My next endocrinologist appointment was three weeks after my period, so I decided to test the day before my appointment.
I knew it was too soon to know for sure, but I figured if it were positive, I could tell the doctor and we could alter my treatment. If it were negative, nothing lost, we'll just test again the following week as planned.
It was negative.
I'm not gonna lie. I cried.
I was hoping this was my chance. And yes, I knew it was still too soon to tell, but I really wanted it to be positive.
I cried on the way to work that morning.
I cried again on the way to work the next day, and on the way to the doctor at lunch.
And two days later, when I got my period, it sealed the deal. I got into the shower that morning, and sobbed. My chance, gone.
This whole ordeal had opened up the dialogue of more babies, but FireMan was standing his ground, he was done. So this was my chance at an "oops". And this sealed the deal, my chance was gone. My heart ached at the idea.
And so I sobbed in the shower that morning.
And then I pulled myself up, took a deep breath, righted myself, and determined that I would get on with my life.
I have a good life. I have a precious daughter whom I love very much, and a husband who loves me too. We have our forever home. We have a good life.
Now that we have an answer, I will get on with my life.
I will still wait until my period finishes, and test, per my Ob's instructions, but really, we have our answer now, so I will get on with my life. This is it. I am not pregnant. No baby for me.
my period stopped. After only two days.
I don't know about you, but that is not the norm for me. Not even close. Not even on any form of birth control I've ever tried, not even the IUD.
My reaction was pretty much to repeat "Really?!? REALLY?!?" in disbelief over and over again.
What the heck was going on with my body?
If I'm being honest, I was starting to get angry with God. It was starting to feel like He was toying with my emotions, dangling the carrot in front of my face.
At this point we don't know what's going on. Was it an early period? or implantation bleeding? is my body just screwed up because not only did my birth control method suddenly eject itself, but I also suddenly stopped two very strong medications? and if so, is it screwed up pregnant? or screwed up not-pregnant?
Crap. There's only one way to tell.
But I already thought I had my answer, so while pregnancy test is on the grocery list, there are none in the house.
And since Kroger locks up their pregnancy tests behind the pharmacy counter, and WalMart does not, I made plans to stop at WalMart on the way home from work that night.
******** to be continued ********