Culturally Insensitive ?? or Innocent Comment ??

So... is a statement culturally insensitive if it's true regarding a specific person and not intended to be insulting in any way?

My example from a few minutes ago. We're talking about college professors that we had from other countries. Everyone has these stories, right? So I said something about how the worst one I had was "right off the boat". Everyone got quiet. An uncomfortable quiet. So I explained. This particular instructor had told us in his broken English that he had arrived by boat to the United States one week before he started teaching. He was, literally, right off the boat. I honestly did not realize there was anything wrong with that phrase (is there?) until the uncomfortable quietness settled over the group. If I had said he was "right off the plane" would that have been okay? If I simply said he had "arrived recently" would that have been better?

Another example, involving FireMan. In fact, he almost got fired for it. The city got sued over FireMan's comment.
He was almost done with the probationary period as a firefighter. The recruits were discussing what to get for dinner that day. FireMan asked the black recruit (yes, there was only one), let's call him "Matt",  if he wanted them to order fried chicken. Now, what you need to understand, is that the day before, they had had a conversation about everyone's favorite foods. Matt had stated that fried chicken was his favorite food. He had also complained that he never got to pick the restaurant when they ate.
So when the discussion of what to eat came up, my husband innocently asked if Matt wanted them to order fried chicken, because Matt had made it known that that was his favorite food. Matt's response? He left in a hurry, obviously angry, and went straight to the Chief's office and reported that FireMan had made a racist comment. He also later sued the city for racism.
Over a year of litigation (and a lot of stress) later, Matt lost the lawsuit, and FireMan was found to be innocent in his statement.

But... do you see where I'm going with this?

I guess I'm still trying to figure this stuff out. It's an ongoing learning process. I mean, I do think we do need to have a certain level of sensitivity to others' feelings, and definitely should never say anything that is intentionally insulting (or could be construed that way). But then again, just about any statement could be construed as however the listener wants to construe it.

Maybe it's a case-by-case thing. Something said in one setting might be perfectly innocent, but in another might not be. I don't know. Just rambling thru my thoughts on the subject

Putting it Out There

Because I think I need to to get better.

Sometimes, I really, truly, honestly think I might have a food addiction. Or an eating disorder. Or both.

Eating, and food, is a constant battle for me. Constant. I plan when I'm gonna "cheat". I sneak food when my husband is at work. And I feel powerless.

Well, not totally. I win battles sometimes. Sometimes I say 'no' to the food. But for every battle I win, it seems like I lose two or three.

I try not to have snack food or soda in the house. Why? Because if it's there, I will eat it. Period. I am weak, so removing the temptation is my only control.

I try to only buy what groceries are on the list, and make sure those are only what we need. I do not stray from the list. This means that we are often running low on food, because I don't purchase extras. Seriously, our cupboards & fridge are probably the most bare you've ever seen in a family of three. But that is my control. That is my way of limiting the temptation.

I cannot express to you how constant this battle is. How often my mind turns to food. How difficult it is to walk thru a grocery store.

I know, if you've never struggled with food issues, that you probably won't understand. But it is not as simple as "order the salad". It is not as simple as "eat more veggies". It is not as simple as "eat less". It's not. And let's face it, you can't quit cold turkey. Not with food. Food is essential to life. And I know full well there are people that don't understand the struggle. But I also know that there are plenty of people out there that do understand.

The only time I remember not having this issue, is when my previous family physician put me on Meridia. He had watched me struggle with my weight, and after several other efforts with no success, decided the medication was worth a shot. He was right. It was while I was on the drug that I first realized that I might have an addiction. Why? Because I noticed the release, the freedom. I didn't think about food. Meridia may not be indicated for anything more than an appetite suppressant, but I will tell you that for me, not only was I not has hungry, I didn't have cravings either. Like none. Well, maybe a little during that time of the month. But seriously, the difference was amazing. It's like not knowing that you're sick, until you're well, and you can feel how much better you are.

I don't want to sound like I'm promoting the medication in any way. I'm simply sharing my journey with you, and that was my initial realization that I might have bigger problems than just overeating.

So... for so many reasons: my continued fight with PPD, family issues, work issues, but mostly my own issues - issues I have been fighting for years, I have decided to seek therapy. I'm still figuring out where to go, what my insurance will & won't cover, how to figure out who's reputable, etc. Plus I would really like find a Christian therapist, who will counsel me with God's word in mind, but also is trained to deal with the issues that I have.
I also think I am going to meet with my current family physician, and ask if he will put me back on the Meridia. It helped me last time, I am hoping it will help me this time.

So, there it is. I've said before that blogging is my therapy. So... there. I put it out there. Because I think being open about my issues is the only way I'm gonna find healing.

As always, thanks for checking in.

Love and Grace

So... here's the deal.

FireMan & I have had some issues lately. No, I'm not discussing them here. Yes, we'll be fine.
Plus the betrayal that I've already posted about.
Plus issues at work.
Plus FireGirl has been sick.
Plus I've been sick.

So I've been under a lot of stress. A lot. The past two weeks have probably been two of the worst in my life.

And last night, as FireMan & I were having yet another discussion arguement, I lay in bed staring at the ceiling, and I prayed for God to give me love and grace. Love and grace. Love and grace. I asked that he take the bitter words out of my mouth and help me to respond to my husband with love and grace. Love and Grace. Even if his words were hurting me. Even if I wanted to respond defensively. Love and Grace. Eventually I ended up just repeating those words in my head, my repeated prayer for God to help me.

Love and Grace. Love and Grace. Love and Grace. Love and Grace. Love and Grace. Love and Grace.

And thru that, I realized something. You know, one of those things that we all know, but sometimes we have to be reminded of?

And, here it is:
I only have control over me.
I can't control what other people do, what other people say. I can't make people take responsibility for their actions. I can't make people be more compassionate. I can't fix relationships by myself.
All I can do, is what I can do.

So, I can do what I can to be a better wife. I can do what I can to be a better friend. I can do what I can to be a better employee. I can do what I can to be a better person. I can do what I can to live my life in Love and Grace.

I can pray for others. But that's really about it.

So, Love and Grace. Love and Grace. God give me Love and Grace. God help me to respond to people with Love and Grace, even when I feel hurt. Love and Grace. Love and Grace. God help me to portray Love and Grace to others. Love and Grace. Love and Grace.

"...where sin abounded, grace did much more abound:"    -- Romans 5:20b