Birthday Surprise

Jason was in Haiti over Jena's birthday, and even though we'd already had her party, she's old enough to know (and care) when her actual birthday is, so I wanted to do something extra special for her to take her mind over Daddy being gone and no party on her birthday.

And so this is how we woke up on her birthday morning:

Might be hard to tell from the picture, but that would be a hotel room.

The week before her birthday I got on Hotwire & got a room about an hour away from the house for dirt cheap, making sure it had a pool.

The night before I packed our bags, and hid them in the back of the car. The day of we had plans to go to my cousin's house, then when we left, instead of heading home, I started driving to the hotel.

She had no idea.

I have to say, best. idea. ever.

We got there around 7pm, checked into the room, changed into our swimsuits, & hit the pool.

Swam until around 9pm.

Got back to the room, and started flipping thru channels. We don't have cable at home, so it's always a thrill (for me!) to see what we have to choose from. I'm always a little worried about finding something for the munchkin to watch, but they had Disney Junior, so we were good to go.

Got into our pajamas, and snuggled into bed. And... I passed out. Probably around 9:30pm. I tried to stay awake, but was exhausted. Laid there and thought: the door is locked, there's not much she can get into, there's no one for me to take care of, no pets to tend to, no chores to do... I guess it would be okay to fall asleep.

And I did. The last thing I remember is her watching Disney Junior.

I woke up around 2am with her asleep beside me & Disney Junior still on the TV. In the morning, she told me she watched "lots of lots" of shows after I fell asleep.

We slept until we woke up, enjoyed a free hot breakfast buffet at the hotel restaurant, suited up, and hit the pool again. Got out just in time to change clothes, pack up, and leave before check out time.

So for the price of a birthday present, she got a special night in a hotel, got to go swimming twice, got to stay up late, and... I got one of my most restful nights in months.

I'm seriously thinking a hotel room to myself once or twice a year might be an even better idea. Mothers' Day gift? Every holiday? LOL.

As always, thanks for checking in!

by love serve one another

Rambling thoughts here, but I needed to get it out. More of a stream of consciousness than a well-written post. Read or don't. I just felt the need to put it out there.

Been thinking a lot lately. Life. Death. Everything in between. So many loved ones have come to mind.

Stacy*. Katie. Bob. Carl. Uriah.

Bob. A year-and-a-half since you committed suicide, and I cried over you again tonight. You were more than a co-worker, you were my friend. I miss you. All the time.

It seems like lately so many of my loved ones are struggling with different things. Not naming any names, because while some of been public about them, others are choosing not to. Just know for each of you that I think of you. Often. Daily. More than once a day.

Pray for you. For your families. As you go thru these things. Stressful things. Painful things. Hard things.

It's so hard sometimes. Life. I know. I've been there. Quite frankly, sometimes it sucks.

But it's good. Life is good. God is good. We just have to get thru those rough patches.

When your dad becomes seriously ill seemingly overnight.

Or your grandpa's been sick for a while, but is getting dangerously worse.

Or your child is sick. Again.

Or the doctors don't know why you keep getting sick.

Or you're struggling in your marriage.

Or empty nest syndrome has set in.

Or you're fighting to get thru your depression. That you may or may not admit you're struggling with.

Or you can't find a job that pays the bills.


Or your grandma died.

Whatever. So many problems. So many struggles. So much pain right now.

I just can't help thinking about each of you. Everyone. Those whose problems I don't know about. Those who I do.

And I want to do something. I want to help. I want to save everyone. I want to be there for everyone.

But how?

Quite frankly, it's impossible. One, sure. Two, maybe. And so on. But everyone? Impossible.

You can't save the world. At least I can't.

But maybe I should try. Maybe we all should.

I mean, maybe we can't do anything big, but...

Maybe we could be a little nicer, be a little more helpful. Maybe we could share an encouraging word, just because. Or smile at someone who seems down.

Maybe just doing our job well, helps someone. How? Because they know they can rely on you.

Some things are preventable, or at least early-detectable. Cancer. Heart disease. Suicide.

Maybe I could spread the word about these conditions. Warning signs. What to do. How to seek treatment. How to get help.

Maybe we all could.

Maybe we could all do a little bit more to serve our fellow man, to serve our world.

Still figuring out how.

But maybe that's just part of the journey.

I mean, part of my journey was going thru my struggles with depression & anxiety & such. There were plenty of times I was in survival mode. It truly felt like it was all I could do to make it thru the day.

I think we all go thru times like that, for one reason or another. And during those times, maybe it's not that we're serving ourselves, as much as it is we're just trying to live.

But now those issues are past for me, and I feel a real pull to serve. And shouldn't we all? This verse speaks perfectly of my situation:

"For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another."  -- Galations 5:13

I have my liberty. I am free. I cannot use this liberty purely for myself. I must, by love, serve those around me.

And though I want to, for some reason I've had a hard time figuring out how to do it, where to jump in, what to do, when, how.

Maybe it's all about love. Maybe I just need to love. As a verb, love, express love, show my love to others, however that may manifest. Maybe that is enough. Maybe that will help me figure it out. Maybe, if I just concentrate on that, then little-by-little, maybe it'll work its way into bigger action as I settle back into serving & loving others.

Part of the journey, I suppose.

Back to my loved ones suffering right now. Just know that I am thinking of you, and praying for you. Know that I love you.

My Fat Butt - here we go again

So, after gaining another couple of pounds & giving up on trying to lose weight... I hit that plateau. Nice, in that I stopped gaining. Adds to my frustration in that months of trying to lose weight resulted in gains, then when I give up, my body says 'okay, I'll stop piling it on now'. Ugh.

So, I have still been trying to eat more veggies, get more exercise, and not eat out as much. But other than that, I eat what I want.

The news comes because I had my 6 month check with my endocrinologist today. Which I had somehow not marked on my calendar and had completely forgotten about until I got the appointment reminder call.

He thinks my insulin is out of whack again, and is putting me back on Metformin.

*to re-cap, no I am not diabetic. In fact my blood sugar tends to be on the low-side of normal, and I have been diagnosed as hypoglycemic (low blood sugar) since I was 15 years old. I have an insulin disorder that makes my levels go crazy high, then crazy low, and not remain steady. Contrary to popular belief Metformin does not increase insulin, it regulates your body's production of it (ie. evens it out). Or at least that's how my endocrinologist explained it to me.Basically, my weight gain actually began when I went off the Metformin just over a year ago. I guess I somehow hadn't realized it, but he went back thru my chart and showed me. While I've gained around 8 lbs in the past 6 months (feels like so much more), I've gained almost 30 lbs total in the 14 months since I stopped the Metformin. Just over half the weight I had lost.

So... back on the Metformin. Although, if you remember (for some reason I couldn't find the post, hmph), I went off of it because of severe gastrointestinal side effects. But apparently there's a new (or new to me) form of it that is supposed to be much gentler on the stomach. So we will try again.

I have the option of going back on the rest of my meds, doing the aggressive drug therapy all over again, but considering the side effects of the other medications as well, I'm not ready to do that.

He also basically told me that he recommends an actual weight loss medication as well. We didn't go into details, because I'm not ready for that, but essentially because I have a physical ailment (my spine injury) that prevents me from exercising the way I need to to lose & maintain a healthy weight, I'm an ideal candidate for weight loss medication.

He said that intense physical aerobic activity needs to be part of this plan, but weight loss medications' original intention were people just like me: patients who for one reason or another were currently unable to exercise. If I were healthy, no ailments, he'd tell me to start running. But he cannot in good conscious do that as a physician (although if I want to refuse my neuro's orders, that's up to me, LOL), since he is aware of my spinal injury. So we need to look at other, proven safe methods, for helping to bring my weight down to a healthy level.

I don't know. I am certainly not against the idea, and what he says makes sense, but... I guess part of me feels like it would be giving up. And I'm not ready to do that yet. Or maybe I just need to think on it longer.

I told him "screw my surgeon", so since it was my choice, he went over what exercises he recommends for his patients with similar metabolic disorders, and why (ie. did you know swimming lowers your metabolism? ack!).

So for now, back on a new type of Metformin, keep trying to eat healthier, and try to increase my exercise. I go back in a few months, and he's ordered a bloodwork panel to be done just before that appointment. We'll check insulin levels, A1C, etc. but he'll also run my thyroid again just to be safe. He said that even though my last bloodwork showed normal thyroid function, since I do have a family history of hypothyroidism, it's something we should probably check every couple of years just to make sure nothing new has developed.

I really love my doctor. He's very thorough, and also very good at explaining how the body works in this way, why we do (or don't do) certain things, etc. I'm a "why" kinda gal, so I like someone who pre-emptively explains, LOL.

Anyway, I feel like I just wrote you a book! And believe it or not, I left a good chunk of our discussion out!

So, as always, thanks for checking in! I'll keep you posted on my progress!