And you may remember earlier this year I hit what really felt like bottom. But what is it they say about hitting rock-bottom? You have nowhere to go but up?
Well, I can't really pinpoint a moment, but I really feel like somewhere between now & then I've reached a turning point.
The healing process (because you know I like that analogy) is... regenerating.
It is less & less the painful ripping off old bandages to put on new, and more and more the growth of new tissue, the easing of tired muscles, the strengthening of self.
I am, slowly, beginning to feel more & more like my
And in feeling more & more like I used to be, there is something about how I have been, about how I am being, that I do not like.
It is no one's fault, no one's responsibility but my own.
But it has also proven a difficult disposition to break through.
I have become a Negative Nellie.
And I don't like it.
This is something I've thought about for a while, but in differing perspectives, as my journey took me thru different places.
I've thought things like: well, of course you are, it's human nature, everyone goes thru that, etc, etc, etc.
And that all may be true.
And, I don't want to be too hard on myself, because I did struggle with some very legitimate issues, and found myself in a reasonably weakened mental & emotional state.
But... it's still up to me. It's still my choice.
And I am stronger now. I know I am.
So it is time. It is time for me to stand up and to take control of Negative Nellie, and tell her to get lost. And to find a new frame of mind, a new me, constantly recreated, better than I was.
It's so tempting for me to think "I want to be who I was before..."
Back when I was in college, and my college sweetheart used to tell me that I was too optimistic.
Back to the days following my accident, when I would hobble into my doctors' offices, and the staff would comment on how they didn't know how I could possibly seem so happy, when I was obviously in so much pain.
But... I don't want to be who I was before. Because I know that it is by coming thru trials that we become our strongest, that we learn the most.
And so I will be new.
And to this end, to help guide Negative Nellie out of here, I will be doing a new series of postings.
I will post something that made me happy that week, as well as my favorite blog posting from the past week. Because why not share the joy?
And because I like to practice on my graphic design, I made a button. It'll show up in my first series-posting. So in the spirit of spreading the joy, you can feel free to grab it and play along. Because you might not be a Negative Nellie like me, but, well, can't well all use a little more happy? Spread the happy.
Well, I'm done now. First "Spread the Happy" post to follow in the days ahead.
But before I go, I have to give a shout-out to Steph over at Plan B. Because while I've been
I thought about doing the thankful series, but felt that a happy series suited where I needed to get myself better at this point in time. I might pick up the thankful series later. Either way, I'm sure there will be some overlap. Hard to be thankful without being happy. Hard to be happy without being thankful :)
As always, thanks for checking in.