In my last post I talked a bit about getting lost in the middle of everything, and I promised I'd detail a few things I've done to combat those feelings.
In fall of 2016 I decided to run for the Board of Governors for my university alumni band. I hadn't been involved in the organization at all for years, but it was something I really wanted to get involved in again, something that was mine. I resolved myself that I would make it work, even though I had no idea how I was going to find child care for meetings and such, and I did it.
And I was elected to the board. As a Governor my duties were fairly light, but then six months later our Vice President unexpectedly resigned due to unplanned life changes that took him out of town. While there is no requirement to be local, all of the executive positions have duties that make working from out of town extremely difficult, and so we were left with an executive vacancy.
You know what I did? I threw my hat in the ring. And the President appointed me to finish the term.
I know it's just a volunteer position, but for me it's been a "wow" kind of whirlwind. I went from not being involved in any activities outside the home, to joining the Board of Governors, to being Vice President of a large organization in less than a year, leading a large cross-functional team and managing a major project.
I was re-elected to the office of Vice President last fall, and am now working on my first full term in office, again leading a large team. My biggest project is to plan and carry out all activities related to Homecoming weekend: reunion dinner, rehearsals, parade performance, on-field performance, etc. It's quite a large undertaking, and it's a lot of work, but I have enjoyed it so much.
Stepping up to volunteer, and then taking a chance and going for (and getting!) this position has given me a piece of my identity back. I'm a band nerd at heart and love this organization. The work has given me a chance to use my brain in a way I haven't had the opportunity to since leaving the corporate life. It's given me a new circle of friends, acquaintances, and even professional networking contacts. I feel a little more like me when I'm there.
Most recently, just this past week I agreed to become the Team Administrator for Jena's soccer team. Mostly it's a lot of paperwork and organization, with a lot of communications thrown in just for fun. But I'm excited for it.
These things: volunteering, taking on responsibilities outside the home, creating new circles of contacts... they all help keep me from getting lost, from feeling invisible.
It's not perfect. Finding child care during my activities is still a struggle. But sometimes I bring the girls to tag along to. They've been to meetings, social activities, and even to a vendor site visit. So far there have been no issues, and I think it's good life lessons for them to sit thru these activities and see mommy "work".
So if you, like me, are a SAHM feeling a little lost in the middle, a bit invisible to those around you, try stepping outside a bit. Volunteer, try something new, get involved in an old hobby or find a new one. Remember who you were and grasp a bit of your identity again.
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So what about you? What have you tried to hold on to who you are?
As always, thanks for checking in.
Showing posts with label mom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mom. Show all posts
Monday, May 21, 2018
Monday, May 14, 2018
Lost in the Middle
Yesterday was Mother's Day, the end of a long, busy Mother's Day weekend for our family.
Friday was Homeschool Field Day for Jena, then running errands with Jillian.
Saturday we had Jillian's birthday party, then dinner with my mother-in-law to celebrate Mother's Day for her.
Sunday Jena had a soccer game, then lunch with my mom to celebrate Mother's Day for her, then back to MIL's house for dinner to spend a bit of time with Jason's brother before he heads back to California.
There was no Mother's Day for me.
Yes, Jena got me a popsocket for my phone, which she bought when Jason took her shopping for Jillian's birthday present, and they remembered they needed a gift for me... but only after they saw the Mother's Day signs at Target. Even though they both knew the errands I was doing included shopping for presents for my mom & MIL.
It was a busy weekend, a good weekend, but the truth is I was forgotten, lost in the middle.
Kids, kids, parents, kids, parents, kids, parents, parents. No me.
I suppose this is what middle-aged really means. You're in the middle. Doing it all on both ends, but getting lost in the meantime.
As I sit here sorting out my feelings as I write, I realize it's not so much about the holiday itself, it's the getting lost, the invisibility of it all.
It's not that there wasn't time to squeeze in something for me, it's that it wasn't even thought of.
It wasn't that my gift wasn't something I particularly wanted, it's that the idea of a gift was completely forgotten.
I'm a mom. I've been a mom for nine years. Not only am I a mom, it is quite literally my job. I'm a stay-at-home mom. I'm a homeschooling mom. I literally spend 24/7 being nothing more than a mom. A noble job, don't misunderstand me, but it is what I am, what I do. And yet on the one day a year set aside to celebrate that very thing, I am completely forgotten, lost in the middle of generations.
Spending half of my weekend tending to our children's activities, and the other half celebrating our own mothers, putting in the time & effort to try to make everything nice for everyone else, but at the end of it, there's nothing left for me.
It sounds a bit whiny, I suppose. No one's paying attention to me and what-not. But it's what I'm feeling at the moment, take that however you must. It just would be nice to be noticed from time-to-time, to be appreciated. But such is the life of a mom, I suppose. Taking care of everyone else so they can do their things, and the act of taking care becoming the one thing that is yours.
It's so easy to become lost in the middle, lost in motherhood. I've recently tried to stake a claim in some activities in order to retain my own identity, give me something that is mine alone to do, and I'll detail that a bit in my next post.
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What about the other moms reading this? What do you do to make sure you don't get lost in the middle? What steps have you taken to hold on to yourself while you take care of others?
As always, thanks for checking in!
Friday was Homeschool Field Day for Jena, then running errands with Jillian.
Saturday we had Jillian's birthday party, then dinner with my mother-in-law to celebrate Mother's Day for her.
Sunday Jena had a soccer game, then lunch with my mom to celebrate Mother's Day for her, then back to MIL's house for dinner to spend a bit of time with Jason's brother before he heads back to California.
There was no Mother's Day for me.
Yes, Jena got me a popsocket for my phone, which she bought when Jason took her shopping for Jillian's birthday present, and they remembered they needed a gift for me... but only after they saw the Mother's Day signs at Target. Even though they both knew the errands I was doing included shopping for presents for my mom & MIL.
It was a busy weekend, a good weekend, but the truth is I was forgotten, lost in the middle.
Kids, kids, parents, kids, parents, kids, parents, parents. No me.
I suppose this is what middle-aged really means. You're in the middle. Doing it all on both ends, but getting lost in the meantime.
As I sit here sorting out my feelings as I write, I realize it's not so much about the holiday itself, it's the getting lost, the invisibility of it all.
It's not that there wasn't time to squeeze in something for me, it's that it wasn't even thought of.
It wasn't that my gift wasn't something I particularly wanted, it's that the idea of a gift was completely forgotten.
I'm a mom. I've been a mom for nine years. Not only am I a mom, it is quite literally my job. I'm a stay-at-home mom. I'm a homeschooling mom. I literally spend 24/7 being nothing more than a mom. A noble job, don't misunderstand me, but it is what I am, what I do. And yet on the one day a year set aside to celebrate that very thing, I am completely forgotten, lost in the middle of generations.
Spending half of my weekend tending to our children's activities, and the other half celebrating our own mothers, putting in the time & effort to try to make everything nice for everyone else, but at the end of it, there's nothing left for me.
It sounds a bit whiny, I suppose. No one's paying attention to me and what-not. But it's what I'm feeling at the moment, take that however you must. It just would be nice to be noticed from time-to-time, to be appreciated. But such is the life of a mom, I suppose. Taking care of everyone else so they can do their things, and the act of taking care becoming the one thing that is yours.
It's so easy to become lost in the middle, lost in motherhood. I've recently tried to stake a claim in some activities in order to retain my own identity, give me something that is mine alone to do, and I'll detail that a bit in my next post.
*************************
What about the other moms reading this? What do you do to make sure you don't get lost in the middle? What steps have you taken to hold on to yourself while you take care of others?
As always, thanks for checking in!
Saturday, August 5, 2017
I am so ready for the workday to be over
It's 5:15pm and I am so ready for the workday to be over. It's been one of those days. Stress at every turn, difficult coworkers, menial work that feels overwhelming because of the stresses of the workplace. I'm tired, frustrated, and about to go over the edge. But at least it's 5:15pm.
I am unbelievably ready to wrap up what I'm working on, walk out the door, get in the car and drive. Sure, wherever I go will have its own responsibilities with different people to deal with, but with any luck maybe those people will be in a good mood and tonight will end on a relaxing note.
But I can't walk out the door. Because I don't work outside the home anymore. I stay home and homeschool our children. So at 5:15pm, even though I've already been fully on the job for 10 hours, I have at least four more to go, and that's if the kids actually go to bed on time and stay there. More often than not with my three year old lately I'll be looking at another six hours, minimum.
No drive by myself, listening to music to help me unwind. No change of scenery. No heading out to see if the next group of people in my life will be in a better mood. Nope. This is it.
It's been a rough day. Meltdowns, tantrums, tears, yelling, frustration, blatant disobedience and disrespect. All day.
I'm not saying there weren't good moments, because there were. But interspersed throughout the day, all day, many, many times were these moments, these difficult moments. These stressful, frustrating moments. I have yelled more times than I care to admit. It was a hard day.
But I can't pack up my desk and leave, and hope things will be better at home. This is my home, and my workplace. So I have a choice to make.
I can choose to focus on the negative, be a pessimist, and let it bring me down, which will continue to spiral my daughters' adverse behavior, or I can choose to try to see the positive in the day, be an optimist, force a smile on my face, and try to pick my girls up and make their day better. I'm the leader here. It's up to me to at least try to turn things around.
So I gather the supplies for a craft, get everything set up, tell the girls we'll do a craft. They're excited. They love crafts. This will be fun.
After reminding Jena that she needs to follow instructions or the craft won't turn out right, she yells at me that I'm ruining her art by making her follow directions and breaks down in tears because I "ruined" her project.
We take a break, but eventually finish. But no ones very excited about the craft anymore. And I'm starting to wonder why I bother.
Now it's time for dinner. I decide to make a new recipe, but one that is simple and kinda fun and I'm absolutely sure both girls will like. Jena refuses to admit that it's good, instead telling me everything that's wrong with it. But she takes a second helping. And a third.
Sometimes you can't help another person's bad mood. You can try. And especially for the ones you love, and the ones you're living with, you should. But ultimately it is all up to them. They have to decide to look at the bright side for themselves.
Dinner is over. The run baths for each girl in turn. They get into their pajamas, brush their teeth, get into bed.
It is now 11:45pm. Jillian is still awake. She just called me into her room a few minutes ago. The fourth time she's been out of bed, that I know of.
When you're a mom there is no end to your work day. Even when the kids aren't directly demanding my attention, I'm tending to housework, or school planning, or cooking, or pet care, or, or, or... The list goes on and on. And it doesn't matter if you work outside the home or stay home. The only difference is when you work outside the home you get a change of scenery, a break from one set of responsibilities, even if it is quickly replaced with another set.
I've done both. I was a mom who worked outside the home for six years, and now I've been a stay at home / homschooling mom for three years. They are equally demanding, equally stressful, just in different ways. I'm not going to lie, there are days when I think back longingly on my days as a working mom. Days when I have to remind myself how many years I spent wanting this, praying for the opportunity to stay home with my family. Days when I have to remind myself of the stresses of working outside the home. Today was definitely one of those days.
The truth is I miss working outside the home more than I ever thought I would. And while I was never one of those people who thought being a SAHM was an easy job, I definitely underestimated how difficult it can be at times. And then I decided to add homeschooling to the mix, LOL. I had no idea what I was in for! Despite all that, I remain convinced that for our family, at this moment in time, me staying home and homeschooling our children is the absolute best choice for us. I have to remind myself of that at times like today, but it is the truth.
So here's to all you working moms, wherever you call your "office". Keep your focus on what's best for your family, on why you do what you do, and keep on pushing through those hard days. There's a good day right around the corner. Promise.
As always, thanks for checking in.
I am unbelievably ready to wrap up what I'm working on, walk out the door, get in the car and drive. Sure, wherever I go will have its own responsibilities with different people to deal with, but with any luck maybe those people will be in a good mood and tonight will end on a relaxing note.
But I can't walk out the door. Because I don't work outside the home anymore. I stay home and homeschool our children. So at 5:15pm, even though I've already been fully on the job for 10 hours, I have at least four more to go, and that's if the kids actually go to bed on time and stay there. More often than not with my three year old lately I'll be looking at another six hours, minimum.
No drive by myself, listening to music to help me unwind. No change of scenery. No heading out to see if the next group of people in my life will be in a better mood. Nope. This is it.
It's been a rough day. Meltdowns, tantrums, tears, yelling, frustration, blatant disobedience and disrespect. All day.
I'm not saying there weren't good moments, because there were. But interspersed throughout the day, all day, many, many times were these moments, these difficult moments. These stressful, frustrating moments. I have yelled more times than I care to admit. It was a hard day.
But I can't pack up my desk and leave, and hope things will be better at home. This is my home, and my workplace. So I have a choice to make.
I can choose to focus on the negative, be a pessimist, and let it bring me down, which will continue to spiral my daughters' adverse behavior, or I can choose to try to see the positive in the day, be an optimist, force a smile on my face, and try to pick my girls up and make their day better. I'm the leader here. It's up to me to at least try to turn things around.
So I gather the supplies for a craft, get everything set up, tell the girls we'll do a craft. They're excited. They love crafts. This will be fun.
After reminding Jena that she needs to follow instructions or the craft won't turn out right, she yells at me that I'm ruining her art by making her follow directions and breaks down in tears because I "ruined" her project.
We take a break, but eventually finish. But no ones very excited about the craft anymore. And I'm starting to wonder why I bother.
Now it's time for dinner. I decide to make a new recipe, but one that is simple and kinda fun and I'm absolutely sure both girls will like. Jena refuses to admit that it's good, instead telling me everything that's wrong with it. But she takes a second helping. And a third.
Sometimes you can't help another person's bad mood. You can try. And especially for the ones you love, and the ones you're living with, you should. But ultimately it is all up to them. They have to decide to look at the bright side for themselves.
Dinner is over. The run baths for each girl in turn. They get into their pajamas, brush their teeth, get into bed.
It is now 11:45pm. Jillian is still awake. She just called me into her room a few minutes ago. The fourth time she's been out of bed, that I know of.
When you're a mom there is no end to your work day. Even when the kids aren't directly demanding my attention, I'm tending to housework, or school planning, or cooking, or pet care, or, or, or... The list goes on and on. And it doesn't matter if you work outside the home or stay home. The only difference is when you work outside the home you get a change of scenery, a break from one set of responsibilities, even if it is quickly replaced with another set.
I've done both. I was a mom who worked outside the home for six years, and now I've been a stay at home / homschooling mom for three years. They are equally demanding, equally stressful, just in different ways. I'm not going to lie, there are days when I think back longingly on my days as a working mom. Days when I have to remind myself how many years I spent wanting this, praying for the opportunity to stay home with my family. Days when I have to remind myself of the stresses of working outside the home. Today was definitely one of those days.
The truth is I miss working outside the home more than I ever thought I would. And while I was never one of those people who thought being a SAHM was an easy job, I definitely underestimated how difficult it can be at times. And then I decided to add homeschooling to the mix, LOL. I had no idea what I was in for! Despite all that, I remain convinced that for our family, at this moment in time, me staying home and homeschooling our children is the absolute best choice for us. I have to remind myself of that at times like today, but it is the truth.
So here's to all you working moms, wherever you call your "office". Keep your focus on what's best for your family, on why you do what you do, and keep on pushing through those hard days. There's a good day right around the corner. Promise.
As always, thanks for checking in.
Friday, February 17, 2017
Multiple Personalities
Do you ever feel like the multiple versions of you are at odds? I do. All the time. Especially since becoming a mom.
Take tonight for instance. Jason wants to have a date night. One that entails having my kids spend the night with my parents.
The wife part of me thinks that sounds awesome. Would love it. Sounds like a great plan. Great idea, hunny. Let's do it.
The mom part of me thinks that's a horrible idea. Why would I want to spend even more time away from my babies? Who would come up with such an idea? What an idiot!
And of course then the housekeeper part of me has to butt in and say that if I have enough free time to have a date night, then I really need to get in there and scrub that bathroom. Ugh.
I don't think I have had as much internal conflict as I have since having kids. It seems like just about every day I am being pulled in a million different directions. I definitely think the hardest part of being a mom is juggling everything. This was true when I worked full time outside the home, and it's still true now that I'm a stay at home mom.
Anyway, still haven't decided what to do about tonight. The wife part of me really wants that date. Really wants it. The mom part of me thinks it's ridiculous to spend the night away from babies when it's not necessary.
We'll just have to wait and see who wins this one...
Take tonight for instance. Jason wants to have a date night. One that entails having my kids spend the night with my parents.
The wife part of me thinks that sounds awesome. Would love it. Sounds like a great plan. Great idea, hunny. Let's do it.
The mom part of me thinks that's a horrible idea. Why would I want to spend even more time away from my babies? Who would come up with such an idea? What an idiot!
And of course then the housekeeper part of me has to butt in and say that if I have enough free time to have a date night, then I really need to get in there and scrub that bathroom. Ugh.
I don't think I have had as much internal conflict as I have since having kids. It seems like just about every day I am being pulled in a million different directions. I definitely think the hardest part of being a mom is juggling everything. This was true when I worked full time outside the home, and it's still true now that I'm a stay at home mom.
Anyway, still haven't decided what to do about tonight. The wife part of me really wants that date. Really wants it. The mom part of me thinks it's ridiculous to spend the night away from babies when it's not necessary.
We'll just have to wait and see who wins this one...
Wednesday, January 28, 2015
Today has been hard
I was first awakened at 3:30am.
My husband woke me to kiss me goodbye at 6am as he headed off to work.
At 6:45am my youngest decided it was time to get up for breakfast. My oldest awoke at 7:15am.
By 7:30am the baby was going back down for a nap. Exhausted, I crawled back into bed, only for my other charge to interrupt my attempts at sleep roughly every 5 - 10 minutes with random requests for random stuff.
Baby woke up at 8:30am. Screaming. Not falling back to sleep. She's up.
So far today I have had baby food sneezed on me, I have had snot rubbed on my shoulder. I have stepped in spaghetti sauce and baby food and am not sure how either ended up on the floor.
I have listened to an infant cry and sob and scream for the better part of three hours no matter what I did. Is she getting sick? Is she teething? Growth spurt? All three? Who knows. All I know is she's miserable.
I have told my older daughter 'no' what seems like 50 times already today, because I have to meet the demands of the tiniest in the house, and I wish there were some way to express to her how much I hate telling her 'no' so much. I wish she knew that I hate it almost as much as she does and I would love to do everything she asks. But I can't.
I have cried. I have yelled. I haven't laughed. Not many smiles today.
Today has been hard.
I strapped the baby in the high chair long enough to microwave the 6 year old some lunch and put together some baby food and a bottle for the little one.
I managed to scarf down my own microwaved meal when I finally got the baby to bed over an hour later, after she'd been awake for nearly five hours of crying.
Yesterday I spent the day trying to attend to the issues my oldest has been having lately. It's been rough around here the past few months. Really rough. So I dedicated all of yesterday to her. All of it.
I haven't showered in over 48 hours. Haven't done laundry or dishes or any other household chores in two days. And it shows. Terribly. I just used our last clean bottle. I've re-used our last clean baby spoon. So it's not really clean any more. We haven't even had time to do homeschool in two days. Thank goodness she's ahead in the curriculum. Buys us some leeway.
Today has been hard. And it's just past lunch time.
I am tired. On the verge of tears. Today has been hard.
My husband woke me to kiss me goodbye at 6am as he headed off to work.
At 6:45am my youngest decided it was time to get up for breakfast. My oldest awoke at 7:15am.
By 7:30am the baby was going back down for a nap. Exhausted, I crawled back into bed, only for my other charge to interrupt my attempts at sleep roughly every 5 - 10 minutes with random requests for random stuff.
Baby woke up at 8:30am. Screaming. Not falling back to sleep. She's up.
So far today I have had baby food sneezed on me, I have had snot rubbed on my shoulder. I have stepped in spaghetti sauce and baby food and am not sure how either ended up on the floor.
I have listened to an infant cry and sob and scream for the better part of three hours no matter what I did. Is she getting sick? Is she teething? Growth spurt? All three? Who knows. All I know is she's miserable.
I have told my older daughter 'no' what seems like 50 times already today, because I have to meet the demands of the tiniest in the house, and I wish there were some way to express to her how much I hate telling her 'no' so much. I wish she knew that I hate it almost as much as she does and I would love to do everything she asks. But I can't.
I have cried. I have yelled. I haven't laughed. Not many smiles today.
Today has been hard.
I strapped the baby in the high chair long enough to microwave the 6 year old some lunch and put together some baby food and a bottle for the little one.
I managed to scarf down my own microwaved meal when I finally got the baby to bed over an hour later, after she'd been awake for nearly five hours of crying.
Yesterday I spent the day trying to attend to the issues my oldest has been having lately. It's been rough around here the past few months. Really rough. So I dedicated all of yesterday to her. All of it.
I haven't showered in over 48 hours. Haven't done laundry or dishes or any other household chores in two days. And it shows. Terribly. I just used our last clean bottle. I've re-used our last clean baby spoon. So it's not really clean any more. We haven't even had time to do homeschool in two days. Thank goodness she's ahead in the curriculum. Buys us some leeway.
Today has been hard. And it's just past lunch time.
I am tired. On the verge of tears. Today has been hard.
Friday, September 27, 2013
I Don't Know What God Has Planned
Nearly one year ago, my husband went on a mission trip to Haiti. He worked on an orphanage / school there, which had sustained significant damage from an earthquake years before.
While he was gone, I had a dream that he & I went to Haiti together. To live. Along with our dog, which looked a lot like Buddy, but I can't say for sure was supposed to actually be him.
A year later, I can still see the scene from my dream vividly. The green grass. The blue ocean in the distance. The white building with columns on the outside. The concrete patio filled with children who seemed to be waiting to meet us. The way a few of the kids ran up to hug our big dog.
I also remember, in my dream, the dream-me having the realization that I was going to get to be a mom to all these kids. And being very happy about that.
Other than Jason, I've never told anyone else about my dream. Until now. It seemed too real. And a little scary.
The past few months, I've thought a lot about that dream. And as I suffered thru first one miscarriage, then another, that experience merged with thinking about this dream to come to a realization. One that I knew in my head, but hadn't really accepted: while I believe our family is incomplete, that there is another child destined to be in our family, there is no reason that it has to be ours biologically.
In fact, I guess there's no reason it has to be one child that is legally ours either.
What if, in God's master plan, the reason there is a hole in my chest is that there are 30 kids in Haiti who are waiting for someone to come work at their orphanage and be their "mom"?
And I accepted that possibility. Wholly. The possibility that our next child(ren) might not be biologically ours, might not ever be technically "ours".
And that idea is good. Really good. And makes me happy.
Listen, if you're waiting for the announcement that we're selling all our earthly possessions and moving our family to Haiti to work at an orphanage, it's not happening.
At least not now.
But what I am saying is that I am open to the idea. More than open. I have accepted it.
I don't know what God has planned for our family, in relation to children or anything else. But I know that I am receptive to it. And for now, that is enough.
As always, thanks for checking in.
While he was gone, I had a dream that he & I went to Haiti together. To live. Along with our dog, which looked a lot like Buddy, but I can't say for sure was supposed to actually be him.
A year later, I can still see the scene from my dream vividly. The green grass. The blue ocean in the distance. The white building with columns on the outside. The concrete patio filled with children who seemed to be waiting to meet us. The way a few of the kids ran up to hug our big dog.
I also remember, in my dream, the dream-me having the realization that I was going to get to be a mom to all these kids. And being very happy about that.
Other than Jason, I've never told anyone else about my dream. Until now. It seemed too real. And a little scary.
The past few months, I've thought a lot about that dream. And as I suffered thru first one miscarriage, then another, that experience merged with thinking about this dream to come to a realization. One that I knew in my head, but hadn't really accepted: while I believe our family is incomplete, that there is another child destined to be in our family, there is no reason that it has to be ours biologically.
In fact, I guess there's no reason it has to be one child that is legally ours either.
What if, in God's master plan, the reason there is a hole in my chest is that there are 30 kids in Haiti who are waiting for someone to come work at their orphanage and be their "mom"?
And I accepted that possibility. Wholly. The possibility that our next child(ren) might not be biologically ours, might not ever be technically "ours".
And that idea is good. Really good. And makes me happy.
Listen, if you're waiting for the announcement that we're selling all our earthly possessions and moving our family to Haiti to work at an orphanage, it's not happening.
At least not now.
But what I am saying is that I am open to the idea. More than open. I have accepted it.
I don't know what God has planned for our family, in relation to children or anything else. But I know that I am receptive to it. And for now, that is enough.
As always, thanks for checking in.
Sunday, September 15, 2013
What's a Diet?
Recently my 4-year-old daughter and I had a conversation that was quite eye-opening for me.
It began as she looked over my shoulder while I checked Facebook. As I was scrolling down, she asked me to stop & go back up so she could look at a picture of a very overweight cat.
She asked why that picture was on there.
I explained that it was a story about a cat who was rescued and put on a diet.
"What's a diet?"
Crap. I have tried very hard to not let any references to dieting, weight loss, body image, etc. into our home. As much as I have struggled with my weight, I am keenly aware that girls often inherit body image issues from their mothers. And that is something I do not want. So I have consciously avoided the topic, or deflected when it came up.
So now... what to say?
I told her that a diet is what they call it when someone is trying to eat healthier, to put more good, healthy foods into their body. That the cat needed to be healthier, so they put him on a diet.
"People go on diets so they can be big & fat like you?"
Heart. Sinks.
My daughter knows that I am fat. Even though I did not tell her that, and try very hard not to use the word in our home, she came to the revelation herself. It's not a secret. The eye-opening moment here was that she thinks it's a good thing. She thinks people want to be big & fat like Mommy. $@#+!
So I tried gently to explain. No, people don't want to be fat like Mommy, in fact Mommy has too much fat and I'm trying to eat healthier to try to lose some of my fat so I can have a strong and healthy body like Jena.
Oh.
************************************
It's a delicate tightrope, discussing weight with our daughters. We want to inform them, give them a healthy perspective, but we also want them to tolerate differences and love themselves no matter what they look like.
Once, while clothes shopping, Jena asked what size she should be when she grows up, as if she could aspire to be a certain size.
I responded that I didn't know yet, that we won't know until she's older, but that she should be a size that is a good, healthy size for her.
Then we had a little talk about how everyone comes in different shapes and sizes (and skin! and hair!) and that that's okay, it's good even, that we're all different. God made each of us, so it's all beautiful. That everyone should just try to be a size that is good and healthy for their body, and that's going to be different for everyone.
This whole experience just doubles my desire to reach a healthier weight, not just for me, but for her. Because the fact is our daughters are watching us and they want to be like us.
It honestly never occurred to me that my daughter might aspire to be as fat as I am, or that she would think other people would want to be this fat.
Sure, she loves that we both have blonde hair, and we both have blue eyes, will she be as tall as Mommy, etc, etc, etc.
But it never dawned on me that she'd want to be as fat as Mommy as well. My bad.
Mothers, we need to be healthy, have healthy habits, present ourselves in a healthy manner not just for us, but for our kids. We have to realize that as a parent, it's not just about us anymore.
As always, thanks for checking in.
It began as she looked over my shoulder while I checked Facebook. As I was scrolling down, she asked me to stop & go back up so she could look at a picture of a very overweight cat.
 |
| source |
I explained that it was a story about a cat who was rescued and put on a diet.
"What's a diet?"
Crap. I have tried very hard to not let any references to dieting, weight loss, body image, etc. into our home. As much as I have struggled with my weight, I am keenly aware that girls often inherit body image issues from their mothers. And that is something I do not want. So I have consciously avoided the topic, or deflected when it came up.
So now... what to say?
I told her that a diet is what they call it when someone is trying to eat healthier, to put more good, healthy foods into their body. That the cat needed to be healthier, so they put him on a diet.
"People go on diets so they can be big & fat like you?"
Heart. Sinks.
My daughter knows that I am fat. Even though I did not tell her that, and try very hard not to use the word in our home, she came to the revelation herself. It's not a secret. The eye-opening moment here was that she thinks it's a good thing. She thinks people want to be big & fat like Mommy. $@#+!
So I tried gently to explain. No, people don't want to be fat like Mommy, in fact Mommy has too much fat and I'm trying to eat healthier to try to lose some of my fat so I can have a strong and healthy body like Jena.
Oh.
************************************
It's a delicate tightrope, discussing weight with our daughters. We want to inform them, give them a healthy perspective, but we also want them to tolerate differences and love themselves no matter what they look like.
Once, while clothes shopping, Jena asked what size she should be when she grows up, as if she could aspire to be a certain size.
I responded that I didn't know yet, that we won't know until she's older, but that she should be a size that is a good, healthy size for her.
Then we had a little talk about how everyone comes in different shapes and sizes (and skin! and hair!) and that that's okay, it's good even, that we're all different. God made each of us, so it's all beautiful. That everyone should just try to be a size that is good and healthy for their body, and that's going to be different for everyone.
This whole experience just doubles my desire to reach a healthier weight, not just for me, but for her. Because the fact is our daughters are watching us and they want to be like us.
It honestly never occurred to me that my daughter might aspire to be as fat as I am, or that she would think other people would want to be this fat.
Sure, she loves that we both have blonde hair, and we both have blue eyes, will she be as tall as Mommy, etc, etc, etc.
But it never dawned on me that she'd want to be as fat as Mommy as well. My bad.
Mothers, we need to be healthy, have healthy habits, present ourselves in a healthy manner not just for us, but for our kids. We have to realize that as a parent, it's not just about us anymore.
As always, thanks for checking in.
Sunday, April 28, 2013
It will all work out in the end
"It is not a parent's job to entertain their child" -- Susan Yates
Between that quote, circulating on both Facebook and Pinterest, and this article, which states that "...parents are spending more time with their kids than they did two decades ago." this idea has been on my mind a lot lately.
Truthfully, it's something I struggle with. I think (for me) a lot of it stems from working mom guilt. I feel like I miss so much of Jena's time, that I want to be truly present with her at all times. Really be there, quality time, connecting on her level.
And my housework suffers, and meal preparation suffers, and time with my spouse is lost, and time to pursue my own interest is gone.
But I've always been okay with that.
And still am, to a point.
But lately I've been thinking more and more about whether or not this is best for Jena. Just because she's happier, just because I'm at peace with it, doesn't necessarily mean it is what is in her best interests.
And so I've been trying to redirect some of my time, some of my attention, with the thought that maybe on occasion it's good, not bad, for me to tell her 'no, I can't, I'm busy'. Maybe it's okay for me to do the dishes while she's still awake. Maybe it's good for her to see me working around the house, instead of just waking up to chores being done.
Now, this isn't to say I've never done any work with her around. She's certainly helped me fold clothes, do the dishes, put in the laundry, feed the pets, sweep the floors, etc, etc, etc. in the past. But it's never been my priority. I always put my priority on focusing on her and what she wants to do.
And so now I'm working to shift that focus. To appease my working mom's guilt by telling myself that it really is best for her to see me focus on these other items, even if she's begging me to play. At least once in a while.
Similarly, Jason & I have done a pretty good job of keeping date nights and us-only trips since she was born, but when we're together as a family, the focus is almost exclusively on her, not each other. And maybe that needs to start shifting as well.
And me. My interests. I tried to participate in some of "my" activities after Jena was born, but found it to be too much, overwhelming. And so I still find myself anxious at the thought, but I've scheduled a couple of girls' days out with friends, and I'm seriously thinking about joining a community band in the near future. Because I've been really missing performing lately. There's an ache inside me that misses the music. And so maybe it's time that I make time for that part of me. And yes, I do think it would be good for my daughter to see me perform, to see that Mommy can do other things besides mothering and housework.
It's all a balancing act. One that changes and shifts, morphs along with the passing of time. Maybe I feel that I can refocus because Jena is older. Or maybe it's because my years long struggle with depression & anxiety were clouding my focus before. Or maybe it's because I'm becoming more experienced as a parent.
I suppose the reason doesn't really matter. Only the outcome. And so I shift again. Refocus. Juggle. And see where the balls fall, where things work, where adjustment is needed. And then shift again.
All the while trusting that it will all work out in the end.
Between that quote, circulating on both Facebook and Pinterest, and this article, which states that "...parents are spending more time with their kids than they did two decades ago." this idea has been on my mind a lot lately.
Truthfully, it's something I struggle with. I think (for me) a lot of it stems from working mom guilt. I feel like I miss so much of Jena's time, that I want to be truly present with her at all times. Really be there, quality time, connecting on her level.
And my housework suffers, and meal preparation suffers, and time with my spouse is lost, and time to pursue my own interest is gone.
But I've always been okay with that.
And still am, to a point.
But lately I've been thinking more and more about whether or not this is best for Jena. Just because she's happier, just because I'm at peace with it, doesn't necessarily mean it is what is in her best interests.
And so I've been trying to redirect some of my time, some of my attention, with the thought that maybe on occasion it's good, not bad, for me to tell her 'no, I can't, I'm busy'. Maybe it's okay for me to do the dishes while she's still awake. Maybe it's good for her to see me working around the house, instead of just waking up to chores being done.
Now, this isn't to say I've never done any work with her around. She's certainly helped me fold clothes, do the dishes, put in the laundry, feed the pets, sweep the floors, etc, etc, etc. in the past. But it's never been my priority. I always put my priority on focusing on her and what she wants to do.
And so now I'm working to shift that focus. To appease my working mom's guilt by telling myself that it really is best for her to see me focus on these other items, even if she's begging me to play. At least once in a while.
Similarly, Jason & I have done a pretty good job of keeping date nights and us-only trips since she was born, but when we're together as a family, the focus is almost exclusively on her, not each other. And maybe that needs to start shifting as well.
And me. My interests. I tried to participate in some of "my" activities after Jena was born, but found it to be too much, overwhelming. And so I still find myself anxious at the thought, but I've scheduled a couple of girls' days out with friends, and I'm seriously thinking about joining a community band in the near future. Because I've been really missing performing lately. There's an ache inside me that misses the music. And so maybe it's time that I make time for that part of me. And yes, I do think it would be good for my daughter to see me perform, to see that Mommy can do other things besides mothering and housework.
It's all a balancing act. One that changes and shifts, morphs along with the passing of time. Maybe I feel that I can refocus because Jena is older. Or maybe it's because my years long struggle with depression & anxiety were clouding my focus before. Or maybe it's because I'm becoming more experienced as a parent.
I suppose the reason doesn't really matter. Only the outcome. And so I shift again. Refocus. Juggle. And see where the balls fall, where things work, where adjustment is needed. And then shift again.
All the while trusting that it will all work out in the end.
Friday, November 2, 2012
Perspective
I've been thinking a lot about perspective lately. Specifically how one's perspective on something greatly helps to shape their thoughts, feelings, and reactions to that something.
*******************
First, in relation to work. Maybe you remember my post asking my co-workers to stop whining. In that post I explain that everyone feels like they are getting a raw deal. And maybe some are. But from what I can see, what makes them feel this way is less what is actually going on, and more their perspective on what has occurred.
Because most of our upper management came from Group B, Group A feels like the org change has been a "takeover". From Group A members I've heard repeatedly "why do we have to do everything the way Group B did it?"
At the exact same time, our mgmt has taken pains to try to make Group A feel included, I've been in the meetings where they refused to change something just to not offend Group A. These actions lead to me hearing from Group B members "why do we have to do everything the way Group A did it?"
If it weren't so annoying, it's kinda funny. Members of both groups feel like "everything" is being done the way the other group did it, and their ways of doing things are being tossed aside.
*******************
Next, in relation to the SAHM vs Working Mom thing. I'm sure my last post on the subject may have ruffled a few feathers. I even debated not posting it, for that reason. But it's my blog, and it articulates well how I feel, so I kept it.
But I kept asking myself why it bothered me so much. And I finally realized. I feel like it's lopsided.
From my perspective - what I see, hear, and deal with on a daily basis - SAHMs get more support than working moms. That's what it boils down to. I'm hurt, upset, and a little angry that working moms aren't given the same support & respect for the job they do as moms.
I hear SAHMs complain about how busy they are, how much work they have to do, how their houses are messy and they can't find the time to get anything done - and I hear others telling them that oh, yes, you do hard work, it is hard to stay home, you do do a lot of work, no one can expect you to keep a clean house all the time because of everything else you have to do, can I babysit for you sometime so you can get something done / have some time to yourself.
I've heard it verbally, I see it posted on someone's wall or on a mommy message board probably weekly.
At the same time, if I say something about how busy I am, my house isn't clean, I can't find time to cook, or grocery shop, etc.... well, from my perspective instead of understanding and support, I get told (nicely or not so nicely) that I need to manage my time better.
I mean, if only I managed my time better, I would be better at meal planning, and could pre-cook all of my meals on Sunday to be re-heated during the week, I could cook more.
If only I managed my time better, I could follow FlyLady or Organized Home or Martha Stewart and my house would be clean.
If only I managed my time better, I could clip coupons and maintain a good grocery list, and zip thru the grocery store in no time, and still spend less money.
Oddly enough, I get more criticism from fellow working moms, and the understanding I do get usually comes from SAHMs. Honestly, I would think it would be the other way around.
At the same time that my perspective tells me SAHMs get more understanding & support than WMs, I also acknowledge the perspective of a lot of SAHMs feel exactly the opposite. And maybe if all of us could somehow take a step back and see things from a completely objective third-party position, then maybe all of our insecurities, and hard feelings, and emotional ickiness would just fall away.
*******************
Those are just two issues, but this idea of perspective has infiltrated my thoughts on nearly every topic over the past few weeks. From Entitlement, to Presidential Debates, to Volunteer Work, to Religion, to Infertility, and so much more... perspective.
*******************
First, in relation to work. Maybe you remember my post asking my co-workers to stop whining. In that post I explain that everyone feels like they are getting a raw deal. And maybe some are. But from what I can see, what makes them feel this way is less what is actually going on, and more their perspective on what has occurred.
Because most of our upper management came from Group B, Group A feels like the org change has been a "takeover". From Group A members I've heard repeatedly "why do we have to do everything the way Group B did it?"
At the exact same time, our mgmt has taken pains to try to make Group A feel included, I've been in the meetings where they refused to change something just to not offend Group A. These actions lead to me hearing from Group B members "why do we have to do everything the way Group A did it?"
If it weren't so annoying, it's kinda funny. Members of both groups feel like "everything" is being done the way the other group did it, and their ways of doing things are being tossed aside.
*******************
Next, in relation to the SAHM vs Working Mom thing. I'm sure my last post on the subject may have ruffled a few feathers. I even debated not posting it, for that reason. But it's my blog, and it articulates well how I feel, so I kept it.
But I kept asking myself why it bothered me so much. And I finally realized. I feel like it's lopsided.
From my perspective - what I see, hear, and deal with on a daily basis - SAHMs get more support than working moms. That's what it boils down to. I'm hurt, upset, and a little angry that working moms aren't given the same support & respect for the job they do as moms.
I hear SAHMs complain about how busy they are, how much work they have to do, how their houses are messy and they can't find the time to get anything done - and I hear others telling them that oh, yes, you do hard work, it is hard to stay home, you do do a lot of work, no one can expect you to keep a clean house all the time because of everything else you have to do, can I babysit for you sometime so you can get something done / have some time to yourself.
I've heard it verbally, I see it posted on someone's wall or on a mommy message board probably weekly.
At the same time, if I say something about how busy I am, my house isn't clean, I can't find time to cook, or grocery shop, etc.... well, from my perspective instead of understanding and support, I get told (nicely or not so nicely) that I need to manage my time better.
I mean, if only I managed my time better, I would be better at meal planning, and could pre-cook all of my meals on Sunday to be re-heated during the week, I could cook more.
If only I managed my time better, I could follow FlyLady or Organized Home or Martha Stewart and my house would be clean.
If only I managed my time better, I could clip coupons and maintain a good grocery list, and zip thru the grocery store in no time, and still spend less money.
Oddly enough, I get more criticism from fellow working moms, and the understanding I do get usually comes from SAHMs. Honestly, I would think it would be the other way around.
At the same time that my perspective tells me SAHMs get more understanding & support than WMs, I also acknowledge the perspective of a lot of SAHMs feel exactly the opposite. And maybe if all of us could somehow take a step back and see things from a completely objective third-party position, then maybe all of our insecurities, and hard feelings, and emotional ickiness would just fall away.
*******************
Those are just two issues, but this idea of perspective has infiltrated my thoughts on nearly every topic over the past few weeks. From Entitlement, to Presidential Debates, to Volunteer Work, to Religion, to Infertility, and so much more... perspective.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
*updated* Parenting Advice from FireWife
Original post here.
****************
This is a blog post to my possibly future self. I'm just letting you read it too.
Feel free to leave comments with your own advice. I'm sure I'll be updating this post as I remember additional tidbits / discover new things.
*****************************
Pregnancy:
Pray for your unborn child.
I'm convinced FireGirl likes veggies because while I was pregnant I prayed that she would like all the healthy stuff that I didn't.
Try not to gain more than 50 lbs.
Screw the tables the AMA comes up with, but keeps changing.
Knowing your family history, and how much you gained with FireGirl, 50 lbs is a reasonable target (for max).
Follow your gut.
You're an awesome mom already. You know what to do. Do it.
Eat more fruits & veggies.
It's just good for you. And the baby.
Labor & Delivery:
It will not go as planned.
If you're comfortable doing so, allow others in the room this time.
You may need the support. So may FireMan.
Plan on taking at least 12 weeks off (max allowable by FMLA).
Remember last time? 'nuff said.
Infancy:
Pray for your child.
If it's another girl, check her labia frequently.
Labial adhesions are a b****.
Follow your gut.
You're an awesome mom. You know what to do. Do it.
If you want to breastfeed, go for it.
If you're struggling, try to pump. Some breastmilk is better than none. Screw the lactation consultants. Pump & know how much you're getting.
If you feel like you need to stop BFing and / or pumping, do it. There is no shame.
Trust Jason when it comes to carseats.
Chances are your kid will be much larger than average, and he is the trained professional.
Deep breath, calm down.
Toddlerhood:
Pray for your child.
Every kid walks & talks at their own pace.
Stop freaking out.
Trust your gut.
You're an awesome mom. You know what to do. Do it.
Don't let them in the front seat of the car unattended. Even for a minute. Even in the driveway.
They think CD players look like great places for the pennies in the change holder, remember?
Trust Jason when it comes to carseats.
Chances are your child will be larger than average.
It will look scary to check your rearview mirror and see your baby in the big kid seat.
But with Jena you checked & rechecked the safety stats, and it really was safer considering her size, remember?
When it's time for potty training, remember: clothing should be easy for your child to take off / put on.
Buy undies a little bit big (but not falling off), elastic waist pants are your friend, as are adjustable-waist pants (adjusted just a little bit bigger than they need to be (but not falling off).
Oh, and no more one-piece PJs. They're adorable, they keep munchkins warm, but they hinder nighttime potty-training, because they're difficult for small children to put on / take off by themselves.
As soon as they can reach, put doorknob covers on the doors.
As much to keep them in, as to keep the cat safe.
Preschool-Age:
Pray for your child.
Trust your gut.
You're an awesome mom. You know what to do. Do it.
Enroll them in preschool if finances allow.
Challenging them intellectually is good.
Let them go at their own pace (montessori is preferred)
Make holidays a BIG DEAL. Even little ones.
It's worth it just to see their faces.
Always send an extra change of clothes, just in case.
Even if your child hasn't had a daytime accident in months.
The embarrassment you and your child feel when your babysitter sends her home in the babysitter's son's clothes (including undies!) will assure you to always, always send extra clothes.
**************************************
****************
This is a blog post to my possibly future self. I'm just letting you read it too.
Feel free to leave comments with your own advice. I'm sure I'll be updating this post as I remember additional tidbits / discover new things.
*****************************
Pregnancy:
Pray for your unborn child.
I'm convinced FireGirl likes veggies because while I was pregnant I prayed that she would like all the healthy stuff that I didn't.
Try not to gain more than 50 lbs.
Screw the tables the AMA comes up with, but keeps changing.
Knowing your family history, and how much you gained with FireGirl, 50 lbs is a reasonable target (for max).
Follow your gut.
You're an awesome mom already. You know what to do. Do it.
Eat more fruits & veggies.
It's just good for you. And the baby.
Labor & Delivery:
It will not go as planned.
If you're comfortable doing so, allow others in the room this time.
You may need the support. So may FireMan.
Plan on taking at least 12 weeks off (max allowable by FMLA).
Remember last time? 'nuff said.
Infancy:
Pray for your child.
If it's another girl, check her labia frequently.
Labial adhesions are a b****.
Follow your gut.
You're an awesome mom. You know what to do. Do it.
If you want to breastfeed, go for it.
If you're struggling, try to pump. Some breastmilk is better than none. Screw the lactation consultants. Pump & know how much you're getting.
If you feel like you need to stop BFing and / or pumping, do it. There is no shame.
Trust Jason when it comes to carseats.
Chances are your kid will be much larger than average, and he is the trained professional.
Deep breath, calm down.
Toddlerhood:
Pray for your child.
Every kid walks & talks at their own pace.
Stop freaking out.
Trust your gut.
You're an awesome mom. You know what to do. Do it.
Don't let them in the front seat of the car unattended. Even for a minute. Even in the driveway.
They think CD players look like great places for the pennies in the change holder, remember?
Trust Jason when it comes to carseats.
Chances are your child will be larger than average.
It will look scary to check your rearview mirror and see your baby in the big kid seat.
But with Jena you checked & rechecked the safety stats, and it really was safer considering her size, remember?
When it's time for potty training, remember: clothing should be easy for your child to take off / put on.
Buy undies a little bit big (but not falling off), elastic waist pants are your friend, as are adjustable-waist pants (adjusted just a little bit bigger than they need to be (but not falling off).
Oh, and no more one-piece PJs. They're adorable, they keep munchkins warm, but they hinder nighttime potty-training, because they're difficult for small children to put on / take off by themselves.
As soon as they can reach, put doorknob covers on the doors.
As much to keep them in, as to keep the cat safe.
Preschool-Age:
Pray for your child.
Trust your gut.
You're an awesome mom. You know what to do. Do it.
Enroll them in preschool if finances allow.
Challenging them intellectually is good.
Let them go at their own pace (montessori is preferred)
Make holidays a BIG DEAL. Even little ones.
It's worth it just to see their faces.
Always send an extra change of clothes, just in case.
Even if your child hasn't had a daytime accident in months.
The embarrassment you and your child feel when your babysitter sends her home in the babysitter's son's clothes (including undies!) will assure you to always, always send extra clothes.
**************************************
* remember, this is a post to myself. I'm sharing it with you, but if you disagree because something didn't / doesn't / you don't think it will work for you or your family, then fine. No need to argue with me, because I accept the fact that what works for one family will not necessarily work for another.*
Sunday, May 13, 2012
For the Love of Family
With all the things my family has experienced lately, I find myself reflecting on family a lot.
In experiencing tragedy and drama, we see family, however you define it. We discover who our family is.
I am incredibly blessed to belong to an ridiculously awesome family. Oh, sure, we have our issues. We most definitely are not perfect. But there is love. There is so much love.
Real love. Sacrificial love. Showing up love. Being there love. True love. Pure love.
A type of love that we don't often see nowadays.
This became ever more evident as my nephew began his struggle. I cried to my sister one night, worried that he never realized how very much I loved him.
She laughed at me.
If there is one thing these kids know, it's that our family loves them unconditionally, she said. She reminded me of their rough childhood. She reminded me that you can see it in their faces when they come to visit. You can see it in teenagers who for their birthday ask simply for grandparents & aunts to take them out for a visit. You see it in how they try to come in for Christmas every year.
I remember seeing it in my nephew's face when I introduced my daughter, his cousin to him.
You see, these kids - my sister's stepchildren - never knew real love until they met our family. They knew a kind of "love" that asked things of them, even as children. They only knew relatives to want something from them. They only knew a conditional love. They only knew life in a "I'll show you love if you make me happy" sort of way.
Even though I knew of their circumstances, of their lives before us, I never thought of it in relation to how we as individuals come to define such broader topics as "love".
We were the first people to accept them exactly as they were, to not expect anything of them at all. Despite having known a birth mother, aunts, uncles, and even grandparents before meeting us, they had never before had anyone give to them, without expecting anything in return. We were the first people in their lives to let them just be.
Since that conversation with my sister, I've been paying attention to my relationships with others, to others' relationships with their family.
I guess I never realized how rare this is.
Or maybe I just assumed that everyone had this kind of love from their family. But they don't.
My mother exemplifies this unconditional, sacrificial love. Not just towards her children, but towards everyone.
I can only hope that I will someday live up to her example.
**************************************
As I'm wrapping up this post on love, my mind keeps wandering to the love God speaks of, how he loves us, and how he instructs us to love one another.
Perhaps that's why my mother loves the way she does. Maybe she doesn't even realize it, but having spent her entire life studying Scripture, perhaps she has come to a place where she lives it without trying, where it exudes from her as a part of her.
I'm reminded of our Father's love towards us:
Talk about unconditional love! He didn't wait until we became good enough to sacrifice Himself. No, he died for us knowing full well the sinners we were! Amazing love!
And it doesn't end there:
Have you ever really thought about that verse? Whoever believes in Christ as the Savior shall have everlasting life! That's it. He requires nothing more of us in order to accept the greatest gift anyone could ever give. The only thing we need to do to receive this gift... is to accept it. Much like my nieces & nephew never had to do anything for me to take them out, or give them a gift, or buy them a trinket - they just had to accept it.
I know some of you are saying 'wait, what about all those commandments? all those rules?' - yeah, they're still there. Similar to the instruction of my parents, they are there to help us become better people, and in trying to follow them, we open ourselves to even more blessings than we already have. But do we need to do them to enter the Kingdom of Heaven? Nope. All we need to do is believe.
As for how God instructs us to love one another:
That's it, isn't it? We have been called to unconditionally love one another. We do not use our new found freedom in God to serve ourselves, but to serve one another.
*********************************
I'm not there yet. I'll never be perfect. But I can try. I can re-evaluate my life, and I can re-adjust how I see others, determine how I can best serve them in love.
Happy Mother's Day everyone. Now go enjoy some momma-love!
In experiencing tragedy and drama, we see family, however you define it. We discover who our family is.
I am incredibly blessed to belong to an ridiculously awesome family. Oh, sure, we have our issues. We most definitely are not perfect. But there is love. There is so much love.
Real love. Sacrificial love. Showing up love. Being there love. True love. Pure love.
A type of love that we don't often see nowadays.
This became ever more evident as my nephew began his struggle. I cried to my sister one night, worried that he never realized how very much I loved him.
She laughed at me.
If there is one thing these kids know, it's that our family loves them unconditionally, she said. She reminded me of their rough childhood. She reminded me that you can see it in their faces when they come to visit. You can see it in teenagers who for their birthday ask simply for grandparents & aunts to take them out for a visit. You see it in how they try to come in for Christmas every year.
I remember seeing it in my nephew's face when I introduced my daughter, his cousin to him.
You see, these kids - my sister's stepchildren - never knew real love until they met our family. They knew a kind of "love" that asked things of them, even as children. They only knew relatives to want something from them. They only knew a conditional love. They only knew life in a "I'll show you love if you make me happy" sort of way.
Even though I knew of their circumstances, of their lives before us, I never thought of it in relation to how we as individuals come to define such broader topics as "love".
We were the first people to accept them exactly as they were, to not expect anything of them at all. Despite having known a birth mother, aunts, uncles, and even grandparents before meeting us, they had never before had anyone give to them, without expecting anything in return. We were the first people in their lives to let them just be.
Since that conversation with my sister, I've been paying attention to my relationships with others, to others' relationships with their family.
I guess I never realized how rare this is.
Or maybe I just assumed that everyone had this kind of love from their family. But they don't.
My mother exemplifies this unconditional, sacrificial love. Not just towards her children, but towards everyone.
I can only hope that I will someday live up to her example.
**************************************
As I'm wrapping up this post on love, my mind keeps wandering to the love God speaks of, how he loves us, and how he instructs us to love one another.
Perhaps that's why my mother loves the way she does. Maybe she doesn't even realize it, but having spent her entire life studying Scripture, perhaps she has come to a place where she lives it without trying, where it exudes from her as a part of her.
I'm reminded of our Father's love towards us:
"But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." -- Romans 5:8
Talk about unconditional love! He didn't wait until we became good enough to sacrifice Himself. No, he died for us knowing full well the sinners we were! Amazing love!
And it doesn't end there:
"For God so loved the
world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in
him should not perish, but have everlasting life." -- John 3:16
Have you ever really thought about that verse? Whoever believes in Christ as the Savior shall have everlasting life! That's it. He requires nothing more of us in order to accept the greatest gift anyone could ever give. The only thing we need to do to receive this gift... is to accept it. Much like my nieces & nephew never had to do anything for me to take them out, or give them a gift, or buy them a trinket - they just had to accept it.
I know some of you are saying 'wait, what about all those commandments? all those rules?' - yeah, they're still there. Similar to the instruction of my parents, they are there to help us become better people, and in trying to follow them, we open ourselves to even more blessings than we already have. But do we need to do them to enter the Kingdom of Heaven? Nope. All we need to do is believe.
As for how God instructs us to love one another:
"For, brethren, ye have
been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the
flesh, but by love serve one another." -- Galations 5:13
That's it, isn't it? We have been called to unconditionally love one another. We do not use our new found freedom in God to serve ourselves, but to serve one another.
*********************************
I'm not there yet. I'll never be perfect. But I can try. I can re-evaluate my life, and I can re-adjust how I see others, determine how I can best serve them in love.
Happy Mother's Day everyone. Now go enjoy some momma-love!
Friday, April 13, 2012
Who Needs a Five Year Plan?
Back when I was interviewing for jobs, the most hated question for me was the dreaded "Where do you see yourself / where do you want to be in five years?"
I don't, okay? I want to be happy. That's it. Whatever shape that takes, the answer is that I want to be happy.
Incidentally, I gave that answer in the interview for my current position.
The thing is, I learned at a relatively young age that plans don't work out how you want, and that even if they do, it's not always how you expected.
In short, fulfilling your plans does not guarantee happiness. And your plans aren't guaranteed to pan out anyway, so...
who needs a five year plan?
*aside* I know there are those out there who find five year plans and the like very helpful for them and satisfying, and helpful towards them achieving their goals. I just am not one of them.
The fact is, I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I still haven't decided if I want to grow up.
When I was a teenager, the age when people seem the most likely to ask what you wanna be when you grow up, I would tell them I wanna be Peter Pan... and never grow up.
Most adults seemed either to think this was brilliant, or foolish.
Past the age of 15 or so, there was never a career that really seemed appealing to me. Not one. Oh, there were phases I'd go thru where I thought it would be really neat to be a teacher, or an FBI agent, or what not, but... nothing that grabbed my attention, nothing that held my attention, nothing that I wanted to dedicate my life to.
As a child I wanted to be a veterinarian. Until I found out they had to euthanize animals (not against euthanasia in certain instances, just not sure I could do it myself). So then I decided I wanted to be an animal breeder. Until I learned about pet overpopulation (not against all breeders, just too many pets dying to be rescued). So then I wanted to start my own rescue, except there's not really any money in that, and a gal's gotta eat, you know?
I still think about it.
Sometimes I think I'd like to be a pro-blogger, maybe start my own web design business, marketing is kinda interesting, as is being an Ebay reseller. I'd love to have an Etsy shop (but I'm not crafty), sometimes I think I'd make a fantastic CEO, maybe I should get my EMT certification, wonder if I could be an underwater engineer, should I become a computer programmer? or start that cat rescue I've thought about? Wonder if I could ever get that foundation going that I've wanted to run for years. Or maybe I could be an animal breeder, if it were for rare breeds or possibly working breeds. The list goes on & on. And on. And on.
The fact is, the only thing that has held my attention is that I feel called to be a wife & mother. Have since I was a teenager. The same as some feel called to be doctors, or lawyers, or ministers, or what not.
Wife & mother.
And now I am.
Yet somehow I still feel this pressure to have a plan for my career. But I don't. And I don't really care. Although I'm a little bummed that I've been working a job for eight years, with no motivation to move up, and not much of a chance of that happening anyway ('cause I don't play those politics-at-work games).
I picture myself in so many roles.
And even as a wife and mother, I see myself more loving & patient & kind than I really am in real life.
In my head I see that day where I bake cookies with my daughter, and cook meals from scratch, and craft the heck out of our house, and homeschool my children, and have an immaculate house, and wear sexy nighties every night before rocking my husband's world in bed.
Oh, and I can also do minor plumbing, take care of all the animals, do basic auto care, and build a doghouse. Out of brick.
And I do it all well. In my mind.
********************
this post inspired by this post
I don't, okay? I want to be happy. That's it. Whatever shape that takes, the answer is that I want to be happy.
Incidentally, I gave that answer in the interview for my current position.
The thing is, I learned at a relatively young age that plans don't work out how you want, and that even if they do, it's not always how you expected.
In short, fulfilling your plans does not guarantee happiness. And your plans aren't guaranteed to pan out anyway, so...
who needs a five year plan?
*aside* I know there are those out there who find five year plans and the like very helpful for them and satisfying, and helpful towards them achieving their goals. I just am not one of them.
The fact is, I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I still haven't decided if I want to grow up.
When I was a teenager, the age when people seem the most likely to ask what you wanna be when you grow up, I would tell them I wanna be Peter Pan... and never grow up.
Most adults seemed either to think this was brilliant, or foolish.
Past the age of 15 or so, there was never a career that really seemed appealing to me. Not one. Oh, there were phases I'd go thru where I thought it would be really neat to be a teacher, or an FBI agent, or what not, but... nothing that grabbed my attention, nothing that held my attention, nothing that I wanted to dedicate my life to.
As a child I wanted to be a veterinarian. Until I found out they had to euthanize animals (not against euthanasia in certain instances, just not sure I could do it myself). So then I decided I wanted to be an animal breeder. Until I learned about pet overpopulation (not against all breeders, just too many pets dying to be rescued). So then I wanted to start my own rescue, except there's not really any money in that, and a gal's gotta eat, you know?
I still think about it.
Sometimes I think I'd like to be a pro-blogger, maybe start my own web design business, marketing is kinda interesting, as is being an Ebay reseller. I'd love to have an Etsy shop (but I'm not crafty), sometimes I think I'd make a fantastic CEO, maybe I should get my EMT certification, wonder if I could be an underwater engineer, should I become a computer programmer? or start that cat rescue I've thought about? Wonder if I could ever get that foundation going that I've wanted to run for years. Or maybe I could be an animal breeder, if it were for rare breeds or possibly working breeds. The list goes on & on. And on. And on.
The fact is, the only thing that has held my attention is that I feel called to be a wife & mother. Have since I was a teenager. The same as some feel called to be doctors, or lawyers, or ministers, or what not.
Wife & mother.
And now I am.
Yet somehow I still feel this pressure to have a plan for my career. But I don't. And I don't really care. Although I'm a little bummed that I've been working a job for eight years, with no motivation to move up, and not much of a chance of that happening anyway ('cause I don't play those politics-at-work games).
I picture myself in so many roles.
And even as a wife and mother, I see myself more loving & patient & kind than I really am in real life.
In my head I see that day where I bake cookies with my daughter, and cook meals from scratch, and craft the heck out of our house, and homeschool my children, and have an immaculate house, and wear sexy nighties every night before rocking my husband's world in bed.
Oh, and I can also do minor plumbing, take care of all the animals, do basic auto care, and build a doghouse. Out of brick.
And I do it all well. In my mind.
********************
this post inspired by this post
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Parenting Advice from FireWife
Okay, here's the thing, if you've read my blog for long at all, you know that I do not have all the answers.
But I have figured out a few things, at least things that worked for our family.
And I realized the other day, that on the off-chance that we ever do have another kid, I want to remember them.
But I don't really have anywhere to write them down.
So, guess what? This is a blog post to my possibly future self. I'm just letting you read it too.
Feel free to leave comments with your own advice. I'm sure I'll be updating this post as I remember additional tidbits / discover new things.
*****************************
Pregnancy:
Pray for your unborn child.
I'm convinced FireGirl likes veggies because while I was pregnant I prayed that she would like all the healthy stuff that I didn't.
Try not to gain more than 50 lbs.
Screw the tables the AMA comes up with, but keeps changing.
Knowing your family history, and how much you gained with FireGirl, 50 lbs is a reasonable target (for max).
Follow your gut.
You're an awesome mom already. You know what to do. Do it.
Eat more fruits & veggies.
It's just good for you. And the baby.
Labor & Delivery:
It will not go as planned.
If you're comfortable doing so, allow others in the room this time.
You may need the support. So may FireMan.
Plan on taking at least 12 weeks off (max allowable by FMLA).
Remember last time? 'nuff said.
Infancy:
Pray for your child.
If it's another girl, check her labia frequently.
Labial adhesions are a b****.
Follow your gut.
You're an awesome mom. You know what to do. Do it.
If you want to breastfeed, go for it.
If you're struggling, try to pump. Some breastmilk is better than none. Screw the lactation consultants. Pump & know how much you're getting.
If you feel like you need to stop BFing and / or pumping, do it. There is no shame.
Trust FireMan when it comes to carseats.
Chances are your kid will be much larger than average, and he is the trained professional.
Deep breath, calm down.
Toddlerhood:
Pray for your child.
Every kid walks & talks at their own pace.
Stop freaking out.
Trust your gut.
You're an awesome mom. You know what to do. Do it.
Don't let them in the front seat of the car unattended. Even for a minute. Even in the driveway.
They think CD players look like great places for the pennies in the change holder, remember?
Trust FireMan when it comes to carseats.
Chances are your child will be larger than average.
It will look scary to check your rearview mirror and see your baby in the big kid seat.
But with FireGirl you checked & rechecked the safety stats, and it really was safer considering her size, remember?
Preschool-Age:
Pray for your child.
Trust your gut.
You're an awesome mom. You know what to do. Do it.
Enroll them in preschool if finances allow.
Challenging them intellectually is good.
Let them go at their own pace (montessori is preferred)
Make holidays a BIG DEAL. Even little ones.
It's worth it just to see their faces.
**************************************
But I have figured out a few things, at least things that worked for our family.
And I realized the other day, that on the off-chance that we ever do have another kid, I want to remember them.
But I don't really have anywhere to write them down.
So, guess what? This is a blog post to my possibly future self. I'm just letting you read it too.
Feel free to leave comments with your own advice. I'm sure I'll be updating this post as I remember additional tidbits / discover new things.
*****************************
Pregnancy:
Pray for your unborn child.
I'm convinced FireGirl likes veggies because while I was pregnant I prayed that she would like all the healthy stuff that I didn't.
Try not to gain more than 50 lbs.
Screw the tables the AMA comes up with, but keeps changing.
Knowing your family history, and how much you gained with FireGirl, 50 lbs is a reasonable target (for max).
Follow your gut.
You're an awesome mom already. You know what to do. Do it.
Eat more fruits & veggies.
It's just good for you. And the baby.
Labor & Delivery:
It will not go as planned.
If you're comfortable doing so, allow others in the room this time.
You may need the support. So may FireMan.
Plan on taking at least 12 weeks off (max allowable by FMLA).
Remember last time? 'nuff said.
Infancy:
Pray for your child.
If it's another girl, check her labia frequently.
Labial adhesions are a b****.
Follow your gut.
You're an awesome mom. You know what to do. Do it.
If you want to breastfeed, go for it.
If you're struggling, try to pump. Some breastmilk is better than none. Screw the lactation consultants. Pump & know how much you're getting.
If you feel like you need to stop BFing and / or pumping, do it. There is no shame.
Trust FireMan when it comes to carseats.
Chances are your kid will be much larger than average, and he is the trained professional.
Deep breath, calm down.
Toddlerhood:
Pray for your child.
Every kid walks & talks at their own pace.
Stop freaking out.
Trust your gut.
You're an awesome mom. You know what to do. Do it.
Don't let them in the front seat of the car unattended. Even for a minute. Even in the driveway.
They think CD players look like great places for the pennies in the change holder, remember?
Trust FireMan when it comes to carseats.
Chances are your child will be larger than average.
It will look scary to check your rearview mirror and see your baby in the big kid seat.
But with FireGirl you checked & rechecked the safety stats, and it really was safer considering her size, remember?
Preschool-Age:
Pray for your child.
Trust your gut.
You're an awesome mom. You know what to do. Do it.
Enroll them in preschool if finances allow.
Challenging them intellectually is good.
Let them go at their own pace (montessori is preferred)
Make holidays a BIG DEAL. Even little ones.
It's worth it just to see their faces.
**************************************
* remember, this is a post to myself. I'm sharing it with you, but if you disagree because something didn't / doesn't / you don't think it will work for you or your family, then fine. No need to argue with me, because I accept the fact that what works for one family will not necessarily work for another.*
Friday, December 16, 2011
Each mom is different. Each mom is equal.
A while ago I heard a working mom defend her choice to be a full-time working mom by saying that working moms who were dissatisfied just weren't in the right career field.
Her point was that she was tired of women saying they wanted to stay at home, when really they just needed to find a more fulfilling career, that the most important thing to being an effective mom was to be happy and content with your life.
Something like that.
This was months, maybe a year or more ago, so my memory is foggy, but that was the main point.
I didn't argue. Because while there are a million things wrong with her statement, her overall point is valid: being happy and content has more of an effect on your mothering abilities than your actual career choice.
I've thought about this repeatedly since.
I thought about it a couple of weeks ago when a stay-at-home mom told me that working moms just don't understand the stresses of being a SAHM, and if she weren't able to put her kids (an infant and a toddler) in front of the television for several hours every day, she wouldn't survive.
I didn't judge her for using the television to babysit. And I know that being a SAHM can be very stressful at times. But I did think: maybe being a SAHM isn't right for you.
Similar to the reverse of my situation.
Why blog about this today? Well, this morning driving to work, I pretty much had the realization that I have been trying, and failing, at this working mom thing for three years now. At what point do I (and my family) just admit that maybe it's just not forme us, throw in the towel, and find something that creates tranquility for our entire family?
SAHM? Maybe. Part-time work? Maybe. Work-from-home? Maybe.
But really, after three years of trying, and failing, and now, when I can say that I am happy with my life, I feel balanced, I'm in a really good place overall... I still cannot make this work.
I am stressed out and exhausted all week. I'm depressed on Sundays, giddy on Fridays. I'm pretty sure I'm the parent-FAIL at FireGirl's preschool, and I can admit fully that I know my work has suffered greatly since I became a parent. I'm just a mess.
It's been three years. Three years of me putting in effort, of repeatedly trying, and failing, and then getting stressed & frustrated, and sometimes depressed because I can't seem to figure out what millions of other working moms seem to do just fine, and many of them even enjoy.
Similarly, the SAHM who is putting their child(ren) in front of the television for hours every single day because being a SAHM is so stressful for her (that's the key, the "because it's so stressful" part)... maybe it's time she looked for a part-time job. Despite what many might tell her, perhaps her family will be happier, her children will do better, if she is less stressed. And maybe, just maybe, this could be accomplished thru a part-time, or even full-time job.
I guess what I'm trying to say is...
At what point, do we just admit that not every role is right for every mom, and it doesn't mean we failed, it simply means maybe we're the right actress in the wrong play?
At what point do just give each other a break, tell each other (and ourselves) that maybe it's okay to stop fighting thru the muck of the role that we're in right now and move over to try something else?
When do we tell the working mom that's been struggling for years that it's okay, that there is no shame in admitting that she can't do it anymore, and maybe she'll be the best darn SAHM there ever was?
When do we tell the stressed-out SAHM that there is no shame in admitting that she didn't enjoy being home as much as she thought she would, and maybe her family will be more balanced if she goes back to work?
At what point do we recognize and acknowledge that every mom's role is glorious in its own right, that none is better than the other, that they all serve different purposes, teach different lessons, and they all raise marvelous children in fantastically different ways?
It just frustrates me that we as mothers tend to be so hard on ourselves, but it's more than that. Society is hard on us, and we are hard on each other.
We're all doing the best we can, the best we know how to do for our families. Do we sometimes make mistakes? Sure... we all do. Which means we are all in need of one another's grace and support.
Anyway, back to my original point... my point being that yes, getting the hang of being a mom takes time. Anytime you take on a new role in life it does.
But having as many working moms in my circle as I do... I'm 99% sure I should not still be struggling this much three years later.
Maybe... it's time to admit not that I have failed, but that I have been in the wrong role. That being a full time working mom is not the best role for me to be in. That the more I struggle, the less I am able to fulfill my role as a wife and mother, and that it is in fact not serving my family by staying in the working world, but perhaps may be an injustice to them.
Perhaps being a SAHM will be a better fit, like I have thought. Although now that FireGirl is older and in preschool, I wonder if working part-time might not be a better fit. Or maybe staying home but doing regular volunteer work. Or starting my own business like my sister did when she found herself out of work.
What niche will I fit in best? Will it change through the years as my family changes? As I change? Only time will tell...
... or will it? Because right now we can't afford for me to quit my job. Not without losing our house. And I can't imagine that's good for any of us.
So... blah. frustrated. stressed. stuck.
stuck.
stuck in a role which I more & more believe is not right for me, and not right for my family.
What to do... what to do...
In the meantime, where do you find your niche? Are you in it now, or working towards getting there?
Her point was that she was tired of women saying they wanted to stay at home, when really they just needed to find a more fulfilling career, that the most important thing to being an effective mom was to be happy and content with your life.
Something like that.
This was months, maybe a year or more ago, so my memory is foggy, but that was the main point.
I didn't argue. Because while there are a million things wrong with her statement, her overall point is valid: being happy and content has more of an effect on your mothering abilities than your actual career choice.
I've thought about this repeatedly since.
I thought about it a couple of weeks ago when a stay-at-home mom told me that working moms just don't understand the stresses of being a SAHM, and if she weren't able to put her kids (an infant and a toddler) in front of the television for several hours every day, she wouldn't survive.
I didn't judge her for using the television to babysit. And I know that being a SAHM can be very stressful at times. But I did think: maybe being a SAHM isn't right for you.
Similar to the reverse of my situation.
Why blog about this today? Well, this morning driving to work, I pretty much had the realization that I have been trying, and failing, at this working mom thing for three years now. At what point do I (and my family) just admit that maybe it's just not for
SAHM? Maybe. Part-time work? Maybe. Work-from-home? Maybe.
But really, after three years of trying, and failing, and now, when I can say that I am happy with my life, I feel balanced, I'm in a really good place overall... I still cannot make this work.
I am stressed out and exhausted all week. I'm depressed on Sundays, giddy on Fridays. I'm pretty sure I'm the parent-FAIL at FireGirl's preschool, and I can admit fully that I know my work has suffered greatly since I became a parent. I'm just a mess.
It's been three years. Three years of me putting in effort, of repeatedly trying, and failing, and then getting stressed & frustrated, and sometimes depressed because I can't seem to figure out what millions of other working moms seem to do just fine, and many of them even enjoy.
Similarly, the SAHM who is putting their child(ren) in front of the television for hours every single day because being a SAHM is so stressful for her (that's the key, the "because it's so stressful" part)... maybe it's time she looked for a part-time job. Despite what many might tell her, perhaps her family will be happier, her children will do better, if she is less stressed. And maybe, just maybe, this could be accomplished thru a part-time, or even full-time job.
I guess what I'm trying to say is...
At what point, do we just admit that not every role is right for every mom, and it doesn't mean we failed, it simply means maybe we're the right actress in the wrong play?
At what point do just give each other a break, tell each other (and ourselves) that maybe it's okay to stop fighting thru the muck of the role that we're in right now and move over to try something else?
When do we tell the working mom that's been struggling for years that it's okay, that there is no shame in admitting that she can't do it anymore, and maybe she'll be the best darn SAHM there ever was?
When do we tell the stressed-out SAHM that there is no shame in admitting that she didn't enjoy being home as much as she thought she would, and maybe her family will be more balanced if she goes back to work?
At what point do we recognize and acknowledge that every mom's role is glorious in its own right, that none is better than the other, that they all serve different purposes, teach different lessons, and they all raise marvelous children in fantastically different ways?
It just frustrates me that we as mothers tend to be so hard on ourselves, but it's more than that. Society is hard on us, and we are hard on each other.
We're all doing the best we can, the best we know how to do for our families. Do we sometimes make mistakes? Sure... we all do. Which means we are all in need of one another's grace and support.
Anyway, back to my original point... my point being that yes, getting the hang of being a mom takes time. Anytime you take on a new role in life it does.
But having as many working moms in my circle as I do... I'm 99% sure I should not still be struggling this much three years later.
Maybe... it's time to admit not that I have failed, but that I have been in the wrong role. That being a full time working mom is not the best role for me to be in. That the more I struggle, the less I am able to fulfill my role as a wife and mother, and that it is in fact not serving my family by staying in the working world, but perhaps may be an injustice to them.
Perhaps being a SAHM will be a better fit, like I have thought. Although now that FireGirl is older and in preschool, I wonder if working part-time might not be a better fit. Or maybe staying home but doing regular volunteer work. Or starting my own business like my sister did when she found herself out of work.
What niche will I fit in best? Will it change through the years as my family changes? As I change? Only time will tell...
... or will it? Because right now we can't afford for me to quit my job. Not without losing our house. And I can't imagine that's good for any of us.
So... blah. frustrated. stressed. stuck.
stuck.
stuck in a role which I more & more believe is not right for me, and not right for my family.
What to do... what to do...
In the meantime, where do you find your niche? Are you in it now, or working towards getting there?
Friday, November 11, 2011
It's Friday Afternoon...
... and I can't stop smiling.
The past few weeks have been like this. Around 3pm I get downright giddy. Literally cannot wipe the smile off of my face.
Everything makes me happy. You pretty much cannot bring me down at this point in theday week.
Why?
Well, because the work week is over, I'll get my baby, go home to my hubby (2 out of 3 Fridays anyway), and have two blessed days off. Two days to be a wife and mother and nothing else. Two days to spend with my family. Two days to go on family outings, to run errands, to play with FireGirl, to go to church, to cook meals, to talk with FireMan, to do chores... and if I'm lucky I might even get to sleep in on Saturday.
Two whole days to be a wife and a mother and nothing else.
And I am literally giddy about it.
Have a most wonderful weekend everyone!
The past few weeks have been like this. Around 3pm I get downright giddy. Literally cannot wipe the smile off of my face.
Everything makes me happy. You pretty much cannot bring me down at this point in the
Why?
Well, because the work week is over, I'll get my baby, go home to my hubby (2 out of 3 Fridays anyway), and have two blessed days off. Two days to be a wife and mother and nothing else. Two days to spend with my family. Two days to go on family outings, to run errands, to play with FireGirl, to go to church, to cook meals, to talk with FireMan, to do chores... and if I'm lucky I might even get to sleep in on Saturday.
Two whole days to be a wife and a mother and nothing else.
And I am literally giddy about it.
Have a most wonderful weekend everyone!
Thursday, October 27, 2011
If I didn't have a job to wake up for, the cuddling MIGHT have been cute
Maybe.
Possibly.
Or not.
At some point during the night I woke up to Jason moaning in his sleep (the man's a sleep-talker, what can I say). It was at this moment that I also noticed I had a preschooler tightly wadded around my face, and a cat kneading its claws into my knee.
Now, I suppose it's the mom in me, but there was actually a part of me that insisted that I lie really, really still so as not to disturb the three creatures that were disturbing me.
Crazy? Insane? Mom-ish? Whatever. I realized I had to pee.
Scooted Jena to the middle, kicked the cat out of the bed. Went to the bathroom. Still half asleep.
I don't know what was going on in our house last night, but I got no sleep.
First, just as I was drifting off, Jena came in for the first time, crying that she had to go potty. Okay. Noble enough reason. Helped her go potty (and yes, she actually peed), put her back in bed.
Some time later, I vaguely remember my still-sleeping self waking to a little girl standing next to my bed, staring me in the face, begging to cuddle with me, and me saying something like "go back to bed".
Next.... the aforementioned waking up with her all wadded up on my face. I suppose because I tend to sleep on the very edge of the bed, that was the only place she could find enough room to get on was in the pillow area. So she was curled up into a tight little ball... around my head.
While the cat kneaded my kneecap.
And sometime after I moved her to the middle, I heard Jason make a sound that made me think he might be fighting (he's actually kicked me once & hit me once (two separate occasions), dreaming he was fighting in his sleep), so that woke me up in a start and I actually found myself shielding Jena just in case.
And then I woke up again with Jena breathing in my face and Tucker trying to burrow under my legs. At this point I was awake enough to realize that Jena should not be in our bed (we don't allow co-sleeping unless it's after 5am (ie she's finishing the morning) or she's really sick (ie. I need to keep an eye on her)). I was also awake enough to realize that she usually sleeps like a rock, so if I move her back to her bed, she's not likely to wake up.
And so I did.
Enter the only 90 minutes of uninterrupted sleep I got.
Would have been two hours, but guess who showed up after 90 minutes?
Yup.
Not sure what her deal is, but all I can say is:
#1 - I hope she's not getting sick
#2 - this had better not be a new trend
#3 - I am tired
As always, thanks for checking in!
Possibly.
Or not.
At some point during the night I woke up to Jason moaning in his sleep (the man's a sleep-talker, what can I say). It was at this moment that I also noticed I had a preschooler tightly wadded around my face, and a cat kneading its claws into my knee.
Now, I suppose it's the mom in me, but there was actually a part of me that insisted that I lie really, really still so as not to disturb the three creatures that were disturbing me.
Crazy? Insane? Mom-ish? Whatever. I realized I had to pee.
Scooted Jena to the middle, kicked the cat out of the bed. Went to the bathroom. Still half asleep.
I don't know what was going on in our house last night, but I got no sleep.
First, just as I was drifting off, Jena came in for the first time, crying that she had to go potty. Okay. Noble enough reason. Helped her go potty (and yes, she actually peed), put her back in bed.
Some time later, I vaguely remember my still-sleeping self waking to a little girl standing next to my bed, staring me in the face, begging to cuddle with me, and me saying something like "go back to bed".
Next.... the aforementioned waking up with her all wadded up on my face. I suppose because I tend to sleep on the very edge of the bed, that was the only place she could find enough room to get on was in the pillow area. So she was curled up into a tight little ball... around my head.
While the cat kneaded my kneecap.
And sometime after I moved her to the middle, I heard Jason make a sound that made me think he might be fighting (he's actually kicked me once & hit me once (two separate occasions), dreaming he was fighting in his sleep), so that woke me up in a start and I actually found myself shielding Jena just in case.
And then I woke up again with Jena breathing in my face and Tucker trying to burrow under my legs. At this point I was awake enough to realize that Jena should not be in our bed (we don't allow co-sleeping unless it's after 5am (ie she's finishing the morning) or she's really sick (ie. I need to keep an eye on her)). I was also awake enough to realize that she usually sleeps like a rock, so if I move her back to her bed, she's not likely to wake up.
And so I did.
Enter the only 90 minutes of uninterrupted sleep I got.
Would have been two hours, but guess who showed up after 90 minutes?
Yup.
Not sure what her deal is, but all I can say is:
#1 - I hope she's not getting sick
#2 - this had better not be a new trend
#3 - I am tired
As always, thanks for checking in!
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Update on My Baby Cousin
Further testing was done at the hospital, and they were informed that the baby's entire body was filling with excess fluid. It is not expected to survive.
This is a result of the chromosome defect, and as of yet we do not know why problems were not detected at earlier screenings / ultrasounds.
Please continue to pray for all three of them.
Thank you.
This is a result of the chromosome defect, and as of yet we do not know why problems were not detected at earlier screenings / ultrasounds.
Please continue to pray for all three of them.
Thank you.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Hunny, I am not "just" anything (edited)
originally posted in July 2009
The word, "just", can be such an awful, degrading word. By injecting that simple, little word in to the sentence, you decrease the value of what or whom you are talking about.
The truth of the matter is that none of us are "just" anything.
In the workplace, those of us that are in support positions, usually lower on the totem pole, are generally taking care of the things that make it possible for those higher on the totem pole to do their work effectively.
That's right. "Just" admins keep your office operating smoothly.
In a family setting, being "just" a mom means that you are holding what is quite possibly the greatest responsibility in the world. Literally. You are raising the next generation of people that will eventually take over this world. You are raising a human being. Think about it... What an enormous task!
Being "just" a wife means that you have committed your life to another person, for life. That, in and of itself, is worthy of applause. Add to that the fact that you are your husband's primary support on his journey thru life, and being "just" a wife takes on a lot more consequence.
Being "just" a girl means... what? That people like you make up over half of the world's population? That you are a person with endless possibilities for the future? Being a girl is awesome.
And yes, so is being a boy.
Being "just" a child means that you have your entire life ahead of you, and the time to make it whatever you want it to be. The possibilities are endless. No child should ever feel like he is "just a kid".
By the way, we all have our lives ahead of us, to make it into whatever we want it to be.
Besides all that, we all hold many titles. Let's see. I am a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a niece, a granddaughter, a cousin, a friend, an employee, a coworker, a volunteer, a blogger, a scuba-diver, a coupon-clipper, a pet owner, a trumpet player, etc, etc, etc. The list could go on & on & on. As it could for each of us. You see, I am not "just" anything. I am everything.
And so are you.
The word, "just", can be such an awful, degrading word. By injecting that simple, little word in to the sentence, you decrease the value of what or whom you are talking about.
The truth of the matter is that none of us are "just" anything.
In the workplace, those of us that are in support positions, usually lower on the totem pole, are generally taking care of the things that make it possible for those higher on the totem pole to do their work effectively.
That's right. "Just" admins keep your office operating smoothly.
In a family setting, being "just" a mom means that you are holding what is quite possibly the greatest responsibility in the world. Literally. You are raising the next generation of people that will eventually take over this world. You are raising a human being. Think about it... What an enormous task!
Being "just" a wife means that you have committed your life to another person, for life. That, in and of itself, is worthy of applause. Add to that the fact that you are your husband's primary support on his journey thru life, and being "just" a wife takes on a lot more consequence.
Being "just" a girl means... what? That people like you make up over half of the world's population? That you are a person with endless possibilities for the future? Being a girl is awesome.
And yes, so is being a boy.
Being "just" a child means that you have your entire life ahead of you, and the time to make it whatever you want it to be. The possibilities are endless. No child should ever feel like he is "just a kid".
By the way, we all have our lives ahead of us, to make it into whatever we want it to be.
Besides all that, we all hold many titles. Let's see. I am a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a niece, a granddaughter, a cousin, a friend, an employee, a coworker, a volunteer, a blogger, a scuba-diver, a coupon-clipper, a pet owner, a trumpet player, etc, etc, etc. The list could go on & on & on. As it could for each of us. You see, I am not "just" anything. I am everything.
And so are you.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Spread the Happy
Yes, with my return to original posts, I am most definitely keeping my Spread the Happy posts. And I still think everyone should do one.
For me, it really has helped me to focus on the positive aspects of my life at the moment. And maybe you're thinking, "whatever, I'm not really struggling with that right now".
Well, to be honest, I'm not really struggling with it right now either. Seriously, I'm in a really good place.
And I want to stay there.
Let's face it, with all of life's irritations & distractions, we all have moments where we need to focus on what's going right. Because even when it seems like everything is going bad, the truth is there is something, at least one little thing, that you can smile about. If you try.
So here are my happy thoughts for the moment. And below that is a LinkyTool for you to link up your own happy thoughts.
Enjoy!
********************
- I'm happy I have a direct supervisor who will stand up for me
- I'm glad I have a job that I (mostly) like, that pays well, and has great benefits
- I'm happy I'm making positive steps toward figuring out my health issues
- I am so excited about our upcoming vacation
- I am proud & thankful that Jason's business is doing good, steady work and providing a tiny bit of extra income for our family
- I'm getting excited that Jason is making good progress on finishing our master bath. Hello 2nd bathroom and (hopefully) goodbye PMI !!
- I love my cat
*****************
Recent blog posts that I enjoyed:
Dear PTA: I Got a New Attitude (Not Really)
Hello! I'm a Mom.
The Real Reason I Don't Pick Up Before Bed
I Said I Was Going To Marry Him When I Was 10-Years-Old
*******************
That's all for me right now. Now it's your turn to Spread the Happy!
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Shine on the One I Love
I see the moon and the moon sees me.
God bless the moon, and God bless me.
Please let the light that shines on me,
Shine on the one I love.
-- Nursery Rhyme*
God bless the moon, and God bless me.
Please let the light that shines on me,
Shine on the one I love.
-- Nursery Rhyme*
* I found several versions online, all attributed to different authors, or to none at all. This is the way we sing it at our FireHouse. And FireGirl's rendition? Heart-blessing.
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