Battling Myself

Do you ever feel so beat down and stressed and frustrated and worn out and tired and just everything that you just know if you can take any more?
And at the same time, do you worry that maybe you've done or said something to someone else that might have had the same effect on them?

So then you're conflicted.

You are so incredibly at the end of your rope that there's this base, almost instinctual, response building inside of you that makes you want to come out swinging at anyone that approaches you. This need to defend yourself, this need to fight back, to claw your way to the top, to prove yourself.
But at the very same time that you feel the need to defend yourself, you also feel the need to be compassionate, and encouraging, and protective?

And so then you're conflicted.

Because even though you know that you really should just focus on the second one, focusing on taking care of others, that at this point you are sooooooooo exhausted and worn out and tired and just feel like life has beat you down so much that it almost feels necessary to your survival to be selfish and to start clawing at things for yourself, but that just doesn't seem right to you, so your stuck at an impasse, and so....

you do nothing.

And then you decide to apologize to someone you think you might have been to harsh to.

And your apology is slapped back into your face. And you are called names.

And then you try to be nice to someone else.

And they tell you they don't want it.

And you start to think that maybe you would have been better off if you had kept on...

... doing nothing.




Yeah. Me neither.