Since I injured my ankle, my mobility has been limited, so yes, on occasion I need help.
But I'm the type of person that doesn't want to ask for help unless I absolutely need it.
So it's been suggested by several people that perhaps my injury occurred so that I would learn to ask for help.
I've considered that. And yes, I've asked for help when needed. And I've been chastised for not asking for help more often, for making myself work harder than I had to struggling to accomplish certain tasks.
But here's the thing. I'm beginning to wonder if perhaps I've been conditioned to not ask for help.
Because the truth is that probably three-fourths of the time that I do ask for help, the assistance is granted begrudgingly. I've gotten comments about how I need to heal faster so I can do things myself. I've had multiple people visibly express frustration at my requests, complain about how much work they're doing for me. And if they do help, it's made very clear how much helping me is a burden on them, and how off-put they are by my request.
And here's the kicker: much of the time, these are the same people who have chastised me for not asking for help more often.
And I'm trying really hard to only ask for help when I absolutely need it. Can you imagine if I asked for more?
I feel like I'm in a lose-lose situation.
Don't ask for help = chastised for being stubborn & prideful
Ask for help = upset & burden those around me
So while part of me says that yes, maybe I could learn a lesson about depending on others, trusting others to help me, putting aside pride, etc. another part of me feels like I'm learning exactly the opposite. I'm learning that the more I depend on others, the more they see me as a burden.
This morning I had the thought that maybe the lesson to learn isn't mine at all. Maybe this happened so that others could learn a lesson about serving graciously, not judging someone if you haven't been in their position, and humbling yourself.
And maybe I can learn that lesson too, and make sure that when I am asked to help someone else in the future, I am doing so with kindness & mercy, with humility of spirit, with a gracious presence and a servant's heart.
Maybe there's more than one lesson to learn here.
Showing posts with label injury. Show all posts
Showing posts with label injury. Show all posts
Sunday, October 13, 2013
Friday, October 11, 2013
Ouch!
It was evening. Dark out. I was giving Jena a bath, while Jason let Ashes out for a potty break. Right about the time that I finished washing Jena, I heard Jason outside calling for Ashes.
Then I realized. He was calling for Ashes. Walking around the house. Looking for her.
Crap. We cannot lose the new puppy. Worried about both the puppy, and what Jena's reaction would be, I told Jena I needed to check on something and would be back to get her out of the tub in a few minutes.
Hearing Jason at the back of the house, I went out the front door. My plan was to walk around the yard calling Ashes, then meet up where Jason was in the back.
I had just rounded the back corner of the house. I had heard Jason say "There you are!"
Me: So you found her?
Jason: Yep.
Me: Good {{ walking towards him }}
Step. SNAP! and down I go.
In the dark I had not seen the hole. I stepped in it, heard a loud "snap", and down I went. There was much hootin' & hollerin', tears, and quite possibly a curse word or two.
Honestly, it was the most pain I'd experienced in a long time. Like probably since childbirth / complications from.
We were both convinced that it was broken. But now... what to do? I can't walk. Jena's still in the tub. It's almost her bedtime.
Jason got Jena out of the tub and told her to get dressed in whatever she wanted to wear. He put the puppy in her crate in the house. As Jason walked around gathering needed items, calling his mom, and getting the car, Jena walked out on the back porch in her PJs and socks.
She was soooooooooooooooooo upset.
He drove the car to where I was lying, in the grass, with dogs lying on either side of me (aren't pets the best?). Then he picked me up with his brute strength, helped me get in the car, and put Jena with me while he finished getting us ready for our trip to the emergency room.
We dropped Jena off at his mom's house (thanks MIL!) and headed to the nearest ER.
Long story short, it's not broken. They called it a "severe sprain", wrapped it, gave me crutches, told me to stay home and ice it for two days, and if it weren't "a lot better" in four days to call the orthopaedist.
Well, four days later it was a little better, but I still couldn't put any weight on it at all. So off to the orthopaedist I went.
They confirmed that it was a severe sprain. The snap? Well, apparently if it's bad enough you can actually hear the ligaments stretching and sometimes tearing. Awesome, right?
I now have an orthopaedic walking boot and crutches. With the boot, I can put a little bit of weight on it, but I still need the crutches. Hoping to be off of the crutches within a week, and just be on the boot.
So here I am. It hurts pretty much all of the time, but not too badly except when I move it certain ways or put too much weight on it (even in the boot). Everything's just a lot harder to do, which is super-frustrating, and since I still need crutches, I'm a little limited in what I can do. Especially around the house.
Thank goodness Jason has been a champ, and has helped us keep up with a good part of the housework / household chores, as well has handling Jena's drop-off and pick-ups on days he's not on shift. I can't tell you how much I appreciate what he's done.
The one thing I am trying not to freak out about is Jena's 5th birthday party, in less than 2 weeks. Our house is no where near party-ready. My plan had been to work on it gradually, room-by-room, then I took off the day before the party for last minute cleaning, decorating, etc.
The problem is that with mommy laid up, the house has gotten worse instead of better, and I don't know how much function I'll have by the time of her party. So I'm freaking out just a tad that we'll be having guests over to a messy house, no decorations, and I'll be having Jason pick up a store bought cake instead of making one myself, like Jena has specifically requested. Worried enough that I'm entertaining the idea of paying someone to come over and make the house presentable. But that's not really in our budget, so... Ugh! Stress...
Anyway, that's my story and a bit of an update. As always, thanks for checking in!
Then I realized. He was calling for Ashes. Walking around the house. Looking for her.
Crap. We cannot lose the new puppy. Worried about both the puppy, and what Jena's reaction would be, I told Jena I needed to check on something and would be back to get her out of the tub in a few minutes.
Hearing Jason at the back of the house, I went out the front door. My plan was to walk around the yard calling Ashes, then meet up where Jason was in the back.
I had just rounded the back corner of the house. I had heard Jason say "There you are!"
Me: So you found her?
Jason: Yep.
Me: Good {{ walking towards him }}
Step. SNAP! and down I go.
In the dark I had not seen the hole. I stepped in it, heard a loud "snap", and down I went. There was much hootin' & hollerin', tears, and quite possibly a curse word or two.
Honestly, it was the most pain I'd experienced in a long time. Like probably since childbirth / complications from.
We were both convinced that it was broken. But now... what to do? I can't walk. Jena's still in the tub. It's almost her bedtime.
Jason got Jena out of the tub and told her to get dressed in whatever she wanted to wear. He put the puppy in her crate in the house. As Jason walked around gathering needed items, calling his mom, and getting the car, Jena walked out on the back porch in her PJs and socks.
She was soooooooooooooooooo upset.
He drove the car to where I was lying, in the grass, with dogs lying on either side of me (aren't pets the best?). Then he picked me up with his brute strength, helped me get in the car, and put Jena with me while he finished getting us ready for our trip to the emergency room.
We dropped Jena off at his mom's house (thanks MIL!) and headed to the nearest ER.
Long story short, it's not broken. They called it a "severe sprain", wrapped it, gave me crutches, told me to stay home and ice it for two days, and if it weren't "a lot better" in four days to call the orthopaedist.
Well, four days later it was a little better, but I still couldn't put any weight on it at all. So off to the orthopaedist I went.
They confirmed that it was a severe sprain. The snap? Well, apparently if it's bad enough you can actually hear the ligaments stretching and sometimes tearing. Awesome, right?
I now have an orthopaedic walking boot and crutches. With the boot, I can put a little bit of weight on it, but I still need the crutches. Hoping to be off of the crutches within a week, and just be on the boot.
So here I am. It hurts pretty much all of the time, but not too badly except when I move it certain ways or put too much weight on it (even in the boot). Everything's just a lot harder to do, which is super-frustrating, and since I still need crutches, I'm a little limited in what I can do. Especially around the house.
Thank goodness Jason has been a champ, and has helped us keep up with a good part of the housework / household chores, as well has handling Jena's drop-off and pick-ups on days he's not on shift. I can't tell you how much I appreciate what he's done.
The one thing I am trying not to freak out about is Jena's 5th birthday party, in less than 2 weeks. Our house is no where near party-ready. My plan had been to work on it gradually, room-by-room, then I took off the day before the party for last minute cleaning, decorating, etc.
The problem is that with mommy laid up, the house has gotten worse instead of better, and I don't know how much function I'll have by the time of her party. So I'm freaking out just a tad that we'll be having guests over to a messy house, no decorations, and I'll be having Jason pick up a store bought cake instead of making one myself, like Jena has specifically requested. Worried enough that I'm entertaining the idea of paying someone to come over and make the house presentable. But that's not really in our budget, so... Ugh! Stress...
Anyway, that's my story and a bit of an update. As always, thanks for checking in!
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Update
So, last week, the day I had my second blood draw, I busted my ankle. Good.
Emergency room good. Off work for 2 days good. On crutches for a week good. Now in an orthopaedic walking boot plus crutches good.
Not broken. They're calling it a "severe sprain".
Hurts like the dickens.
It's made life rough.
Also, my numbers were good.
For the few of you that know me IRL, this is not public info.
More updates later. Just wanted to keep you posted.
Thanks for checking in.
Emergency room good. Off work for 2 days good. On crutches for a week good. Now in an orthopaedic walking boot plus crutches good.
Not broken. They're calling it a "severe sprain".
Hurts like the dickens.
It's made life rough.
Also, my numbers were good.
For the few of you that know me IRL, this is not public info.
More updates later. Just wanted to keep you posted.
Thanks for checking in.
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Selah.
I wanted to post this when it first happened, as a prayer request, but I didn't have access for a couple of days. Then she was improving so quickly, it lost it's urgency.
But the truth is, prayers are still needed. Lots of them. And so I'm calling on my prayer warriors once again.
*******************
Two weeks ago my 19 year old niece was in a serious car accident. She was in the backseat, riding with a couple of friends, when they were t-boned by an SUV. There may or may not have been a semi involved (there are conflicting reports). The vehicle that hit them was estimated to be travelling at 70 mph at time of impact.
The driver was treated and released for minor injuries. We haven't heard from her since she was released. According to her twitter feed she is back to work and shopping for a new car.
The passenger is being treated for a skull fracture, and remembers nothing of the accident. She remains hospitalized.
My niece was brought in unconscious as a Jane Doe. She had no ID on her, and so hospital staff had to wait until the driver could identify her to notify family. She was brought in with a serious concussion, internal bleeding, a fractured vertebrae, broken ribs, and broken thumb.
Once a scan revealed no signs of brain damage, the internal bleeding was the most serious problem. However, within 36 hours it appeared that the bleeding had stopped.
Because of where they are, her vertebrae & ribs cannot be set. Her thumb is still so swollen that it cannot be set.
Perhaps more troubling is that she does have brain damage after all. Once her internal bleeding stopped, they moved her to a rehab facility. The neuro team there said essentially that her brain bounced around inside her head and is bruised "everywhere".
She still cannot remember anything from that entire day. She struggles to remember her name or to perform basic math problems. She cannot stand or walk. She cannot lean forward. She has no emotion, and is apathetic towards everything. She does not feel hunger, and does not care to eat. She has short term memory loss, and also seems to have a difficult time grasping new information.
The neuro team says that this is all normal considering her type of injury. They say her prognosis is actually very good, it's just going to take "a really long time" for her brain to heal from the bruising.
And now they think the internal bleeding has started again (why would it start again if she spends all her time in a hospital bed? is it possible that it never stopped? how do they even know this stuff anyway?).
In addition, they have discovered that the muscles of her hip have separated away from the bone and herniated. I don't really understand all the technicalities of this, but she will need surgery to have any hope of normal function. Unforunately the surgeon says her body is still too traumitized to withstand any non-life-saving surgery at this time. So they are looking at performing the surgery in the next 4 - 6 weeks, depending on her recovery.
To be honest, I try not to think about it too much. Because when I do, I end up crying.
Although the doctors say her long-term prognosis is good, it's still very scary. So scary. First we pleaded with God for her life, now we plead for her to return to "normal".
I hate that word. But I don't know what else to use.
I ask you to plead with me, asking God to continue to heal her body, for her to regain function, and for this entire experience to be used, in some way, to bring glory to His name, to draw her closer to Him.
Selah.
But the truth is, prayers are still needed. Lots of them. And so I'm calling on my prayer warriors once again.
*******************
Two weeks ago my 19 year old niece was in a serious car accident. She was in the backseat, riding with a couple of friends, when they were t-boned by an SUV. There may or may not have been a semi involved (there are conflicting reports). The vehicle that hit them was estimated to be travelling at 70 mph at time of impact.
The driver was treated and released for minor injuries. We haven't heard from her since she was released. According to her twitter feed she is back to work and shopping for a new car.
The passenger is being treated for a skull fracture, and remembers nothing of the accident. She remains hospitalized.
My niece was brought in unconscious as a Jane Doe. She had no ID on her, and so hospital staff had to wait until the driver could identify her to notify family. She was brought in with a serious concussion, internal bleeding, a fractured vertebrae, broken ribs, and broken thumb.
Once a scan revealed no signs of brain damage, the internal bleeding was the most serious problem. However, within 36 hours it appeared that the bleeding had stopped.
Because of where they are, her vertebrae & ribs cannot be set. Her thumb is still so swollen that it cannot be set.
Perhaps more troubling is that she does have brain damage after all. Once her internal bleeding stopped, they moved her to a rehab facility. The neuro team there said essentially that her brain bounced around inside her head and is bruised "everywhere".
She still cannot remember anything from that entire day. She struggles to remember her name or to perform basic math problems. She cannot stand or walk. She cannot lean forward. She has no emotion, and is apathetic towards everything. She does not feel hunger, and does not care to eat. She has short term memory loss, and also seems to have a difficult time grasping new information.
The neuro team says that this is all normal considering her type of injury. They say her prognosis is actually very good, it's just going to take "a really long time" for her brain to heal from the bruising.
And now they think the internal bleeding has started again (why would it start again if she spends all her time in a hospital bed? is it possible that it never stopped? how do they even know this stuff anyway?).
In addition, they have discovered that the muscles of her hip have separated away from the bone and herniated. I don't really understand all the technicalities of this, but she will need surgery to have any hope of normal function. Unforunately the surgeon says her body is still too traumitized to withstand any non-life-saving surgery at this time. So they are looking at performing the surgery in the next 4 - 6 weeks, depending on her recovery.
To be honest, I try not to think about it too much. Because when I do, I end up crying.
Although the doctors say her long-term prognosis is good, it's still very scary. So scary. First we pleaded with God for her life, now we plead for her to return to "normal".
I hate that word. But I don't know what else to use.
I ask you to plead with me, asking God to continue to heal her body, for her to regain function, and for this entire experience to be used, in some way, to bring glory to His name, to draw her closer to Him.
Selah.
Monday, December 31, 2012
Second Chances
This is something that's been stirring around in my brain for a while. Time for it to come out.
Ya'll remember my nephew, right? (short version - overdosed on drugs, almost died, medical miracle)
For more details read here & here for the short-story explanations.
Let me preface this by saying that I already said that I don't know why God spared him. And maybe more importantly, why God doesn't spare others. (crap, I swear I already blogged on this, but now I can't find the post. If I do, I'll insert it here).
Anyway, there are some things that happened surrounding my nephew's incident that left me (us) troubled.
Like... people from my sister's and BIL's church, which they were very active in, people they were close to, shunning them after they heard about their son's overdose.
Like... when I initially went forward at my church to pray for my nephew, and the "prayer partner" there stared at me and stumbled thru a prayer that seemed anything but sincere (thank God my pastor didn't act this way or I might not go there anymore).
Like... my nephew's doctors seeming to try to rush his parents into deciding to pull the plug. From the beginning I felt like he was getting less-than-stellar treatment because of why he was in that condition.
Like... other people. Random people. Friends reacting to the news of his condition with a well-he-did-it-to-himself laissez-faire attitude.
This all bothers me.
And not just because it's my nephew.
Did he make a mistake? Yes. A huge one. There's no denying that. He admits it himself.
Do we all make mistakes? Yes. Sometimes little ones. Sometimes big ones. But we all do.
Does he deserve to be dismissed, written-off, uncared for, left-to-die, because of his mistake? Does his family deserve to be shunned because of a mistake their son made?
Not unless we all deserve it too.
Everyone messes up. Some bigger than others. Or maybe it's that we all mess up the same, just in different ways. Some are obvious (ie. drug overdose that almost kills you), some are not so obvious (IDK... that's why they're not obvious, I suppose).
But the thing is that we all screw up at one time or another. We all do. And while I can't change how other people react to mistakes, I can do this:
I can not judge people by one mistake in their past.
I can not treat people differently because they made a mistake that I didn't make.
I can love everyone to the best of my ability.
I can show others the grace that I have been shown. Or that I wish I had been shown.
I can support people thru their mistakes, and thru the consequences of their actions, whether society judges them or not (because there are always consequences).
I can try to do all these things and more. Maybe I will succeed. Maybe sometimes I will slip. I am human after all. But I can try to make the world a better place, one second chance at a time.
**********************
For anyone who's interested, my nephew is doing well. To the best of our knowledge, including those who live with him, he has not taken any illegal substances since returning home. My understanding is that he is unable to work (ie. not released by his doctors to work), but is currently attending a local community college (I don't know why school is okay, but not work - ask his doctors). He really seems to be trying to make a better life for himself, and understands the gravity of what happened. As much as he can, since he doesn't remember any of it. His memory of the incident goes from feeling sick, then jumps to doing physical therapy in the hospital. Everything in-between is lost to brain damage. You can see a renewed interest in family, as he has attended more family functions in the past few months than he has in the past 2 years combined.
Physically / medically speaking, he is severely hard-of-hearing. He hates to admit it, but it's obvious that he's getting most of what is being said from reading lips. The hearing loss is considered permanent, and hearing aids do not help, as the loss is due to brain damage, not an ear problem.
His brain damage is still considered severe, and permanent. He has been warned that one head injury could kill him. So when he stumbled down some stairs and bumped his head, what would have been a no-biggie to the rest of us, landed him in the hospital for some testing (he's fine).
And... I think that's it. For now. As always, thanks for checking in.
Ya'll remember my nephew, right? (short version - overdosed on drugs, almost died, medical miracle)
For more details read here & here for the short-story explanations.
Let me preface this by saying that I already said that I don't know why God spared him. And maybe more importantly, why God doesn't spare others. (crap, I swear I already blogged on this, but now I can't find the post. If I do, I'll insert it here).
Anyway, there are some things that happened surrounding my nephew's incident that left me (us) troubled.
Like... people from my sister's and BIL's church, which they were very active in, people they were close to, shunning them after they heard about their son's overdose.
Like... when I initially went forward at my church to pray for my nephew, and the "prayer partner" there stared at me and stumbled thru a prayer that seemed anything but sincere (thank God my pastor didn't act this way or I might not go there anymore).
Like... my nephew's doctors seeming to try to rush his parents into deciding to pull the plug. From the beginning I felt like he was getting less-than-stellar treatment because of why he was in that condition.
Like... other people. Random people. Friends reacting to the news of his condition with a well-he-did-it-to-himself laissez-faire attitude.
This all bothers me.
And not just because it's my nephew.
Did he make a mistake? Yes. A huge one. There's no denying that. He admits it himself.
Do we all make mistakes? Yes. Sometimes little ones. Sometimes big ones. But we all do.
Does he deserve to be dismissed, written-off, uncared for, left-to-die, because of his mistake? Does his family deserve to be shunned because of a mistake their son made?
Not unless we all deserve it too.
Everyone messes up. Some bigger than others. Or maybe it's that we all mess up the same, just in different ways. Some are obvious (ie. drug overdose that almost kills you), some are not so obvious (IDK... that's why they're not obvious, I suppose).
But the thing is that we all screw up at one time or another. We all do. And while I can't change how other people react to mistakes, I can do this:
I can not judge people by one mistake in their past.
I can not treat people differently because they made a mistake that I didn't make.
I can love everyone to the best of my ability.
I can show others the grace that I have been shown. Or that I wish I had been shown.
I can support people thru their mistakes, and thru the consequences of their actions, whether society judges them or not (because there are always consequences).
I can try to do all these things and more. Maybe I will succeed. Maybe sometimes I will slip. I am human after all. But I can try to make the world a better place, one second chance at a time.
**********************
For anyone who's interested, my nephew is doing well. To the best of our knowledge, including those who live with him, he has not taken any illegal substances since returning home. My understanding is that he is unable to work (ie. not released by his doctors to work), but is currently attending a local community college (I don't know why school is okay, but not work - ask his doctors). He really seems to be trying to make a better life for himself, and understands the gravity of what happened. As much as he can, since he doesn't remember any of it. His memory of the incident goes from feeling sick, then jumps to doing physical therapy in the hospital. Everything in-between is lost to brain damage. You can see a renewed interest in family, as he has attended more family functions in the past few months than he has in the past 2 years combined.
Physically / medically speaking, he is severely hard-of-hearing. He hates to admit it, but it's obvious that he's getting most of what is being said from reading lips. The hearing loss is considered permanent, and hearing aids do not help, as the loss is due to brain damage, not an ear problem.
His brain damage is still considered severe, and permanent. He has been warned that one head injury could kill him. So when he stumbled down some stairs and bumped his head, what would have been a no-biggie to the rest of us, landed him in the hospital for some testing (he's fine).
And... I think that's it. For now. As always, thanks for checking in.
Friday, December 21, 2012
Overwhelmed
I have been feeling quite overwhelmed lately.
Not just busy, but... sinking beneath everything kind of overwhelmed.
Work is insane right now. Instead of my normal 40 different hats to wear, now I have around 60. Every day is a struggle to juggle it all, and I'm barely scraping by. At this moment I'm still managing to accomplish the needed, must-do tasks, but barely. And I can't shake the feeling that I'm always forgetting something.
With the holidays coming up, our lives have been jam-packed with event after event, plus there's shopping & wrapping & cooking & card sending & decorating to get done as well.
Our home looks like a disaster area. Only a slight exaggeration. I'm staying up late & getting up early. Averaging maybe 5 1/2 hours a sleep a night. And still barely managing to keep on top of the necessities (laundry, dishes, groceries).
I know my lack of sleep is probably contributing to this feeling of being beaten, but at the same time I don't see how getting more sleep and getting even less accomplished is going to help anything.
Besides all the things to do, all the stuff, I have a lot of praying to do. Join me?
My dad had surgery on his back.
Surgery & recovery are going well.
However, they still cannot watch Jena. Which means that for the past few Friday's we've had to make alternate arrangements.
My brother had surgery on his adenoids, throat, etc. (severe sleep apnea).
Recovery is not going well. Not sure of all the details, but he still cannot swallow. Everything he tries to take in, comes out his nose. Apparently this is normal for a day or two past surgery. We're on Day 5. He has also ended up in the ER once because he tried to swallow his liquid pain medication, choked, ended up coughing & gagging, and... he coughed up two of his stiches.
My uncle has been diagnosed with lymphoma.He started chemo yesterday. Eight hours.
They've also done some biopsies because they think it may have metastisized to his pancreas & bones.
My great uncle has been diagnosed with cancer.He has decided to forego traditional Western treatment and is using some alternative treatments to ease his discomfort.
A very dear friend, like family really, has been diagnosed with colon cancer.It has spread to his liver. So far treatments have not changed his condition or prognosis. But he is persisting. For now.
Jason's grandmother is very ill.She has been in & out of the hospital for the past few months. I don't know all the details, but I do know her last hospitilization was for a severe kidney infection. She was on IV antibiotics for four days, and was released to a rehab facility. As of right now, doctors will not release her to her home.
This may force her into a nursing home. Which, quite frankly, is what she needs. Her health has deteriorated and she really needs 24/7 medical care. Two of her daughters (including MIL) have been trying to take care of her, going to her home daily, administering medication, fixing meals, and taking blood pressure & blood sugar readings. But they still get phone calls during the day, during the night, whenever her illness strikes again, and they're back at the hospital. I really believe it is in her best interest to be in a home, but she is very adament that she does not want to go, and her daughters I think feel guilty about it, so aren't pushing the issue.
Each & every one of those weighs heavy on my mind & heart daily.
This is also our first holiday season without my father-in-law. I'm sure there will be some tears, but we'll get thru it okay. My mother-in-law? Not so optimistic.
So we are walking on eggshells (did we every stop?), answering her calls for help, trying to just be there for her. I'm not gonna lie, we could do better in this area. But I also couldn't tell you where we'd find the time either.
And while part of me says this is all just life, get over it, it happens, I also find myself feeling so very overpowered by it all. Sinking. Stressed out. Scattered. Unfocused.
And unable to pull myself out of the pile.
I also find myself wondering why.
I don't recall ever feeling so overwhelmed in the past. Even when life crashed down around me, this sense of losing control was never there.
I know that statistically, women who have PPD or other Post-Partum mental disorders are more likely to develop other mental illnesses in their lives.
I find myself wondering if this is me. If the reason I feel so steamrolled by life has less to do with how much is going on in right now, and more to do with my mind's ability to handle it all. Anymore.
Is this just life for me now? Will I become more easily overwhelmed by life as time goes on? Am I destined to become scattered & unfocused & overcome at the first sign of difficulty? Is that who I have become?
Maybe more importantly, is that who I have to be? Is there a way out? I certainly haven't found it yet. Is there even one to be found?
******************************
I feel like this post is a bit... detached. Several topics not quite meshing together the way I'd like. But I've been holding on to it for several days, and keep re-reading it, and am not finding the way to make it all flow a bit better, so... here ya go. As always, thanks for checking in!
Not just busy, but... sinking beneath everything kind of overwhelmed.
Work is insane right now. Instead of my normal 40 different hats to wear, now I have around 60. Every day is a struggle to juggle it all, and I'm barely scraping by. At this moment I'm still managing to accomplish the needed, must-do tasks, but barely. And I can't shake the feeling that I'm always forgetting something.
With the holidays coming up, our lives have been jam-packed with event after event, plus there's shopping & wrapping & cooking & card sending & decorating to get done as well.
Our home looks like a disaster area. Only a slight exaggeration. I'm staying up late & getting up early. Averaging maybe 5 1/2 hours a sleep a night. And still barely managing to keep on top of the necessities (laundry, dishes, groceries).
I know my lack of sleep is probably contributing to this feeling of being beaten, but at the same time I don't see how getting more sleep and getting even less accomplished is going to help anything.
Besides all the things to do, all the stuff, I have a lot of praying to do. Join me?
My dad had surgery on his back.
Surgery & recovery are going well.
However, they still cannot watch Jena. Which means that for the past few Friday's we've had to make alternate arrangements.
My brother had surgery on his adenoids, throat, etc. (severe sleep apnea).
Recovery is not going well. Not sure of all the details, but he still cannot swallow. Everything he tries to take in, comes out his nose. Apparently this is normal for a day or two past surgery. We're on Day 5. He has also ended up in the ER once because he tried to swallow his liquid pain medication, choked, ended up coughing & gagging, and... he coughed up two of his stiches.
My uncle has been diagnosed with lymphoma.He started chemo yesterday. Eight hours.
They've also done some biopsies because they think it may have metastisized to his pancreas & bones.
My great uncle has been diagnosed with cancer.He has decided to forego traditional Western treatment and is using some alternative treatments to ease his discomfort.
A very dear friend, like family really, has been diagnosed with colon cancer.It has spread to his liver. So far treatments have not changed his condition or prognosis. But he is persisting. For now.
Jason's grandmother is very ill.She has been in & out of the hospital for the past few months. I don't know all the details, but I do know her last hospitilization was for a severe kidney infection. She was on IV antibiotics for four days, and was released to a rehab facility. As of right now, doctors will not release her to her home.
This may force her into a nursing home. Which, quite frankly, is what she needs. Her health has deteriorated and she really needs 24/7 medical care. Two of her daughters (including MIL) have been trying to take care of her, going to her home daily, administering medication, fixing meals, and taking blood pressure & blood sugar readings. But they still get phone calls during the day, during the night, whenever her illness strikes again, and they're back at the hospital. I really believe it is in her best interest to be in a home, but she is very adament that she does not want to go, and her daughters I think feel guilty about it, so aren't pushing the issue.
Each & every one of those weighs heavy on my mind & heart daily.
This is also our first holiday season without my father-in-law. I'm sure there will be some tears, but we'll get thru it okay. My mother-in-law? Not so optimistic.
So we are walking on eggshells (did we every stop?), answering her calls for help, trying to just be there for her. I'm not gonna lie, we could do better in this area. But I also couldn't tell you where we'd find the time either.
And while part of me says this is all just life, get over it, it happens, I also find myself feeling so very overpowered by it all. Sinking. Stressed out. Scattered. Unfocused.
And unable to pull myself out of the pile.
I also find myself wondering why.
I don't recall ever feeling so overwhelmed in the past. Even when life crashed down around me, this sense of losing control was never there.
I know that statistically, women who have PPD or other Post-Partum mental disorders are more likely to develop other mental illnesses in their lives.
I find myself wondering if this is me. If the reason I feel so steamrolled by life has less to do with how much is going on in right now, and more to do with my mind's ability to handle it all. Anymore.
Is this just life for me now? Will I become more easily overwhelmed by life as time goes on? Am I destined to become scattered & unfocused & overcome at the first sign of difficulty? Is that who I have become?
Maybe more importantly, is that who I have to be? Is there a way out? I certainly haven't found it yet. Is there even one to be found?
******************************
I feel like this post is a bit... detached. Several topics not quite meshing together the way I'd like. But I've been holding on to it for several days, and keep re-reading it, and am not finding the way to make it all flow a bit better, so... here ya go. As always, thanks for checking in!
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Rest
You know, eventually I'll remember the importance of doing nothing not-as-much.
A few days ago I was having a "bad back day" and decided to call in to work. Not something I do often.
I didn't lay around all day, but did rest, decided to forego household chores, and spent time with family.
The next day? My back felt better than it had in weeks.
Similarly Buddy has injured his toe. When it was taking longer than usual to heal, I decided to bring him in the house & crate him at night so he can rest (night is his most active time, as he guards the property). Two days later it's still bothering him, but he's walking much better. I'm hoping a few more nights of that and he'll finally be healed (if not, we will be taking him to the vet, but I'm hopeful some rest will do the trick).
When will I learn? Rest = better me. Sometimes time off is just what we need to get back "on".
As always, thanks for checking in.
A few days ago I was having a "bad back day" and decided to call in to work. Not something I do often.
I didn't lay around all day, but did rest, decided to forego household chores, and spent time with family.
The next day? My back felt better than it had in weeks.
Similarly Buddy has injured his toe. When it was taking longer than usual to heal, I decided to bring him in the house & crate him at night so he can rest (night is his most active time, as he guards the property). Two days later it's still bothering him, but he's walking much better. I'm hoping a few more nights of that and he'll finally be healed (if not, we will be taking him to the vet, but I'm hopeful some rest will do the trick).
When will I learn? Rest = better me. Sometimes time off is just what we need to get back "on".
As always, thanks for checking in.
Monday, October 1, 2012
The Itch to be Active
Lately (as in, the past few months), I've had this itch to be active.
Specifically, to run.
Which, if you know me in real life, is a bit odd.
I'm not a runner. I've never been a runner. I don't like to run.And let's not forget that right now I have a bulging disc, and am already spending the larger part of every day in pain.
************
And then, I saw a less-than-flattering picture of myself. And as much as I would love to be able to blame the person who took the pic, I can't.
In fact, it is probably in the quality of the photograph that I am seeing how I really look.
And I was mortified.
*************
And then I had a really busy week, where it seemed like everyone was tugging at me from all directions.
Even the good, fun, social things.
Because this gal is an introvert, and regular alone time is a necessity to keep me from losing my mind.
But our calendar is already pretty darn busy for the next three months, one event after another.One person-filled event after another.
I realized I needed to find a way to achieve alone time. Something that couldn't be taken away from me, except by myself. Something that co-workers, friends, family - not even Jena- could interrupt.
**************
And I realized... running would satisfy all of those.
I googled running with back injuries, running with lumbar injuries, running with bulging discs.
The general consensus seems to be that it's not painful while you're running, but when you stop & rest the pain is quite unbearable.
I talked it out with Jason.
My thinking (crazy as it may be) is that my back is already screwed. I'm already headed for surgery. But my consult isn't for another month, let alone the procedure. That gives me at least a month to run. At least.
Because I have to do something. I have to.
And the hubs is on board. He's supporting me as I try tosee how badly I can screw up my spine whip myself into shape.
I started googling running shoes.
Because I don't remember the last time I wore tennis shoes. Maybe last year? And the ones I have are old & beat up & falling apart. And most likely not running shoes.
And then I realized I still needed to figure out when & where I could run, that I could work into my routine, that I could do alone.
A park wouldn't do, because I'd have to take Jena with me, who would distract me from my goal, and totally destroy any hope of alone time. And Jason would want to come when he was home, which isn't so bad, but I need my alone time.
And then I remembered. Earlier this year my place of employment opened a brand new walking trail thru their campus. The same campus I work on. Over a mile of wooded trail, at a place where I already spend a good part of my day. Five days a week. Close to Jena's preschool. Private. Safe. Monitored. 24 hour security & trained EMTs. And the icing on the cake? The path starts on the other side of campus from the building I work in. Which means little chance of running into co-workers.
It's perfect.
I think.
Today I took asmoke clean air break and checked it out. It's nice. Has 2 mild inclines (what do you expect, we do live in the hills of Kentucky, LOL) and is very peaceful.
My only issue is that it's not lit. And if I'm running after work, it won't be long until that gets into dusktime. But it's still really nice.
My plan is to run every day after work, before I pick up Jena. I'll drive over to the other building, change in their bathrooms, and run.
My goal is 20 min, so all together I'm estimating I'll pick up Jena from preschool 30 minutes later. It's not perfect, as we already struggle with having time in the evenings, but it's the best solution I can think of. Driving to any other location and then starting adds time onto the equation. Doing it any other time of the day requires finding someone to watch her, or attempting to drag her along with me.
This is perfect.
And so when I told Jason I'd figured out when & where, he suggested I download the Couch to 5k app to my phone, and he would do it at the firehouse, and we would be doing it "together". Apart.
Perfect.
I have no idea how this will affect my back. I suspect that all the websites are correct, that pain will be minimal during the exercise, but excruciating afterward.
But I have a bottle of Vicodin my doctor prescribed me sitting unopened in my medicine cabinet. I'm already in pain. And no matter what I do, I'm still gonna need surgery.
So why not give it a try? The way I see it, I have nothing to lose.
But maybe some poundage. And some body issues.
And I have everything to gain.
Like higher confidence. A sense of accomplishment. And a smokin' hot body (right? all runners are hot, right?, LOL)
*******************
So that's my latestcrazy idea update. Wish me luck!
Specifically, to run.
Which, if you know me in real life, is a bit odd.
I'm not a runner. I've never been a runner. I don't like to run.And let's not forget that right now I have a bulging disc, and am already spending the larger part of every day in pain.
************
And then, I saw a less-than-flattering picture of myself. And as much as I would love to be able to blame the person who took the pic, I can't.
In fact, it is probably in the quality of the photograph that I am seeing how I really look.
And I was mortified.
*************
And then I had a really busy week, where it seemed like everyone was tugging at me from all directions.
Even the good, fun, social things.
Because this gal is an introvert, and regular alone time is a necessity to keep me from losing my mind.
But our calendar is already pretty darn busy for the next three months, one event after another.One person-filled event after another.
I realized I needed to find a way to achieve alone time. Something that couldn't be taken away from me, except by myself. Something that co-workers, friends, family - not even Jena- could interrupt.
**************
And I realized... running would satisfy all of those.
I googled running with back injuries, running with lumbar injuries, running with bulging discs.
The general consensus seems to be that it's not painful while you're running, but when you stop & rest the pain is quite unbearable.
I talked it out with Jason.
My thinking (crazy as it may be) is that my back is already screwed. I'm already headed for surgery. But my consult isn't for another month, let alone the procedure. That gives me at least a month to run. At least.
Because I have to do something. I have to.
And the hubs is on board. He's supporting me as I try to
I started googling running shoes.
Because I don't remember the last time I wore tennis shoes. Maybe last year? And the ones I have are old & beat up & falling apart. And most likely not running shoes.
And then I realized I still needed to figure out when & where I could run, that I could work into my routine, that I could do alone.
A park wouldn't do, because I'd have to take Jena with me, who would distract me from my goal, and totally destroy any hope of alone time. And Jason would want to come when he was home, which isn't so bad, but I need my alone time.
And then I remembered. Earlier this year my place of employment opened a brand new walking trail thru their campus. The same campus I work on. Over a mile of wooded trail, at a place where I already spend a good part of my day. Five days a week. Close to Jena's preschool. Private. Safe. Monitored. 24 hour security & trained EMTs. And the icing on the cake? The path starts on the other side of campus from the building I work in. Which means little chance of running into co-workers.
It's perfect.
I think.
Today I took a
My only issue is that it's not lit. And if I'm running after work, it won't be long until that gets into dusktime. But it's still really nice.
My plan is to run every day after work, before I pick up Jena. I'll drive over to the other building, change in their bathrooms, and run.
My goal is 20 min, so all together I'm estimating I'll pick up Jena from preschool 30 minutes later. It's not perfect, as we already struggle with having time in the evenings, but it's the best solution I can think of. Driving to any other location and then starting adds time onto the equation. Doing it any other time of the day requires finding someone to watch her, or attempting to drag her along with me.
This is perfect.
And so when I told Jason I'd figured out when & where, he suggested I download the Couch to 5k app to my phone, and he would do it at the firehouse, and we would be doing it "together". Apart.
Perfect.
I have no idea how this will affect my back. I suspect that all the websites are correct, that pain will be minimal during the exercise, but excruciating afterward.
But I have a bottle of Vicodin my doctor prescribed me sitting unopened in my medicine cabinet. I'm already in pain. And no matter what I do, I'm still gonna need surgery.
So why not give it a try? The way I see it, I have nothing to lose.
But maybe some poundage. And some body issues.
And I have everything to gain.
Like higher confidence. A sense of accomplishment. And a smokin' hot body (right? all runners are hot, right?, LOL)
*******************
So that's my latest
Thursday, September 27, 2012
My Fat Butt - less soda pop
Well, dear readers, I'm here for another check in.
On my 2nd month of reducing my eating out, I didn't do as well as the first month, and finished at 47%. Still much better than my initial 60%, but those numbers need to go down, not up.
But on my 1st month of reducing my pop intake? I dropped it by just over half, from 43% of my beverages, to 22%.
So, to re-cap: I've reduced eating out by 21%, and reduced pop intake by 51%.
And gained another 4 lbs.
To say I'm frustrated is an understatement.
But I will press forward. Work on dropping my eating out numbers back down (and farther!), work on lowering my pop consumption even more. Work to increase activity (which should be lots of fun w/ a bulging disk), and work to increase fruit & veggie intake.
I will press on. But I will also consider moving up my next endocrinologist appointment. He'd taken me off of most of my meds about 4 months ago, because I was having some pretty bad side effects, and my levels had been very good, so we decided to stop them. And in those 4 months I have gained roughly 15 lbs, 6 of which have been while being very intentional at making some lifestyle changes.
So I will continue to do the work, but I also have to consider the possibility that I may need medical intervention to keep my weight from progressing back to where it was before I got diagnosed.
I'll continue to keep you posted. Thanks for checking in.
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Bulging Disc
After finally giving in and seeing my family doctor, and the subsequent MRI, we have a diagnosis.
Bulging disc.
Same disc that re-injured last year.
Same disc that I had surgery on in 2006.
Same disc originally injured in a car accident in 2002.
I didn't realize it'd been hurting for six months (that long?!?) until I stumbled across this blog post from February.
The pain gets better, gets worse, but never goes away. I'd say it stays steady in the 3 range, sometimes down to a 1 or 2, sometimes spiking to an 8 or 9.
Six months. I was thinking it was only three. See, this is why I blog. My memory stinks.
Anywho, I had my MRI, it's a bulging disc, and with no big surprise he's referring be back to my neurosurgeon.
I don't really want to go thru a surgery & recovery again. But I can't go thru life in constant pain either. Especially with a munchkin depending on me.
And (I know I should wait to talk to the surgeon before I even think about it, but...) I also am pretty sure that the surgery won't be as bad this time around, as (I think) it would be a routine discectomy.
My original surgery took more than twice the estimated time, my scar is double the size I was told. They got into my spine & found my injury was more complicated than originally anticipated. The hardest part? Scraping the calcified gunk (annulus fibrosus) off of the nerves surrounding the disc. My disc had exploded into my spine, and over time the gunk (not a medical term, my term) had calcified on the nerves. My surgeon said one nerve was actually cemented onto the bone, unable to move. In addition, the center of the disc (nucleus pulposes) was no longer in the middle of my disc, but was bulging out of the opening left by the absent gunk.
Long story short, it wasn't a routine procedure. And recovery was long. And miserable.
All that to say, I'mthinking hoping that if I do need surgery again (and I think that is what he'll recommend), then this time it will be more of a routine discectomy, right? RIGHT?!? (just say 'yes' to make me feel better, 'kay?)
So, that's my update for today. As always, thanks for checking in!
Bulging disc.
Same disc that re-injured last year.
Same disc that I had surgery on in 2006.
Same disc originally injured in a car accident in 2002.
I didn't realize it'd been hurting for six months (that long?!?) until I stumbled across this blog post from February.
The pain gets better, gets worse, but never goes away. I'd say it stays steady in the 3 range, sometimes down to a 1 or 2, sometimes spiking to an 8 or 9.
Six months. I was thinking it was only three. See, this is why I blog. My memory stinks.
Anywho, I had my MRI, it's a bulging disc, and with no big surprise he's referring be back to my neurosurgeon.
I don't really want to go thru a surgery & recovery again. But I can't go thru life in constant pain either. Especially with a munchkin depending on me.
And (I know I should wait to talk to the surgeon before I even think about it, but...) I also am pretty sure that the surgery won't be as bad this time around, as (I think) it would be a routine discectomy.
My original surgery took more than twice the estimated time, my scar is double the size I was told. They got into my spine & found my injury was more complicated than originally anticipated. The hardest part? Scraping the calcified gunk (annulus fibrosus) off of the nerves surrounding the disc. My disc had exploded into my spine, and over time the gunk (not a medical term, my term) had calcified on the nerves. My surgeon said one nerve was actually cemented onto the bone, unable to move. In addition, the center of the disc (nucleus pulposes) was no longer in the middle of my disc, but was bulging out of the opening left by the absent gunk.
Long story short, it wasn't a routine procedure. And recovery was long. And miserable.
All that to say, I'm
So, that's my update for today. As always, thanks for checking in!
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Oh, it's just an old back injury...
I find myself saying these words more & more lately.
I haven't mentioned it on here, or really anywhere else, because I've ignored it best I can.
But the truth is, my back has been hurting for at least 3 months.
The numbness & tingling from last year never went away, I just got used to it. But now I'm in pain. Near constant pain.
It's tolerable. I'm not on pain meds yet. Then again, I tend to be the refuse-to-take-meds-until-I'm-completely-nonfunctional kinda person.
Using the 1 thru 10 pain scale, I'd say most of the time my pain hovers around a 3, but there have definitely been spikes up to 9, and I've thought about staying home from work / leaving work early because of it. You know, when I almost collapsed walking between buildings because of the pain that shot into my back. That day, I almost went home. But I toughed it out.
Which, if you know me, the fact that I thought about going home is saying a lot.
It feels a lot like last time, before my surgery. Lying down hurts in no time, so I wake up every night in pain & try to change positions to get comfortable again. Sitting down for long periods of time makes it very difficult to get up. I'm doing the old-lady-shuffle in my trademark hunched over fashion.
And so, I finally gave in and saw my primary care physician.
He cringed as he watched me walk, offered me pain meds (I refused), and kept saying I'm too young to be going thru this.
He should have seen me 7 years ago.
In the end, he ordered an MRI and referred me back to my original neurosurgeon. Pretty much what I was expecting.
I'm trying not to get ahead of myself, but I don't know what I'm gonna do if I need a repeat surgery. I mean, financially things will be much better (I have paid sick time, as well as short term disability now, which I did not have before), but the recovery was so difficult. I don't know how I'll manage with a preschooler.
To give you an idea, the surgeon prescribed a med to essentially knock me out within 15 min of taking it, and keep me out for 2-3 hours. The point is to force me to be as immobile as possible so the surgery site can heal. I basically slept for a month after surgery. If I remember correctly it was 4-5 weeks before I was cleared to drive. Walking was difficult. And someone has to check the site daily & change my dressing. As a single 20-something, I moved in with my folks for about 10 days (till the dressing no longer needed changed), then went home to my apartment with my cat & spent my days sleeping & watching TV & being bored out of my skull.
But healing. Which is the point.
I just can't figure out how that would possibly work with a preschooler, house, & 20 animals to take care of, plus a husband whose job requires him to be gone every 3rd night.
I know I need to stop worrying about it, because I don't even know for sure if I'll need surgery, but the planner in me can't help trying to figure it out.
So anyway, that's a little update on me. As always, thanks for checking in!
I haven't mentioned it on here, or really anywhere else, because I've ignored it best I can.
But the truth is, my back has been hurting for at least 3 months.
The numbness & tingling from last year never went away, I just got used to it. But now I'm in pain. Near constant pain.
It's tolerable. I'm not on pain meds yet. Then again, I tend to be the refuse-to-take-meds-until-I'm-completely-nonfunctional kinda person.
Using the 1 thru 10 pain scale, I'd say most of the time my pain hovers around a 3, but there have definitely been spikes up to 9, and I've thought about staying home from work / leaving work early because of it. You know, when I almost collapsed walking between buildings because of the pain that shot into my back. That day, I almost went home. But I toughed it out.
Which, if you know me, the fact that I thought about going home is saying a lot.
It feels a lot like last time, before my surgery. Lying down hurts in no time, so I wake up every night in pain & try to change positions to get comfortable again. Sitting down for long periods of time makes it very difficult to get up. I'm doing the old-lady-shuffle in my trademark hunched over fashion.
And so, I finally gave in and saw my primary care physician.
He cringed as he watched me walk, offered me pain meds (I refused), and kept saying I'm too young to be going thru this.
He should have seen me 7 years ago.
In the end, he ordered an MRI and referred me back to my original neurosurgeon. Pretty much what I was expecting.
I'm trying not to get ahead of myself, but I don't know what I'm gonna do if I need a repeat surgery. I mean, financially things will be much better (I have paid sick time, as well as short term disability now, which I did not have before), but the recovery was so difficult. I don't know how I'll manage with a preschooler.
To give you an idea, the surgeon prescribed a med to essentially knock me out within 15 min of taking it, and keep me out for 2-3 hours. The point is to force me to be as immobile as possible so the surgery site can heal. I basically slept for a month after surgery. If I remember correctly it was 4-5 weeks before I was cleared to drive. Walking was difficult. And someone has to check the site daily & change my dressing. As a single 20-something, I moved in with my folks for about 10 days (till the dressing no longer needed changed), then went home to my apartment with my cat & spent my days sleeping & watching TV & being bored out of my skull.
But healing. Which is the point.
I just can't figure out how that would possibly work with a preschooler, house, & 20 animals to take care of, plus a husband whose job requires him to be gone every 3rd night.
I know I need to stop worrying about it, because I don't even know for sure if I'll need surgery, but the planner in me can't help trying to figure it out.
So anyway, that's a little update on me. As always, thanks for checking in!
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Blessings
Physical Blessings:
1) No serious medical issues yet this year
2) My back is stable (not worsening)
3) Jason is healthy & strong as ever
4) Jena is healthy & growing well
5) All the pets are relatively healthy
Financial Blessings:
1) We can feed & clothe our family, and pay our mortgage
2) We have good benefits, including affordable health coverage
3) Our car is almost paid off
4) We are on target to be debt free (excepting the house) within 2 years max
5) We can afford a few extras
Mental Blessings
1) My issues with depression & anxiety appear to be (mostly) over
2) So far I see no signs that my PPD will lead into Clinical Depression
3) My job is providing me with enough challenges to stretch me, but not enough to stress me
4) Jena has tested above her age group in all developmental milestones
5) I haven't had writer's block in months
Spiritual Blessings
1) Mine & my husband's salvation
2) So many answered prayers & visible miracles
3) Continued growth in the Lord
4) Finding my "fit" in our church home
5) Spiritual battles won
Answered Prayer
1) TheBoy's miraculous recovery
2) Continued growth & healing in our marriage
3) Promises fulfilled
4) Safety for Jason on the job
5) Unspoken
Today's Blessings
1) We all woke up this morning (and healthy too!)
2) We both have jobs to go to
3) My parents watching Jena
4) We can talk during the day
5) Phone call from a friend
**********************
this post inspired by this post
1) No serious medical issues yet this year
2) My back is stable (not worsening)
3) Jason is healthy & strong as ever
4) Jena is healthy & growing well
5) All the pets are relatively healthy
Financial Blessings:
1) We can feed & clothe our family, and pay our mortgage
2) We have good benefits, including affordable health coverage
3) Our car is almost paid off
4) We are on target to be debt free (excepting the house) within 2 years max
5) We can afford a few extras
Mental Blessings
1) My issues with depression & anxiety appear to be (mostly) over
2) So far I see no signs that my PPD will lead into Clinical Depression
3) My job is providing me with enough challenges to stretch me, but not enough to stress me
4) Jena has tested above her age group in all developmental milestones
5) I haven't had writer's block in months
Spiritual Blessings
1) Mine & my husband's salvation
2) So many answered prayers & visible miracles
3) Continued growth in the Lord
4) Finding my "fit" in our church home
5) Spiritual battles won
Answered Prayer
1) TheBoy's miraculous recovery
2) Continued growth & healing in our marriage
3) Promises fulfilled
4) Safety for Jason on the job
5) Unspoken
Today's Blessings
1) We all woke up this morning (and healthy too!)
2) We both have jobs to go to
3) My parents watching Jena
4) We can talk during the day
5) Phone call from a friend
**********************
this post inspired by this post
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Update on my Nephew
He's being discharged from the Neurology Rehab center today.
His recovery is unbelievable.
No, really. As in the doctors, nurses, therapists, and other experts in the area of traumatic brain injury are incredulous.
He's being released home. And will need no special care.
None.
He can walk, although he is at times unsteady.
He can talk.
He cannot drive.
He has lost 60% of his hearing.
This one is interesting, as it's a brain issue, not an ear issue. Essentially, hearing aids will not work because the problem is in his brain and how it processes sounds.
The psychiatrist has cleared him mentally, as being fully capable of functioning and making his own decisions.
Ends up a huge part of the issue was his hearing. So realizing that, plus some additional healing on his part, and ta daa! His mental facilities are now considered "normal"
He has been advised that if he chooses to partake in any amount of alcohol or illegal drugs, or suffers the slightest head injury, he risks death.
Not by his own actions as a result from altered judgement, as is usually the case, but because he has such a large amount of brain damage that anything that kills any additional brain cells has the potential to literally kill him. Even one drink.
******************
******************
I thank you all so much for your prayers. We have truly seen a miracle done here.
And I ask you for your continued prayers.
He admits to being an addict. Which means his struggle to avoid death is only beginning.
And his first major decision is (what I believe to be) a bad one. Instead of moving in with his parents (who dropped everything to move back to Ohio to support him - but that's another story), he has decided to live with his aunt & uncle. The uncle who gave him the drugs and is an addict himself. Two unemployed addicts living in the same house. Surely I don't have to spell out the issue here.
He is an adult, who's psychiatrist cleared him for making personal decisions, so legally his parents have recourse. Other than prayer.
From what I understand, his reasoning is that his parents have too many rules. His dad tried to reason with him, pointing out that he had already agreed that his girlfriend could live there with him, and that the other rules (no drinking, no smoking, no drugs), are the same things doctors told him could kill him, and he says he's going to not do any more. So what rules are the problem? TheBoy had no answer.
Please continue to pray for TheBoy. And for the entire family, but I do believe his situation is still urgent. If I'm being honest, with his medical situation, and the living situation he is putting himself into, assuming he stays in that situation, I do not expect him to live more than 3 - 5 years.
Please pray.
His recovery is unbelievable.
No, really. As in the doctors, nurses, therapists, and other experts in the area of traumatic brain injury are incredulous.
He's being released home. And will need no special care.
None.
He can walk, although he is at times unsteady.
He can talk.
He cannot drive.
He has lost 60% of his hearing.
This one is interesting, as it's a brain issue, not an ear issue. Essentially, hearing aids will not work because the problem is in his brain and how it processes sounds.
The psychiatrist has cleared him mentally, as being fully capable of functioning and making his own decisions.
Ends up a huge part of the issue was his hearing. So realizing that, plus some additional healing on his part, and ta daa! His mental facilities are now considered "normal"
He has been advised that if he chooses to partake in any amount of alcohol or illegal drugs, or suffers the slightest head injury, he risks death.
Not by his own actions as a result from altered judgement, as is usually the case, but because he has such a large amount of brain damage that anything that kills any additional brain cells has the potential to literally kill him. Even one drink.
******************
 |
| 5 weeks ago |
 |
| 2 weeks ago |
 |
| at his sister's HS graduation last week |
******************
I thank you all so much for your prayers. We have truly seen a miracle done here.
And I ask you for your continued prayers.
He admits to being an addict. Which means his struggle to avoid death is only beginning.
And his first major decision is (what I believe to be) a bad one. Instead of moving in with his parents (who dropped everything to move back to Ohio to support him - but that's another story), he has decided to live with his aunt & uncle. The uncle who gave him the drugs and is an addict himself. Two unemployed addicts living in the same house. Surely I don't have to spell out the issue here.
He is an adult, who's psychiatrist cleared him for making personal decisions, so legally his parents have recourse. Other than prayer.
From what I understand, his reasoning is that his parents have too many rules. His dad tried to reason with him, pointing out that he had already agreed that his girlfriend could live there with him, and that the other rules (no drinking, no smoking, no drugs), are the same things doctors told him could kill him, and he says he's going to not do any more. So what rules are the problem? TheBoy had no answer.
Please continue to pray for TheBoy. And for the entire family, but I do believe his situation is still urgent. If I'm being honest, with his medical situation, and the living situation he is putting himself into, assuming he stays in that situation, I do not expect him to live more than 3 - 5 years.
Please pray.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Withdrawal
So, come to find out that TheBoy has been under sedation for about a week.
Because he kept trying to take out his breathing tube.
The other day, they took him off the sedation. Within half an hour he was looking around, following people across the room with his eyes. Registering people, and movement.
Unfortunately, within an hour he was showing signs of withdrawal (since sedation is a narcotic, he's essentially been on drugs since he came into the hospital). Eventually his symptoms became so drastic (violent outbursts, profuse sweating, vomiting, etc) that they put him back under.
Yet still, hours later, back under sedation, he had another violent outburst, and is showing different reactions based on who is visiting him. And yes, the nurse has documented that these things are happening, not just family members' imaginations.
He is responding. He is registering, to some degree, what is going on around him.
Please continue to pray for his healing.
Please pray for strength, peace, and FAITH for the entire family.
I also ask that you pray for God's presence in the hospital. It appears that there is some spiritual warfare going on there as well.
Thank you so much (again) for your continued prayers & support. I cannot tell you how much it means to us.
Because he kept trying to take out his breathing tube.
The other day, they took him off the sedation. Within half an hour he was looking around, following people across the room with his eyes. Registering people, and movement.
Unfortunately, within an hour he was showing signs of withdrawal (since sedation is a narcotic, he's essentially been on drugs since he came into the hospital). Eventually his symptoms became so drastic (violent outbursts, profuse sweating, vomiting, etc) that they put him back under.
Yet still, hours later, back under sedation, he had another violent outburst, and is showing different reactions based on who is visiting him. And yes, the nurse has documented that these things are happening, not just family members' imaginations.
He is responding. He is registering, to some degree, what is going on around him.
Please continue to pray for his healing.
Please pray for strength, peace, and FAITH for the entire family.
I also ask that you pray for God's presence in the hospital. It appears that there is some spiritual warfare going on there as well.
Thank you so much (again) for your continued prayers & support. I cannot tell you how much it means to us.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
On Healing, Faith, and Emotions
Yes, I believe God can and does perform miraculous healings.
Yes, I believe God sometimes does this outside of medical intervention.
Yes, I believe God sometimes uses medical intervention to perform healings.
Yes, I have faith that God will do this at the request of His followers, within His will.
Yes, all of these things give me hope.
Yes, I believe God sometimes says 'no', for reasons we may never understand.
Yes, I believe God sometimes says 'yes... but not how you would like'
Yes, these things occasionally make me feel sad.
**********************
When I had my accident, and for the four years thereafter, I had several people tell me I should attend a healing service, ask people to pray over my injury. I never did. Not because I thought He wouldn't, but because from the moment it happened, I had this feeling that I was supposed to go thru this, that this was my cross to bear. To ask to be healed of something I was supposed to go to seemed like a violation. When I did eventually have my surgery, the timing felt perfect, and to me it was no less miraculous than if I had been spontaneously healed years before.
***********************
For years before he passed, my father-in-law believed that if God wanted him to be healed, God would do it. He did not want medical intervention.
Looking back on the past few years, I honestly believe God brought him thru several heart attacks in the past 3 years, none of which even incapacitated him. I can think of three such episodes just off the top of my head.
Our entire family has had great comfort in looking back over his life, and believing that he died because it was time.
***********************
My nephew (let's call him TheBoy) has achieved incredible healing, that has been in direct opposition to what Western medicine has said his prognosis will be.
When his overdose first happened, we were told that within 48 hours the family will need to make a decision about life support (ie. whether or not to pull the plug). He was not breathing on his own at all.
Less than a week later, he can breathe on his own, he reacts to physical & emotional stimuli, he opens his eyes on command, his kidney failure resolved almost overnight, as did his liver failure.
We have gone from crying out to God to "JUST LET HIM LIVE!" (literally, I literally sat in my living room and cried those words to my Father), to asking him to be well enough to attend his sister's graduation party in 3 weeks.
Since the moment I heard of his overdose, I never had "the bad feeling", the feeling that precedes knowing someone will die (if you've had it, you know what it feels like). I have had a good feeling, an optimistic feeling, and I believed God would continue to improve TheBoy's physical condition.
Until today. I don't have "the bad feeling". But I no longer have the good feeling either. I feel strongly that God is saying this is it, this is as far as He is bringing TheBoy's physical healing.
I won't pretend to know why. And perhaps I am wrong. But I don't think I am.
My faith is still strong, and I believe God has a reason for this, we just don't know what it is yet.
And I am immensely grateful for God sparing TheBoy's life, and for the incredible improvements we have seen. I thank God for giving him another chance.
But still, I am sad. Dejected. I cannot think straight. The tears flow freely.
Yes, I believe God sometimes does this outside of medical intervention.
Yes, I believe God sometimes uses medical intervention to perform healings.
Yes, I have faith that God will do this at the request of His followers, within His will.
Yes, all of these things give me hope.
Yes, I believe God sometimes says 'no', for reasons we may never understand.
Yes, I believe God sometimes says 'yes... but not how you would like'
Yes, these things occasionally make me feel sad.
**********************
When I had my accident, and for the four years thereafter, I had several people tell me I should attend a healing service, ask people to pray over my injury. I never did. Not because I thought He wouldn't, but because from the moment it happened, I had this feeling that I was supposed to go thru this, that this was my cross to bear. To ask to be healed of something I was supposed to go to seemed like a violation. When I did eventually have my surgery, the timing felt perfect, and to me it was no less miraculous than if I had been spontaneously healed years before.
***********************
For years before he passed, my father-in-law believed that if God wanted him to be healed, God would do it. He did not want medical intervention.
Looking back on the past few years, I honestly believe God brought him thru several heart attacks in the past 3 years, none of which even incapacitated him. I can think of three such episodes just off the top of my head.
Our entire family has had great comfort in looking back over his life, and believing that he died because it was time.
***********************
My nephew (let's call him TheBoy) has achieved incredible healing, that has been in direct opposition to what Western medicine has said his prognosis will be.
When his overdose first happened, we were told that within 48 hours the family will need to make a decision about life support (ie. whether or not to pull the plug). He was not breathing on his own at all.
Less than a week later, he can breathe on his own, he reacts to physical & emotional stimuli, he opens his eyes on command, his kidney failure resolved almost overnight, as did his liver failure.
We have gone from crying out to God to "JUST LET HIM LIVE!" (literally, I literally sat in my living room and cried those words to my Father), to asking him to be well enough to attend his sister's graduation party in 3 weeks.
Since the moment I heard of his overdose, I never had "the bad feeling", the feeling that precedes knowing someone will die (if you've had it, you know what it feels like). I have had a good feeling, an optimistic feeling, and I believed God would continue to improve TheBoy's physical condition.
Until today. I don't have "the bad feeling". But I no longer have the good feeling either. I feel strongly that God is saying this is it, this is as far as He is bringing TheBoy's physical healing.
I won't pretend to know why. And perhaps I am wrong. But I don't think I am.
My faith is still strong, and I believe God has a reason for this, we just don't know what it is yet.
And I am immensely grateful for God sparing TheBoy's life, and for the incredible improvements we have seen. I thank God for giving him another chance.
But still, I am sad. Dejected. I cannot think straight. The tears flow freely.
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
*update on my nephew*
My brother-in-law met with my nephew's neurologist. It's never good when they ask you to sit down.
He said that my nephew's entire brain is damaged. Not just a spot, not just a part, the entire brain. All that is left is to wait & see how much it will recover.
His brain stem is intact & working properly - which controls life essential functions like breathing, heart beating, etc.
But... the part of your brain that controls reflexes (breathe deeper, you need to swallow, it's time to pee) is not working at all.
He told the family to prepare themselves that he will never be the same. Evenif when he wakes up, he won't be the same person anymore.
My brother-in-law is looking for jobs in Ohio (they currently live in Iowa), near where my nephew is, and has a possibility already lined up. My sister has started looking for housing in the area.
This is hard.
He said that my nephew's entire brain is damaged. Not just a spot, not just a part, the entire brain. All that is left is to wait & see how much it will recover.
His brain stem is intact & working properly - which controls life essential functions like breathing, heart beating, etc.
But... the part of your brain that controls reflexes (breathe deeper, you need to swallow, it's time to pee) is not working at all.
He told the family to prepare themselves that he will never be the same. Even
My brother-in-law is looking for jobs in Ohio (they currently live in Iowa), near where my nephew is, and has a possibility already lined up. My sister has started looking for housing in the area.
This is hard.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
And there goes my back...
About two weeks ago, I was up in the middle of the night (like normal), and when I laid back down I felt a "pop" in my lower back.
Since then, then numbness & tingling in my legs as returned with greater frequency and duration.
Then two days ago, I woke up in the morning, stretched, and... felt like someone took a vice grip on my tailbone. Owie.
So now I'm all walking funny, trying only to wear flat shoes (the only flat "winter" shoes I have that are okay for work are my steel toes - limits my wardrobe selections), and trying to take it easy while still getting work done.
Just reiterates for me the fact that this is, surely, a lifetime injury.
Ugh.
Thanks for checking in!
Since then, then numbness & tingling in my legs as returned with greater frequency and duration.
Then two days ago, I woke up in the morning, stretched, and... felt like someone took a vice grip on my tailbone. Owie.
So now I'm all walking funny, trying only to wear flat shoes (the only flat "winter" shoes I have that are okay for work are my steel toes - limits my wardrobe selections), and trying to take it easy while still getting work done.
Just reiterates for me the fact that this is, surely, a lifetime injury.
Ugh.
Thanks for checking in!
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Quick update on back problems
With everything else going on, I don't remember if I told you I had epidural injections last month. Well, I did. Same week as my colonoscopy / EGD. It was a busy hard week on my body.
Today I had my follow up with the Pain Management Specialist / Anesthesiologist who performed the procedure.
What I'm pretty sure I didn't tell you is that although I was scheduled for one basic epidural injection, when I got there I was informed that the doctor felt that two injections, directly onto the affected nerve, would be more effective.
Whatever.
For me, this meant that the procedure was more invasive, I now had to be put under anesthesia, and my after-care instructions went from a mere eight hours of modified bedrest to 8 hours of modified bedrest, plus an additional 16 hours of strict limitations on my activity (24 hours total before resuming normal activity).
Whatever. We got thru it.
At my follow up today, he seemed pleasantly surprised that all of my pain was gone, but not so surprised that I'm still having numbness & tingling in my legs. He told me that if those symptoms didn't go away with the injection, they're not going away unless I have surgery. But... that unless I'm having symptoms of weakness or paralysis, or develop other disturbing symptoms, it's not worrisome. Just annoying.
So overall good news. But I do have to live with the annoyance of numbness & tingling in my legs. For... well, I suppose maybe forever.
He said the pain could come back tomorrow, or may never come back. Which is what my neurosurgeon had told me of these injections.
He quietly reviewed my chart for a few minutes, asked me a few questions about my original symptoms, and asked why my neurosurgeon didn't think surgery was necessary.
I explained that the surgeon was hoping the injection would negate the need for surgery, or at least postpone it, since the surgery itself was so invasive.
He then laughed.
"No wonder the surgeon sent you here", he said. "You were a challenge for me to inject, you'd be a nightmare to operate on. I mean, your disc exploded!"
I didn't tell him that. He read that in my chart. I'm sure it probably doesn't actually say "exploded", but has the medically-Latin name for it, but still.
He then told me that he hoped to never see me again. And Lord willing I'll never see my surgeon again either.
Nice guy. There are certain settings in which hoping to never see someone again is the polite way to say good-bye. Leaving your Pain Management Specialist is one of them.
Thanks for checking in.
Today I had my follow up with the Pain Management Specialist / Anesthesiologist who performed the procedure.
What I'm pretty sure I didn't tell you is that although I was scheduled for one basic epidural injection, when I got there I was informed that the doctor felt that two injections, directly onto the affected nerve, would be more effective.
Whatever.
For me, this meant that the procedure was more invasive, I now had to be put under anesthesia, and my after-care instructions went from a mere eight hours of modified bedrest to 8 hours of modified bedrest, plus an additional 16 hours of strict limitations on my activity (24 hours total before resuming normal activity).
Whatever. We got thru it.
At my follow up today, he seemed pleasantly surprised that all of my pain was gone, but not so surprised that I'm still having numbness & tingling in my legs. He told me that if those symptoms didn't go away with the injection, they're not going away unless I have surgery. But... that unless I'm having symptoms of weakness or paralysis, or develop other disturbing symptoms, it's not worrisome. Just annoying.
So overall good news. But I do have to live with the annoyance of numbness & tingling in my legs. For... well, I suppose maybe forever.
He said the pain could come back tomorrow, or may never come back. Which is what my neurosurgeon had told me of these injections.
He quietly reviewed my chart for a few minutes, asked me a few questions about my original symptoms, and asked why my neurosurgeon didn't think surgery was necessary.
I explained that the surgeon was hoping the injection would negate the need for surgery, or at least postpone it, since the surgery itself was so invasive.
He then laughed.
"No wonder the surgeon sent you here", he said. "You were a challenge for me to inject, you'd be a nightmare to operate on. I mean, your disc exploded!"
I didn't tell him that. He read that in my chart. I'm sure it probably doesn't actually say "exploded", but has the medically-Latin name for it, but still.
He then told me that he hoped to never see me again. And Lord willing I'll never see my surgeon again either.
Nice guy. There are certain settings in which hoping to never see someone again is the polite way to say good-bye. Leaving your Pain Management Specialist is one of them.
Thanks for checking in.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Friday Fragments
**********************************
My sister texted me the other day asking what I knew about rabies. She tried to rescue a cat that apparently didn't want to be rescued.
The good news? There hasn't been a confirmed case of rabies in her area in over 15 years.
Animal control caught the cat and allowed it to be quarantined for 10 days in their home.
Except it ends up their pit bull, who had never seen a cat, did not do so well.
Sort of. Long story short, it wasn't safe for the cat. So now the cat is quarantining elsewhere.
*********************************
I've met with my neurosurgeon regarding my back issues. My MRI did show injury & degeneration to L4, but since my symptoms are more of an annoying nuisance right now (as opposed to debilitating), we're going to try an alternative treatment, in the way of an epidural injection, in the hopes of avoiding, or at least postponing, surgery. Fun
I've met with my neurosurgeon regarding my back issues. My MRI did show injury & degeneration to L4, but since my symptoms are more of an annoying nuisance right now (as opposed to debilitating), we're going to try an alternative treatment, in the way of an epidural injection, in the hopes of avoiding, or at least postponing, surgery. Fun
********************************
I'd also like to have Lasik eye surgery sometime soon, but with all of the other medical things going on I'm kinda waiting to see.
*******************************
FireMan's business has been doing fairly steady work for nearly a year now. Nothing huge, but slow & steady work. Which is awesome.
He's picked up three new clients just in the past two months and I am super-proud of him!
He's picked up three new clients just in the past two months and I am super-proud of him!
********************************
I still can't figure out why I can post comments on some Blogger blogs and not others.
Similarly I can't figure out why some of you can post comments on my blog, but others can't.
Yo, Blogger! Fix it already!
Similarly I can't figure out why some of you can post comments on my blog, but others can't.
Yo, Blogger! Fix it already!
*******************************
Last week FireGirl started going to preschool early, in time to eat breakfast there. It's quite a change for both of us, being 90 minutes earlier than her previous drop-off time, but so far, so good. Her meltdowns aren't any worse than normal, so... I guess we're good.
And... what kicked me in the butt to get her there earlier - I found out that on Wednesdays they have dance class right after breakfast. So this whole time she was missing out on dance!
I knew they offered it, and finally asked the teacher because no one ever said anything. On Wednesdays a dance teacher comes in & dance class takes the place of their first physical activity (open gym, playground, etc) time.
And... what kicked me in the butt to get her there earlier - I found out that on Wednesdays they have dance class right after breakfast. So this whole time she was missing out on dance!
I knew they offered it, and finally asked the teacher because no one ever said anything. On Wednesdays a dance teacher comes in & dance class takes the place of their first physical activity (open gym, playground, etc) time.
*****************************
Speaking of dance class, we're probably going to enroll FireGirl in a dance or tumbling class after her 3rd birthday (which is coming up way too soon!).
Right now we're just thinking we'll start at the local YMCA and see how it goes before paying for a more specialized instructor.
Right now we're just thinking we'll start at the local YMCA and see how it goes before paying for a more specialized instructor.
*****************************
I really want to take a trip to Iowa and a trip to California this year, both to visit loved ones. But it's already August, we have a trip planned in October for our anniversary, another family trip planned in December, plus I have to figure out what's going on with me medically, so... I have no idea when I'll be able to go.
Which makes me sad.
Because I really want to go this year. Like... yesterday.
Which makes me sad.
Because I really want to go this year. Like... yesterday.
*****************************
My life has been too many peaks & valleys lately. Highs & lows. Joyously goods followed by enourmous frustrations. Incredibly busy wherever-will-I-find-time, followed by same-old-ness.
I don't like this many peaks & valleys together. Stresses me a bit. I'm more of a rolling hills kinda gal, I suppose.
I don't like this many peaks & valleys together. Stresses me a bit. I'm more of a rolling hills kinda gal, I suppose.
***************************
Have a great weekend!
Friday, June 24, 2011
Friday Fragments
**********************************
So far FireGirl's new preschool is going really well. Except for drop-offs. And that they keep not giving her her paci for naptime. Other than that, great.
*********************************
FireMan & I did a mini-vacation last weekend. One of these days I'll post some pics. It was a nice time to relax, and reconnect. Much needed, and well-timed.
********************************
Got my MRI results. Yep, a fragment from my disc (same one) has broken off and is "dangling down" and interfering with the nerves in my spine. I have a surgical consult scheduled for next month.
*******************************
Did I tell ya'll about the weird stomach virus I had last week? and the week before? and back in March? Well, my mom finally convinced me that there was no way that could be a virus. I saw my family doctor yesterday. He thinks it's my gall bladder. Great. They're supposed to call me sometime today to schedule an ultrasound. Oh, and if it is my gall bladder, I'll probably need surgery. Because if it's progressed to the point of interfering with my digestive system, there's not much more they can do. Great.
********************************
I've decided I need to start photographing & keeping track of the wildlife we see at our house. We see so many interesting things. Last week alone: five-lined skink, various frogs & toads, white-tailed deer, snake (still unidentified), pileated woodpecker, two other kinds of woodpeckers, lots of birdies, box turtle (actually a tortoise, but whatever).
In the past we've also seen walking sticks (maybe my favorite insect), raccoons, opossums, salamanders, another type of turtle (still unidentified), another type of snake (still unidentified), tree frogs, and... I'm sure a bunch of others I'm forgetting.
Plus all the buggies. I'm learning a lot about bugs. Which are good. Which are truly icky. Which I hate so much I kill with a vengeance on sight.
But I love nature. And I find all this wildlife invigorating, inspiring, and peaceful.
*******************************
I have a new boss. Again. Four bosses in seven months. Basically now I just directly report to the guy above the other three guys. And he sat down with me and apologized for all the confusion and that none of it was my fault, that it was management's fault for not getting their act together. I've worked with him for years, and I really like him, and think it'll be good, but all the changes still kinda stress me out. Being the only one here who does what I do, I've had to "train" each one of them on my job and what I do and stuff. And it's just getting really old.
*******************************
Next week I'm scheduled to clean the manatee tank at the zoo again. For the first time in over a year. They finally called me out on not doing it in too long. My fault, totally. But now I'm nervous. Not about the manatees, about the diving. And about squeezing my butt into my wetsuit.
*****************************
We bought FireGirl a giant floor puzzle of the United States. She loves it. Asks to play with it every day, but unfortunately usually at very inopportune times. Like five minutes before we're supposed to leave. Which is probably her plan, as she is brilliant at crafting stall tactics. But anyway, she loves it, which makes me happy. Because I like when we can make learning fun for her. Because I'm a dork. And she's a genius =P
*****************************
Speaking of FireGirl, she has discovered Yo Gabba Gabba. And it is her latest obsession. What little I knew about the show pretty much came from The Original Bean's posts. So far, I like that it tends to get her moving, even early in the morning. Lots of dancing. Which she hasn't done much of since she got tired of watching Angelina Ballerina about three months ago. And the lessons are nice, I suppose. Same as most kids' shows, just delivered differently. But mostly I think it's really weird. Although I do like the DJ guy, because he reminds me of a friend from college =P
***************************
Have a great weekend!
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