Today has been hard

I was first awakened at 3:30am.

My husband woke me to kiss me goodbye at 6am as he headed off to work.

At 6:45am my youngest decided it was time to get up for breakfast. My oldest awoke at 7:15am.

By 7:30am the baby was going back down for a nap. Exhausted, I crawled back into bed, only for my other charge to interrupt my attempts at sleep roughly every 5 - 10 minutes with random requests for random stuff.

Baby woke up at 8:30am. Screaming. Not falling back to sleep. She's up.

So far today I have had baby food sneezed on me, I have had snot rubbed on my shoulder. I have stepped in spaghetti sauce and baby food and am not sure how either ended up on the floor.

I have listened to an infant cry and sob and scream for the better part of three hours no matter what I did. Is she getting sick? Is she teething? Growth spurt? All three? Who knows. All I know is she's miserable.

I have told my older daughter 'no' what seems like 50 times already today, because I have to meet the demands of the tiniest in the house, and I wish there were some way to express to her how much I hate telling her 'no' so much. I wish she knew that I hate it almost as much as she does and I would love to do everything she asks. But I can't.

I have cried. I have yelled. I haven't laughed. Not many smiles today.

Today has been hard.

I strapped the baby in the high chair long enough to microwave the 6 year old some lunch and put together some baby food and a bottle for the little one.

I managed to scarf down my own microwaved meal when I finally got the baby to bed over an hour later, after she'd been awake for nearly five hours of crying.

Yesterday I spent the day trying to attend to the issues my oldest has been having lately. It's been rough around here the past few months. Really rough. So I dedicated all of yesterday to her. All of it.

I haven't showered in over 48 hours. Haven't done laundry or dishes or any other household chores in two days. And it shows. Terribly. I just used our last clean bottle. I've re-used our last clean baby spoon. So it's not really clean any more. We haven't even had time to do homeschool in two days. Thank goodness she's ahead in the curriculum. Buys us some leeway.

Today has been hard. And it's just past lunch time.

I am tired. On the verge of tears. Today has been hard.

Here I am!

I'm here! I swear!

I have missed blogging and my blog-friends so much! If you've read me for long you may remember that I used to blog during my lunch break. Well, since leaving that job and becoming a SAHM, I've had a hard time finding a good place for it in my schedule. It seemed that there was always something more important I could (or should) be doing: more housework, more child care, more errands, more, more, more.

But blogging is something I really love and after talking it over with my lovely husband we both agreed that for Pete's sake I can put aside one hour a week for blogging! One hour was my idea. I just thought that I can do something for myself for one hour just once a week and not feel guilty about it, right?

So, as of the new year, I'm back. My plan is to write as much as I can during my one hour weekly session as possible, and schedule out the posts to keep my blog flowing nicely. To start I imagine they will be well-spaced out, but I hope as I get back into the swing of things I'll be back to a daily post in no time.

I'm also planning on using some of that hour to get back to reading some of your lovely blogs that I have neglected during this time as well. I have missed you and I have wondered about you and what was going on and how you were doing. Hopefully all is well with everyone.

If you'd like me to check your blog out, feel free to leave a link in the comments.

I'm so happy to be back and I look forward to both sharing with you and reading what you've shared! Till next time!

You're Being a Jerk

Listen, I have a diagnosed metabolic disorder. The short version, as my endocrinologist explained it to me when I was first diagnosed, is that without medication I would not only have to eat a healthy diet, but also work out 8-10 hours per day, every day, in order to maintain a healthy weight. My body is trying to store (ie turn to fat) everything I eat.

For 30 years I'd go on the same diets as my friends and watch them drop 3 sizes as I stayed the same. I'd start running, to see no change. I did Weight Watchers, Slim Fast, NutriSystem, personal trainers, nutritionists - all with no results at all.

So yes, I take what many of you call "weight loss" medication. And I have news for you, it's not an "easy fix". It doesn't mean I'm lazy. It doesn't mean I haven't tried every eating plan, diet, or exercise program out there. It doesn't mean I'm not still trying. It means my body isn't working properly. It means not all bodies are the same and what works for one doesn't work for others.

Do you know what "weight loss" medication does for responsible patients with responsible doctors? It helps their bodies react to food and exercise in a normal manner so they can begin processing foods properly. That's it. So if you are one of those so-called "normal" people, it helps them be more like you, that's it. It doesn't mean they sit around on the couch eating cartons of ice cream while still dropping a hundred pounds.

My pituitary system is "completely out of whack". Besides how this affects my weight, it also means I'm severely deficient in several vitamins, despite how much I intake in my regular diet. Because when your body isn't working properly it's not 100% about intake / burn, it's about getting things to work like they're supposed to.

I'm under the care of one of the top endocrinologists - nay, one of the top DOCTORS, in the region - so I think I'll take his actual vast medical knowledge above your petty judgments, thank you very much.

So stop judging. Shut up about things you don't know anything about. I'm glad diet and exercise alone worked for you. I really am. I'm jealous of you. I'm terribly, terribly jealous of you. But have no idea the journey many of us go on and to assume every fat person is lazy or not trying, or every person who takes a pill to get their system to work properly is lazy and taking the easy way out really just shows how ignorant and judgmental you are more than anything. In short, you're being a jerk.