Modesty

Recently I discovered the blog Feminine Modesty, and it has me doing a lot of thinking on the subject. I think especially being the mother of a little girl, the thoughts just keep tumbling around in my head. So here goes my attempt to write them down.

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I think we need to teach our children how to dress and behave modestly. Our boys too, yes, but in our society parents of daughters need to make it a point to teach our girls how to dress properly.

I think what "modesty" means varies from person to person. It's affected by your spiritual beliefs, your upbringing, and the society & community you live in, but if you think about it, it's there somewhere.

I think as parents we need to define what it means to dress modestly for our family, and stick to it.

More specifically, we can't dress up little girls in adult clothing and think it's cute, then lament when they grow into teenagers that dress the same way.
For example, if you don't want your 16-year-old going to the pool in a string bikini, then don't put your 4-year-old in one. If you don't want your 14-year-old daughter shaking her booty for everyone to see, then you can't giggle when you're 5-year-old does it because it's "so cute".

Basically, we have to think of these things now, set the standards now, while our daughters are young & cute & innocent. If we wait until they hit puberty, their bodies are developing, and they want to test the waters, then it's too late.

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My own views of what it means to dress modestly have changed throughout the years.

In my younger years, I was raised in a home where girls did not wear pants and no one wore shorts. As girls/women we wore long skirts (knee length or longer) or coulottes. If it was really cold out, we put long johns, tights, or sweat pants under them. Nothing we wore was tight, but it could be fitted.

My parents made exceptions for gym class / athletic activities (sweat pants, no shorts) and participating in sports (softball uniform = pants). Most families in the church did not.

Somewhere in there, my parents changed the rules. I'm not 100% sure why, but I can tell you I remember getting my first pair of jeans from the thrift store when I was 13 years old. I specifically remember shopping for them, as it was a momentous occasion.

And at some point I was permitted to wear shorts.

My parents never had to worry about me wearing anything too low cut, as I have a scar on my chest that is above the cleavage line that I was very self-conscious about. I used to sew panels or trim into my shirts / dresses to make the neckline higher to hide the scar. I could have cared less how my cleavage looked.

Because we were very active in our church, who (now) had a much stricter view of modesty than we did, much of my wardrobe remained in long skirts & coulottes. I remember going to college at 18 years old, and still wearing coulottes. I wore them until they wore out.

Through my experiences, I've learned a few things.

If you set standards when your kids are young:

- most kids won't feel deprived. I cannot tell you how many people have made comments about how difficult it must have been for me to grow up in such a strict home. Nope. Wrong. As a young person, your "normal" is what you live, you don't know it's different until someone tells you. And life is much easier for kids (well, everyone really) when standards and rules are set in place and enforced. It's clear. There's no confusion, there's no second-guessing. You know what is expected of you and you do it.

- performance will almost always be below expectation at some point. Yes, teenagers & young adults have a habit of testing boundaries when it comes to modesty & behavior. If you set your standard at long skirts, your daughter may test you by wearing something tighter than you would prefer. If you set your standard at mini skirts are okay, your daughter may test you by wearing a micro-mini that she can't bend over in without risking an arrest for indecent exposure. Both of those examples are extremes, yes, but the fact is the higher your standard, the higher your child's performance.

- the standards you set for your children will follow them thru life. Yes, the truth is that I now wear things I would never have been allowed to wear growing up. I sometimes wear things that for me are right on the limits of what my modesty permits me to wear: my "sexy" clothes, per se. But I've had other people call these same items of clothing my "old lady clothes". My point is that what is revealing to me, others consider overly modest. Since the people who make these comments are friends of mine, we can talk about it. It comes down to our upbringing, in regards to our clothing. What was acceptable to them growing up was completely unacceptable to my family. So while I feel like I'm pushing boundaries, they see me as being dressed conservatively. Feel sexy, but the world sees me as modest? Yes, please.

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Listen, I'm not saying everyone has to be raised how I was raised to be able to dress modestly. I am fully aware that everyone has different ideas of what it means to be dressed / behave appropriately. And I will tell you that we are not raising our daughter in as strict of a home as I was raised.

What I am saying is that it has to be taught, there has to be a standard lived out in your home. Your kids are watching you and following the standard you have set for them. The question is: what is that standard? Because if you haven't made a conscious decision about it, then are you really sure you're okay with it?

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As always, thanks for checking in.

Waterpark Fun

winding down the dog days of Summer...

About My Daughter (as told by herself)

Remember the post where I interviewed Jena about me? Now it's time to hear what she has to say about herself.

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- What is the meaning of life?
If you have a sad life, then you do. And if you have a mad life, then you do. But if you have a happy life, then you do. Profound.

- What is the meaning of love?
You love somebody and you like to hug them and kiss them. Yep, you do.

- What do you want to be when you grow up?
A firefighter and a cowgirl. Firefighter obviously from Daddy. Cowgirl comes directly from us attending the local fair. This year we got to see a bit of barrel racing. She's been talking about being a cowgirl every since. Love it!

- What brings you the most happiness?
Stuffed animals and Mommy. Awwwwww....

- When do you feel the most loved?
When Mommy is around. When she said this, there was a part of me that said I've done my job, my daughter feels loved.

- What are you afraid of?
Scary stuff like if it's deep and looks scary. Huh. I agree with her, but I have no idea if there's something specific she's thinking of.

- If you had one wish, what would you wish for?
To love Mommy forever and ever. Awwwwwww....

- What is the funniest word?
Jokes. I love the literalness of this one.

- What is the hardest thing to do?
Take a nap. Oh, yes. The dreaded nap. Required at her preschool until they start kindergarten. But with Jena ready to drop her nap for oh, the past year or so, she's basically been forced to lie still on a cot without making a sound until she (maybe) drifts off to sleep or until naptime is over (2.5 hours). That would be hard for me too.

- What is the easiest thing to do?
Play or read a story. How quickly she forgets the days of stressing over not being able to read yet...

- What is the best thing in the world?
To love on Flopsy. Yay for puppies!

- What is the worst thing in the world?
To ride a bike, fall down and hurt yourself. Yeah, this happened a few days ago. Apparently it's fresh in her mind.

- What makes you angry?
Whatever I don't want to do. Me too, baby. Me too.

- If you had all the money in the world, what would you do with it?
Keep it and buy stuff from yard sales. Good girl.

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this post inspired by this post