Thursday, December 27, 2012

Psssst! I'm fat.

Recently, I had an epiphany of sorts.

I'm fat.

And everyone knows it.
Hang with me for a minute, while I explain.

I spend so much worry trying to make myself look thinner. Wearing this outfit because I think I look smaller in it. Not even trying other outfits because I could never pull it off.

And one day, I was admiring a very cute outfit on a woman at work, and right about the same time that my inner voice said "you could never wear that" another voice spoke up that said "she's bigger than you".

Indeed she was.

And I found myself wondering why she had the confidence to wear that outfit, which did indeed look great on her, while I didn't have the confidence to even try.

And then, my epiphany. She knows she's fat. And she knows everyone knows. So she wears what she wants.Now, I don't know this woman. At all. Don't know her name, what department she works in, where she lives, if she's married or single... nothing. So I don't know her actual thought processes. I'm just telling you mine. Since then, I've found this kind of freedom.

I'm fat. And everyone knows it.

I'm not fooling anyone.

Oh sure, I might find an outfit that seems to trim me by 5 lbs or so, but let's face it... 5 lbs is not gonna get me from fat to fabulous. Five pounds lighter and I'm still fat.

Everyone out there can see me. They know. It's not a secret. I'm not hiding anything.

Realizing this, really getting it, has been so freeing.

Don't get me wrong. It's not freeing in a everyone-knows-so-I-don't-have-to-lose-it sort of way. More in a no-pressure-to-wear-the-"right"-clothes sort of way.

I guess I didn't realize how much the pressure to dress my fat self appropriately had weighed on me. How hard I had tried to hide the rolls that everyone sees anyway. How hard I had tried to hide the belly that everyone knows is there.

It's freeing to just grab an outfit, and just think two little things:
    #1 - is it comfortable?
    #2 - is it appropriate for where I'm going?

That's really it, isn't it? Oh sure, there are still outfits that I think look better on me than others. But it is so freeing not to tug my shirt down over my belly, or wear the sweater that I think hides my rolls, but probably doesn't really. Just to wear what I want, because they already know.

And, I tell you what, I think this realization has helped me more accurately see the real issue regarding my body.

I'm fat.

Lately I have been dwelling so much on the clothes, on having outfits that fit me just right, that look just right on a body that doesn't. I asked mostly for gift cards for clothes for Christmas, convinced that if I had just the right outfit, I would look better, I would have more confidence.

The truth is that I will look better when my body looks better, not my clothes. I know this, because I remember my pre-baby body. Still overweight by society's standards, but I had plateaued at what my doctors and I agreed was a nice, healthy weight for me. And I felt better about myself. I just did.

So yes, I'm fat. And everyone knows it. And it's time I realized and accepted that fact.

9 comments:

S said...

I'm fat, too. It's OK.

Marianne said...

I had that same realization years ago while watching "What Not To Wear". Wearing clothes to "hide" the fat, in effect, only makes us look bigger! I've since started wearing things that are more form-fitting, but not skintight. Would I love to be thin? Yes! But in all likelihood, it isn't going to happen, so I had to learn to be comfortable with who I am.

Hydrant girl said...

Love this post!

B. Jenkins said...

Yes! As "fat" women we already have to deal with the reality. We can either be hurt by it or "embrace" it. I embrace it....and make it fabulous! At least until this hard work in the gym pays off! Stopping in from SITS!

Melissa G. said...

What a great post. I think it's easier to make the changes you need to make once you fully grasp the concept.

Stopping by from SITS

Lynne said...

Oh my gosh, this is freeing.

bikebanjoandbabyblog said...

I'm sure you're both fat AND fabulous. But I agree with this post so much. I'm not heavy, but still, not everything looks good on me. Once I figured out that certain things don't flatter me and that I should wear things that DO flatter me, I felt better, too. It seems like such an obvious concept but it took me years to figure it out. Just because an outfit is beautiful on a hanger or on a model doesn't mean it will look beautiful on me. And that's okay.
You're right, it's so freeing.

Heathers Happenings said...

Great post! I need to remember that I am fat and everyone knows it.

SuperMom Blues said...

<----
Fat.
And I love myself.
I have some GREAT outfits that I just realized I can wear.
ROCK THE CURVES!!
Stopping in from SITS! Have a wonderful day!

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