When FireMan & I started dating, I was a bit gun-shy.
I had been in three previous relationships, and in each of them the guy had brought up marriage first, only to break up with me later.
I didn't trust it. I had spent so much time in each of those (especially in the first - four years with my college sweetheart) dreaming of being married, looking wistfully at wedding magazines, and in two of them - even looking at engagement rings.
I had been burned bad. And I didn't want to even think about marriage, weddings, or proposals.
Oh, I wanted to be married, for sure. I just had been hurt so badly before I didn't allow my mind to go there. Not really.
But one day, about three months after we started dating, I was staying at FireMan's house while he went diving with his buddies (at this point I don't remember why I was staying there, but I was). I was sitting on the couch, surfing the internet and came across one of my friends' pages on theKnot. I read it, looked at her stuff, blah, blah, blah, and then wandered thru the site.
Before I knew it, I realized I had been daydreaming about my wedding... our wedding.
And I smiled. Because it didn't scare me at all.
Not even the slightest hint of anxiety. None.
And that, is when I knew.