So, amidst all the revelations I've been having lately, I had yet another one regarding my weight. Specifically my eating.
I have had a really difficult time controlling my eating. At times it almost feels out of my control. Like I can't help it.
And then... the other day... a lightbulb.
What if... just maybe... on some subconscious level, I "can't" control my eating, because that's the one thing I can be weak in. That I have to be strong for so many other reasons, and things, and people that subconsciously maybe I was looking for something that I could be weak in. And my subconscious mind found food.
Of course, now it's on the conscious level. And I have to admit, I think this was a big part of it.
And so now I am working on consciously changing my thinking. When I hear those quiet voices in my head telling me to eat those cookies, they're so good, you need them... I do my best to shut them up. To remind myself of when I last ate. And if I just can't keep them quiet, then I find another, (even if slightly) healthier option to satisfy that craving.
Oh the battle is far from over, this battle of wills. But I feel like I am winning, for the first time in a long time. I feel like I have turned a corner. I can do this.