I realize this is a good thing. A really good thing. Our church has been growing by leaps & bounds. We had to split into two services to accomodate the number of people. This is a good thing. More people hearing the Word of God. More people growing in the Word of God.
But I hate crowds. They make me anxious. They make me nervous. I get very tense. I get very uncomfortable. So I did not have a good time on Sunday. I kept telling myelf it was a good thing, but I hated it. I realized halfway thru the song service that I was white-knuckling the chair in front of me.
That's another thing. I really prefer pews to chairs, but our church, and a lot of "modern" churces, have chairs. One reason I prefer pews? Because you can create a buffer zone. I put my coat in the pew right next to me, or even just my purse & Bible, and I have a small buffer zone. But with chairs? When it's that crowded? No such luck. So we were right on top of each other, shoulder to shoulder. Ugh.
I also think it gives you more room, even with the buffer zones. Some people, children for example, don't need the space of an entire chair. In a pew, you can scoot close together with your loved ones, thereby freeing up more room.
Another reason? There are those that need more room than one chair provides. If you have a pew, these people are free to take up as much room as they need, without inconveniencing anyone. But if there are chairs? They either have to lay claim to two chairs, or try to squeeze onto one chair, but really be invading the space of their neighbor.
I like pews.
Back to Sunday.
It didn't help that the woman next to me didn't seem to have any respect for personal space. She's a hand-waver. You know, lifting their hands and waving them during the worship service? Which is fine. I don't, but to each his own. Except that when you're shoulder to shoulder, you pretty much can't wave your hands in the air without invading the space of the person next to you. Then when she sat down, she crossed her legs towards me, instead of towards the man she was with, so that her crossed leg was about halfway into my chair space. If it weren't church I probably would have "accidentally" kicked her.
You know what else doesn't help the situation? I don't even really want to go to this church. FireMan decided that this is where we were going. Period. End of discussion. Obviously, I could go to another church by myself, but I think it's super-important for families to worship together. So I didn't get a say. Actually, I got a say, I wanted to continue visiting churches until we found one that was a better fit for us. But he likes it there, and wants to go there, and I refuse to worship separately so, end of discussion.
And yes, I kind of resent him for this. And it makes it really easy to find fault with the church on Sundays like this past Sunday. And I really have no interest in getting involved with the church. We go on Sundays, we give our offering, we leave. I have no interest in service, or even small groups.