We joined a gym...

... and I am nervous. And a little scared.

So, I had to face it, this baby weight wasn't going anywhere. And quite frankly, I wasn't exactly thin before I got pregnant. I've tried a couple of diets & eating plans... lost some weight, but put it all back on once I stopped. I've tried getting exercise my own way... and repeatedly threw out my back.

FireMan's weight has also been creeping up, and with his family history of heart disease he was beginning to worry about it. And with his job, he does need to maintain a certain amount of physical fitness.

So, we talked about it. And talked about it. Forgot about it. Talked about it again. This conversation has been coming & going in our household for over a year.

So... it came up again. And we went back and forth. We can't afford it. We are on a budget, and a debt reduction plan, neither of which have any room for a gym membership.

But we also are beginning to realize that we have to do something, for our health. What's the point of having a little more money, of getting out of debt a little sooner, if we're not around, or if we're not able to enjoy it because of health problems?

So we went in, "just to talk to them". Agreed ahead of time what was the most we could pay monthly, because we knew they offered different memberships & training packages, and would try to upsell us on everything. Decided we would do a month-to-month plan, so if for any reason it didn't work out, we weren't out anything extra. This was especially important (I thought) since neither of us has ever belonged to a "real" gym before (I don't count Curves), and we didn't really know what we were getting into.

And then the sales manager pointed out how much money we would save if we paid in full. And FireMan decided that was better. Granted, it is a better deal. But there's no backing out now. We are paid in full... for eightteen months! Two memberships, including group fitness, plus daycare while we're there. For EIGHTTEEN months.
I'm not thrilled about that, but maybe it will end up being good. I mean, if we don't lose it, we'll lose it. And it's a pretty big chunk of money. As in, a good chunk of our tax refund that we were supposed to be using to pay off what little debt we've accumulated in the past year.

Saturday we both go in to meet with a personal trainer and get our initial fitness evaluation. We also need to decide if we want actual training sessions. I do. Honestly, I wouldn't know what to do in a gym. And with my back condition, I really have no idea what I can & can't do / should or shouldn't do. I would at least like to have a trainer for the first couple of months maybe, just so I know... you know? But... I really don't want to pay the extra $$ for the training sessions. Like really don't. I guess we'll just have to talk it over & decide.

Part of me is really excited that this might actually be what I need to turn the page and get into a healthier (and thinner!) me. Part of me is really nervous, scared even. I'm not just fat, I am totally out of shape. I've always been on the big side, but before my accident I was at least strong. Had something to show for it. Now I'm just the weak fat girl.

Thanks for joining me on this journey. I'll keep you updated on my (hopeful) progress!

Predominantly White Groups / Activities - some thoughts

Someone recently asked me why there weren't more people of color involved in the Tea Party movement.

You know what? I have no idea.

But it reminded me of something that happened during my college days. For two years I was in charge of recruiting for my college marching band. And on several instances I was approached by members of minority groups telling me that the band needed more "blacks", "minorities", or what have you. The conversation that ensued was always the same. It would go something like this:

Me: "do you play an instrument?"
Them: "I played ____ in high school"
Me: "well, then, why don't you join? We'd love to have you."
Them: "No way. There aren't enough (fill in minority group)s"
Me: "but if no (fill in minority group)s join, then how will there every be "enough"?
Them: {mumbles incoherently & ends conversation}In fact, after being coming friends with a member of one of the black sororities, and having her ask me the same question, I offered to do a recruiting presentation to her sorority sisters, but she declined.

I never understood this. There was nothing preventing them from joining. The band's only requirement was that you were able to play a band instrument. But they wouldn't join because there weren't enough minorities. But there will never be enough minorities if more minorities don't join. The logic just doesn't make sense.

So, I don't know why more people of color aren't involved in the Tea Party.

I also don't know why the people at the American Heart Association walk on Sunday were predominantly white, especially considering that blacks are statistically more likely to have heart disease.

I don't know why there aren't more people of color involved in the pet rescue I joined.

Or the water rescue I used to belong to.

Or volunteer at the zoo with me.

I don't know. I don't have the answer.

I don't think it's a matter of education. All of the groups / causes mentioned above are regularly on the news, on the internet, etc. So it's out there for anyone to see.

I can tell you this. I also don't think a group should feel obligated to extend a special invitation to any minority group. Any group at all.
If you want to join, then join. If you think it's a good cause, then do it. If you don't, then don't.

But please, don't refuse to join a group /  cause, then complain that there aren't enough (fill in minority)s involved. If you want more people like you to be involved, then become involved yourself!

Why I Volunteer with Animal Groups (as opposed to people groups)

... in a broad sense.

People Groups. LOL. That sounds funny.

I've thought about this a lot over the past few years. In my head, I know that there are many organizations out there that help people in need who could use more volunteers.

And I don't know why.

The only answer I've come up with is that working with animals, for me, is almost like a calling.

It is a passion. It helps my heart. It's part of who I am.

Since I was very little I had a knack with animals. Of all kinds. As a child adults were amazed at my knowledge of the animal world. My family members still call me with pet questions. I get animals. I understand them. People have told me that sometimes it seems like I can talk with them.

So that's it. That's all I've come up with.

Like I said, I know in my head that there are some organizations working with people who need my help, but for whatever reason God has placed animals in my heart. It's just part of who I am.

Yay! New Opportunity!

A few weeks ago I wrote about seizing opportunities, and I'm happy to say that I am moving forward with one of them.

I recently began volunteering with a local pet rescue, and right at the time I joined they were looking for a new web coordinator. So... I'm it! I'm really looking forward to it, and think that it will be a great way for me to use some of my skills to give back, in an area for which I've always had a passion.

The president wants to completely overhaul the site, and it appears that I'm the only one in the organization that really knows anything about web design & administration (or maybe the only one able / willing to donate their time?), so... it's pretty much all up to me. The overhaul will take quite some time. Quite frankly, their system right now is a mess. And it's not just the actual site, but also data management as well. I worry that the hardest part will be getting the current members on board with the new flow of data. In my experience most people resist change. Just seems to be part of human nature.  Anywho... once the redisign and overhaul of the systems are complete, the regular maintenance shouldn't be too time consuming. But right now I am a little worried about all the work going into the overhaul of their systems. It's a lot more than I realized when I first signed up for it, LOL. Isn't that always the way...

Additionally, I'm hoping that it will eventually lead to other web development gigs, both in the community and possibly professionally.

One thing I've thought about doing for quite a while is to start doing websites professionally, focusing on providing services to community organizations, non-profits, churches, and small businesses. Basically offer low-cost basic sites to groups that normally wouldn't be able to afford it.

So... I'm excited that things are moving forward in that area, and hopefully this will end up being the first of many.

If you know me In Real Life...

... please don't mention mine or my families' names in my comments.

I have deleted a few comments recently, for the sole reason that they contained my IRL name.

I realize that most of the people who read it are my friends, but because I have chosen to have this as a public blog, I intentionally do not identify myself, any family members, or friends in my writings with any identifying information. Or at least I try not to.

Thanks.

The Manatees are Coming! The Manatees are Coming!

Yay!

As you may remember from some of my earlier posts, FireMan & I volunteer as divers in the manatee tank at the zoo. And... the new manatees will be here soon! We got an email from the head manatee keeper yesterday telling us that the new manatees will be here shortly. They have been rescued from Florida, where they were suffering due to the unusually cold winter Florida had this year. They will be rehabilitated here until they are ready to return to the wild.

Yay!

I have fallen in love with the manatee. They are amazing gentle giants. Love them!

Because I'm NOT the majority. Apparently.

*disclaimer* this post is not directed at any one individual. While I have a few friends & family members with whom I can have rational, intelligent discussions on even the most controversial of subjects, this is directed at the rest.

I've been told I'm a rascist because I don't agree with the healthcare reform.


I've been told I'm a rascist because I didn't vote for Obama.

I've been called a Nazi because I am for capital punishment.

I've been called a Nazi because I am of German heritage.

I've been told I'm "crazy" for believing the Bible is the Word of God.

I've been called a rascist because I'm proud of my Southern heritage.

I can be told that I won't understand because I'm white, and to say that is accepted and okay, but if I dared say that to a person of a different race, I'd be called a rascist. And if it happened at work, I'd probably be fired.

I've been treated as less educated than others, because my degree is not in a technical field.

I've been treated as less intelligent because I work in a support role.

I've been told I am "crazy", "boring", and "intolerant" because I prefer traditional church services to contemporary ones (not that I think there is anything wrong with contemporary services, but simply because that's my preference).

I've been told that I'm selfish, because I chose to donate to one charitable organization over another.

I've been told I am "just" a girl.

I've had "friends" turn on me because of the color of my skin, because the leader of another group told them I was rascist simply because I was white (although I had not personally done anything against any of these people).

I've had "friends" turn on me because I told them that I believe that living a life in which you participate in homosexual activity is a sin (no greater than any other sin, mind you, but the Bible is clear that it is a sin).

I've been told I'm a sexist because I don't think women should be pastors.

I've witnessed management refusing to interview the more qualified candidate, because they were white men, and the company has told them we need more "diverse" employees. So they passed on the most qualified candidate, and interviewed a less-qualified candidate, simply because they were "diverse" (ie. not a white male). I've witnessed it. More than once.

I saw my brother get turned down for scholarships because he was a white man.

I've seen my husband get passed over for jobs because the department "needed" to hire a woman, even though she did worse on the eligibility tests.

I'm watching my husband probably get passed over for a job right now, because (in the chief's own words) "there's a black man applying", even though said black man did worse on the eligibility tests.

I watched my husband nearly get fired, and go thru a court process, because a black co-worker accused him of something, and the employer didn't want to take any chances of a racial discrimination lawsuit, even though the accusations were unfounded.

When accosted by a black man at a sporting event (he got in my face and threatened me with violence), the police suggested I should leave, even though I had done nothing wrong. The officer (who was black) even admitted to me that I was in the right, but they couldn't risk being accused of racial profiling, so it was just easier to ask me to leave.

And these are just the few things I could think of off the top of my head in a few minutes this afternoon.

And I think I'm just tired of it. Done.

I am sick and tired of people telling me how horrible a person I am, because I disagree with them. How awful and oppressive and hateful I am.

Guess what?!? I can disagree with you, and still be a nice, intelligent, well-meaning, loving, caring person! It is possible!

I really try to lead my life in a non-judgemental fashion. I do my best not to call others names. I try to get others viewpoints. I make genuine efforts to get actual information before making decisions, not just listening to others' opinions. Those who are closest to me have said that I am the most tolerant and understanding person they know.
And yet I am called names. I've been blamed for things that I haven't done, just because I'm white. I've been blamed for things that I haven't done, just because I'm a conservative Christian.
And I'm expected to keep my mouth shut about it.
Because if I dared call a person of color (ie. any non-white) a rascist for making judgements about me based on the color of my skin, I would be (and have been) told that it's not possible for them to be rascist, and I wouldn't understand because I'm white.
If I dared to tell a gay person that their actions were sins, I would be (and have been) told I am hateful and prejudiced, even though I am honestly a "love the sinner, hate the sin" person. But of course, my sins can be aired out like dirty laundry, and I just have to take it.

I am sick and tired of the squeakiest wheel getting the oil, while the other three wheels bear the burden of the load in silence.

I am tired of it.

I am done.

And yes, I disabled comments. Because I don't want your feedback. No offense. Not even if you agree with me. Not even if you sympathize. For once in my life I want to be HEARD on this topic. For once, I want to be the person saying "I don't have to listen to you, because I'm a Christian white woman, and you wouldn't understand".

I thought I said this yesterday, but I guess I wasn't clear

Quoting my own blog entry:

"I acknowledge that I, as a white person, don't know and will never know what it's like to be black,..."

Apparently some of you missed that line.

The main point of my entry, while it may have been muddled by the other details I provided, was actually that:

"to write off someone's point of view as being not relevant, as not having merit, as not being worthy of serious consideration simply because they are white, because of the color of their skin, is by definition, a prejudiced way of thinking."

And that one of the reasons that is disturbing, isn't because someone is acknowledging a difference, but because in the context that I am hearing it being used (meaning it's not always used that way, but in the context of which I am speaking):

"it seems to be an excuse. A made up reason to not have to consider a differing viewpoint. A way of taking the easy way out. Not just with others, but within themselves."

Some of you agree with me. Some of you don't. That's fine. I have a feeling it all as to do with our perspectives.

Hoping this doesn't offend anyone

I've noticed a trend lately, among my African-American friends and colleagues.

Maybe it's a new trend, maybe I'm just now noticing it. Either way, it really bugs me.

This has occurred recently in conversations that I've been involved in, and in conversations that I've simply overheard.

When the conversation involves people of more than one race, and there happens to be a disagreement between people of different races (and the issue itself has nothing to do with race), the black person / people writes off the disagreement as being that the white person / people just can't and won't understand because they're white. Or because they're "not black".

Most recently this happened at work. *names changed to protect identity
Victor (white) and Todd (black) get into a discussion about politics, near my desk. The two best debaters in our group, I decided early on this was going to be interesting. A few minutes into the conversation, the topic narrowed to the health care reform issue. Victor was against it. Todd was for it. They go back and forth for a few minutes. Neither side is "winning". They both have valid points, strong arguments. Then Todd, seemingly out of nowhere (for me, anyway), declares that Victor is only against the health care reform because he's white, and doesn't understand what it's like to be black in America. No information to back this up. That is the end of the discussion. Period.
Despite the strong arguments, the very valid points presented by Victor, Todd dismissed them all in one statement. "... you're white..." It was as if because Victor was white, Todd didn't have to... nay, shouldn't.... even consider the possibility that there was any legitimacy at all in Victor's argument.

When I see or hear this happening, it's as if the two can't possibly be disagreeing just because they disagree, but that the entire reason that the white person doesn't agree with the black person is because they are white. Again, even if the issue itself has nothing to do with race. As if there can be no other reason.
Any intelligent conversation stops, and everything is paused, held there in unresolved limbo, when the race card is played.
As a white person, there's nothing more you can say. Your opinion has been written off because of the color of your skin. As having no legitimate merit at all, because you're white.

Why this bothers me:
While I acknowledge that I, as a white person, don't know and will never know what it's like to be black, I also acknowledge that we all, as individuals, don't know and will never really know what it's like to be anyone other than ourselves.
That the idea of not knowing what it's like to be someone else isn't relegated to race, gender, religion, sexual orientation, marital status, etc. but is simply because we are all different. Period.
So, to write off someone's point of view as being not relevant, as not having merit, as not being worthy of serious consideration simply because they are white, because of the color of their skin, is by definition, a prejudiced way of thinking.
Because the more I see and hear this, it seems to be an excuse. A made up reason to not have to consider a differing viewpoint. A way of taking the easy way out. Not just with others, but within themselves.

That is why this bothers me.

Sometimes I think it's all about perspective

You know, the idea that everything that we take in (see, hear, read, etc) is colored by our past experiences and knowledge.

And sometimes, when talking about an issue, I think there is no true right or wrong, but just different perspectives.

And I think that sometimes you reach a point where it is no longer reasonable to engage in discussions about a topic, because the differing viewpoints probably have more to do with perspective than they do with actual hard facts. Especially when you agree on the facts.
*by "facts" I mean hard facts, hard & fast numbers or statistics that can be proven

So what brought about this thought (today, at least) is a "discussion" I've had with a friend on Facebook, where she made the statement that there are people in our country with "nothing"

Let's just say we disagree.

But our "talks" have led me to think about the concept of "having nothing". Even being familiar with those in poverty, I have a really hard time believing that there is anyone in our country, who wants help and is willing to seek it, who truly has nothing, has no where to turn. Even the homeless have shelters and places to give them food and help if they want it.

When I think of those who "have nothing", my mind turns instead to the people in Haiti, Grenada, Kenya, India, or any number of developing countries, where oftentimes there isn't even help to be found, no matter how hard they look.
In our country, I think families living in Appalachia, with shacks for houses, and living hours from the nearest hospital are probably the closest to "having nothing". Limited access to food pantries, doctors, sometimes even schools due to their rural location. I think those represent the closest we have to people who have nothing, who are the farthest removed from receiving assistance.

But that is just my perspective.

My friend's perspective is obviously different.

This doesn't make either of us right or wrong. It makes us different. Which is what makes us each awesome in our own right. And which is what enables us to approach issues and problems from different angles, which can ultimately lead to solutions.

Because if we all thought alike, if we all saw everything the same way, we wouldn't see the world at all, would we?

Tuesday Trip Down Memory Lane

This is my way of experimenting with a weekly post theme.

This is FireGirl one year ago, March 2009. Barely able to roll over, not yet able to crawl.

This is FireGirl one year later, March 2010, sliding down a slide at the playground.

Oh, how the time does fly! Wasn't it just yesterday that she was in my belly? Wasn't it just yesterday that she was a tiny newborn? Where does the time go?!?

Not Me Monday

I did not put FireGirl in her room Sunday morning and shut the door just because I had had enough of her whining & crying and needed some space.

I have not been seriously contemplating quitting my job, even though I'm not sure we can afford it, but just quitting anyway.
And I certainly am not contemplating not working outside of the home at all, but just quitting. That would be ridiculous. And scary.

I did not put aside my water at lunch in exchange for a free Mt Dew. I would never make a bad food choice like that. Not me.

I did not pass out at my parents' house yesterday afternoon, for no apparent reason, other than just being exhausted.
And when my mom asked why I was so tired, I most certainly did not reply by saying that being a single mom is really hard, because I absolutely would never resent my husband for being gone as much as he is, and for leaving all most 99% of the housework for me to do, even though I work full-time outside the home too.

I of course did not not check the forecast for Sunday, and take FireGirl to church without a coat or jacket.

And I most certainly am not sweating to death in my work jacket today, because I refuse to take it off, because I'm too self-conscious about how fat I look without it on. Not me. I would never be that silly.

Friday Fragments

I really hope the president of the animal rescue I recently started volunteering for calls me back about doing their website. I was really looking forward to the opportunity.

It sucks that FireMan has mandatory OT today (until tomorrow morning), and is volunteering for water rescue tomorrow. And has his regular shift on Sunday. Boo!

I really wish FireGirl would start talking soon, so she could tell me why she throws tantrums. Or maybe I don't.

I really want to move, and am constantly trying to figure out ways that we can afford it.

I really want to be a SAHM, and am constantly trying to figure out ways that we could afford it.

It frustrates me that we'll probably never be able to have me be a SAHM if we move. I want both!

I'm so excited about my cousin's upcoming wedding! I'm so happy for the two of them!

I hate that FireGirl woke up at 5am this morning, and wouldn't go back to sleep. I am sooooooo tired.

I love the extra cuddle time I got with FireGirl this morning.

The Bright Side of the Down Economy

*names have been changed to protect individual privacy

Two friends of mine, Diane & Ken, were hit pretty hard by the economic downturn. They were fortunate that Ken did not lose his job, but he did take a pretty significant reduction in compensation, including reduced work hours.
This meant that Ken went from working 70+ hours every single week, plus travelling heavily, to working a straight 40 hours per week, and rarely travelling at all.
Which yes, meant that they couldn't go on vacation, and Diane had to go back to work.
But it also meant that Ken had a lot more time home with the family. More time with his wife. More time with their new daughter. More time to grow closer together.
And more time for church. A greater willingness to attend church with his family on Sundays, since he no longer felt like that was his only "me" time. A greater willingness for him to join a small group, since now he had more free time.
The result? A few months ago, Ken accepted Christ as his personal Saviour. Hallelujah!
From what I know personally about Ken, and from what Diane has told me in private conversation, Ken had basically made his job his "god". Once his place of employment was forced to make cuts, Ken was in turn forced to review his life, his priorities. And Ken found Christ.

Let's move on to family #2: Kate and Zach. Zach worked in the auto industry, which has been hit incredibly hard by the downturn in the economy. He went thru four jobs in two years, struggling to make ends meet. He & Kate both worked 6-7 days a week, just to make it. They rarely had time for each other, let alone for their kids, or anything else. Then Zach gets a job offer out of state. They feel they have no other option, other than to try it.
Fast forward: Zach loves his new job. Besides loving it, and having loving coworkers, he is making more money than he has in three years.
Kate found a new job in her new neigborhood making the same money in five days that she used to make in 6-7 days. And it's a shorter commute.
The kids are flourishing in their new school.
And Zach finally started going to church. They found a church nearby, and are settling in to their new church home.
Zach not only started going to church, he started paying attention. He opened his heart to what God had for him. He started praying. He started serving. He started tithing. He started witnessing to others.
And God has blessed them richly, in many, many ways. They are closer as a family than I have ever seen them. They are reprioritizing their lives, and it is working. As a couple they are fighting less, and loving more. The children have better attitudes, and are thriving in their new neighborhood and schools.

These economic difficulties have hit home for a lot of us. They have made things really hard for many of us. They have changed our lives. But if we open our hearts, and turn to our Lord, He will welcome us and bless us according to His will.

...and he that hath no money; come ye, buy, and eat; yea, come, buy wine and milk without money and without price. Wherefore do ye spend money for that which is not bread? and your labour for that which satisfieth not? hearken diligently unto me, and eat ye that which is good, and let your soul delight itself in fatness. Incline your ear, and come unto me: hear, and your soul shall live; and I will make an everlasting covenant with you, ... For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts....For ye shall go out with joy, and be led forth with peace: the mountains and the hills shall break forth before you into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands. Instead of the thorn shall come up the fir tree, and instead of the brier shall come up the myrtle tree: and it shall be to the LORD for a name, for an everlasting sign that shall not be cut off.

-- excerpts from Isaiah 55

Post Partum Depression Update

So, you may remember that back in February I was given the okay to wean off of my meds.

And that is going... not so well. I've decided to go back on my full dose.

I kept having seriously unreasonable anxiety, and just some really horrible thoughts. That I don't like. An example?
While in Iowa, one of FireGirl's cousins took her upstairs to play. The thought came to me that I should go get FireGirl because her cousin is probably suffocating her with a pillow. I resisted, as difficult as it was, because I knew that was ridiculous and her cousin would never do anything to hurt her. But it was hard. It's like two parts of me are fighting. The crazy part that says FireGirl is in danger, and the reasonable part that knows that's crazy.
Of course, FireGirl was just fine.

And that's just one example. They are horrible, horrible thoughts and they pop into my mind from out of nowhere, and then I can't shake them.
And I don't like them.

I would rather spend the rest of my life medicated than have those thoughts in my head.

Iowa Trip in Pictures

At the Children's Museum in Indianapolis

At a rest stop in Illinois

In the parking lot of our hotel in Illinois. FireGirl thought she was hot stuff.

At John Deere in Moline, Illinois

Buffalo at the refuge in Iowa

Elk herd at the refuge in Iowa

FireGirl "driving"

All dressed and ready for church

FireGirl fel asleep on Aunt JuJu

Bald eagle at the Salyorville Dam. There were probably 100+ there that day

At the playground at the Dam

My beautiful sister and her beautiful family

FireGirl with her cousins

FireMan driving us home. It really was too much for one day, but we did it.

FireGirl playing with my sunglasses. One of my many attempts to keep her entertained on the long drive home.

I Forgot My Powercord...

... on our trip to Iowa, which is why I've been MIA.

Still getting caught up on everything that's happened over the weekend, and hope to have some pics of the trip on here before too long.

Hope all is well with everyone!

Oh Past, How I Sometimes Loathe Thee

That's the thing about the past. You can't escape it.
You can deal with it. You can move forward with your life, but it's always there.
After all, your past is what has helped to shape you into the awesome person you are today.
And that is a good thing. That should make us thankful for whatever past we have.

But sometimes, I hate the past.

I hate when the past starts butting into the present.
It feels like some sort of breach in the space-time continuum. Something that just shouldn't happen. It's out of order. It creates an overlap that just is not supposed to be there.
Usually bringing with it a basket full of insecurity, reminders of past failures, hints of mistakes long since gone...

Oh, Past, how I sometimes loathe thee!

Seizing New Opportunities

I've been presented with a few new opportunites lately, and for the first time in a long time, I feel ready, even excited, to seize them and more forward in an exciting and positive direction.

I don't want to go into too many details yet, but hopefully I'll be posting some new info soon.

God is Teaching me a Lesson

Do you ever feel that way? I do today.

Today's lesson: PATIENCE.

Today's teachers: my husband, my daughter, and my in-laws. Mostly my daughter.

All day long I feel like my patience is being tested. And as we all know, that's how God tends to do His greatest teaching.

It started with FireMan this morning. Oh, how he tries my patience at times.

Then after church my in-laws decided they wanted us to look at the house they've put an offer on. Twenty minutes away from anything. Before we go to lunch. And FireMan agrees to this. Sometimes I think they forget that we have a toddler with us. A toddler who misses her morning nap every Sunday because her naptime happens to be the same time as church.
So we take a tired, hungry toddler to look at a house. Every inch of this house. That they've already toured. That they've already put an offer in on. But they just have to show us. Everything. And who gets to watch over this tired, hungry toddler? That's right: Mommy. After 15 minutes at the house, my patience was wearing thin. Another 10 minutes later, after FireGirl had messed her diaper, fallen once inside the house, and fallen once outside the house into a muddy yard, my patience was nearly gone. She was hungry, whiny, so tired that she kept tripping, covered in mud (including her nice church clothes), which meant that Mommy now had mud on her clothes. And yet no one seems to notice but me. And when I tell them FireGirl is hungry and we need to get going, I'm told that I'm being grumpy.
You know what? I was grumpy. We ended up being at that house for 45 minutes.
When we finally leave, I suggest we eat somewhere close. FireGirl needs lunch, something more substantial than the Cheerios she's snacked on. Did you catch that? "Somewhere close" They pick a restaurant 30 minutes away, while there are numerous other choices within 10 minutes. I put my foot down. And at least they have enough common sense not to argue.

Now it was FireGirl's turn to try my patience. Poor baby. I know she was tired. Overly tired. And hungry. Overly hungry. Which made her grumpy. And I was... patient.
Three broken plastic forks, untold thrown food, a drink spilled on Mommy's purse, and several mini-tantrums later I had still managed to keep my composure, find my patience, get her fed, eat something myself, apologize to the waitress for the mess, and get us on our way home. Finally.

And then, in the car, FireMan for some reason felt the need to start in again. Intentinally pestering me to get a reaction. I swear, sometimes he's like the little boy on the playground picking on the girl he likes. And today was not the day.

And now we're home. FireGirl is finally down for her nap. Although the 10 minutes of Zzzzzzz's she got on the way home seem to have given her plenty of energy, as I've been listening to her play in her crib for the past 20 minutes or so. FireMan went to do some maintenance on our rental property. And I am blogging about today's lesson on patience. On being patient. And trying to decide which of the million things on my to-do list I should work on, or if I should just take a nap on this lovely Sunday afternoon.

My Dream World. For Now.

Would be that I quit my job. We start "trying", have a little boy. And I get to stay home with my two babies.

And I get a kitten.

That is all.

Back to Work...

... following the stomach bug.

And convinced there has got to be a better use for my time.

Please tell me I'm not alone.

Oh, the dreaded stomach bug

Yep, we got it.

Yesterday I was sicker than I have been in a very long time. To give you an idea, I lost four pounds in one day. FireGirl had it as well, as did my mother-in-law.
Luckily (???) I seem to have gotten the worst of it, and FireGirl the least.

I am so blessed that this hit on a day FireMan was home to take care of me. And since we'd had a date night Monday night, FireGirl was still at my parents' house, so they kept her to take care of her and give me a chance to get better.

I feel much, much better today, although I'm still not convinced that it's all gone yet. But I do think some of my yucky feeling today is from not eating hardly anything yesterday. I know that's probably a lot of my tiredness and occasional lightheadedness. That and dehydration.
So I'm staying home again today, resting & refueling. And occasionally doing a bit of housework. But mostly resting.

Here's hoping you all stay well!

Not Me Monday

I did not put my banquet outfit on the credit card so that FireMan wouldn't see how much I spent.

I did not blow off a programming project because I am resentful of my job.

I certainly did not forget to pack a spare outfit in FireGirl's diaper bag, and she did not pee thru her clothes, and so we definitely did not borrow a friend's child's pants, who happens to be 19 months older than FireGirl, and they most certainly did not fit her perfectly.

And I absolutely did not pass out on the couch yesterday afternoon and sleep for three hours, instead of getting more housework done. Nope, not me.