I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't want to be with me.

When my college sweetheart left me unexpectedly, after four years of a committed relationship, I was, needless to say, heartbroken. Devestated, really.

And depressed, for a really long time.

One night, about a year after the breakup (yes, I was depressed for that long), my dad told me I needed to drive down to the ex's apartment, get on my knees, and beg him to take me back.

I told him 'no'.

There would be no begging. In fact, there would be no asking even. To this day, I don't know exactly why he left me. I have theories, some stronger than others, but he never told me why. So yes, while I begged him to tell me why he left, I never asked him to take me back.

Why?

Because I didn't want to be with someone who didn't want to be with me. As much as I loved him, as much as my heart ached, and my world was turned upside down, and as much as I did want to be with him... I didn't want to be with someone who didn't want to be with me.

And that's what I told my dad that night.

I stand by it.

I've wondered, sometimes, what would have happened if I had driven down there and begged. Knowing my luck he wouldn't have even been home, ha!

But seriously, I stand by that phrase. To this day, I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me.

This phrase comes to mind at times still, not always relationship related.

Well, I guess they're all "relationships" of some sort, aren't they?

But it comes to mind with friendships, with work, with family, with volunteer activities, with all kinds of relationships...

I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't want to be with me.

Whether they actually say it to my face, or more often show me thru their actions, it's just not a position I want to be in. No matter how much I might love someone, no matter how much I might value their friendship, or the job, or the activity, or the relationship... if they don't value me just as much, if they don't choose me as highly as I choose them, then... well...

I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't want to be with me.

I've ended friendships over it. Well, just stopped trying really. They made it obvious that they weren't interested in putting in the effort, that my friendship with them wasn't worth the effort that I thought theirs was to me. And so...

I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't want to be with me.

I've quit volunteer organizations over it. You know, after over two years of repeatedly telling the leaders that you are more than willing to work if they will just give you a little direction, and instead they overlook you time and time again, never giving you instruction, leaving you standing there over and over again, feeling useless, doing nothing. I value the work they do for the community, but they didn't value the work I could do for them.

I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't want to be with me.

Don't get me wrong. I know we all have extenuating circumstances at times that prevent us from being as attentive to our loved ones as we want to be. But when a repeated pattern of actions emerges that shows me that you just don't really want to be with me, that you have "better" places to be, "better" things to do, "better" ways to spend your time, well, as much as it might break my heart, as much as it might devestate me...

I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me.

I think it's because deep down, I really believe that there are people out there who do want to be with me, organizations who recognize what I can do for them, people who would choose me, value me, heck - maybe even who can't get enough of me. And you know what?

I want to be with those who want to be with me.