My Fat Butt - an update of sorts

Well, it's been about six months since I've done one of these, and the progress ain't pretty.

I'm not sure if any of you guessed it or not, but the reason I had to go off my endocrine meds was because we were planning to TTC. If you remember, I was on an aggressive drug therapy, and so my endocrinologist recommended being off of them for months before we even started trying.

And my weight has piled on.

In fact, when I went off the birth control, that was apparently the straw that broke the camel's back. While my weight gain had been slow up to that point, and had plateaued, when I took off that last Patch, I blew up 25 lbs in the first eight weeks off birth control.

Gained another 5 lbs in the following month, but the gain seems to have stopped. Better than gaining, not as good as losing.

And I'm miserable. I feel awkward in my own skin. My fat pants are tight. As much as I've always struggled with my weight, I feel like I'm in someone else's body, just waiting for mine to return.

At a friend's insistance, I joined Weight Watchers. Again.

To be honest, I've never had much success on their program. Then again, we know I have a metabolic disorder. And my body hates me.

It's only been four weeks, but I have managed to drop two lbs. So yay. I guess.

I'm also participating in a DietBet.

As pessimistic as I am about my weight, I'm also glad that the needle has stopped going up, and has actually gone down, if ever so slightly.

We've been hiking several times as a family. I really enjoy it, and have decided that hiking is probably my favorite form of exercise.

But... my back has been bothering me pretty regularly since our very first hike, over a month ago. I have these moments where I get this stabbing pain near the site of my injury. We're talking a level-10 pain. A knock me down pain. But it only lasts a few seconds to a few minutes. Then a little while later it hits me again, for another few seconds.

I've also been getting muscle spasms, which feel like someone is squeezing my tailbone with all the force they have, and contracts both gluts as well.

Resting did nothing to alleviate either pain.

So I went hiking again. And again. And again. The pain's no better, but no worse either. So why not?

Anywhoo... I am considering seeing my endocrinologist. Since I had gone off all of the meds, I cancelled my last appointment. But let's face it, this just ain't working.

I just feel like I'm in a catch-22. The meds that I know work, which I've been told I'll probably need to take for the rest of my life, I can't take while I'm trying. But the heavier I am, the more difficult it will be to get pregnant, and the harder a pregnancy will be on me and the baby.

I feel like I'm leaving you without much of an update. I suppose this is more of a rambling of my current thoughts on the subject. At any rate, thanks for checking in!

Shiny the Snail

Once upon a time there was a little girl who loved to find snail shells in the yard. She had a knack for spotting them, and started a collection of the empty shells.

One day, while on vacation, she found a teeny tiny snail shell and showed her grandma. Who pointed out that the "baby" snail was still inside.

So the little girl, with all the innocent love that little girls have, decided that this snail must be her pet.

And so she named the snail "Shiny".

And she loved Shiny, who was, apparently, a girl snail.

She put Shiny on a piece of paper, and carried her around everywhere. She refused to put the snail down, because as we all know, babies need constant attention.

see the dot on the brochure? that's the snail.
Also, the shirt was a total coincidence

But alas, eventually the girl needed to take a bath. So she left her beloved snail sitting on a table outside the cabin, under the careful eye of her grandpa.

Shiny, in all her glory

And totally forgot about the snail. As did just about everyone else. Except her mother, who wondered if it were really an accident that Grandpa "forgot" to bring the snail inside for the night.

And the next morning, the little girl discovered that Shiny was gone. She had found her way home to her own mommy & daddy. I'm sure of it.

The end.

Happy Memorial Day

source

Babe before Baby (blog love)

I've found a new blog to love.

Babe before Baby

She, too, has struggled with her weight for a long time. Her weights throughout her life are similar to my own. And she hopes to begin trying to conceive in the near future.

And she's lost nearly 50 lbs.

What an inspiration.

I love so many things about her blog, that I'm gonna try some of them here. As much as I have posted about my struggles with weight, I've never really become truly transparent on it here in blog land. But maybe I should.

Let's give it a shot, shall we?

The battle rages on...

I'm sitting at my desk.

I just came out of a meeting, and I'm ticked off. Like shake some people, slap some others, spew profanity into the air, throw things around the room ticked off.

But I'm at work, and I can't afford to get fired, so I'm sitting at my desk, mind spinning, unable to focus on work, with an angry face on.

And I so badly want to go to the vending machine and get a snack.

But I'm not hungry. I'm angry.
And so I don't go.

But I want to.

I have been fighting this mental battle with myself for the past 15 minutes.

I'm not hungry, I'm angry. I'm not hungry, I'm angry.
But you can get something good, you know? Wheat Thins, Baked Lays. They have good options.

But I'm not hungry, I'm angry.
But you've been good today. You had apples for breakfast, a salad for lunch, you can get a snack. You know you want to.

But I'm not hungry, I'm angry.
The problem with that mantra is that the other option for squashing my feelings is to throw things around the office, and that's kinda frowned upon.

But eating a snack at your desk? Who doesn't do that from time to time? Looking around the room, two co-workers are doing so now. They even provide vending machines for you to get snacks.

But I'm not hungry, I'm angry.
And I'm tired of being fat.

So I'm getting it out the only other way I know how. I'm writing.

I'm not hungry, I'm angry. I'm not hungry, I'm angry. I'm not hungry, I'm angry.
The battle rages on...

Playing Catch Up

Oh wow. I can't believe how busy I've been lately. I know, I know. You're probably getting tired of hearing it.

As it relates to blogging, the good thing about being busy is that I have lots of stories I'd like to share with you.

The bad part is that I have no time to write them down!

Everything from the cute (Jena's pet snail) to the mundane (work drama) to the somewhat scary (the bear was this close!) to the entertaining (sharing the stage with a star) to the criminal (should I steal these dogs?). And everything in between.

Much of it happened on our recent trip to the Smoky Mountains. Always a good time. If you've never been, you should totally go.

And now I'm playing catch-up at work and at home, on top of the busy-ness I was already experiencing. But I have got to get some of these stories down while they are fairly fresh. Seriously.

As always, thanks for checking in!

Hypocrisy

Have you heard about the man charged with murder for tricking his girlfriend into taking the morning-after pill? No? Well then, read here:

http://www.wcpo.com/dpp/news/local_news/water_cooler/john-andrew-weldon-tampa-man-charged-with-murder-over-abortion-pill-trick-on-girlfriend-fbi-says

Does anyone see the hypocrisy in a legal system that says if you want a baby, then to kill it is murder, but if you don't want it, then it's a legal procedure?

Am I the only one who recognizes the hypocrisy in that?

As someone who had an early ultrasound with my first pregnancy - at 7 weeks - and saw the heartbeat, and as someone who recently had a miscarriage, I cannot imagine my horror if I ever discovered that I had been tricked into aborting my child at 6 weeks along.

But at the same time, the fact that the system legally permit abortions of the same unborn children, the same heart-beating babies, because the mother doesn't want it... is disgusting and heart-wrenching.

I saw Jena's heart beating on the monitor at 7 weeks gestation. She was alive. A living human being with her own body, her own tiny heart beating on its own.

And yet in most states she could have been killed for another 5 weeks. In a few states, she could have been even older than that.

Disgusting. Selfish. Murder.

Wanted or unwanted, legal or illegal, killing is killing, murder is murder.

Bad Blogger

I know I've been a bad blogger lately. Things have been crazy busy & stressful at work, and at home I've been spending every spare minute trying to get things together for an upcoming family vacation.

Since I don't have a whole lot of time to report, I'm going to direct you to a blog post from Momastery that I just love. Enjoy! And I promise to be back soon!

http://momastery.com/blog/2012/09/18/yes-and-no/

Chick-fil-A FreshMade Giveaway !!

As if Chick-fil-A weren't already awesome enough, they're refreshing their menu with the addition of three new premium salads and an improved wrap... all for under 430 calories!

 I mean, who doesn't already love Chick-fil-A?!? I know at our closest location the drive-thru line is wrapped around the building every day at lunch time, and often at dinner time as well. Good food, great customer service, fun atmosphere... how can you not love them?

And yet, they're updating their menu to offer us even more choices. As someone who's trying to make healthier eating choices, this is very exciting to me!

As part of these new menu additions, they are offering a giveaway for my readers. One of my lucky readers will receive a coupon pack for two FREE Chick-fil-A salads.

How to enter

There are two ways to enter (do both for more chances at free food!)

- submit a comment on this post telling me the results of your "Are you a Starter" quiz (see below)
- comment on my Facebook page telling me your favorite Chick-fil-A menu item

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TERMS & CONDITIONS:
Multiple entries are accepted. Each comment on blog and FB will be assigned a number, and one winner will be chosen using MS Excel's random number generator (I'm a total Excel nerd). Entries accepted beginning 12noon EST on 5/16/2013 and ending at 11:59pm on 5/21/2013. Winners will be announced on this blog, on the KyFireWife FB page, and on the @kyfirewife Twitter account. In the event either winner does not provide contact information with 48 hours of announcement, a new winner from the original pool of contestants will be chosen.
DISCLOSURE
All thoughts and opinions shown here are exclusively my own, and no monetary compensation was received for this post. I did receive two Chick-fil-A coupons to allow me to try the new product.

TTC update

Well, a few days ago my fatigue seemed to be getting a bit better. I'm still oversleeping in the mornings (seriously, what is my problem?!?), but no longer nodding off at my desk, and as long as I don't lie down for too long, not passing out after dinner.

Still more tired than usual, but not as troublesome as before.

I also started my period. As the doctor suggested that it might be, it's heavier than normal, and I'm seeing more clots than normal. But oddly enough, less cramping than I usually have.

I tend to get a little extra-tired during my monthlies anyway, so I'm kinda hoping after this week is up my body will "re-set" and get back to normal.

A girl can hope, right?

On a related note, we decided not to take a break from "trying". Right now we're doing more of a "we're not not trying" anyway. So we'll see.

As always, thanks for checking in!

Doing Right By Jena

There have  been so many times that I've wanted to write this post, but have stopped. Why? Because it feels like a taboo topic to me.

It feels like if I write about it, my concerns, our struggles as parents to guide Jena in this area, that I will offend someone, just for sharing this part of our journey.

I've read other blogs & message boards where just sharing your child's current progress, or even your struggles, in this are, is viewed as "bragging", when the other moms were really just trying to share what's going on in their lives.

And that's it, isn't it? The fact is that it is part of our life, part of our journey. The older Jena gets, the more frequently this topic dominates mine & Jason's conversations about how to parent Jena, how to progress, what the next step is.

The older she gets, the more worried I am that we will fail her somehow in this area, that we will make the wrong decision, that we will hold her back instead of guiding her forward.

And so I've decided to share this part of our parenting journey, because it's there, staring me in the face on a near-daily basis. And hopefully my dear readers will get that I'm not bragging, I'm worried. That Jason & I are doing our best to do right by our child, and this is just one part of that effort.

So, here goes.

My daughter is smart.

Seriously. She is incrediblyintelligent. Freakin' crazy over-the-moon smart.

So smart we don't know what to do with it.

Her preschool utilizes DECA assessments to rate how they are progressing. While in motor skills & social development she has solidly maintained scores at her age level or slightly below, in academic areas she regularly tests at years above her age.

Years. Plural.

Her school is finishing up the latest round of assessments, so we should know her most recent progress in the next few weeks.

Last year (at age 3 1/2) her preschool teachers contended that she was 90% ready for Kindergarten. The 10% that she needed to develop being her social skills.

She will start Kindergarten thiscoming Autumn, two months shy of her 5th birthday, at her preschool. This is technically starting her early. Here in Kentucky she misses the deadline by less than 10 days (ie. she "should" wait another year to start Kindergarten). But we are blessed in that her incredible, private, Montessori preschool continues thru Kindergarten and will progress her based on her abilities, not an arbitrary number.

When it comes to looking ahead to the days she will enter the traditional public school system (as that is still currently the plan), Jason & I have seriously discussed things like:
    - skipping a(nother) grade,
    - the school's gifted program,
    - supplementing her instruction with homeschool activities, and yes, even
    - pulling her out altogether and homeschooling her.

I don't know how to navigate this area. I feel woefully unable to make the "right" decision. What do you do, what decisions do you make when your child appears to be progressing years ahead of her peers academically, but lags behind them socially? How do you continue to encourage her intellectual development without pushing her into social situations that she's not ready to handle?

I don't have the answers. I so wish I did. Some times I think maybe this is one of those areas in which there is no "right" answer, that whatever we decide will have it's good points and it's struggles, and she'll just turn out fine in the end no matter what we do.

But as a parent, no matter what the topic, that's not always a strong comfort. Because we all want to do what is best for our child, we want to make the right decisions, give our children the best opportunities to succeed in this little game we call Life. We all stress and worry and contemplate outcomes for one thing or another.

Well, right now, this is our thing.

So that's where we are in a nutshell. As always, thanks for checking in.

It begins

Jena: "Harley knocked down my pyramid and said I'm still his girlfriend."

Me: "So what did you say?"

Jena: "I said no I'm not, because he knocked down my pyramid."

Me: "Then what happened?"

Jena: "Then he said we had to get married."


It begins.

Things that Project Management Taught Me

not everyone manages themselves. some people need to a babysitter

somebody will not be happy with the results. almost guaranteed

start early, something will go wrong

Mini Update

Well, I figured it was time I updated you. But the truth is there's not much to update.

Things have pretty much settled back to normal, except I'm still tired as all get out. This past week I've overslept every morning. Every afternoon I'm so tired I'm taking walks to keep from nodding off at my desk at work, and in the evenings, I have to force myself not to pass out as soon as dinner's over.

It's bad. I've slept thru alarms, I've been late to work twice this week, and I'm going to bed earlier. My house is more of a disaster than normal. But I can't seem to get enough rest. I'm just so fatigued.

I do remember the extreme fatigue of my 1st trimester with Jena, so I'm assuming it's a sign that not all of my hormones have returned to normal following the miscarriage. Still. I'm kinda hoping / assuming that after my first period (whenever that will be) my hormones will get back in the swing of things and my energy levels will return to normal. I hope so anyway.

So that's it, really. I'm looking into some ways to (safely) lose weight, as I'm still sick of the fat. But especially following my miscarriage, I don't want to do anything drastic that would put my body under any stress that might make conceiving / carrying more difficult. At the same time, I know losing weight would be good for me and healthier for a potential pregnancy. Seems like it's a delicate balance, and honestly, I'm a little bit chicken to try anything, even though I know I should. Just scared, I guess.

Well, I guess that's about it for now. As always, thanks for checking in.

Friday Fragments

source

It has been quite a while since I participated in Friday Fragments, but here it is. Friday. And I have fragments to share. Feel free to follow the linked picture above to join in as well

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 - My laptop is still on the fritz. It's looking like we'll be getting a new one, but that's not really in the budget right now, so I don't know when. I am very thankful for the Kindle Jason surprised me with a couple of month's ago. But I do miss having a laptop.

 - Work is confusing right now. As you might have guessed by this post, there have been some frustrations. But I also keep hearing little bits & pieces that give me hope that they're planning more for me in the future. I keep hearing phrases like:

"our vision for you"
"deeper level work"
"handover of administrative tasks"
"increase your technical knowledge"

So it's a combination of encouraging & frustrating, and much of it is vague, with few details. Which increases the frustration at times.

- Buddy is getting older. And showing his age. When it was still Winter, he got cold much more easily than in previous years, and consequently spent many more nights indoors than in the past. He also moves much more slowly, and stiffens with (probable) arthritis on chilly nights. Big Dog has become Old Dog.

- Jena is growing like a weed, both in physical growth and maturity. It's amazing to see her advance as she gets older.

- Jason's new business is doing really well. I think he's a bit frustrated that it's not growing faster, but I'm super-proud of everything he's accomplished.

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I guess that's all for now. As always, thanks for checking in!

About Me (a meme)

1) What were you doing 10 years ago?
Working as a medical receptionist for a dermatologist, sending resumes out like crazy. Loved the work, the patients, and my co-workers, but the office manager was just awful and I had finally had enough.

Single. Living with my parents.

Still in pain daily from my accident.

2) What are five things on your to-do list?
Well, this is rather boring.

- buy new toilet brush
- affix mirror decoration in bathroom
- wash dishes
- clean kitty litter
- empty trash

3) What are five snacks you enjoy?
- peanut butter & apples (even better when you're finishing the ones your daughter left behind)
- popsicles
- Kettle Chips
seriously racking my brain here... I try hard not to snack...
- Grippo's Barbecue Chips
- peanut M&Ms

4) Name some things you would do if you were a millionaire.

Give it away!

Seriously, one of Jason's fears is if we were ever wealthy I'd give too much away, LOL.

Pay off bills, obviously.

And travel. We love to travel, and our travel bucket list is quite long.

5) Name some places you have lived.
Ohio
Kentucky

6) Name some bad habits that you have
I'm a bad procrastinator.

And the past few (like 10 or so) years I've constantly & consistently late. Drives Jason nuts. I think psychologically something must've happened, because I used to always be the early one. Not anymore. Someone come analyze me, LOL.

7) Name some jobs you have had
dishwasher
library associate
medical receptionist
bedding associate
accounts receivable clerk

the list could go on.... I guess when you count part-time and short-term, I've had a lot of jobs...

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this post inspired by this post

Speaking Life

A few years ago I attended a women's conference where I was introduced to the idea of "speaking life". Even though I was not yet a parent, the speaker's revelation about choosing to speak life instead of death in regards to her children had me intrigued. The idea that there is power in our words and we should be intentional about the words we speak because they themselves have authority in our lives.

Because we were at a church conference, I was especially intrigued because despite growing up in a Christian home, this was a new concept to me, one I hadn't heard before.

And so I searched the Bible, but came up with no direct ties. There are no verses (that I have found) that specifically use the words "speak life" or "speak death" or anything thereof.

What I did find was quite a few references to the concept:

"A fool's mouth is his destruction..."  -- Proverbs 18:7a

"Put away from thee a froward mouth, and perverse lips put far from thee."  -- Proverbs 4:24

"There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health."  -- Proverbs 12:18

and the most direct reference:

"Death and life are in the power of the tongue:..." -- Proverbs 18:21a

There are more than that, but you get the idea.

And so, while I don't profess to be 100% successful at taming every word that leaves my mouth, I have made a conscious effort to only speak life with regards to my child.

Is she perfect? No, of course not. None of us are.
But do I choose to dwell on the good, on the positive, on what she can do, instead of what she can't, on what she excels at instead of what she struggles with? Absolutely.

It's not always easy, especially during some particularly frustrating, ahem, phases she's gone thru (you parents of small children know what I'm talking about), but I do it. I try. I work at it.

And yes, I absolutely believe that both she, and our family as a whole, will be better for it.

I strongly encourage everyone to focus on speaking life into, well... your life. Your loved ones, and yes, even yourself. I mean, it can't hurt, right?

As always, thanks for checking in!