On Healing, Faith, and Emotions

Yes, I believe God can and does perform miraculous healings.

Yes, I believe God sometimes does this outside of medical intervention.

Yes, I believe God sometimes uses medical intervention to perform healings.

Yes, I have faith that God will do this at the request of His followers, within His will.

Yes, all of these things give me hope.

Yes, I believe God sometimes says 'no', for reasons we may never understand.

Yes, I believe God sometimes says 'yes... but not how you would like'

Yes, these things occasionally make me feel sad.

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When I had my accident, and for the four years thereafter, I had several people tell me I should attend a healing service, ask people to pray over my injury. I never did. Not because I thought He wouldn't, but because from the moment it happened, I had this feeling that I was supposed to go thru this, that this was my cross to bear. To ask to be healed of something I was supposed to go to seemed like a violation. When I did eventually have my surgery, the timing felt perfect, and to me it was no less miraculous than if I had been spontaneously healed years before.

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For years before he passed, my father-in-law believed that if God wanted him to be healed, God would do it. He did not want medical intervention.

Looking back on the past few years, I honestly believe God brought him thru several heart attacks in the past 3 years, none of which even incapacitated him. I can think of three such episodes just off the top of my head.

Our entire family has had great comfort in looking back over his life, and believing that he died because it was time.

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My nephew (let's call him TheBoy) has achieved incredible healing, that has been in direct opposition to what Western medicine has said his prognosis will be.

When his overdose first happened, we were told that within 48 hours the family will need to make a decision about life support (ie. whether or not to pull the plug). He was not breathing on his own at all.

Less than a week later, he can breathe on his own, he reacts to physical & emotional stimuli, he opens his eyes on command, his kidney failure resolved almost overnight, as did his liver failure.

We have gone from crying out to God to "JUST LET HIM LIVE!" (literally, I literally sat in my living room and cried those words to my Father), to asking him to be well enough to attend his sister's graduation party in 3 weeks.

Since the moment I heard of his overdose, I never had "the bad feeling", the feeling that precedes knowing someone will die (if you've had it, you know what it feels like). I have had a good feeling, an optimistic feeling, and I believed God would continue to improve TheBoy's physical condition.

Until today. I don't have "the bad feeling". But I no longer have the good feeling either. I feel strongly that God is saying this is it, this is as far as He is bringing TheBoy's physical healing.

I won't pretend to know why. And perhaps I am wrong. But I don't think I am.

My faith is still strong, and I believe God has a reason for this, we just don't know what it is yet.

And I am immensely grateful for God sparing TheBoy's life, and for the incredible improvements we have seen. I thank God for giving him another chance.

But still, I am sad. Dejected. I cannot think straight. The tears flow freely.