Back when this happened, I was devestated truth be told. Part of me felt like the misery of the past had come crashing back all in one fell swoop. The next day we had a fight. Nothing huge, but... it just seemed like everything was falling apart again.
And after I left the house and was driving to Kroger, the song "Busted Heart" (linked above, lyrics below) by For King & Country was playing on the radio. It just seemed to encompass everything I was feeling, and although I'd never heard it before, as the words came across the radio the tears just poured out and I found myself crying to the Lord, each word of the song a prayer to my God, my Father.
Since then, things are much, much better, but the song still means so much to me. It reminds me of where I was, not only that day, but for so long in the past, it reminds me of a God who holds on to us when we don't have the strength to hold on any longer.
In many ways it reminds me of the parent / child relationship we have with our Father. How many times has my daughter not been able to hold my hand, but I can reach out and grab hers? How many times does she not know which way to go, but I can direct her paths? Our Heavenly Father does the same for His children more times than we even realize.
Thanks for checking in.
*******************
Busted Heart (Hold On To Me)
For King & Country
Winter has come back again
Feels like the season won't end
My faith is dying tonight
And I won't try to pretend
I've got it all figured out
I don't have any doubts
For King & Country
Winter has come back again
Feels like the season won't end
My faith is dying tonight
And I won't try to pretend
I've got it all figured out
I don't have any doubts
I've got a busted heart
I need You now
Yeah, I need You now
(chorus)
Hold on to me, hold on to me
Don't let me lose my way
I need You now
Yeah, I need You now
(chorus)
Hold on to me, hold on to me
Don't let me lose my way
Hold on to me
I am the wandering son
I am the wandering son
Your love is never enough
I keep chasing the wind
I keep chasing the wind
Instead of chasing Your love
I'm screaming out Your name
Don't let me fall on my face
I've got a busted heart
I'm in need of a change
I'm desperate for grace
Hold on to me, take all of me
Don't let me lose my way
Hold on to me
Broke Your heart a thousand times
But You've never left my side
You have always been here for me
You never let me go
You never let me go
Don't ever let me go
Hold on to me, hold on to me
Don't let me lose my way
Hold on to me
Hold on to me, take all of me
Don't let me lose my way
Hold on to me
Until it comes to an end
Soon this season will end
I'll surrender tonight
You meet me right where I am.
I'm screaming out Your name
Don't let me fall on my face
I've got a busted heart
I'm in need of a change
I'm desperate for grace
Hold on to me, take all of me
Don't let me lose my way
Hold on to me
Broke Your heart a thousand times
But You've never left my side
You have always been here for me
You never let me go
You never let me go
Don't ever let me go
Hold on to me, hold on to me
Don't let me lose my way
Hold on to me
Hold on to me, take all of me
Don't let me lose my way
Hold on to me
Until it comes to an end
Soon this season will end
I'll surrender tonight
You meet me right where I am.
1 comment:
I don't know your situation, but I understand.
I've been married to career firefighter. He's been doing it since he was 18, so 12 years under his belt. And I'll tell you something. The Job makes them numb. They have to become that to survive all the nasty things they see. My hubs literally doesn't feel anything at all. No happy, no sad, no excited...nothing. The only time he feels anything is when he's angry. Now ,he has PTSD from the Sofa Super Store Fire that killed 9 in his dept 4. 5years ago excerbating the problem, but he has rages. Sometimes, he will PICK a fight with me, so that he can get angry and feel something, anything.
They can also get used to keeping secrets. It starts as a way to "protect" you from knowing all the ugly that they see. Then branches into other things, then before you know it, it's a habit! To combat this, I worked HARD to prove that I could handle hearing good, the bad, and the ugly.
It's not a perfect road, but it working.
I hope it get's better soon!!
Hugs!
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