Infertile.
It took me several weeks after my endocrinologist told me I probably wasn't ovulating / probably couldn't carry to term that I realized that that word now applies to me.
And we've been TTC for roughly eight months now, so that officially puts me in the "infertile" category, according to the guidelines out there for women of my "advanced" age.
Plus I've had multiple miscarriages (2) in a relatively short time frame (3 months), so, that also qualifies me for the term "infertile".
So, it's official. I'm infertile. I'm suffering from infertility. Whatever the proper terminology is.
I was sitting on the toilet when I first realized it. And I cried. Luckily I was at home.
I'm not gonna lie, it stings. That word stings. It stings in a there's-something-wrong-with-me sorta way.
I think for everyone, the struggle is different, but is probably more mental / emotional than physical.
For those who have been around for a while, you know that we always knew that there was a chance that Jena was our miracle child, that just because we conceived quickly did not mean that she wasn't our one-in-a-million. The reality of that is coming to pass.
We will not pursue fertility treatments. We will keep trying. We will let God do whatever it is God is doing.
And we will be fine. Sometimes I may cry, but we will be fine. Of that one thing, I am sure.
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For more information on secondary infertility, click here.
3 comments:
I haven't been diagnosed yet. Probably because I haven't really seen a doctor. But it's been three years. However, I know that for me it is just not my time now. Yet the grief still comes in waves. It hits when least expected. And makes trusting God hard. But it also makes Him that much sweeter. I'll be praying for you.
It can be so difficult to trust in what life has in store for us. I'm glad that you have your faith and your family to support you. However, I know that sometimes that doesn't make it any easier.
I wish you peace in whatever happens.
So hard to accept. My love and prayers to you, my friend. I wish that was enough to take the pain away.
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