Kinda nervous...

I think I'm gonna pick up a pregnancy test tonight.

No, we're not trying yet.

Yes, I'm still on birth control.

No, I'm not ready for this.

But... it started about 3 weeks ago.

First, I spotted. Right about 2 weeks before I was due to start. And I never spot. But it was literally a one-time thing, so I shrugged it off (but took note).

Then, not quite a week later, I had a sudden, unexplained night of overwhelming anxiety, like I haven't had in well over a year.

You know, since my post-partum illness(es) had resolved. Finally.

It came out of nowhere. And shook me to the core.

Not so much the anxiety. But the fact that it was happening. I thought we were done with this.

I almost got a pregnancy test the next day, and even mentioned it to Jason. But he convinced me it was just due to the stress I've had at work recently.

And then, my period. Started 3 days late (unusual for me, considering I'm on birth control), and extremely light. As in, so light I coudn't justify using a tampon the entire time. I used pads, but mostly because I was worried about it "starting" suddenly and being trapped in a junior-high-ish nightmare of blood-stained clothes at work.

Truth is, I could have done with just a pantyliner the entire 4 days I had anything.

Oh, and four days is short for me too.

And then yesterday. Jason picked me up at work to take me to lunch. The restaurant we went to has York Peppermint Patties at the checkout. I love them.

He paid while I peed, and Jason got me one, just because (awwwww... I know, right?).

I choked it down ate it, because I knew he expected me to, and he had just done this really sweet thing by getting it for me without me asking.

But the truth is it kinda made me wanna puke. Good thing it's only 2 bites.

But seriously? I love chocoloate. And the York things are one of my favs. Yet I had to force myself to eat it. Tasted disgusting ot me.

Last night? Passed out in the car on the way to the park (no worries, Jason was driving). Seriously, with all the sleep I got over the weekend, I should not have been that tired.

And then, today. I've been nauseous all day. ALL DAY. Truth is I was a bit yesterday afternoon as well. But today, it's been all day.
Except when I'm eating. Then I get respite lasting 30-60 minutes before it comes back.

Good thing I packed today, and so  have some fairly healthy options (strawberries, apple, pears, hard boiled eggs, Quaker rice cakes, Snackwell's cookies, and turkey sandwich on wheat) I always overpack so I know I won't hit up the vending machines in the afternoon.

Although now I wish I'd packed some "lighter" options. Other than the fruit my food choices are healthy, but heavy. And since I'm eating pretty much constantly... ugh.

And so... because of all of this... and because if I am I don't want to miss a day of what is most likely my last pregnancy... tonight I plan to buy a test, and pee on a stick tomorow morning.

Not gonna lie... kinda nervous....

As always, thanks for checking in!