm lumping them all in as "school supplies". If you recall, we homeschool our daughters, so this definitely makes the list of top items we use with Jena.

10. Soccer Stuff

Last, but certainly not least, is Jena's  soccer gear. Again, it's hard to pinpoint one item she uses more than another. Ball, shin guards, goalie gloves, water bottle, etc... all essential to every practice and game. This year we're adding a concussion headband to her gear as well. She had a close call with a cleat- meets-face scenario last year, and the play is only going to get more aggressive the older she gets. Better safe than sorry.

Well, that about wraps up my list of Top Ten Items We Use with an Eight Year Old. What about you? Anything you'd add to this list?

As always, thanks for checking in!

We're Getting a Homeschool Room!

We are finishing up our third year of homeschooling, and thus far have done our daily lessons at the dining room table, and even added a cabinet in the dining room to hold school supplies. Well, as the years have passed and we have gradually added more and more books & supplies, we are quickly outgrowing the dining room. Especially now that Jillian has started her own preschool lessons, space is at a premium.

One day, as I was lamenting my need for more bookshelves, my brother texted me asking if I wanted free bookshelves! Seriously. (I call that a God moment). You see, he & his wife are downsizing, and needed to get rid of some larger items. Like bookshelves. We ended up getting two bookshelves and a small desk from them! Bingo. But now... where to put them.

Enter our family room. It hasn't gotten much use in the six years we've lived in the house. In the winter we use the functional wood-burning fireplace as a heat source, making it less than ideal for small children to play in, and uncomfortable for the rest of us. So, a room not very functional for almost half the year ended up being a space for junk storage.

Well, now that much of Jason's winter is spent putting up Christmas lights for our family business, he has less & less time for things like cutting & stacking firewood. In fact, last winter we didn't light the fire one time. Not once. We talked about the reasonableness of not using the fireplace for heat in the future, and agreed that while it's a great financial savings to have free heat, the combination of the time it takes to cut & stack wood, along with the prospect of being able to turn it into a functional school room, led us to agree to not burn fires there any longer, and make the change.

Well, a few weeks before the bookshelf incident, I had decided we needed to purge some of our "junk" and had already begun the process. So the room was already in the process of being emptied out. When I knew the furniture was coming, I started an effort to completely clean out the room, as well as paint the walls. I'm so excited at how it's coming along.

Jena helped out painting the first coat

I think the new color, a light gray, is really going to brighten & open up the room. Once we get the new furniture in and the room set up, I think it's going to be a really nice space for the girls and I to have our lessons. And we'll have a functional space instead of wasted space.

First section of the room painted & drying. I'm loving the new lighter color!

Unfortunately I have to paint & prepare the room in phases, due to lack of time and need to parent small children. Some of you know what I mean. It would be nice to do all at once and be done, but bit-by-bit will be just fine and I'm still super-excited for the final product. I can't wait to show it to you!

As always, thanks for checking in!

Parenting Hack: Rest Time / Quiet Play

Back when Jena was a toddler, her body tried to drop a nap before she really seemed to be ready. And before I was ready, if I'm being honest. Trying to think of a way to encourage her to rest, I initiated what I call "Rest Time / Quiet Play". Of course back then I was working full-time outside of the home, so it was only used on weekends, but it worked like a dream. About half the time Jena would end up falling asleep.

The idea is that the child has to go to their room, door shut, for a specified amount of time. They can rest, nap, or play, but everything must be quiet.

It not only encourages rest time, but for the time that they're not quite ready to nap, it encourages independent play.

Well, recently Jillian has decided to drop her afternoon nap... and has become a terror. The lack of sleep makes her normally spirited self even more of a handful. Lots of tantrums, she started hitting & biting again, defiance, disobedience... she was out of control. Enter Rest Time / Quiet Play.

I instituted it this past week at our house, for both kids. Sure, Jena doesn't really need it anymore, being 8 years old, but she could use some encouragement to play independently. And quite frankly, I could use some non-kid time.

So far, it has been amazing. The first day it took me about 30 minutes to convince Jillian that she really did have to stay in her room. But she eventually got it.

We school in the morning, then have lunch, then from 1pm-3pm the girls have Rest Time / Quiet Play. Jillian has fallen asleep every day, which as made bedtime a little bit of a struggle, but her mental state and behavior is so much improved it's well worth it for me. Even Jena has enjoyed it, and has started asking for it!

What I didn't plan on, but am not really surprised by, is now much more productive I've been able to be around the house. Those two hours without distraction have allowed me to get more chores & cleaning done this week than I've gotten done in... forever it seems.

An additional bonus? Jena got so bored, she decided to clean her room!

It hasn't been this clean in a long time! And by having Rest Time / Quiet Play every day she has kept it clean, while still having plenty of time for watching shows, playing games, reading, making crafts, or whatever she wants!

Trip to Chicago

Last month Jason had the opportunity to attend a marketing workshop in Chicago, so we decided to bring the girls along and make it a family trip.

We started out by stopping at the Indianapolis Children's Museum on the way. This is really a must-see for any families that live in the MidWest. The exhibits are fantastic and educational. We've been several times, and our girls just can't get enough of it. This time the girls' favorite exhibit was the circus exhibit. So much to do hands on! We ended up spending most of our time there. Check out our video to see some of the things we got to see and do there.

Once we left the Children's Museum we stopped for the night in northern Indiana. The next day we made our way into Chicago. As many times as I've been there, I never get used to how crowded it is! People (and cars!) everywhere!

While we were there we were able to meet up with my best friend from college. Gaby & I have so many differences, but we have been there for each other for over 20 years now. It's amazing when we get to see each other in person finally. I love her so much!

The next day, while Jason attended his workshop, the girls & I went to the highlight of our visit: a trip to the American Girl store! Jena got one for her last birthday, and Jillian had been asking for one for months. Since Jillian's birthday overlapped with our trip, we decided to get her one as her "big" present from us. Jena too, had been wanting another one, and in fact had been saving her money for months, trying to save enough to get one.

I really am so proud of her. From her 8th birthday & Christmas she had about $40, but if you know anything about American Girl dolls, that's not even close to enough. The rest of the money she earned thru soccer and chores.

For soccer, midway thru her first season as goalie Jason had agreed to pay her $1 for every goal she stopped, but take away $2 for any goals that got thru. At the time this was maybe $4-5 per game, tops. Usually $1-2. Then indoor soccer started. Ends up indoor soccer moves at a faster pace, and strikers tend to get off more shots on goal. With our daughter being one of the top goalies in her age group, more than half of her games were shut outs. She stopped as many as 27 goals in one game, without letting a single one through! I'm not gonna lie, she cleaned up on that deal!

For chores, she earns money for chores. The amount is rather small though, ranging from 5 cents to 50 cents per chore. She worked really hard because she wanted that doll, and some weeks earned as much as $8.

She saved every dollar, and by the time of our trip had enough to not only purchase the doll of her choosing, but get two outfits for it too! I'm so proud of her for her hard work to earn the money, and the self-restraint to save it for a large purchase. That can be hard for many adults, and my little girl si only 8 years old.

Check out this video to see how excited the girls were when we told them about going to the American Girl store, and some of our time there.

We had such a nice time in Chicago. It's a lovely city, and of course I always get to see a good friend when we go.

Have you been to Chicago lately? What are your favorite sites to see there?

As always, thanks for checking in!

Girl Scouts, and Homeschooling, and Soccer, oh my!

I'm trying to find Jena a new Girl Scout troop, as her current troop is dissolving at the end of this year.

Jena in her Brownie uniform. She's a Junior now, but quite frankly I love this picture.

I don't really care if it's a homeschool troop, as hers currently is, but... it kinda has to be. With her playing (and loving) soccer, plus other family obligations, we currently only have two nights at home most of the year. I'm not willing to give those up in order to add another activity that just keeps us busy.

So... I kinda need it to be a homeschool troop, because I need one that meets during the day on a weekday. Apparently we may be the only such troop in the area, because so far I've had no luck, and I've stretched my search to an hour drive in all directions. Still no luck.

We like Girl Scouts, but I need to have a heart-to-heart with Jena about just how much she loves it. Because right now it looks like my only option might be to start our own troop, and I'm not about to do that unless this is an activity that Jena is really wanting to continue. It's a big commitment for us to make as a family if she's not 100% into it. So we shall see.

Homeschooling is going well. We're behind a bit from where I would like to be in the curriculum, mostly due to my health issues. I've had five surgical procedures since October. That puts a damper on our schooling schedule.

First day of Preschool and 3rd grade, respectively.

Thank goodness last year I made the decision to school year round. Our school year runs July 1 - June 30, and somehow, even with all the "breaks" we've had, we only need 21 more school days to satisfy the state requirements. Praise the Lord! And we have more than 3 months to get those days in! I don't know how we managed it, because quite frankly it feels like we hardly ever school, but I keep record of everything she does, and numbers don't lie. Even though we do school year-round, meaning we won't stop just because we meet the state minimum, it is still a huge relief to know that we are more than on target to meet it.

I will say that one thing that has also helped is that this year we joined Classical Conversations. The community days provided Jena with one day of school each week, even when I was out of commission. The director and Jena's tutor were very gracious in working with us (parents are supposed to remain on campus) and allowed Jason to drop Jena off in the mornings when I could not attend and pick her up when he took a break for lunch (our session ends right around lunch time). We didn't plan on things like this when we started, but it really ended up being a God-send.

Back to soccer for a minute. I'll be honest, I really never pictured Jena as a soccer player. But she wanted to try a couple of years ago, so we signed her up for the YMCA league. And... she loved it. And... she loved being goalie.

Not an action shot, but I love this pic of her.

Fast forward to now, and she plays in a recreational league Spring & Fall and a select league for indoor soccer during the winter. Currently she's her team's only goal keeper, although the coach plans to rectify that once spring practices start, which is any day now. Actually they were supposed to start last week, but have all been cancelled thus far due to crappy weather.

Anyway, I am proud to say that Jena is not only the only goal keeper currently, she's a super star. She may very well be the best goalie in her age group in our entire area. She started this season of select soccer with three shutouts in a row. Stopped 100% of shots on goal. We haven't started keeping stats yet, but I'd say her average is well in the 90% range. Her last game her team played an opponent that was in an older league, and played a much more physical and aggressive game than our girls are used to. Jena stopped 23 of 26 shots on goal. I even heard several of the opposing team's parents commenting on how good our goal keeper was. Yep. That's my girl.

Oh, and because anytime Jena has a high number of stops I hear this comment, I'm gonna go ahead and say that her defense did not let her down. Those girls worked hard and get credit for keeping even more shots coming her way. This was an older team that played a tough game.

Anyway, we haven't started keeping stats yet, because, well... she's 8 years old. But she has asked us to. She heard us (and her coach, and other parents...) using the word "shutout" after those first few games, and decided she did want us to keep track. Jason and I are toying with the idea of keeping track starting with Spring season, not only because she wants us to, but also because if she decides this is something she wants to continue to pursue, knowing how to do it and do it well will serve us well in the future, so figuring it out and practicing keeping track now may be a good idea. You know me, I'm a planner, LOL.

My only hesitation is that she is still very young, and while I know she has a competitive spirit, I want her focus to remain on having fun. I don't ever want it to get so competitive that it ruins the fun for her. On the other hand, since she does have a naturally competitive spirit, she may think it's more fun. Who knows.

So that's what keeps us busy most days. I don't know what we're going to do once Jillian adds her own activities into the mix!

As always, thanks for checking in!

Jena Sings the U.S. Presidents (2016)

Because it's cute. Jena at age 7 singing the Presidents. This was in 2016, so President Obama was still in office, in case you're wondering why it ends the way it does.

I don't know about you, but I'm impressed. She knows them better than I do!

Oh Jena

Jena has been begging us to let her have a YouTube channel for a while now, and after much discussion, we finally let her.

So far she only has one video up, but she's really proud of it, so if you wouldn't mind checking it out, watching it, liking it, etc. you would totally make an 8 year old's day. Just sayin'.

Plus you get the added bonus of seeing my messy living room.

Hello!

Well, hello there!

What can I tell you? So much, yet so little has happened in the past two months since I've written.

Jena is doing extremely well in 2nd grade. As you may remember we are homeschooling her. My biggest struggle right now is keeping her challenged and engaged. I think I've mentioned on here before that she is gifted, and it seems like I am constantly being shown exactly how intellectually gifted she is.

By her age, she should be in 1st grade. She is instead flying thru 2nd grade. We attended a co-op during the Fall, but even even at a 2nd grade level, she was so far ahead of what was being taught that it basically ended up being purely social for her. That, combined with how hard the day was on Jillian (and consequently myself), and we decided to pull out of the co-op for next session.

Most recently I let Jena test ahead (again) in Language Arts and Arithmetic. She was able to skip 22 lessons before she got less than an "A" on the test. Twenty two. Just over a month's worth. Just blazed thru it.

Her only struggle area is handwriting, but she has improved massively since last year. It's like something just "clicked" this year, most likely her fine motor skills, LOL.

She does do enrichment classes at a local education center once per week, lots of science & art mostly. That definitely helps.

For those with curriculum / educational philosophy knowledge, we have been doing a traditional curriculum for Language Arts & Arithmetic, with Social Studies & Science being more unit studies. I'm starting to look at integrating more classical education philosophies / activities into our schooling, as I think how she learns may lean more that way. We'll see how it goes. One of the lovely things about homeschooling is that we can tailor what & how we teach to our children's needs as we go along.

Which reminds me, I need to adjust our science teaching a bit, since she recently told me that she now wants to be an engineer when she grows up, so she "can design & build machines". Truth be told, we've been saying since she was itty bitty that she would make an excellent engineer, just by the way she looked at the world. I suppose only time will tell.

Jillian (now 20 months) is growing like a weed. Recently started escaping her crib, though not regularly. Another growth spurt though and we're in trouble. She finally started walking at around 18 months. That, combined with a couple of other seemingly minor issues, and I'm beginning to wonder if she has joint issues, specifically hypermobility. Her pediatrician checked her hips & knees at her 15 mo check up because of her delayed walking and said everything looked okay, but I'm considering seeing a specialist just to make sure. My niece has EDS (Ehlers Danlos Syndrome), and didn't get properly diagnosed until she suffered a dislocation of both knees at age 15. My sister has said they wish they'd known earlier because they could have been more careful and while they couldn't prevent the condition itself, they could have helped keep her from being in so much pain & discomfort, especially in the 2+ years she was dealing with back & joint pain before getting a proper diagnosis.

Our family business is doing very well, as evidenced by the fact that I am still a SAHM, LOL. I am so proud of Jason and the work he has done to make the business such a success. Speaking of, right now he is in Mexico on a mission trip, so please pray for his and the team's safety.

I suppose that's about it for now. Thanks for checking in.

It's part of life. And no, life isn't fair.

Today as I was picking Jena up from Vacation Bible School I overheard a woman complaining about the snacks they were serving this week.

Well, really just one snack. On Friday the kids get cheese pizza. Her daughter cannot eat pizza due to food allergies.

This woman ranted for over 10 minutes to her friend about how it's not fair that her daughter won't be able to eat the "cool food", and stated that she thought they should change the menu to accommodate the kids with food allergies.

Over and over again I heard how upset she was that her daughter would miss out on the "cool" food / treat. She went on about how it's one thing when you're older, but when you're a kid it's just really hard to miss out on the "cool" stuff.

And then when a VBS worker walked by, she stopped them and went on a very polite tirade about the stinkin' cheese pizza.

I'm gonna be honest. At first, I thought 'whatever' but the more she pounding her point into the ground, the harder it got to hold my tongue. But I did manage to. But now ya'll get to hear my perspective on the issue.

Here's the deal. Jena is sensitive to chocolate. For those of you that don't know, many of the food "allergies" out there are actually sensitivities. The difference (in a very simplistic nutshell) is that an allergy can kill you, a sensitivity just makes you sick. Possibly really sick, but you aren't gonna die from it.

source

Chocolate makes Jena really, really sick to her stomach. Sick isn't really the right word. It's painful. Heartburn remedies ease the discomfort, so I suspect it has something to do with acid reflux, but we don't know exactly. What we do know is that if she eats even a small amount of chocolate she is sick enough to be out of commission for several hours.

Now, I don't know if this woman's daughter had an allergy or a sensitivity. For the purposes of what I'm going to say, I don't think it matters either way.

Back to Jena and the chocolate. Believe me, we know what it's like when you're kid can't have the "cool food". When their friends at school bring only chocolate cupcakes to share for their birthday, and your kid can't have any. When the cafeteria decides that as a reward for good behavior during lunch, kids can have chocolate milk, so no matter how well behaved your child is, no matter how often she is well behaved during lunch, she will never get the reward. We know what it's like to have your kid be the only kid who can't have the "cool" treat. Trust me, we get it.

In fact, at this particular VBS, we have to pack Jena's snack three out of five days, because on three out of five days the snack they are serving involves chocolate (M&Ms, pudding, chocolate chip cookies).

Are we whining about it? Asking that they change the menu?

Nope.

The whining going in surrounding this issue is that my five year old is upset that because she's on the list of kids with food allergies, she has to ask the teacher every day for her snack, then the teacher checks the list to see if Jena can have the regular snack or has to eat her packed option. Jena's complaint is that she can regulate her diet herself and she shouldn't have to ask permission because she's responsible enough to monitor it herself.

SHE'S FIVE.

I don't know how old this woman's daughter is, but since five is the youngest class at this VBS, I can reasonably assume that she is Jena's age or older.

Now, I understand that some allergies are easier to monitor than others. It's easy for Jena to know whether or not something has chocolate in it. Whether or not something has, say, peanut oil, can be much more difficult to decipher. Which is why they have the rules. I get it.

But the fact is that at five years old Jena regularly monitors her diet herself. More than once over the past few years a teacher has forgotten and tried to give Jena a snack she couldn't have and Jena corrected them.

SHE'S FIVE.

Anyway, back to my points.

Should they change the menu to accommodate children with food allergies?

No.

First of all, this VBS has over 400 kids and workers participating. Trying to create a menu that will accommodate every single food allergy and sensitivity would be near impossible.

I surmise this is why they sent an email to all parents & workers the week prior giving us the menu for the week and advising us to pack a snack if our child was unable to eat the snack of the day.

Secondly, it will not get easier for your child if you shelter them from the reality of their condition their entire childhood, then when they get older suddenly spring it on them.

Is it easy now? No. But if your raise your child in an environment where they are aware of their condition, know / learn what they can & cannot eat, and begin dealing with the social issues of not being able to eat the "cool" foods now - well then they learn how to manage their condition, monitor their diet, and handle themselves in difficult social & peer pressure settings. If you shelter them from it when they are young, then at some predetermined age just spring on them, suddenly expecting them to handle it themselves, they are most likely going to be overwhelmed at the responsibility, resentful of the social implications, etc, etc etc.

It's part of life. And no, life isn't fair. And no matter how hard you try, you cannot make life "fair" for your kids. What you can do is give them the tools to handle the unfairness, however it presents itself.

So get over it. Teach your child to be responsible for themselves. Educate those around you about the dangers of food allergies. But for Pete's sake don't demand that the world bow to the needs of your one child so that you can continue to shelter them from reality.

Just my two cents. Thanks for checking in!

My Damn Phone

So the other day we ventured to the park, first time taking Jill, first time as a family of four.

At one point I was in the backseat of the car feeding Jill, Jena was playing on the playground, and Jason was watching Jena.

Or was supposed to be.

I watched as she yelled out "Watch this Daddy!", then jumped onto the monkey bars, her latest conquest.

She finished her trick, and turned back to him... to see him staring down at the phone. I saw the look of disappointment cross her face. I saw her hesitate for a minute, before moving along to the next piece of equipment.

source

And it broke my heart.

And I'm not telling you this to vilify my husband in any way.

Because the truth is I'm sure she's seen me do the same thing more than once. I'm sure that look of disappointment has crossed her face more than once because I was staring at my damn phone.

I'm telling you this because I know many of you are guilty of the same thing.

I've read the articles, seen the blog posts. But to see the look on my own daughter's face, to see how it affected her directly... well, it really makes it hit home a little more.

I know it's extra hard for Jena right now, as she's also adjusting to sharing our attention with another child for the first time in five years. So once I finished feeding Jill, I took her out of the car, handed her to Jason, and spent a few minutes following Jena around the playground, asking her to pose for pictures that I took, making her the center of my universe for the first time in way-too-long.

And I watched her entire demeanor change... for the better.

And so I challenge my blog readers to do the same: at your next possible chance, spend 10-15 minutes giving your child your undivided attention. Let me know if there's a noticeable change in their attitude. There was with mine.

As always, thanks for checking in.

Our Little Graduate

While all this baby stuff was going on, my little girl also managed to graduate from Kindergarten.

We are so proud of her and all the hard work she did this year.

Congratulations Jena!

Sorry I haven't been around...

... but I've been a little busy...

Jillian made here arrive roughly two weeks ago. Birth story and other details to follow. But the short version is we're all a little enchanted with our new addition.

Hugs & Kisses

So I’ve made a parenting decision that seems to be stirring a bit of trouble. Ends up neither set of grandparents like the decision, and my mother-in-law actually finds it “rude”.

What could this be?

Well, I decided from the beginning that Jena would not be forced to give hugs or kisses as a greeting. Even to us. Even to grandparents.

This was a deliberate, thought-out decision.

My thinking is that I don’t ever want to teach my daughter that anyone has the right to obligate, coerce, or force her to show physical affection. Anyone. Including me.

My hope is that this type of thinking will stick to her, long past her childhood years, into her teenage years, into dating, and relationships, and quite frankly throughout the rest of her life.

In fact, dear readers, let me reiterate this teaching for you, in case no one ever told you:

No one has the right to obligate, coerce, force, or shame you to extend or receive physical affection. No one.

It’s not something that I plan on backing down from. I understand there are those who disagree; those who think that children should be taught to give hugs & kisses as greetings, especially to family members.

That’s okay. We’re just gonna have to agree to disagree.

With Jena, I can tell you it’s probably about a 50/50 shot whether or not she gives hugs. Kisses are very rare. This is whether it is me, Jason, my parents, or my mother-in-law. Outside of that circle, your chances of receiving physical affection of her of any sort are very slim.

And I’m okay with that.

Are there times when I would like a hug & a kiss instead of an outstretched hand followed by a loud “BYE!” ? Sure there are. She’s my daughter. I’d smother her with affection on a regular basis. Except she’s not comfortable with that. And I respect that.

Not all family members do

.

My parents have decided to respect our parenting decision, but they also let us know that it sometimes hurts their feelings if she doesn’t want to give them a hug or kiss.

My mother-in-law recently described Jena’s behavior as “rude” and “disrespectful”. When pressed for examples, not giving a hug or kiss every time they see each other was one of only two she could provide. And she’s upset that we don’t “correct” her behavior.

I’ll be honest,  I’m not sure how to handle this. I certainly don’t want my child to be truly rude or disrespectful, to anyone, let alone her grandmother. But I also am not backing down on this issue either. And since we’ve previously explained our stance on this, and why, to ask Jena to do otherwise, or to ask us to “correct” her behavior when she’s following the guidelines we’ve set forth, is quite  disrespectful to us as her parents.

At the same time, MIL appears to be quite upset about the “respect” issue, and since this is only one of two issues she brought up, part of me feels compelled to act. I just don’t know how.

Any thoughts, dear readers?

This Summer is Gonna be Awesome

So the upcoming Summer has been a subject of quite a good amount of anxiety for me. Why? you ask. Well, I'll tell you.

First of all, we'll be welcoming a newborn into our home.

Then, there's the fact that I will be off work for the first time since I was... 15? Looking back on work (and way back including school in the mix), I have never had this much time away from daily scheduled obligations since I was 15. Which was a long time ago.

And then let's add in that Jena will be staying home with me (ie. not going to preschool). So for the first time in three years (she's only five, mind you), she will be home all Summer, not participating in the daily structured atmosphere of preschool. And since my parents watched her before she started preschool, she'll be staying home for the longest period of time in her life.

On the surface, all of these are good things. Really good.

But I also am keenly aware that they are all three major changes. Changes that will need adjusting to. Adjustments which will almost certainly cause at least a small amount of stress on our family.

And they're all happening at the same time.

I have been anxious about everything from just the stress of so much change to our family at once, to what will I feed Jena for lunch, to what will I eat for lunch.

What will we do to occupy our time? With me taking care of a newborn? And a five year old with lots of energy to burn?

So much anxiety over it.

Until recently.

Now, mind you I do still realize there will be some stress involved. And some anxious moments. And we'll probably go to McDonald's more than once simply because I forgot that I have to feed us lunch at home now, but...

There's so much good too.

I get to spend all Summer home with my girls.

I don't have to make Jena come in from playing outside, just because we have work/school the next day. I anticipate lots of chasing-of-lightening-bugs and other dusk fun.

My house might actually be clean. Maybe.

I can visit with friend or my parents whenever I want. No trying to squeeze visits into already busy nights & weekends.

We can visit Daddy at the firehouse during the week. No more waiting until a weekend when the stars align just so, so that he's on shift and we have nothing planned to do.

We can go to the park during the day. No squeezing it in after work/school and worrying that if we stay too late she'll be up too late then won't want to get up for school the next day.

We could maybe do a play date with some friends.

So much available. I know we won't do it all. But it's there. It's a real possibility. For the first time ever.

This Summer is gonna be awesome.

General Update

Jena:

We've decided to give the public school a try next year. To be honest, from our experience so far and things we've heard from other parents we're not terribly optimistic, but we don't want to give up on the public school system without first at least trying.

I'm a public school kid, and had a great experience, but I also recognize that because of things like No Child Left Behind and Common Core, the schools that I went to and benefited so much from quite frankly may not exist anymore. But we want to at least try it.

The latest thing for Jena to start is Girl Scouts. It's brand new, but she is super-excited about it. So am I.

Jason:

The biggest news in Jason's world right now is that his business has taken off like gang-busters. We expected it to be busier this year than last, but it really has just exploded here in the past few weeks. I'm so proud of the work that he's done and it's so exciting to see his efforts pay off.

Me:

Well, most I'm gearing up to have a baby. But I guess you knew that. At work, they've hired a temp to fill in while I'm on maternity leave, and she started yesterday. It's a little weird to train someone for your job, when you have no intention of handing it over, you know?

Baby:

Baby is doing well. My blood sugar has seems to be much better controlled since they last upped my insulin, so that's good.

I've been having contractions off & on since last week, so that's a pain. Last night they were every 3 - 10 minutes... for seven hours. From around 7pm until the last time they woke me up at 2am. Needless to say I not only didn't sleep well, I'm also physically tired from my belly's activity.

Those are the major updates. As always, thanks for checking in!

Jena Schooling Update

You may remember the issues we’ve had with the local public school regarding Jena’s age (she misses the cutoff by less than a week).

We were originally told that she would need to repeat Kindergarten, strictly because of her age.

Well, it took three months and talking to nine members of the administration, but we finally got word that as long as we produce a certificate of completion from the Kindergarten program she’s currently in, the will permit her to start first grade in the Fall after all.

We are still exploring the possibility of homeschooling, and no decision has been made yet, but it’s nice to finally know that if we do choose to send her to public school she will at least be able to progress to the next grade.

She is doing exceptionally well in Kindergarten, and amazes us regularly with her progress.

Jena is currently reading on a 3^rd grade level, has finished her first chapter book, and informed me that all the books we have at home are “too easy”. So the search to expand her library at home is on.

It’s my understanding that her math skills are currently at an end of 1^st / beginning of 2^nd grade level. She adds & subtracts numbers up to 100, does “carrying math” (ie. carry the 2…), and is progressing in her understanding of money & time.

Handwriting is still her struggle point, but we have seen huge improvements since the beginning of the school year.

And she’s such a little nerd. In a good way. She knows that she will go to a different school next year (she’s currently in a private preschool that ends after Kindergarten), and she knows it will either be the “big kid school” or homeschool, and that Mommy & Daddy haven’t decided yet.

When I explained to her that she wouldn’t go to school this Summer, she was confused. See, she’s gone to preschool every year, including Summers, since she was two.

She asked if it were because of the baby. I told her yes, since Mommy will be staying home from work after having the baby, Jena will just stay home with us too.

{{ insert frowny face }}

She then asked why we couldn’t at least do homeschool during the Summer, even if she were going to big kid school in August. Because she likes school. And she likes work. And she doesn’t want to not go to school all Summer.

And I love it.

I guess that’s all on her for now. Thanks for checking in!

Education Dilemma

So, I mentioned in my last post that the current dilemma is what to do regarding Jena’s education for next year and beyond.

You see, we had always planned on sending her to the local public school, and I had even called  talked to them prior to enrolling her in Kindergarten at her current school. Why did I call? Because she misses the cutoff for the school year by less than a week. But I wanted to make sure there wouldn’t be any issues.

At that time I was assured that if she completed an accredited Kindergarten program, there would be no issues enrolling her in first grade the following year.

So a couple of months ago, due to several things that were going on, I met with her current teachers, then called the public school again.

Uh, no. They want her to repeat Kindergarten next year. Strictly because of her age. I explained that she will have completed an accredited Kindergarten program, that her current teachers think she will be more than ready to proceed to first grade both academically & socially, and offered to bring her in for whatever testing / evaluations they feel are necessary.

No.

Basically they really, really, REALLY don’t like to move kids out of the neat & tidy little box associated with their age.

It was explained to me that even if she did test into first grade, and they evaluated her to be socially ready, and IF they decided to then permit her to enter into first grade, they still would only allow her to attend half-day, because kids her age aren’t ready for a full day of school. According to them. Even though she's been in a full-day preschool since she was 2 years old. Oh, and schools across the country have full-day kindergarten. But, whatever.

Oh, and they’d charge us a tuition (yes, to a public school) as well.

How she’s supposed to only attend half day first grade and still progress along with the other students I have no idea. Or how that’s not supposed to hurt her socially, as she leaves every day while her friends stay. Or why they’re charging tuition to a public school. Or why her completing a Kindergarten program, accredited, in the same state, isn’t good enough. I. Don’t. Know.

Momma not happy.

Especially since I had previously called and been assured there would be no problems. Apparently our definition of “issues” is different. Hmph.

So, we may be able to get her into public school, but in order to do so we will have to go before the school board and fight for it. And quite frankly, even if we succeed in getting her in, I’m not sure I want my child attending a school where the administration  seems to think that all children should fit into this tidy little box based solely on age. Or any other factor for that matter.

And did I mention the cost of after-school care?

If they permit her to attend full-time, it will eat up over 15% of my paycheck each month. Not bad. Pretty much expected.

If she only attends half-day, the after school programs in the area will cost us nearly 25% of my paycheck. Starting to hurt a little more.

But if the school charges us a tuition on top of that? We might as well send her to private school.

So… we looked into that. Basically there’s only one private school in the area who has a good academic reputation, doesn’t add too much onto my daily commute, and we might be able to afford.

Except… private school tuition + after school care = nearly 75% of my paycheck.

At which point… why am I working?

So… we’re looking into homeschooling.

Seriously.

Right now it seems like the best option, except for that minor losing-my-income thing. Because our last tax statement showed that I bring home over 40% of our net income, plus provide all the benefits & childcare. Not exactly chump change to lose.

Thus, the dilemma.

Currently we’ve pretty much ruled out private school because of the cost. So we’re actively looking into homeschool curriculums as well as area groups / co-ops for homeschoolers while at the same time moving forward with trying to get her into full-time first grade in the public school. We figure if we get her in we can always change our minds later if we see fit, but all decisions regarding enrollment have to be made by the end of the previous school year (so May-ish timing), so we’d better start now so we know if that’s even an option.

I'm pretty much adamant that she not be forced to repeat Kindergarten. Just knowing her as her parent, plus having her current teachers tell me that not only is she the most academically advanced of all the kindergartners, she's also one of the most mature students in the class, I honestly believe forcing her to repeat Kindergarten would be detrimental to her development both academically and socially. So that is pretty much our worst case, last choice, we can't figure out any other possible way option.

So that’s where we are right now with that. As always, thanks for checking in!

Jena's Turn!

And now it’s Jena’s turn!

Jena is doing as awesome as ever.

She is happily halfway thru Kindergarten, and is doing very well. We are blessed that she is currently in a setting where the teachers strive to meet each kid at their ability.

While Jena started the year already reading at a 2^nd grade level, her best friend started the year not even knowing the letters of the alphabet (long story). It’s interesting to see such a difference in two best friends, and how the teachers reacted to it and adjusted the lessons & homework so that each child could progress at their level.

Unfortunately she is currently at a preschool, and Kindergarten is the last level. She will graduate in May. The current dilemma is what to do about her schooling for next year (and beyond), but that could easily be another post in and of itself.

She is excited to be a big sister, and was really hoping for it to be a girl so she could have a little sister. She talks regularly about what it will be like having a little sister, and naming ways she can help. I know there will be an adjustment period for all of us, but I really think she will be a great big sister and am so excited to see her in that role.

Currently she loves all things Barbie, and this has for the most part taken over for her love of Disney Princesses.

She still likes her princesses, but the obsession is definitely Barbie now.

So that’s about it on my Jena for now. As always, thanks for checking in!

Ramble

Ramble:

I don't really have a blog post put together, but I hate that my blog has set un-updated for so long, so here's some ramblings.

We got Ashes her puppy shots last weekend at a shot clinic held by a local rescue. Discounted shots, and $$ goes to help a rescue? Yes, please.

We also bought some flea treatment, because of course, now that we bring old dog and little dog in for the cold, NOW they have fleas. Which means the cats now have fleas too. Aaaagh!

We had a bad infestation of fleas at our old house. So I may or may not tend to over-react if I see so much as a speck of dirt that might possibly resemble a flea. Just sayin'.

Luckily we appear to have caught it early, and we're going into Winter, so we're hoping a one-month treatment will knock it out.

Ashes is roughly 30+ lbs now, at just 4 months of age. And her paws are still disproportionately large. Can't wait to see how  big she gets.

Old dog (Buddy) is definitely less tolerant of the cold. We now bring him in if it gets below 50 degrees. The good(?) news is that his hearing appears to be going as well, so he's not as gun-shy as he used to be. You know, because he can't hear them as well.

Molly is getting more friendly. Lately she's taken to finding me when I first get up in the morning and go to the bathroom. She literally runs to the bathroom and rubs my legs while I'm peeing. Hope that wasn't TMI. Not sure why she's picked that time to want affection, but it's kinda nice to have a friendly kitty good morning routine.

There are multiple co-workers who are sick right now, but who keep coming to work. And I don't mean a tiny little cough sick. I mean hacking all day, runny nose, red eyes, visited the on-site clinic sick.
Now, this bothers me usually. Why spread the germs? Why would  you do that? Go home. Rest.

And our company provides really generous sick leave. So take a day. Or two. Or five. Go home. Get your germs outta here!

But now that I'm pregnant (momma bear about protecting this tiny baby) and pregnant (can't take any medicine if I get your illness) I'm a getting more & more upset that they're not taking off. As in, not one of them has missed so much as one day. Grr!

Jena is doing really well in Kindergarten. She knows all of the sight words they're doing right now, so her teacher has altered the assignment so that instead of practicing reading her sight words every night, she's to practice writing the sight words every night.

By the way, I don't know why they teach sight words anyway. But that's a whole 'nother post.

Okie dokie. I gotta get going now. I'll try to write a real post as soon as I can.

As always, thanks for checking in!