Pretty Enough

I've been reflecting on the many times I was told I was unattractive. As in, people literally said it with their words. Once in a while to my face, but usually I overheard it. And it didn't stop with childhood.

We think kids do these hurtful things because "kids will be kids", but that's just not true. People do these things because sometimes people suck.

I remember my siblings telling me how fat I was. Repeatedly.

The kid in middle school who asked if I were pregnant, because my belly looked like a big pregnant belly.

The friend in high school who I overheard say I "could be" pretty if I just lost some weight and started wearing makeup.

The mom of one of my best friends who I overheard say I needed to put on some makeup and wear some pantyhose, then I wouldn't be so bad.

One of my good friends in high school who told me if she ever got to be a size 14, just shoot her. I was a 14/16 at the time.

The office manager at my first job out of college who told me I wasn't attractive enough, and I should consider fixing my hair and wearing full face makeup regularly.

The manager at my last job who sat me down after having my first born and told me I needed to work on my appearance, maybe dress nicer, fix my hair, and consider makeup.

And these are just the ones that stung bad enough that I still remember them.

My husband wonders why I don't see myself as attractive, why I never have, why I have a hard time believing him.

Maybe it's because repeatedly, over the course of my life, I was told over and over and over again exactly how unattractive I am. And not just by images on the media, heightened expectations, blah, blah, blah. People in my life actually said it.

And a lot more people said it and/or treated me that way than ever told me I was pretty. I was never the pretty one.

For 40 years.

You internalize that crap after a while.

It is also a big reason why I tell my girls constantly how beautiful they are. I call them "Beautiful" or "Pretty" as if it's a nickname. I tell them they have beautiful princess hair, the cutest noses in the world, and the most amazing eyes. I tell them they are gorgeous.

Yes, I also tell them how smart they are, and kind, and generous, and sweet, and thoughtful, and all of those things. But here's the thing:

One day, this world is going to tell them they are ugly, they are unattractive, they're too fat or too skinny or too muscular or not muscular.

Sure, maybe someone will tell them they're mean, or not nice. I doubt anyone will tell them they aren't smart. Sorry, but they're both brilliant, they just are. But I can just about guarantee that one of these days they will be beat down for their looks. And when that day comes, when those days come, I want them to have this voice in their heads that says "You are beautiful!". I want them to internalize my words in these young years so when they reach their older years, my voice will be louder than the world beating them down. I want them to have a voice telling them how gorgeous God made them. I want them to know it.

I also want to set an example.We compliment other people regularly. I make a point of it. I want to raise my girls to be the girls who compliment the other girls around them, not grow into one of those girls who beats someone else down, who tells girls how they "could be" enough one day.

Girls, you are enough. You are beautiful just as God made you. And I'm sorry for anyone who wasn't told that enough in their life.

Today

Today I will remember.

Today there will be times when my breath catches in my chest, when a lump forms in my throat.

Today I will worry about what my daughter will hear at school.

Today I will picture firefighters running into the Twin Towers. I will see my husband's face, and I will mourn those lost.

Today I will look for planes in the sky.

Today I will hold back the tears.

Today you will catch me staring into space.

Today I will remember.

An update. But not really.

I know, I know. Where have I been?!?

So busy. Not busy at all.

Crazy busy with lots of new things. Spending my free time enjoying one new thing (yes, I mean baby Jillian).

There are lots of changes coming up in the Geiman household, some of which I cannot divulge publicly just yet. But when I can, I promise to keep ya'll updated.

Trusting all is well with my readers.

Thanks for checking in.

Oh, and before I forget... gratuitous cute kid pic

photo by JCPenney Studios

So you want to be outraged?

I'm sorry, but promoting misinformation has got to stop. I am sick & tired of people getting outraged over whether or not Hobby Lobby will be forced to pay for birth control for their female employees.

The argument is that an employer should not have a say over a woman's healthcare. Which is missing the point entirely.

My boss does not have a say over my healthcare. They do however have a say over what they will or will not pay for.

You want to get outraged over something healthcare related? Over what your boss will or won't pay for? Then get outraged over people whose cancer treatments aren't covered. Or who miss qualifying for payment because their necessary surgery happened three days too soon according to the fine print in their policy. Or the drugs used to manage your disease are no longer covered. Or any of the other necessary medical procedures that health insurance companies deny every single day. Don't get outraged because you have to be responsible for your own sex life.

The idea that women aren't able or necessary to take responsibility for their own reproductive health is degrading and sexist thinking. The idea that I need a man in the White House, or the man running my company, or the man running my insurance company to pay for me to have sex freely and without consequence is essentially calling me an irresponsible whore. Stop it.

I am a grown woman. I can decide when I have sex. I decide whether or not to protect myself from the consequences of that sex.

You want to talk freedom of choice? Then fine. Let's talk responsible choice. Let's stop pretending like women are so sex crazed that we can't say 'no' and need to be protected from our own choices. Let's stop treating women as if they are so weak and unable to take care of themselves that we are found making huge issues out of what should be simple personal responsibility. I am responsible for my own sex life and my own reproductive health and I am sick and tired of being told that I need a man's world to take care of me.

So you want to get outraged? Stop getting outraged over sex. Start getting outraged over real health issues. Cancer. Heart Disease. Alzheimer's. Anything other than sex. Anything other than something that we all make a choice to do or not do, to protect ourselves or not protect ourselves. Anything other than what our society has essentially turned into a recreational activity. Stop getting outraged over whether or not someone else will have to pay so you can have sex for fun instead of procreation, and start getting outraged over real issues.

Seriously.

It's part of life. And no, life isn't fair.

Today as I was picking Jena up from Vacation Bible School I overheard a woman complaining about the snacks they were serving this week.

Well, really just one snack. On Friday the kids get cheese pizza. Her daughter cannot eat pizza due to food allergies.

This woman ranted for over 10 minutes to her friend about how it's not fair that her daughter won't be able to eat the "cool food", and stated that she thought they should change the menu to accommodate the kids with food allergies.

Over and over again I heard how upset she was that her daughter would miss out on the "cool" food / treat. She went on about how it's one thing when you're older, but when you're a kid it's just really hard to miss out on the "cool" stuff.

And then when a VBS worker walked by, she stopped them and went on a very polite tirade about the stinkin' cheese pizza.

I'm gonna be honest. At first, I thought 'whatever' but the more she pounding her point into the ground, the harder it got to hold my tongue. But I did manage to. But now ya'll get to hear my perspective on the issue.

Here's the deal. Jena is sensitive to chocolate. For those of you that don't know, many of the food "allergies" out there are actually sensitivities. The difference (in a very simplistic nutshell) is that an allergy can kill you, a sensitivity just makes you sick. Possibly really sick, but you aren't gonna die from it.

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Chocolate makes Jena really, really sick to her stomach. Sick isn't really the right word. It's painful. Heartburn remedies ease the discomfort, so I suspect it has something to do with acid reflux, but we don't know exactly. What we do know is that if she eats even a small amount of chocolate she is sick enough to be out of commission for several hours.

Now, I don't know if this woman's daughter had an allergy or a sensitivity. For the purposes of what I'm going to say, I don't think it matters either way.

Back to Jena and the chocolate. Believe me, we know what it's like when you're kid can't have the "cool food". When their friends at school bring only chocolate cupcakes to share for their birthday, and your kid can't have any. When the cafeteria decides that as a reward for good behavior during lunch, kids can have chocolate milk, so no matter how well behaved your child is, no matter how often she is well behaved during lunch, she will never get the reward. We know what it's like to have your kid be the only kid who can't have the "cool" treat. Trust me, we get it.

In fact, at this particular VBS, we have to pack Jena's snack three out of five days, because on three out of five days the snack they are serving involves chocolate (M&Ms, pudding, chocolate chip cookies).

Are we whining about it? Asking that they change the menu?

Nope.

The whining going in surrounding this issue is that my five year old is upset that because she's on the list of kids with food allergies, she has to ask the teacher every day for her snack, then the teacher checks the list to see if Jena can have the regular snack or has to eat her packed option. Jena's complaint is that she can regulate her diet herself and she shouldn't have to ask permission because she's responsible enough to monitor it herself.

SHE'S FIVE.

I don't know how old this woman's daughter is, but since five is the youngest class at this VBS, I can reasonably assume that she is Jena's age or older.

Now, I understand that some allergies are easier to monitor than others. It's easy for Jena to know whether or not something has chocolate in it. Whether or not something has, say, peanut oil, can be much more difficult to decipher. Which is why they have the rules. I get it.

But the fact is that at five years old Jena regularly monitors her diet herself. More than once over the past few years a teacher has forgotten and tried to give Jena a snack she couldn't have and Jena corrected them.

SHE'S FIVE.

Anyway, back to my points.

Should they change the menu to accommodate children with food allergies?

No.

First of all, this VBS has over 400 kids and workers participating. Trying to create a menu that will accommodate every single food allergy and sensitivity would be near impossible.

I surmise this is why they sent an email to all parents & workers the week prior giving us the menu for the week and advising us to pack a snack if our child was unable to eat the snack of the day.

Secondly, it will not get easier for your child if you shelter them from the reality of their condition their entire childhood, then when they get older suddenly spring it on them.

Is it easy now? No. But if your raise your child in an environment where they are aware of their condition, know / learn what they can & cannot eat, and begin dealing with the social issues of not being able to eat the "cool" foods now - well then they learn how to manage their condition, monitor their diet, and handle themselves in difficult social & peer pressure settings. If you shelter them from it when they are young, then at some predetermined age just spring on them, suddenly expecting them to handle it themselves, they are most likely going to be overwhelmed at the responsibility, resentful of the social implications, etc, etc etc.

It's part of life. And no, life isn't fair. And no matter how hard you try, you cannot make life "fair" for your kids. What you can do is give them the tools to handle the unfairness, however it presents itself.

So get over it. Teach your child to be responsible for themselves. Educate those around you about the dangers of food allergies. But for Pete's sake don't demand that the world bow to the needs of your one child so that you can continue to shelter them from reality.

Just my two cents. Thanks for checking in!

It's sad, really.

Back when I was in my late teens / early 20s I became aware of a class of women who I have been jealous of for years.

These women seemed to have the ability to absolutely control men. They had scores of men dying to date them, and whether they dated or not, it seemed if they asked something of a guy, any guy, they jumped to do her bidding. Most of them married early, having found their Prince Charming early on. Easy enough, I'm sure, with all the men falling at their feet.

As someone who didn't date until I was 19, and didn't marry until I was 30 - and not for lack of desire on my part - I envied these women. I wished I had that kind of hold on a man. I remember thinking that I wouldn't want to manipulate men the way they did, but that to have the ability to gain & keep the attention of scores of men, for a man to want to do things to please me, well, that would be nice.

So for years I envied them.

Now, in my mid-30s, I see things a little more clearly, because I've see who these women become.

I see that they are the woman who's onto her third husband... and isn't even 30 years old yet.

I see that they are the women relegating themselves to the role of adulteress, because it's the only way they know to get attention.

I see that they are the women posting graphic pictures of themselves online, desperate for comments or interaction from men, trying desperately to prove that they still have that kind of hold on a man.

I see that they are the divorcees and the widows who find themselves lost, unable to function in this world without a man making them the center of his world.

I see more clearly now, and instead of envying them, there's a part of me that pities them.

As difficult as it was sometimes being "late to marry", by being older, more settled into myself, I became confident in who I was as a woman, as a person. I know my own identity, and it isn't tied to a man. I lived as a single woman, and I know how to take care of myself. I have a good job, earn a good living.

In short, though I may want a man in my life, I don't need a man to survive or to be happy.

These women, unless they make a conscious effort to change, will never know what it's like to be a strong independent woman person. Their identity will always be tied to men, and they will never be able to have a happy, successful, fulfilling life without a man (or men) to give them attention.

It's sad, really.

The post in which I upset someone. Probably.

So, not really sure how to start this gently, so let me launch right in.

But first, a disclaimer. Some of this stuff I've learned the hard way. Because I've messed it up. And I'm sure I'll get some of it wrong again in the future. And maybe I'm getting some of it wrong now. But I also strongly feel that this needs to be said. So here goes.

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To my Christian friends:

Either you're a Christian, or you're not. Either you believe the Bible is the holy inspired Word of God, or you don't.

This picking & choosing what you believe, or maybe just what you spout, based on your own opinions, or current societal standings, or what's popular at the moment is not okay.

Either it's the Truth, or it isn't.

Yes, there are some so-called "gray" areas. If what you read in the Bible conflicts with what your mind tells you is logical, then I beg you to spend some time in the Word and in prayer, studying the scriptures that are causing you confusion. Look up the original languages if necessary. Research the background. Read commentaries if that helps. Talk to other Christians whom you trust. But work it out. Don't just assume it's okay to bend the Scripture to make it easier for you to swallow. It's not meant to be easy, it's meant to be truth.

A little vague? Maybe. But in my experience what is a struggle point for one Christian may not be so for another. You see the struggle isn't in the Scripture themselves, it's in how our own experiences, culture, and thinking affect our translation. And since those are different for every individual, so it stands that the struggle points are different as well.

To give  you examples, here are some issues that I have struggled with in the past, when what I read in the Bible seemed to conflict with what my own thinking said was logical:

- divorce
- modest dress
- drinking alcohol
- homosexuality
- premarital sex
- relationships with nonChristians
- interracial marriage

For you, those issues might be very black & white, but you may have others that you struggle with that are not a source of struggle for me. Whatever those are, if you find yourself attempting to dismiss or twist Scripture to fit your current way of thinking, or what is popular, or what your culture says is okay, I beg of you to stop and take some time to really study the Word before making a firm stance.

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While we're on the topic of sins & scripture, this whole picking-one-and-harping-on-it-as-if-it's-the-only-thing-that-matters thing is getting really old as well.

Now which sin it is tends to vary depending on your church environment, family background, etc. but social media outlets have made it easier & easier for Christians to "gang up" on one particular group of sinners.

And that's just wrong.

The Bible is very clear that it takes just one sin, any one sin, one ounce of impurity, to keep you from the Gates of Heaven. It is very clear that the only way to cover that sin is by the blood of Jesus Christ and accepting him as your Saviour.

Any one sin. That white lie you told your boss. The $5 you didn't give back to your spouse after shopping. Anything. Think back on every little thing you might have possibly done "wrong" in your life. Heck, just in the past week. Without Christ you just damned yourself for all eternity.

The same as anyone committing that "big" sin you've been harping on.

The current trend is homosexuality, right? So let's judge all gay people, blast them repeatedly, and single them out, making them feel alienated and unloved by the Christian community. Because that's the way to win people to Christ, right?

Wrong. So very wrong.

A few years ago the popular sin to bash was abortion.

When I was a teenager (prior to social media linking us all together in this "cause") I heard a lot about secular music, public schools, and women wearing pants. I mentioned I went to an extremely conservative church, right?

Now, I'm gonna backpedal a little bit. Because I want to be clear.

There is nothing wrong with educating yourself (or if you are in a leadership position, other Christians) about different sins, what does that Scripture specifically mean by mentioning that sin, intellectual discussions, etc.

There is also nothing wrong with approaching someone who is entrapped by sin and attempting to educate them, witness to them, etc.

But there's one caveat: it must be done with love. And yes, that can get tricky at times.

Berating, spouting hate speech, judging, rejecting others because they sin differently than you do is not love. It's just not.

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And since we're on the topic of love:

I think this is one thing that we as Christians struggle with, but I also think we're getting better at it. At least in my world of experience, I've seen improvement.

God is love.

Love.

This doesn't mean  you have to love every single thing that every single person is doing. But it is very clear that we are instructed to love... everyone. Yeah, racking my brain here and can't think of one single person the Bible says it is okay to not love.

Yes, we can gently correct those around us. You correct your children, whom you love, don't you?

But so often I see Christians quick to judge and slow to love, slow to forgive.

And quite frankly, Christian or not, how do you want to be known? As someone quick to judge? or as someone quick to forgive? As someone quick to call out faults? or as someone quick to love others unconditionally?

I admit. I struggle with this on occasion myself. It's not always easy to show love to someone who hurt you, or attacked your family. But isn't it in the hard things that we grow the most? So... love.

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And before my nonChristian (or maybe more liberally minded Christian) friends think they're getting off the hook, there's more:

I am sick & tired of people claiming to be open-minded and tolerant, claiming to hate intolerance, yelling at people for not being more accepting of everyone then turn around and judge and blast and ream those who think differently than you do.

You don't get to have it both ways.

Either you want tolerance and acceptance of everyone, or you want a world where anyone who thinks differently than you do is fair game.

Don't believe in a higher power? Fine. That's your place on your journey.

But that time you made a joke referencing the Flying Spaghetti Monster? Disrespectful to millions around the world and alienating to the three co-workers who overheard it.

Don't believe in creationism? Fine.

But that time you claimed anyone who didn't believe in evolution was an idiot? How tolerant was that?

Think those picketing abortion clinics should be arrested, screw their First Amendment rights?
But think those gathering in support of gay marriage should be left alone, because they're simply exercising their right to free speech?

Really?

Yes, there's a lot of work that Christians (including myself) need to do to really walk the walk.

But the hypocrisy I see from the other side is just as bad. If you want tolerance, you have to live tolerance. And that includes accepting and tolerating those who think differently than you, those you disagree with, even those who you think are just wrong.

To claim that you want tolerance and acceptance, and then in the next breath disrespect, call out, or yell about those who think differently than you do is not only hypocrisy, it ends up undermining your entire argument.

So... stop.

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So there ya go. The post that I'm sure will probably upset someone. But that I also think needed to be said.

As always, thanks for checking in.

{{ head desk }}

Seems like I've been having more than my normal share of {{ head desk }} moments lately, so I decided to share them with you lucky readers. Maybe one of them will inspire a laugh for you. Enjoy.

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Vendor insists that they cannot ship item without us issuing an electronic Purchase Order. We comply. Two weeks later we follow up to see why item hasn't shipped yet. They haven't shipped it, because no one in that department knows how to check to see if a PO has come in. And they want us to figure out how their system works so they can do it. But we're in another state and don't have access to remote into their system But they're insisting we help them or they won't ship the item {{ head desk }}

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International vendor will only accept electronic wire payment. Says they don't accept credit cards because they want to make sure it arrives in their native currency. We try to explain how both credit cards and wire transfers work the same, converting US Dollars to their currency, but they honestly don't seem to get it. By the way, this is the research department of a major university in a developed country. {{ head desk }}

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We're currently working on an office move at work. Manager wants me to check on getting new book cases for three of our team members. I check with Facilities. Report back to him on the process. In the meantime he has checked with a random  person in Accounting, who told him something different. I'm to do what the person in Accounting told him. Because clearly Accounting knows better than Facilities how to get office furniture {{ head desk }}
*update* this morning Facilities sent me an email saying they couldn't support the request because we didn't follow the proper process. I got the pleasure of forwarding that on to my Manager. Tee hee.

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Ob nurse asks if I've been sexually active. I look down and rub my barely-bloated belly. Isn't this how we got here? {{ head desk}}
Except... it gets better. She says you'd be surprised. Already today she had one woman, who is 4 weeks pregnant, tell her "not in months" and another tell her no, because "you can't have sex once you're pregnant". According to her they were both college-educated career women. {{ head desk }}

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Told my boss about my lift restriction (no more than 5 lbs), considering we have an upcoming office move. You know, in case I need to ask for help, so I don't get the stink eye for asking help moving a box or something.

He wants me to submit a detailed plan outlining exactly when I will need assistance, for how long, and how much lifting will be required. {{ head desk }}

I'm considering the following responses:
- Nevermind. I just won't move.
- Nevermind. I'll just ask one of my friends for help if I need it instead.
- I don't know. I haven't moved my desk in 7 years, and never on restrictions. Can't I just ask for help if & when I need it?
- When: next Thu & Fri. How long? 30 seconds to one minute at a time. How much lifting? more than 5 lbs.

It seemed nonsensical

** warning: this post contains images from 9/11 that some readers may find difficult to view**



I was working as a medical receptionist in a busy dermatology practice.

One of our patients came in and said "a plane just crashed into the twin towers".

We just stared at him. What an odd thing to say. It seemed nonsensical.

He stared at us blankly as we began to process his intake. Looking back he was probably wondering why we weren't more interested in his announcement.

source

A few minutes later our head nurse informed us that we were under attack. Her husband was retired Secret Service, and still did some consulting for the government. His phone had started ringing off the hook, and he stopped long enough to call his wife and let her know what was going on.

One of the medical assistants headed to the basement to turn on the one television in the building.

The lead doctor came out and informed us that his wife, a State Representative, had been told to leave the city.

He made it very clear. They weren't told to evacuate the building (being a government building), but to leave the city, to be out of the metropolitan area.

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We finished work, probably a little quieter than normal. Took turns going to the basement for a few minutes at a time to catch updates. Got updates from patients as they came in.

The President was in the air. The Vice President was in a bunker. Fighter jets were scrambled over the Capitol. We had been attacked. We were being attacked.

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The next morning I remember watching the news as I was getting ready for work. Instead of showing the latest from the New York Stock Exchange, they were reporting on the Nikkei. A sign of what had happened, of how it affected our world.

source

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I lived near a major international airport at the time. The "no fly" rule put in place from border-to-border immediately changed our skies. You don't realize how much planes are a part of the background of your daily life until you don't see them.

And I distinctly remember days later, the first time I saw a plane back up in the sky, and how eerie it felt.

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The weeks and months that followed sealed the fact that our lives were changed forever. My generation had never been thru anything even remotely close to this.

We would receive faxes from the CDC and other government agencies regarding the latest bio-hazard threats. We were trained on how to triage patients who suspected they may have cutaneous anthrax.

source

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Friends went to war. Came home. Went back. Rinse. Repeat. Care packages got sent.

One is there. Again. Fourth tour.

source

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There's no doubt about it, our lives changed forever in the blink of an eye. As much as we have, 12 years later, settled into "normal", you cannot dispute that the normal of today is much different than the normal prior to 9/11. In addition, the acts of that day have, and will continue to change the way our country approaches a multitude of subjects.

So, dear readers.... where were you when our country changed?

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this post inspired by this post

Modesty

Recently I discovered the blog Feminine Modesty, and it has me doing a lot of thinking on the subject. I think especially being the mother of a little girl, the thoughts just keep tumbling around in my head. So here goes my attempt to write them down.

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I think we need to teach our children how to dress and behave modestly. Our boys too, yes, but in our society parents of daughters need to make it a point to teach our girls how to dress properly.

I think what "modesty" means varies from person to person. It's affected by your spiritual beliefs, your upbringing, and the society & community you live in, but if you think about it, it's there somewhere.

I think as parents we need to define what it means to dress modestly for our family, and stick to it.

More specifically, we can't dress up little girls in adult clothing and think it's cute, then lament when they grow into teenagers that dress the same way.
For example, if you don't want your 16-year-old going to the pool in a string bikini, then don't put your 4-year-old in one. If you don't want your 14-year-old daughter shaking her booty for everyone to see, then you can't giggle when you're 5-year-old does it because it's "so cute".

Basically, we have to think of these things now, set the standards now, while our daughters are young & cute & innocent. If we wait until they hit puberty, their bodies are developing, and they want to test the waters, then it's too late.

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My own views of what it means to dress modestly have changed throughout the years.

In my younger years, I was raised in a home where girls did not wear pants and no one wore shorts. As girls/women we wore long skirts (knee length or longer) or coulottes. If it was really cold out, we put long johns, tights, or sweat pants under them. Nothing we wore was tight, but it could be fitted.

My parents made exceptions for gym class / athletic activities (sweat pants, no shorts) and participating in sports (softball uniform = pants). Most families in the church did not.

Somewhere in there, my parents changed the rules. I'm not 100% sure why, but I can tell you I remember getting my first pair of jeans from the thrift store when I was 13 years old. I specifically remember shopping for them, as it was a momentous occasion.

And at some point I was permitted to wear shorts.

My parents never had to worry about me wearing anything too low cut, as I have a scar on my chest that is above the cleavage line that I was very self-conscious about. I used to sew panels or trim into my shirts / dresses to make the neckline higher to hide the scar. I could have cared less how my cleavage looked.

Because we were very active in our church, who (now) had a much stricter view of modesty than we did, much of my wardrobe remained in long skirts & coulottes. I remember going to college at 18 years old, and still wearing coulottes. I wore them until they wore out.

Through my experiences, I've learned a few things.

If you set standards when your kids are young:

- most kids won't feel deprived. I cannot tell you how many people have made comments about how difficult it must have been for me to grow up in such a strict home. Nope. Wrong. As a young person, your "normal" is what you live, you don't know it's different until someone tells you. And life is much easier for kids (well, everyone really) when standards and rules are set in place and enforced. It's clear. There's no confusion, there's no second-guessing. You know what is expected of you and you do it.

- performance will almost always be below expectation at some point. Yes, teenagers & young adults have a habit of testing boundaries when it comes to modesty & behavior. If you set your standard at long skirts, your daughter may test you by wearing something tighter than you would prefer. If you set your standard at mini skirts are okay, your daughter may test you by wearing a micro-mini that she can't bend over in without risking an arrest for indecent exposure. Both of those examples are extremes, yes, but the fact is the higher your standard, the higher your child's performance.

- the standards you set for your children will follow them thru life. Yes, the truth is that I now wear things I would never have been allowed to wear growing up. I sometimes wear things that for me are right on the limits of what my modesty permits me to wear: my "sexy" clothes, per se. But I've had other people call these same items of clothing my "old lady clothes". My point is that what is revealing to me, others consider overly modest. Since the people who make these comments are friends of mine, we can talk about it. It comes down to our upbringing, in regards to our clothing. What was acceptable to them growing up was completely unacceptable to my family. So while I feel like I'm pushing boundaries, they see me as being dressed conservatively. Feel sexy, but the world sees me as modest? Yes, please.

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Listen, I'm not saying everyone has to be raised how I was raised to be able to dress modestly. I am fully aware that everyone has different ideas of what it means to be dressed / behave appropriately. And I will tell you that we are not raising our daughter in as strict of a home as I was raised.

What I am saying is that it has to be taught, there has to be a standard lived out in your home. Your kids are watching you and following the standard you have set for them. The question is: what is that standard? Because if you haven't made a conscious decision about it, then are you really sure you're okay with it?

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As always, thanks for checking in.

Girls Next Door

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Do you remember the show "Girls Next Door"? It followed the lives of three Playboy Bunnies, who were also Hugh Hefner's live-in girlfriends.

I did. I loved that show. Loved it.

My uptight, conservative Christian, porn-hating self loved that show.

Then again, I'm fascinated with just about any show that portrays a lifestyle other than my own. Maybe I should have majored in anthropology instead of history. Hmmm...

But I digress.

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For some reason, this show came to mind this morning, and as I thought about it, I realized that this show taught me something very important. Okay, maybe it in & of itself didn't teach the lesson, but I believe it was an instrumental part of the lesson.

And that lesson is this:

They're people too.

Everyone. Porn stars. Drug addicts. Gay people. Polygamists. Liberals. Conservatives. Muslims. Jews. Christians. Whatever. Fill in the blank with your own version of whatever lifestyle you disagree with. Maybe for you, it's me. Maybe you can't stand us self-righteous Christians. Got it? Whatever that is for you?

Well, guess what? Deep down beneath that part you don't like, they're just people too. Just like you & me.

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I know, I know. You know this. I did too. I always knew it.

In my brain.

But the same time this show was on I was going thru some personal issues as well, and it was during this time that I came to know this truth in my heart. And there is a difference.

I watched this show, and followed their journeys, and somewhere along the way, it clicked.

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Porn stars are people too. They hang out with their friends. They have relationship trouble. They worry over careers, and men, and babies. They're secure in some ways and insecure in others. They're intelligent in their own way, about their own things. They've had their own struggles, and paved their own way.

Just like all of us.

I can't pinpoint the exact moment that this head knowledge transferred to heart knowledge for me. I'm not sure there is an exact moment. More like an ongoing journey. But I'm glad it did. And for that reason, I'm glad this show came along.

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What about you? Did you ever learn an important lesson from an unexpected source?

Quotes that Make You go "Duuuuhhhhh"

"Your body knows you're pregnant before you do."  -- commercial for First Response Home Pregnancy Test

"I'm just calling to find out what your hours are when you're closed.... No, like when you're closed. What are your hours?... Oh, you're just closed, huh?"  -- overheard phone conversation

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What about you? What's the silliest thing you've heard lately?

Serious Topic for a Little Girl

Do you remember this post? The one where Jena sees no difference between herself and a dark-skinned cartoon character? Well, I think she sees the difference now.

You see, Jena goes to a very diverse school. White, Black, Asian, East Indian, mixed race, etc, etc, etc. Three of the kids in her class are bi-lingual. One is tri-lingual. And those are only the most obvious differences.
And for the past two years Jena's best friend has been African-American. And Jena has insisted that they are "almost sisters".

She had never seemed to notice differences in race or ethnicity, never blinked an eye at physical differences. Except tattoos. She's always been obsessed with tattoos. Since before she could talk. Lord, help us when she gets older.

So imagine my surprise when on the ride home from school (and yes, the best conversations happen in the car), she asked me if I knew that Katie* had "different skin".

Now in these instances, I prefer to play dumb, and let her tell me things in her own words.

Me: "Really? How is it different?"

Jena: "It's brownish"

Me: "Oh, so just the color?"

Jena: "Yeah"

We sat quiet for a few minutes.

She then proceeded to tell me the color of every kid in her class. Keep in mind, she knows nothing of the different "races".

So, according to Jena:

Katie is brownish.
Another child is grayish-yellow.
Another is yellow-ish gray.
One is brownish-yellow.
Another is blackish-brown.
Her skin is silvery.
Another's is silvery whitish yellow.

When she finished, I felt compelled to intiate the next part of the conversation.

Me: "Isn't that awesome?!?"

silence

Me: "God made everybody, and He made us all different. People come in all different colors, and isn't that beautiful how He did that?"

Jena nods.

Me: "I just think it's amazing how we can all be the same, because we're all people, but we can all look different. Isn't that cool?"

Jena nods.

Silence.

Jena: "Mommy, did you know there are people out there who don't like brown skin?"

Shocked into silence for a second. Wow, this conversation got really serious, really quickly. Never thought I'd have this conversation with my 4 year old. Realize I need to gather my thoughts and respond quickly.

Me: "There are?!? Why?!?"

Jena shrugs

Jena: "They wish they could rub the brown skin off until there's just blood."

Shocked by the graphic nature of this description.

Me: "No way! Why would anyone want to do that?!?"

Jena: "I don't know"

Me: "Me either"

Jena: "I think they're mad because they're skin is different"

Me: "Well, that's silly. God made everybody, and God only makes awesome, beautiful things, so if He made someone a different color, that means they have to be beautiful, just how He made them."

Jena: "Yeah!"

Me: "So those people shouldn't be mad at the people with brown skin, they were just born that way. If they wanna be mad at someone, they can be mad at God!"

Jena: "Yeah!"

Me: "I'm glad everyone's different. It would be boring if we all looked the same"

Jena: "What are we having for dinner?"

She's usually pretty good at letting me know when the conversation's over.

It never dawned on me I'd be having a conversation on such a serious topic with her until she was much older. But I'm glad it did happen when she was young enough that we can be intentional about our approach with her.

Let's be clear: racism is taught. And it will not be taught, or tolerated, in our home. Period.

As always, thanks for checking in!

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*name changed to protect the innocent

** inspired to write down this true story after reading this post on another blog

Article: Nine Signs that you Might be an Introvert

One of my dear friends recently shared this on my Facebook. I can totally, totally relate. Check it out.

Nine Signs that you Might be an Introvert

Here are the statements from this article that I most identify with. I say "most" because, really, all of it.

"I tend to get a little overwhelmed and shut down in large groups."Yep. Drives the hubs a tad be crazy that the gal who will talk his ear off when we're alone will completely shut down when we're out. o-v-e-r-w-h-e-l-m-e-d.

"Being alone is an activity to me..."Absolutely. It took Jason a little while to figure out that me having some alone time, with him on shift and Jena with a family member is necessary to my sanity. I'm not doing "nothing". I'm saving myself.

"Every introvert knows the exquisite joy of slipping away... and into the bathroom, where you can close the door and let your brain settle down."And now I need to call my dad and explain why I took long showers all those years. I also distinctly remember taking insanely long showers the year I lived in the dorms at college. It was the only place I could go to be by myself. The only one.

"We're not minglers."Give me a purpose, a role, something I actually have to talk about? I'm good. Ask me to just randomly mingle with folks socially? Probably not going to happen.  So awkward.

"Any attrition in our friendships can be a problem because replacing an intimate is difficult." Preach it. While I have hundreds of acquaitances, I have very few friends. And I've blogged before about how they all moved away. And even though two of them moved back, I hate to say we haven't quite reconnected on the same level that we were before. I am currently in a situation where the one intimate friend I have the most contact with lives over 120 miles away.

"I don't need to join the fun. For me, watching is the fun." Throughout the years I think this is one of my biggest pet peeves. I'd be sitting there, all happy, watching everyone have a great time, having a great time watching everyone have a great time, and some well-meaning extrovert would approach me and ask what's wrong. My quizzical face or response would be met with them telling me how something must be wrong because I'm not joining in. On occasion this would lead to an argument because they would insist that there was something was wrong that I wasn't telling them, while I insisted that there was nothing wrong. Once in a while, they would leave, angry with me for not telling them what was wrong.
Seriously. This scene has played out numerous times in my life since childhood. I could write the script.
You know what's wrong with me? YOU. I was having a great time, enjoying myself here in the sidelines, until you came up and informed me that something must be wrong with me, then proceeded to hound me about it until we were both actually upset. Geesh!

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What about you, dear readers? Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Care to share a story?

Better care. More information.

Did you hear about the new law that got passed? Finally. Lawmakers are choosing to protect citizens, as well as a patient's right to make an educated choice, over private businesses and their monetary gain.

Finally.

You haven't heard of it?

It has to do with how patients are treated inside non-hospital medical facilities.

A law was passed requiring medical offices that perform elective procedures must have an agreement with a local hospital in regards to patient care in the case of an emergency. Now, obviously legitimate clinics would already send a patient to the emergency room in the off chance that something went wrong. But sending a patient on their own to the emergency room is not the same as having an ongoing relationship with that hospital, who knows your doctors, who understands the procedure, etc. This statute mandates better care for the patients.

Offices that are unable to enter into such an agreement with a hospital will be forced to close their doors. There are opponents who argue that this will limit the availability of medical care. But do you honestly want to receive elective medical care from a doctor if no hospitals in the area are willing to enter into a relationship with that practice? Would you send your children to such a doctor? Probably not.

Another part of the same statute requires that doctors provide additional information regarding the elective procedure to the patient. That's all. Giving the patient more information and then allowing them to make a (more) educated choice as to whether or not to proceed. I for one think that any medical procedure, elective or not, should be taken seriously, and the more information you can provide to patients to help them make that decision, the better.

Unfortunately, there are some who oppose this part of the law. Can you believe it? They're concerned that if the patient is given more information, they might choose not to have the procedure. Well, isn't that their right? Don't you trust individual citizens to make intelligent, educated decisions over what to do with their own bodies? Do you really think withholding information is an ethical way to treat your patients?

I don't. Can you imagine going to the doctor, and finding out that they didn't want to give you all of the information regarding an elective procedure you were considering? What would your reaction be?

I think if I were ever put in that position, I would definitely reconsider that physician, if not the procedure itself.

I still can't believe you haven't heard of this amazing, awesome new law. This law that puts patients rights first, both their right to exceptional care, and their right to make an informed decision.

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The truth is, you probably have heard of it. Except the media and certain sides of a political argument have been referring to it as an "anti-abortion" law, trampling on the rights of women everywhere.

The State of Ohio recently passed laws requiring that abortion clinics enter into agreements with local hospitals, for the case that an emergency arises.

Additionally, part of the law requires that the doctor inform the patient whether or not a heartbeat can be detected.

That's all.

Better care. More information.

The law does not limit a woman's ability to walk into an existing abortion clinic and obtain the procedure. It does not even limit the stage of pregnancy at which abortions can be performed.
It simply legislated that medical professionals who choose to perform the procedure must provide better care, and must give their patients pertinent information prior to performing the procedure.

Better care. More information.

Yet pro-abortion supporters would have you believe that this is a travesty against women in our country. The media has blown up with how devestating this is for women's rights.

But is it, really?

Better care. More information.

Those opposing this law would rather women went to clinics with an outdated standard of care, would rather withhold information from women, in the name of being able to perform a greater number of abortions than they would to work within the new statutes to ensure truly exceptional care for women everywhere.

Better care. More information.

As a woman, the idea that providing me with more information would lessen my ability to make the "right" decision, angers me. It suggests that we as women are too weak to make educated & informed decisions on our own. Opponents argue that hearing the heartbeat will be to emotional, will change women's minds.

To suggest that a woman cannot think beyond her emotions is a sexist, oppressive argument that hinders any progress of gender equality. Stop it.

Better care. More information. Period.

Things I'm Loving

1. Evenings at the park

We don't make it out there as much as I'd like, but we do get some good play time with Jena at least once a week.

2. PopChips

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I'm trying to eat healthier, and PopChips do a great job of curbing my quest for a salty snack, without making me feel too guilty about it. Even when I down the entire bag. Not that that's ever happened, right?

3. Sandals

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I'm loving sandals. From flip flops to heels to water sandals. For me or Jena. I am loving the ease of sliding them on & being ready to go.

4. Clogs




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I have a pair of white nursing clogs from my days working in a doctors' office that are about 11 years old and are just starting to fall apart. Except they are now brown, LOL. But still. They're holding up well. And now Jena has a cheapie pair of purple plastic clogs. When we need to get out the door for just a few minutes - say to feed the chickens early in the morning - they're perfect.

5. Popsicles

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Perfect summer treat!

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this post inspired by this post

I am, at best, a mediocre cook

You know, back when I was icing these cookies, I caught myself thinking "why does every mom think she has to make pretty cookies?"

Well, the truth is not every mom does. This is a goal I set for myself.

One of my favorite traditions growing up was making Christmas cookies with my mom. And maybe they wouldn't win any artistic awards, but they were cute.

The ones I make with Jena? Not so much.

I want to make Christmas cookies with my kid, and I want them to be cute. And that's the extent of my reasoning behind this goal.

But fast forward another month, to my blender mishap, and a similar thought came to mind.

Why does our society tell us that every woman is a good cook?
I started to write "should be", but that's not the case. Society teaches us that every woman is a good cook, thereby inflating the "failure" of those who are not good in the kitchen.

I know I said some of this in my earlier post, but I am re-stating it here.

I am not naturally talented in the kitchen. Not in the least.

But I manage. I can feed my family.

My husband is a far better cook than I. Far better.

And I am okay with not being a good cook.

But I am not okay with being looked down on because I am not a good cook.

Being a mom, does not suddenly endow a woman with the ability to create a delicious meal from scratch.

Walking down the aisle does not include with it the ability to create taste titillating meals on a regular basis.

Being born with a vagina does not mean that I have some innate ability to cook.

And to assume so is incredibly sexist.

I cannot think of a single person in my circle who would disagree that every one of us is born with different talents, abilities, gifts, skills.

And yet we expect women, without exception, to be good in the kitchen.

When it comes to my struggles in the kitchen I have been told I just need to work harder. I have been laughed at. I have been told that a monkey can follow a recipe. I have been mocked. I have been made fun of. I have been teased.

I have been made to feel stupid, inadequate, and lacking as a wife &  mother... as a woman... because I do not happen to possess this one particular skill.

And I am here to say that it needs to stop.

The truth is that we all have been born with different talents, different gifts. And thru our lives we develop different skills for different reasons.

And that's okay.
They are are valuable in their own right, and every person should be admired & respected for the things they can do, not mocked & ridiculed for what they can't.

And so I am here, saying loudly for all to hear, that I am, at best, a mediocre cook.

But I am an awesome wife. A fantastic mother. A woman with a bevy of other talents, skills, and abilities that serve me well.

Tonight I will feed my family a quick & easy meal. Perhaps some pre-packaged goodness. Or a crock pot dish. Or maybe my husband will cook tonight. And they will eat well. And we will be happy. Even though I can't cook.

As always, thanks for checking in!

Valentine Cookies

Well, one of my goals for 2013 is to learn to make pretty cookies. You know, something like this:




 

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  Seriously, I am apparently lacking in the cookie-making department. I don't know why, but it's a struggle for me. I try, especially at Christmas time, to make pretty sugar cookies, but to no avail. And so that is one of my goals for this year.

My first attempt was at Valentine's Day. My goal was simple: ice pretty hearts on cookies. These are some of the better ones -

 

Honestly, about half of them came out with pink blobby-looking circles on them.

But my friends told me they were still yummy, so I guess that's something.

Looks like I need some more practice!

Product Review: Firmoo Glasses

I recently had the opportunity to try a pair of Firmoo glasses.

If you're not familiar with Firmoo, they are an online eyeglass store, selling prescription or fashion eyeglasses, as well as sunglasses.

Now, as someone who recently had Lasik, I was a little hesitant. Clearly I don't need prescription glasses anymore. But I decided I'd give the idea of fashion glasses a shot.

I picked out a pair that I loved (seriously, almost made me wish I didn't have my eyes fixed, LOL) and ordered them. They arrived in about a week, along with a hard case, a soft case, and a cleaning cloth.

The glasses themselves are sturdy, and appear to be excellent quality, same as you would get from your eye doctor.

I know, you probably want a picture, right? Well, a little disclaimer before I post.

Ya'll know that I'm completely fashion-stupid, right? And have no idea how to dress my body, right? Well, apparently the same goes for my face.

I still love them. Still think they're about the coolest pair of glasses I've ever owned, I just don't care for how they look on me. But put that on me, 'kay? Not the company's fault I picked a dud.

Or did I? I don't like my hair short either, but so far I'm the only one. Maybe it'll be the same with the glasses.

So, without further ado... me in Firmoo.

So, what say my readers?

Words & Answers

Listening: to Strawberry Shortcake on Netflix

Eating: chicken wrap

Drinking: water

Wearing: frilly blouse, skinny slacks, boots

Feeling: tired

Weather: beautiful, unexpected, snow

Wanting: time, money, & skill to finish a few projects around the house

Needing: nothing at the moment

Thinking: about next week - what needs to be done, what wants to be done, how to work things around to manage

Enjoying: leading our small group. I generally feel completely incompetent in re: leading the course, but we have a great group and I enjoy the discussions each week.

Loving: my family

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this post inspired by this post