Zoos: Good? or Bad?

As you may know, FireMan & I volunteer at our local zoo, cleaning the manatee tank.

Last year, after cleaning the tank, we walked around the zoo, for the first time as a couple. I always have mixed reactions visiting zoos. I love them, because I love animals and love seeing all the different animals up close. I hate them, because I hate that the animals are confined, often in habitats much, much smaller than anything they would have in the wild. I hate that there are animals that will never know what it is like to live their life in the wild, that they will never know what it is like to have a "normal" life.

These mixed emotions led to a conversation with FireMan last year. See, we started working with the manatees because we like to scuba dive, and we thought it would be a fun experience. Which it is, although it is also very hard work! But what we weren't expecting, was to learn how the zoo is instrumental to helping this endangered species. Because of its protected status, manatees are only found in three zoos in the United States, and we are blessed to have one of them near us. In fact, a zoo does not get manatees just so they can be on exhibit. They must be part of a rehabilitation program.

The Cincinnati Zoo recently lost two of its beloved manatees. Not lost, really, they are being returned to the wild. One had been an orphan, the other had been injured by boat propellers. They came to the zoo to be rehabilitated, and once the keepers were satsified that they were ready, they were returned to Florida to be released. One is already back in the wild, the other is still being prepared for release at a park in Florida. Also, when a manatee is released, they are outfitted with a GPS transmitter, which allows for them to be tracked, not only to make sure that their release is going well and they are adjusting, but it is thru the information gathered from these transmitters that much knowledge is gained about the animal, allowing for a greater awareness of their situation, and what we, as men, can do to protect them in the wild.

We recently obtained two new manatees, one is another orphan. Both of them were on the brink of starvation due to the loss of habitat as a result of the cold snap in Florida this past winter. It is anticipated that they will only be with us for a year, before being returned to the wild.

And this is just the example of one animal species, and their story of how the zoo helps them. There are countless more.

We are fortunate to be near one of the top zoos in the country. The Cincinnati Zoo, besides having outstanding exhibits, is known for its efforts to assist endangered species. They have a renowned reproduction program, and work to bring different species back from the brink of extinction.

And yet, with all this goodness, it still breaks my heart to see animals in such relatively tiny habitats. Take the lions, for example. One of my favorites. Yes, they have what appears to be a huge enclosure. But any enclosure is too small for the king of the plains. How can any size enclosure compare to roaming the plains of Africa? How can being fed dead meat compare to running down your own prey?

The answer is: it just doesn't.

And yes, I am sympathetic. I feel bad for them. I wish I could let them all loose, LOL!

But after much discussion, with FireMan & others, and reading about the Cincinnati Zoo, and what I knew previously, and the new knowledge that I gained, I think, from my perspective anyway, that it's worth it.

For me, when I was able to sit back and look at the big picture, to look past these individual creatures, and see how them being here can serve as an amabassador to the public, how they can encourage us to do what we can to preserve the natural habitats around us, how one animal in a zoo might save a thousand animals in the wild.... well, I think it's worth it.

Just as a small example, FireMan & myself. We got started volunteering because we thought it might be fun. But then we fell in love with the gentle manatees. We've since been to Florida, snorkelling with the manatees in the wild, and learning more about their habitat destruction from a dive master who works with the local manatee rescue in Florida. We have become attached. We want to do more to help these animals, and to spread the word of how awesome they are and how we need to protect them. Such gentle giants!
I doubt that would have ever happened without the zoo. We might have read something and been concerned, but to see it, to have that interaction, and to gain that sympathy for their plight... I don't think that would have happened without the zoo.

And stories like ours abound. More people, gaining more sympathy, being compelled to action... all because of zoos.

So... assuming a zoo is doing what they can to provide for the animals, to assist in their well-being, both as individuals and as a species (because yes, there are unfortunately "zoos" that are little more than a dog pound for exotic animals... Grrrrrrrrrrrrr!), but as long as a zoo is constantly working on improvement, I think the good outweighs the bad.

So go to the zoo. Buy a ticket. Support your zoos! And if you're interested in volunteering, just ask! There's plenty that can be done, many duties don't even require any special skills!

Now, everyone... go have a great day!

Wish List Wednesday

I wish I could get over what happened last week.

I wish I could get these thoughts out of my head.

I wish I hadn't been betrayed.

I wish I felt like I could trust again.

I wish my trust hadn't been broken.

I wish that FireGirl will never feel this pain.

I wish that FireGirl will never experience this confusion.

I wish that I weren't confused.

I wish it were all clear & laid out before me.

I wish it all made sense to me.

I wish that you could & would give me the answers that I seek.

I wish that you get your life on track.

I wish that you see what you did & why it was wrong.

I wish that you would, for once, take responsibility for your actions, and stop blaming others & your past for what YOU do TODAY.

I wish this never happened.

I wish I didn't feel such disgust for you.

I wish I had nicer things to say about you.

I wish I didn't have to end our friendship.

I wish that these thoughts would stop racing through my mind.

I wish that I trusted you again.

I wish it didn't seem like I was the one experiencing the most pain & confusion, when I'm the victim here.

I wish I were the one going thru life doing whatever I want, with no concern about how it might affect others.

No, that's not true. I care to much about how it might affect others.

I wish you cared more about how your actions might affect others.

I wish I could get all these feelings out once, pour my heart out, and that be the end of it.

I wish my thoughts & feelings didn't keep swirling around me.

And, on an unrelated note... I wish this illness would go away. I'm tired of being sick.

I wish you were sick instead of me.

Some Basics About Me

So, it's come to my attention lately that there are some people in my life that don't know some basics about me and my beliefs. And understanding some of these is essential to understanding how I tick / why I do some of the things I do.

So, here we go. I know some of them some people consider controversial, but this is my blog, so... it's about what I think / feel / believe, not a message board for a discussion group. Feel free to leave a comment if you like, but don't expect to start a discussion. At least, not on this blog.

I'm gonna brief them here, and plan to provide additional detail in future posts. Other than the first one, which is the most important, they are in no particular order. So, here we go.

The only way to heaven is by accepting Jesus Christ as your Lord & Saviour.
"Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me."  -- John 14:6

Life begins at conception."Thus saith the LORD that made thee, and formed thee from the womb,..."  -- Isaiah 44:2a

At the moment of conception a new life is formed. The scientific world calls it a "zygote". This life contains chromosomes from both parents, which together determine its physical identity. It is a separate being living within the mother's womb. Since the two conceiving parties are both human, there can be no denial that at the moment of conception a new human life has begun.

Every person is equal. However, equal does not mean same.Equal -> having the same value
Same -> having identical identity

The act of homosexuality is wrong."For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: ...And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; ..."  Romans 1:26a,27a
The primary reason for sex in any mammal is procreation. Biologically, it is impossible to procreate via homosexual acts.

Sexual activity between a husband & wife is for both procreation and for intimacy.
"Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife."  -- I Corintians 7:3-4

We are all sinners. No man is is without sin."For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;"  -- Romans 3:23
Note the word "all". There is no exception made for religious leaders / zealots. We have ALL sinned.

The husband is to be the head of the home."Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;"  -- Ephesians 5:22, 25
A wife's submission to her husband is also contingent on her husband behaving toward her in a loving manner. One does not work without the other.

Okay, that's all I can think of off the top of my head. Like I said, I plan to go into each in further detail in the future. But at least now you get the basics.

Need a little fun(ny) in my life tonight

In case you haven't figured it out from my posts, this has been probably one of the worst weeks in my life. It ranks right up there. You know those days when it seems like anything that can go wrong, does? Well, that's been my week. And the things that have gone wrong, well a few of them have been HUGE.

So, while I have some other ideas for posting, and there are actually a few topics that I am very passionate about that part of me says I should address here for any readers that come my way... well, I'm just not in the mood for so much seriousness. So... please enjoy the pics below that I've found lighten my mood. Enjoy!

from FAILblog.com

from FAILblog.com

from despair.com

from despair.com

from icanhascheezburger.com/

from ihasahotdog.com

Soooo... I screwed up last night

In case you haven't guessed that yet.

I did something out of an emotional response to being hurt, and what I did was wrong. It didn't accomplish anything (except making me feel better, LOL).

I lashed out at one of the people who hurt me, and intentionally did what I could to make them feel a little bit of the hurt they caused me. And that is not right.
What I am mostly sorry for, is that in doing so I did not think about who else might be hurt by my actions. And that is wrong.

I don't want to go into details here, but let's just say that I've had a really shitty week. Sorry for the language. If you know me, you know I don't swear often, but I don't really know a non-cuss word that really encompasses how shit-filled this week has been. Poop just doesn't really convey the same meaning.

This person crossed a line with me. A big one. And I have cut them out of my life. Forever. And I mean that. FOREVER. I am not accepting any more communication of any sort from them, and I will not be reaching out to them to communicate any longer. I have asked my family to cease all contact & communication with this person, forever. I think it's best that way. For everyone involved. As far as I am concerned, they are dead to me & mine.
Again, if you know me IRL, you  know that for me to take such drastic measures, is a big deal. It should reflect the severity of the offense.

So... since they no longer exist in FireWife's world, and thus I cannot apologize directly to them... here is my apology to the world.

I am sorry that I reacted out of anger. I am sorry that I sought revenge. It is not my place to bring judgement on you. That is between you & God, and I am confident that His revenge is greater than anything I can think of anyway. I am very sorry for the others that might be hurt by my actions. I am very sorry that I was so blinded by pain & rage that I didn't even see them, or see how my actions might hurt them.

And on the off-chance that you are reading this, I want to make it very clear, in case you haven't learned your lesson yet. Don't mess with the Momma Bear. What I did, as hurtful as you might find it, was only Step 1. I regained my composure before I moved on to Step 2. And Step 3. And so on. So I highly suggest you follow my lead, and cut yourself off from me & mine. Because if you cross me again... there will be consequences. Consequences that I guarantee you are not ready to pay.


Don't mess with the Momma Bear !!!!!!!!

Something You Should Know About Me

Something anyone who has any contact with me or my loved ones should probably know.

Consider this a PSA.

A friend once told me that I had probably the longest fuse of anyone that he ever knew. But he also said that he's pretty sure he doesn't want to ever be there for the explosion.

You know what? I think he was right.

I put up with a lot. I give everyone 2nd chances. And sometimes 3rd. I give even when I'm being taken from. I try to extend love to others, even as they are hurting me. I am loyal, to what sometimes seems like a fault.

But... when that explosion happens... I tend to take out innocent bystanders. I don't mean to. I really don't. But it's an explosion. That's what happens. And I'm really sorry for those bystanders.

So... while the long fuse is great, the explosion... needs work. I'm not proud of that part of me.

Along the same lines... I am extremely defensive. Extremely. Over-the-top.

I am, by nature, not an aggressive person. I am passive. Even submissive at times. Definitely not aggressive.

But... if I feel like I, or my loved ones, or something I hold dear, is being attacked... I defend... And I mean defend. So much so that sometimes it's perceived as me being aggressive. But it's not. It's definitely defensive.

I like the Momma Bear analogy.

Momma Bear is going about her life, walking thru the woods, taking care of her family, minding her own business. Then, Momma Bear perceives that her cubs are being threatened. And Momma Bear no likey. Momma Bear charges anyone & anything in sight that might possibly be involved in this threat. Massive clawed paws extended, teeth bared. And sometimes... someone just minding their business enjoying nature gets in between Momma Bear and the offender.
Sometimes that innocent person gets hurt. I don't mean it. I really don't. You see, I didn't even see them standing there. I was so focused on the person attacking my family, that I clawed my way thru anyone who got in the way of me defending my family.
And I'm really sorry. Really sorry. That is wrong of me. The problems is, I don't see that person until it's too late. Until the damage is already done.

But I will defend my loved ones. I will defend my family. I will defend my marriage. To whatever extreme I think it takes.
As much as I love that I will defend my loved ones to such an extreme, I hate the part of me that hurts the innocent.

So... if I have (or ever do) unintentionally hurt you in one of the above-described scenarios. I'm sorry. Please give me another chance. I'm working on it.

And... in case you haven't figured it out... don't mess with me or my loved ones. You see, Momma Bear... she never loses.

I'm having a crappy day today

And so... I don't feel like posting anything.

But now I can say that I posted. So there.

FireGirl is Sick Today (or, THIS is my priority)

FireGirl is sick today. Really sick. Needs-her-mommy sick.

So, I am sorry I unexpectedly called in to work today. I am sorry if some of you are disappointed that I won't get some of my tasks done in as timely a manner as usual.

I am sorry that I won't be spending time today working on the animal rescue site, even though I have 11 new messagees in my inbox asking me questions, requesting that I complete tasks, etc. I am sorry that I'm not even opening those new messages.

I am sorry that I won't be getting any marketing done for FireMan's business. I'm really sorry about this in particular.

I am sorry that the house is a mess. Again.

But I have been taking care of my daughter today. All day.

And yes, I supposed I could do something more productive at this minute than blogging, but since this is the first time I've not been "on" in oh... about 35 hours, I'm taking my break now.

Thank you.

Small Victory, but it helps keep me motivated

Well, I still have lost only one pound. But... today I'm wearing pants that I haven't worn in two months because they'd gotten so tight. And today... they're just a little loose! Woo hoo!

We had our trainer session least night, with a different trainer, and we both really liked her. I liked that she asked me how the weights felt, instead of telling me what to do. But no worries, she still kicked our butts!

I'm excited to see even a little progress. It's only been a few weeks, and I can't wait to see how my body changes as the weeks progress.

Yay me!

Mom Left Children Unsupervised Again

http://www.wcpo.com/news/local/story/Police-Mom-Left-Children-Unsupervised-Again/ADVQkl47WU2rORG3mtNdcQ.cspx

Just a thought... something that I never thought about until I had a child myself.

Now, whenever I see these stories, I wonder if the mother (or father, depending) is perhaps a single mom, working & struggling to provide for her children, unable to afford childcare, and feeling like she has no other option than to leave her children alone while she goes to said job.

I don't know the details of this particular story, although the report that when found the mother smelled of alcohol certainly doesn't bode well for her, but I can't help but wonder.

If I didn't have a supportive family to help me with FireGirl, I honestly don't know what I would do. I don't know that I could have made it.

Again, I don't know the particulars of this case, and most cases like this all we see are the few details provided by the media, but it's just something that crosses my mind every time I hear it. That maybe, just maybe, she's not the deadbeat mom everyone's making her out to be. Maybe... she's just trying to make it, and felt like she had no other option, and maybe she did whatever she could to make sure her kids were as safe as possible before she left. Maybe.

Just a Thought

Sometimes... I wonder if it's possible to strip away all of our layers - all of the things that make us so stubbornly sure that we are right - strip away all of those layers, get down to the core of our selves as beings, and see things - people, experiences, issues - for what they truly are, not for only what we, in our flawed selves, surrounded by our imperfect layers are able to see.

And if that were possible, would we all then agree? Would we all then be on the same page?

Is there something in the essence of our selves that makes us see things differently? Or is it only because of the layer upon layer of imperfection that forms our glasses with which we see the world?

Friday Fragments

I actually have more profound, real, important, serious things to say, but... I don't feel like it. There's been too much seriousness in my life lately. So I'm doing Friday Fragments instead.

I'm sooooooo tired.

I'm excited that people are calling FireMan back about his business.

I'm excited that my sister is coming into town next week.

I hope FireGirl does okay staying at my aunt's for a few hours tonight.

I'm tired.

I don't want to be at work right now. I have no motivation to do anything.

I love my co-workers.

I need to grocery shopping. We're running low on food.

Yay manatees!

What I think when I pass / see a person of color

This really bothers me, and has for a while, but I don't know what the correct "fix" is.

BTW - hadn't planned on posting any more today, until I read this post on another blog. While most of what she describes is more than valid, I can't help seeing myself in her first described incident.

So... here's what happens when I see a person of color, even at work, even with my friends.

I automatically wonder if something that I am saying or doing is unintentionally offending them.
While I think it's good to have self-awareness about these things, it bothers me that I have put this kind of consciousness into my actions & words, even around those I'm otherwise comfortable with.

For example, in the incident described on the other blog, why does the blogger automatically assume the white woman saw her as a threat because of her color? Maybe she was trying to be nice, because she was walking slower, carrying bags, etc., so she got out of the blogger's way?

I've actually seen this scene played out in real life, when walking with a friend. Woman coming the other way stepped off of the sidewalk as they passed us.
Friend: "did you see that?"
Me: "see what? What did she do?"
Friend: "Stepped off the sidewalk. Racist."
Me: (confused) "I thought she was just getting out of our way so we could walk by"
Friend: (shaking head) "no, it's because I'm black"
Me: (still confused, but not knowing what to say) "Oh..."

I'm a slow walker. Just am. It's not uncommon for me to move out of the way for other to pass me, or to move to the other side of the sidewalk to get out of someone's way. If that person is white, I don't think a thing of it. If that person is a person of color, I automatically wonder if my actions are going to be construed as racist in anyway, even though my intentions are to be nice & accomodating to those around me.

When I worked in retail, we had received a security alert because a pair of black women had been caught on camera shoplifting from several area stores. We were to pay close attention to anyone matching their description (and yes, we got a full description, not just "black women", LOL). Sure enough, later that day, a pair of black women came into the store, who matched the description. We paid special attention to them, stayed a little closer to where they shopped, etc. Assuming they were the women in question, we may have thwarted a robbery. Assuming they weren't, I couldn't help but wonder if someone would cry "racial profiling", or otherwise accuse us of being racist. I was extremely nervous the entire time they were there. Not so much because I thought they might steal, as much as I was afraid I would be accused of being racist. Of course, if the alert had been for two white women, and we were watching them, I wouldn't have been so uncomfortable.

I tend to be fairly shy around people I don't know. This means I tend to avoid eye contact. White person = I don't even think about it. Person of color = I worry that they'll take it the wrong way and think I'm avoiding them because of the color of their skin.

Conversation with a friend:
Me: "I wonder what that kid's up to."Friend: "Why, because he's black? There's lots of black kids around here" (as in, there's nothing to worry about)Me: (dumbfounded) "No, because he's wearing a big puffy coat in 80 degree weather. Makes me wonder what he's hiding under it"Friend "Oh"

Those were just the few examples from my own life that I thought of in the few minutes I sat here typing this.

I guess... it just feels sometimes like as white people we have to walk on eggshells around people of color. We have to watch everything we say, because an innocent statement might be taken out of context and misconstrued. We have to watch what we do, because our actions might be viewed as racist, even if our intentions were actually good. I hate that we, or at least I, can't shake that concern. I hate that my friends of color will probably never get to know the real me, because I will always be walking on eggshells around them. Even if there are fewer eggshells than around strangers, there are still eggshells.

I hate that people of color automatically assume the worst of me, because I'm white.

And you know what? I hate that a lot of people of color have that assumption because they've experienced true racism in their life. I hate that a lot of white people do assume the worst of people of color.

I hate... assumptions about people, in general.

I wish... that we could all learn to take each other as we come, regardless of... well, regardless of anything.

BTW - I'm starting to hate the phrase "person of color". Not sure why, but for some reason it just doesn't sound right to me. But I don't know of any other phrase to encompass essentially all non-whites.
As a LOL, while typing this in a rush, I almost typed "colored people" a couple of times. Makes me think: purple, blue, orange, ... LOL

FireCat

Going the Gym Last Night = F A I L

It started with FireGirl not wanting to go to the playroom. At all. I have never seen her act like this. Full on sobbing / screaming. It took 20 minutes to calm her down enough for us to leave.

Then, I weighed in. Yep, gained another pound. Great. I'm trying to be positive though. Even though I'm struggling with my eating, I know I'm doing better than before I tracked anything. And I'm definitely getting more exercise than I have in a long time. So, results will come. Right?
I'm telling myself that the weight gain is because:    #1 - my monthly visitor has come, and    #2 - I've been under some stress lately. Ironically a small part of that stress is finding time to go to the gym. But there's other stuff too. All stress, nonetheless.

Started with some strength training. That went pretty well. I can already tell how it's easier for me than the first time we did it. Moved on to the stationary bike. First one was broken. Second one worked, but not the heart monitor part, which is what I try to keep an eye on. All others were taken. Managed to get 12 minutes in anyway.

And then... the voice came over the intercom. I knew it was for me before they said anything. First time I've heard them use the intercom at all, and I knew it was me. Sure enough. Being paged to the playroom.

I got there to find FireGirl right by the door, flat on the floor, screaming in all out tantrum mode. Face & clothes covered in floor dirt. They said she started just a few minutes after we left, and had been sobbing / screaming the entire time. And then started rolling on the floor screaming. Let one lady hold her for a few minutes, but didn't quiet down at all. Wouldn't let any of the others near her. Ran from them. Proceeded to roll on the floor by the door screaming & crying. They were concerned because she was so very upset, and inconsolable, so decided to page me. They kept apologizing, but I told them I was glad they did.

Now, I have no reason to think the people that work there are anything but great. The first three times she went she did reasonablly well. I've talked to them & watched them, they seem fine.
But... I'm not gonna lie. The mommy part of me is a little suspicious of her reaction. I have never, ever seen her react like that. Never. Not like that. She's been upset before when we've dropped her off different places, but... not like this. And running from the workers? Unheard of. There is a part of me that wonders what happened last time she was there. Did a worker do something to her? Another child? Did she fall or something & they not tell me? My mind has been going back to it since the incident.
Hopefully it was just a fluke. She just didn't want to go. Maybe she wasn't feeling well or something. When they don't talk, it's hard to know. But I can tell you I will definitely be keeping an eye on it.

So, that about sums it up. Last night, gym = FAIL.     {sigh}

First Full Week at the Gym: week in review

Well, I did it. Last week I went to the gym four times. Four. Woo hoo!

Did Aqua Fitness on Monday. It was a better workout than I anticipated! Definitely worked my abs and my arms. Especially my abs.

Met with the trainer on Wednesday. Did a light cardio workout. No biggie. I have learned, however, that for some reason the elliptical kicks my butt. My heartrate skyrockets, and I get tired way too soon.

Thursday started by getting on the elliptical to get my heartrate up, then finished with 30 min on the stationary bike.

Saturday we swam 25 laps. Okay, I admit, I didn't swim all 25. Some of them I walked alongside FireMan (in the water) as he swam. But I kept moving.

All in all, I'm pretty happy with my workouts. We were scheduled to see our trainer tonight, but the trainer had to cancel due to a family emergency. So we're on our own. I told FireMan I thought we needed to do some strength training, since neither of us had done that in a week. We'll see what we come up with, LOL.
Then I should be able to go Thursday night, and Saturday morning. That'll be three times for this week.

As far as the eating plan... when I track (I know, I know - I should be tracking every day) I do pretty well... except for fat. Even when I try to make good choices I am eating way more fat that I am supposed to. Take today for example. I had a lightly buttered piece of wheat toast for breakfast, and one ounce of almonds for my morning snack. And I only had five fat grams left for the day. Seriously? My fat intake is definitely going to be my biggest challenge food-wise.

Not Me Monday

I did not have a large cinnamon roll for breakfast yesterday morning. And I certainly did not decide I wasn't tracking my food all day. Nope, not me. I'm following my trainer's eating plan to a "t".

I absolutely did not take a nap yesterday afternoon, instead of doing much-needed housework. Nope, a supermom like me would never do that.

I did not, by my own inattentiveness, let the cat get out of the house Saturday night. And I absolutely did not take FireGirl, in per PJs, in the middle of the night, with me as I went to look for him. (FireCat was found, safe & sound, BTW).

I did not, when seeing another child take a toy away from FireGirl in the church nursery (one-way window), secretly wish that FireGirl would hit him instead of just letting him take it from her. Nope. Not me.

Marriage Advice

Last night I attended a bridal shower for my cousin's fiancee. At the end the hostess passed around a book and asked us each to write some marital advice in it for the couple.

Here's what I came up with:

Pick your battles. Sometimes it's really not worth fighting over.

Sometimes it's not about you. Sometimes it's not about your spouse. Sometimes it's not about the two of you as a couple. Sometimes... it's about your marriage.

Don't let the "d' word into your home. Or your speech. Or your thoughts.

Care to add your own?

Friday Fragments

I really want to quit my job.

I'm tired.

I can't wait to see FireGirl when I get home.

I can't wait for my sister to come into town at the end of this month.

I wish FireMan's business would pick up. Need marketing ideas.

I wish I had more time to dedicate to marketing FireMan's business.

I'm glad we joined the gym.

I'm tired.

I can't wait to see results from the gym. That part is exciting.

I'm looking forward to Saturday, but am kinda bummed because we'll be busy all day.

I'm tired.

FireGirl's Checkup Yesterday

As always, her growth is right on track. Exact same percentages as her last appointment, which is what they want to see.

Her development is on track or ahead of schedule in almost every area. Which we knew. I swear my daughter's a freakin' genius! LOL.

But... she does have a mild speech delay. Which we suspected. Not to worry yet, but if she doesn't show any noticeable improvement in three months, we're to bring her back in for more evaluation, and possible speech therapy.
Interesting enough, ends up FireMan was in speech therapy for 3+ years as a young child. He's not sure what the actual diagnosed problem was. I never knew that before. Will be interesting to see if it's something hereditary.

Stupid FireMan! and Why BMI's are also stupid

We met with our trainer again last night. FireMan has already lost 5 lbs! Yay for him! I have gained 2 lbs! Boo for me!

Stupid boys.

So I've thought for a while now that your BMI is a really poor way of telling whether or not you are a healthy weight. It's too broad, too general. And our trainer confirmed it.

He said he's had girls come in with perfect BMIs, tiny little things, weighing maybe 125 lbs. Then they do their series of measurements, and she ends up being 40% body fat. Which is dangerously high. Said it happens all the time. Basically they have no muscle, and what little weight is on them is fat. But because they are in a "healthy" range of weight according to all the charts you find out there, they don't even realize how "fat" they really are. And vice versa. He has clients whose weight puts them in the overweight category, but their body fat percentage is actually low, because they have so much muscle.

So far I'm doing pretty well. Did aqua fitness on Monday, stationary bike & elliptical last night, plan on doing the bike again tonight, then Saturday we're swimming. Doing okay on the food. For the most part. Last night we got our actual targets for calorie, protein, fat, and carb consumption. I'm doing really well today, except for my fat intake. Almost all of which occurred because I wanted butter on my wheat toast at breakfast. Hmph.
Some things will take adjusting. I mean, I can buy reduced fat / fat free butter in the future, but I'm not throwing out my tub of Country Crock. Same with the white pasta vs the whole wheat pasta. I usually buy whatever's on sale, so I have a mix. I'm not throwing the white pasta away so I can stick to the whole-wheat-only plan. I refuse to waste food. So there will be some adjustment as we phase out the old and phase in the new.

Tuesday Trip Down Memory Lane

FireGirl during the 3rd trimester.
Oh the memories!
I loved being pregnant!

First Personal Training Session

Well, I survived. Barely, LOL.

I think it's gonna be really good. We spent a lot of time talking about our current & past fitness levels, our goals, our restrictions, etc. And then, the first workout.

And it totally kicked my butt. As in, I threw up. Sorry if TMI, just wanted to give you an idea of how hard I worked at it.

And I am sooooo sore.

We had a couple of people tell us they really kick your butt at the first session, because they want to figure out how much you can really take. And they weren't joking.

But... I'm excited. I really think this is gonna be good. Really do.

One thing that really impressed me is that as sore as the rest of my body is... my back doesn't hurt at all. Amazing! Maybe these trainers know what they're doing after all, LOL!

We talked about nutrition too. Not too much detail. Basically we need to stay away from fast food (don't we all), and need to eat protein, protein, protein, and some whole grains too.

As far as targets, he seemed pretty confident that if I stuck to the program, and put in a "good faith effort", he can all but guarantee me I'll drop 30 lbs in the first 3 months. That... would... be... AWESOME.

They want me in the gym at least 3x per week, and FireMan in there at least 2x per week.

We're gonna start out seeing the trainer 1x per week, then as we get more confident in our workouts, spread them out more.

This week the plan is for me to go tonight, Wednesday, Thursday, and Saturday. That was one of the issue we brought up too. With FireMan's crazy schedule, we don't really have a set schedule we can keep too, so it'll have to change every week. The trainer didn't seem too concerned, as long as we stayed commmitted to coming.

Wednesday will be our next training session, and we'll actually do measurements & such. And we're supposed to get more detailed info about our nutrition. And then the workout.

So tonight I'm supposed to do something more "light", so I plan to check out their water fitness class, since I know that is no -> low impact.

I'm really excited about the whole thing. Still. Even though it hurts every time I get up, LOL. I'm telling you, I am sore pretty much everywhere in my body... except my lower back {smiles}. Yep, he's good.

So far, I am very happy with our decision. I'll keep you posted as we progress!

WARNING: depressing post inside

So, there have been some recent events in both my personal and professional life, and I had an epiphany of sorts about it last night.

I am replaceable.

We all are.

If I quit my job tomorrow, they will replace me with someone else. Maybe two someone elses. But they will replace me, and the work will go on.
If the God forbid happens and FireMan & I ever split up, he will find someone new. In fact, I am proof of that, being his second wife. He will move on.
And then I looked at FireCat, and realized that as much as I like to think that he adores me, if he ran away, and some other person took him in and fed him and showed him love... well, you get the picture.

It's very depressing.

We like to tell ourselves that we are irreplaceable. That no one else can fill the hole. But we're wrong.

Oh, they'll never be just like you. No one is. And they might not be as good as you. Maybe. They might be better. Troubling thought.

Life will go on. People will move on. Even pets. No one needs us. Not really.

The only one of us that is truly irreplaceable... is God Himself. That's it.
In fact, in His infinite wisdom, he made our world as such that we can proceed through life when one of us leaves.

But it's still rather depressing.

Because everyone likes pictures

FireGirl fell asleep while FireMan held her during our long shopping trip for a new washer, after ours died


FireGirl at the park, June 2009


Getting ready to get our family pics done last September, standing on the very riverbank where FireMan & I tied the knot two years earlier.


My angel