Spread the Happy.

The past few years have been a period of enormous adversity for me. Something that my long-time followers have probably figured out. You know, if they've been paying attention    :)

And you may remember earlier this year I hit what really felt like bottom. But what is it they say about hitting rock-bottom? You have nowhere to go but up?

Well, I can't really pinpoint a moment, but I really feel like somewhere between now & then I've reached a turning point.

The healing process (because you know I like that analogy) is... regenerating.
It is less & less the painful ripping off old bandages to put on new, and more and more the growth of new tissue, the easing of tired muscles, the strengthening of self.

I am, slowly, beginning to feel more & more like my old self.

And in feeling more & more like I used to be, there is something about how I have been, about how I am being, that I do not like.

It is no one's fault, no one's responsibility but my own.

But it has also proven a difficult disposition to break through.

I have become a Negative Nellie.

And I don't like it.

This is something I've thought about for a while, but in differing perspectives, as my journey took me thru different places.

I've thought things like: well, of course you are, it's human nature, everyone goes thru that, etc, etc, etc.

And that all may be true.

And, I don't want to be too hard on myself, because I did struggle with some very legitimate issues, and found myself in a reasonably weakened mental & emotional state.

But... it's still up to me. It's still my choice.

And I am stronger now. I know I am.

So it is time. It is time for me to stand up and to take control of Negative Nellie, and tell her to get lost. And to find a new frame of mind, a new me, constantly recreated, better than I was.

It's so tempting for me to think "I want to be who I was before..."

Back when I was in college, and my college sweetheart used to tell me that I was too optimistic.

Back to the days following my accident, when I would hobble into my doctors' offices, and the staff would comment on how they didn't know how I could possibly seem so happy, when I was obviously in so much pain.

But... I don't want to be who I was before. Because I know that it is by coming thru trials that we become our strongest, that we learn the most.

And so I will be new.

And to this end, to help guide Negative Nellie out of here, I will be doing a new series of postings.

I will post something that made me happy that week, as well as my favorite blog posting from the past week. Because why not share the joy?

And because I like to practice on my graphic design, I made a button. It'll show up in my first series-posting. So in the spirit of spreading the joy, you can feel free to grab it and play along. Because you might not be a Negative Nellie like me, but, well, can't well all use a little more happy? Spread the happy.

Well, I'm done now. First "Spread the Happy" post to follow in the days ahead.

But before I go, I have to give a shout-out to Steph over at Plan B. Because while I've been working struggling with being more positive for a while now, it was her post about being thankful that inspired me to do this series.

I thought about doing the thankful series, but felt that a happy series suited where I needed to get myself better at this point in time. I might pick up the thankful series later. Either way, I'm sure there will be some overlap. Hard to be thankful without being happy. Hard to be happy without being thankful    :)

As always, thanks for checking in.