I can't find it.
As I've been reflecting on years past, in some cases many years past, I can't help but taking note in the difference between my confidence levels then and now.
I used to be so confident in myself. Oh sure, there were moments I doubted myself, certain things I was self-conscious of, but overall? Wow, was I confident.
Now? Not so much.
It's more the other way around. There are moments I feel certain, things I am decisive about, but overall? I am unsure, cautious.
I know when it started. It didn't happen all at once, but was more of a downward spiral. One thing happened, then another, then another... and my confidence was dashed to bits.
Even looking back on it, with many years of objectivity between myself and those events, I think even the most self-assured person would have wavered. Not perhaps as much as I did, but it would have been hard to be unaffected.
And yes, some of that boldness came from lack of maturity. You see, from experience I see how foolish I was to be convinced of successes that would never transpire, I see how naive I was to expect outcomes that were unlikely to occur.
But... oh, how fun was that ride! To attempt things without fear of failure, to go for things I had no business going for, to actually believe I had what it takes.
Thing is, it's a ride I want to be on. Now, can someone tell me where the line is forming? Because I can't seem to find my way back.