Friday, April 1, 2011
I'd Forgotten What I Knew
Posted by Jodi at 4/01/2011
And then she hit Grandma.
We left FireGirl with them on a Friday so that FireMan & I could spend the weekend in Indianapolis at FDIC. This gave us a lot of time to talk about the situation, and me a lot of time to think about the situation.
And so I did some thinking. And then some more thinking.
In between the fire trucks and flashing lights and vendor booths, I thought about it.
On the drive home it hit me.
Something had to change.
And I'm the mommy, so I have to figure it out and be the catalyst for change.
Because something had to change.
And somewhere on that drive, I realized.
See... Our family doesn't normally operate on a schedule. Not really. We have certain routines that we do, but no real schedules.
Not even FireGirl.
When FireGirl was born... heck, when I was pregnant with FireGirl... people told us how our lives would operate on a different schedule, insisting that this tiny little being would have our lives timed down to the minute.
Yeah, things didn't exactly work out that way.
We've never had FireGirl on a schedule. Not even when she was a newborn. A routine, yes. A schedule, no.
It just doesn't work with our family. Especially with FireMan's alternating shifts and how that impacts the rest of our life. A daily schedule just isn't in the works for us.
Things have been really stressful at work, and I've ended up working real overtime for the first time since FireGirl was born. FireMan's business is taking off, and he's been putting in more hours there, plus they're starting to train new divers for Water Rescue, so he's busy with that as well. With all the added activity, it's been all but necessary for us to have a schedule so I can try to manage it all, so we can get it all done.
The schedule had to go.
Because the truth was, the only part of life truly benefiting from it was my work. I was more productive at work. My work self was doing well. But my home life was falling apart.
FireGirl & I were fighting constantly. She had managed to drag our fights out so long that the schedule that had begun with me getting more done at home now left me getting less done at home. The house was a disaster, we were both stressed out, her to the point of lashing out with hitting, and yes, the stress at home was beginning to affect my work. How ironic.
And so... this week... I threw out the schedule.
This week, I stopped and chatted with the babysitter for half an hour while FireGirl blew bubbles before leaving. Why not?
In that conversation, by the way, I found out that one of the other children hits their mother, and has done so in front of FireGirl. Interesting...
We've taken the long way home, past the horse farms, and alpacas, and chickens. Found a new horse farm to drive by and dream by. And when no one else is coming, I stop and we roll down our windows so FireGirl can talk to the horses. And watch. Oh, how she watches them.