My Fat Butt

Well, I had my checkup last week.

My doctor is very happy with my progress. A little too happy for my taste.

I was down another 10 lbs, for a total of 38 lbs since November.
I was below my pre-pregnancy weight (by 1 lb, but still) for the first time in over three years.

He's so freakin' pleased with my progress that he wants me to go one more month on the aggressive drug therapy, and then stop everything but the maintenance medication, that will regulate my insulin (hopefully) forever and ever.

I'll go back in two months instead of one, giving me one month on the meds, and one month off, so he can see how I'm doing.

Assuming everything is going well, my next appointment after that won't be for several months (3 or 6, I don't remember), and I'll do bloodwork before that one, to see how my levels are maintaining.

I know, I should be happy, right?

The drug therapy worked fabulously well, he said I did more than my part, because he still maintains that I lost about double the amount of weight that most of his patients do, which is why he's so confident that I will do well once we stop the therapy.

And I am happy. I'm happy with how the meds worked, as I was tremendously skeptical when we started. I was hopeful, sure, but I really didn't think I'd see this great of results, and if I did I definitely didn't think I'd see results this quickly.

And I'm proud. Because I have worked to modify my eating habits along with taking my meds, and the proof that I'm doing so is not only in my weight loss, but in my blood work as well.

But I'm scared.

I don't feel ready to have the safety net taken away from me just yet. I'm scared to do this on my own, without the meds, without the doctor monitoring me.

Oh sure, he said if my bloodwork in a few months showed problems, or if my weight suddenly spiked, or if I noticed some of the physical markers (bloated face, upper abdomen, etc) that I had before I can come back in and we can maybe go back on.

But then that, I think, would feel like a failure, you know?

So... I'm just scared. Anxious to do this on my own.

I'm hoping to continue losing weight, even off the aggressive meds. He told me way back when that once my insulin got regulated I should be able to lose weight "like a normal person", so... I'm hopeful. Still skeptical (sorry, but a long history of difficulty isn't going away overnight), but hopeful.

As of my appointment last week I had reached my first goal: my pre-pregnancy weight.

I have 13 more lbs to my next goal: my wedding weight.
See, even though we started "trying" shortly after getting married, when I went off birth control, I put on 14 lbs in six weeks. My OB had assured me it was hormone fluctuations and would go away on its own in another 6 - 8 weeks, but... when you get pregnant on your 2nd cycle trying...

So, 13 lbs to my wedding weight. I have another couple of goals past that. But that one... that would be HUGE. No pun intended.

Thanks for checking in! And please keep me in your thoughts as I tackle this "on my own"!